| Author |
Family Matters:  Is It Too Late To Give Her Back?  |
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 04:59:25 AM
|
I think my oldest DD isn't mine. I think they switched her at birth. I always wondered about that. She doesn't look like any of us at all. Could that have happened? Can we do DNA testing to see if she really is ours? She's 30. It's probably too late to do all this. We're just stuck with her now.
She gets in the worst messes ever. I don't know how she does it. Yesterday morning she calls and said she just had a wreck about 4 miles away. She was on the way to take Kansas to school then to work. She saw deer, swerved to miss them and lost control. Ended up on the other side of the road in the ditch. Some friends came by and his son pulled her out. It's drivable but the whole driver's side is a mess. No head light, mirror is hanging. So last night on the way home someone had to follow her home.
So this morning she askd to use our truck. I watch her back it up. She's going back and forth for a few minutes then gets out and screams that she's stuck.She has gotten wedged side ways between the gate. I can't get out, she can't get in. She's screaming and crying. So she gets back in and guns it. Takes the whole gate out. Plus it's connected to the chicken yard with 3 bucks in there. Takes out half that gate, too. Cement and all. Gates ruined. I didn't even see the side of the truck.
So now the gate will have to be replaced. I got a piece of wooden fence to put up so the goats won't get out for now. It is a mess out there. But it's all about poor her. She's like why does this always happen to me? I try to be good. I had to slap her like in the movies to get her to stop.
So I'd like to return this girl. Today please.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
Ga Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
2355 Posts
Karen
Meansville
Ga.
USA
2355 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 05:16:37 AM
|
Kris, I am sorry about the gate and fence, boy dont kids(no matter what age) get themselves in messes! My oldest is always doing something stupid, then come or calls and wants me to help him get out of his mess. Ive gotten where I tell him I didnt get him in the mess and Im not getting him out, sometimes tough love is what it takes I guess. Well anyways I hope your truck isnt to bad and I hope you have a good day after all! Blessings,Karen
Create in me a pure heart,O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalms 51:10
www.KKJD1.etsy.com
http://farmgirlingastyle.blogspot.com/ |
 |
|
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 05:25:23 AM
|
Karen, this is it for her. Truckin' Man isn't very happy about it. I just don't know about her. She's ok for awhile, then does something stupid. I keep asking myself what I did wrong. How did she get this way? But kids just do things to stir us up and get us going, don't they. But she sure costs alot.
I just got the 3 bucks out back for now. I'll just have to put all the dogs up in their room when I leave. If we don't shut the gate, they all follow us and Bubba has been chasing cars. The other 2 are 12 years old and I don't want their lives to end being run over.
And thanks. I will have a good day. I hope yours is good too.
Kris
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
|
Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 08:35:02 AM
|
(((BIG VIRTUAL HUG))))
Karrieann ~ Farmgirl Sister #766
(29 Sept 2009) |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 09:08:56 AM
|
Kris:
I'm glad your daughter wasn't hurt.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
|
|
melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 09:42:21 AM
|
I'm sorry Kris. I have a daughter that I'd like to take back sometimes too. I can't use the excuse that I don' think she's mine though. She's the spittin image of me. She's been in stores with her dad before (stores that I go into quite a bit) and cashiers have actually asked her if she belongs to me. Well I hope things smooth out for our for your daughter so you can have a little peace.
Hugs~Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
southerncrossgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
631 Posts
Gena
Harmony
NC
USA
631 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 12:07:28 PM
|
Kris, Been there and keep doing it!
Got one just like her and she is 33 years old!
Just waiting for the good times to come around again.
"A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes"==Cinderella |
|
|
|
1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2009 : 4:43:16 PM
|
Kristin, I'm real sorry you got a hell raiser, but I would not be loaning her your other vehicals, especially since she is doing so bad at driving, and doing so good at destroying! Can she afford to repair and replace what she has damaged? Can she or you afford the damage she is causing, and what happens when the little one is in the vehicle and she really has a bad wreck, and then a temper tantrum on top of it all. I would want to know "WHY" she is acting this way???
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
|
|
|
Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2009 : 7:11:05 PM
|
Just a thought but have you had her checked for bi-polar disorder. My niece was like that for a long time. She ended up in a girls boarding school at the request of the state authorities. When she was nineteen she just kept getting into one mess after another including a marriage where she almost got killed. She finally ended up in a hospital and they diagnosed her with bi-polar disorder. With meds she is now happily married and has a little girl. She is doing great. Just a thought.
Farmgirl Sister 572
May the force of the horse be with you. |
|
|
|
brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2009 : 8:01:01 PM
|
I took out the corner of my dad's garage when I was 17 with his Plymouth station wagon, I dropped part of the engine out of my car (while I was driving down the road!) because I didn't keep it maintained like I should have, a pickup truck ran me off the road on a snowy day and I ended up coasting into a ditch and he had to get the tractor and chain to come pull me out -- some of the things that teenage and young 20's drivers do is just because of lack of experience driving and poor "motor" skills. She will get more experience driving and be fine, in the meantime, she is sorry she is disappointing you and it is probably making her crazy.
I am sorry you are having these issues. I know it must be hard (and expensive!) but I also sympathize with your daughter....
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
Edited by - brightmeadow on Nov 25 2009 8:04:49 PM |
|
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2009 : 8:51:32 PM
|
I created lots of problems for my parents when I was in my early twenties--dropped out of college (twice), broke the ignition switch on my car when the horn got stuck (I was pounding on the steering wheel), became anorectic and then gained fifty pounds in three months--finally I was diagnosed as suffering from severe depression. It was frustrating not knowing what was wrong all that time. Maybe your daughter has a mood disorder and doesn't know it. Does she have mood swings or crying spells? Sometimes these things don't show up till a person is in their thirties. I had a very happy childhood and never once got in trouble in high school. But when I hit twenty-one---it was like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. I hope you can find out why her behavior is so disruptive--sounds like she wants help but doesn't know how to ask for it. Just continue to be there for her, sometimes it's more important when a person is thirty than when they're thirteen.
Cindy |
|
|
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2009 : 6:01:36 PM
|
Yes, she has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. She had mood swings bad. She has depression, too. She is in a strange marriage for 1 1/2 years now. Lots of ups and downs there. She was a perfect child. Was a great kid til high school. Then got into the wrong crowd. Drugs, skipping school. Staying gone days at a time. She is on meds now but still has days when things just go wrong. I do too.
I guess I sound a little hard on her. But I am just tired of all this. It's always drama with her. Chaos. Craziness. I cannot handle it anymore. It's always about her. She blames everything on other people. Me especially. It's never her fault. Nothing. It's always because of someone else. I just wonder if she will ever be "normal". Whatever normal is. It's gotta be better than this.
I was a "wild child" growing up. Put my mom through the wringer, too. But when I met my husband and got married I stopped doing all that stupid stuff. I grew up fast. I had to be responsble for myself and my kids. I had no one to help me. My family lived over 300 miles away. I had to do it myself. And I think I did a good job. Sure I screwed up alot but I didn't have a good role model to look up to at the time.
With my DD she has always had us to fall back on and I think that's hurt her worse than if she was on her own. She lives in our little house right next door. Hasn't paid rent in months. I watch her DD all the time. If she needs anything she comes to us. We have paid her car payments, electric bills.
If her and her hubby get back together they will not live here anymore. He needs to take responsibility for that family. I have rambled on too much. It will have to get better soon. Thanks for all the comments. I know she is not the only person to do these things. I have whacked the side of the truck myself going through that gate, I also hit the tree and knocked off the turn signal a few months ago. But that's not the point. Everyone does things like that. But at least they acknowledge that they did it and are sorry it happened. She never does. I do love her, we just don'r see things the same at all. About anything.
Truckin' Man got home this morning and after eating went out and put the gates back up. She did go out and help some. So they just need more concrete to keep them up now. Hopefully they will stay up awhile. And she called her insurance company and they are supposed to come out and see if her car is totalled from the wreck.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2009 : 12:31:23 AM
|
Just an idea, Kris--is there a hospital or counseling center with a bi-polar support group nearby? If she could see what others are going through with this illness, it might be a wake-up call. Plus they could hold her accountable for getting the help she needs. There are even some support groups for relatives who have to deal with loved ones who have this disorder. I hope she learns to better deal with it than what she's currently doing--it's not her fault for having it but it's her responsibility to deal with it.
Cindy |
|
|
|
UnSophisticatedFarmGirl
Farmgirl at Heart
8 Posts
Jeannie
Elgin
Oklahoma
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2009 : 06:48:31 AM
|
I too was quite rebellious in my younger days, and I remember putting my mom through the ringer...But I cant help but feel a lil for your daughter and not to sound rude but if I was the daughter and read those words that my mom (even if joking out of frustration) that I must have been switched at birth because of my behaviors or I dont look like my parents ect I would wonder if my parents really cared about me. I am not saying that her behavior is excusable but if I didnt think I had a strong relationship with my mother or father I could see where issues would arise... If that makes sense.
Swing By & Say Hi: www.theunsophisticatedfarmgirl.com/
If You Dont Like My Cooking Lower Your Standards!
Grass Fed Eggs Are Best |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2009 : 10:46:14 AM
|
kristen,
I know this is going to sound funny but I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that has one of these kinds of daughters.!!! hehehehe
I love her dearly but sometimes her and I just do not see the world the same at all. She rides on a roller coaster through life and I like things to go smoothly. Her roller coaster life a I just do not get along at all. If her life isn't mixed up enough I swear she does things to stir things up ... She has been diagnosed with depression and bi polar too. so I am sure that has a lot to do with it. Right now I thank God right now that she lives on one coast of the united states and I live midwest cause when she lived in the same town as I did I never slept good and was worrying about her all the time. She seems to be doing much better now that she has to rely on herself and can not come crying to mommy to fix it even when she knew I couldn't do a thing to change it. So hang in there , there are others just like you out there, that have been there, done that. It will get better. A support group might help you more than her...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
|
|
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2009 : 3:07:39 PM
|
Cindy, she has been to counseling but not for bipolar. She needs to see if there are some around here. I'm sure it would help.
Beverly, I know I need counseling. Bad! I have lots of problems too. But I can't do anything for me because she is always needing help. We talked today a little. She's wanting her husband to go away and she wants to end this. He says she wants to be miserable just like me. I told her that yes, I am miserable. I can't take all this and really am unhappy. But with bipolar it's all about them. She doesn't see that but I do. She even puts herself first above her kids.So I know a support group would be great. I did go to Alanon for awhile. But it was always the same ole stuff. I hope your DD gets herself straightened out. I told mine that I think she needs to be away from me. It's just too easy for her with me here to depend on. She needs ot see what real life is all about on her own.
Jeannie, I realy don't know what to say about your comments. Except I really hope you never have to go through all I have with my 2 daughters. I was always so jealous of these people with perfect kids. Those who's kids have the perfect marriage and perfect kids and stay together in their perfect homes. The grandparents get to see the kids or they come visit but always go back home. I always wanted that for mine. It sounds so nice. I raised my kids the way I thought was right. We went to church and ate at the table. I homeschooled them, too, for several years. I don't know what happened. Or why. I do hope you never have to know what I am going through. I do love her. But I think it's time she had her own life away from us. In her own home. On her own.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2009 : 4:58:41 PM
|
Kris--I'm sorry that you're having to go through all this. I know it's frustrating when you've done your best and still, kids screw up their lives. And I know that she would be better off in her own place. and please, give yourself credit for trying your best. The thing about bi-polar, or any other mental/emotional disorder, is that is strips away a person's true personality and leaves them with feelings and thoughts that seem foreign and frightening. A good counselor will focus on trying to find that "core" personality that's hidden underneath the illness. It can take time and the journey isn't always easy. I wish I lived closer so I could offer my shoulder and moral support. I will be praying for both of you.
Cindy |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2009 : 08:30:23 AM
|
kristen,
My dd is doing better since she doesn't live so close that she can lean on me so much, she has to stand on her own 2 feet more. So I know where you are coming from there. you just have to stop letting your DD lean on you. I know it is hard but you have to say no to her. it is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I know where you are coming from. You need to go get counseling because if you don't take care of yourself you can't help any others. So, go and get yourself some help so that you can be there if she really needs you. I just have come to the conclusion that my DD really did not "need" me all those times, she just thought she did. Also, you did not do anything wrong raising her. make sure you believe that in your heart!!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
|
|
|
Lynner
True Blue Farmgirl
225 Posts
Sheri
Missouri
USA
225 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 04:24:23 AM
|
Kristin,
Dont give up yet. Things really can and do improve. Sometimes it takes alot longer than we would like. There is always, always, hope.
Sheri
Many Hands Make Light Work!
...God made the seed to grow...1 Cor 3:6
The best fertilizer for a farm, are the farmers footsteps... |
|
|
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 07:21:46 AM
|
Tahnks so much for all your encouragement. It means alot to know there are other moms out there going through this, too. Not that I'm happy to hear that. But that there is hope and it will get better. That from some who were there themselves. Thanks for sharing.
I talked to my DD last night a little. She told me her and her hubby are going to try to get back together but they will go to marriage counseling for a month or so or however long they need to go. Then she told him she wants to live in their own place. So that is one requirement. I am proud of her for telling him that. He wants to quit driving a truck and get a regular job where he can be home every night, too. So that's the news today. It could all change later, though. That's the way of bipolar-dom, I suppose.
And Monday and Tuesday she got off work early so I didn't have the grand at all! I will today, though. It will be a long day today. But it's church tonight. She's in the Christmas play and they practice on Wed. nights.
Beverly, I am trying to stay out of all her problems now. It's so hard not to say something, but I am biting my tongue. Ouch! She is making some good choices. Standing her ground with her hubby. Thanks for all your good thoughts and advice. And Cindy and Sherri, too!
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
|
peapicker
True Blue Farmgirl
716 Posts
texas
USA
716 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 07:36:52 AM
|
It sounds things are getting a little better Kristin. I hope and pray there will be a real change. Life can get really hard at times. I don't know if this is considered advice, but I don't think so. I think its just something I learned. I noticed you said you went to church, so I wll address this to your situation. I know that probably not everyone on here believes like I do, so this is just my experience. With my six children I had lots of experiences similar to yours where I thought my children had lost their way or just couldn't find it, so to speak. I finally came to the end of me and realized I am just a person created by God and I can't solve all of their problems. So, when I get overwhelmed I give it to him and remind myself that he can handle it. I try not to feel quilty if I can't fix everything, because I can't. I turn to prayer and ask him to take the situation in hand. I have found out that he does such a better job than me. Yes, I did have to back away and give them room to fail and learn and sometimes I had to say no to them when I knew it was best. Hope this doesn't sound harsh and like I said it was just my own experience.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
Robert Brault |
|
|
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 08:06:45 AM
|
Peapicker, I have had to do that SO many times! Just back away and give them back to God. He has fixed things every time. So why do I worry and bother with all this? I guess it's just human nature to but in and try to fix things ourselves. But what a mess we make! And I know that when I do back away, things are so much better. I just hope she does what she says and him, too. Her husband tends to say alot of things to make him sound good, but when it comes down to it, he doesn't do it. I want them to be happy and stay married, but if they're going to keep doing this every few weeks it just needs to end. Especially when there is my granddaughter involved. She's just 6. It's not good for her at all. She really loves her step dad alot. So she's pulled every which way. I think that's why I get so mad at H. because of her kids. All girls, too. What are they seeing and how will this affect them when they get older? I hope they will see all this and say they don't want any of it. That's the biggest mistake I made when my girls were small. I didn't know to pray for their spouse when they were little. I have been doing that with the grands since day one.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
|
sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2009 : 08:10:39 AM
|
| hi kris, wanted you to know i raised 4 boys. one the oldest was a handful too. we did finally have to use tough love and send him out to fly on his own. he has had a difficult time lost a baby to propping the bottle at 9 weeks. lost everything to katrina storm. seemed to never figure out that we were not there to save him but to support with love. he made bad money choices and used drugs and was happy to borrow money etc from us. now years later he is up and doing good. we are in a tight spot money wise now due to unemployment for 15 months and the kid sent me $299.00 int the mail. wow he did learn to stand on his own feet when i quit doing it for him.life is not fair but he now knows how to handle it as a man. it took a lot of years and love. habg in there. time will help. i stopped saving him and his wife and told them to figure it out. when they saw i meant what i said the drama got better. so sorry you are going thru this. i know how heart wrenching it can be. hang in there. much love sent your way sherrye |
|
|
|
maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2009 : 12:06:35 PM
|
Hi Kris, I don't think anyone has perfect kids. We all have our ups and downs. No body is perfect. You are doing great! Keep on trusting in god and he will pull you through. Sending hugs and prayers!
Channah
If you can dream it, and if you are willing to put forth the work and effort, you can have anything you envision. |
|
|
|
kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2009 : 2:35:49 PM
|
Thanks so much, Sherry. It's so good to know others that have been through this and lived to tell about it! I know there is hope for mine, too. It will take lots of tough love for sure. I am trying. Sounds like your son did do a turn around. Good for him. And you.
Channah, I know there really are no perfect kids out there. You seem like a good one, though. I hope you stay on the right track and don't lose sight of your goals. I don't think H had any goals. She sort of does now. But you keep doing what you're doing and I believe you will be ok. You've got too many farmgirl mommas out here. You better be good! We'll all come after you!
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
|
Family Matters: Is It Too Late To Give Her Back? |
|
Is It Too Late To Give Her Back?
