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Holidays:  Holidays without loved ones.  |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 06:27:45 AM
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Suzie, You are not wrong at all, for looking ahead. I know how you feel, it is a type of relief when they pass, because they were so sick, you want it to be over for them, and your self, this is all perfectly normal. I am so grateful that your hubby did not have alot of pain, and his suffering was minimal. Please seek help when you need it, go to counseling, grieve when and how you want, feel free to email me if you want, find someone who will be a sounding board when you need one, break something if you want, and yes laugh, and enjoy memories, and cry as much as you want, and when you want. Super big hugs to you!!!
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 06:40:45 AM
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Julia, Suzie, Hugs.
Julia, you should take the time to enjoy the holiday and time with family and friends. Take the time to grieve when it comes.
Suzie, Same advice for you really. Sometimes you get to a pretty good place only to have it suddenly and out of the blue overwhelm you. Thats natural.
My mom died in 1982...and when I make Christmas cookies and cakes, I have a good cry remembering her. Missing her.
I just lost a cousin 2 weeks ago. My family has been hit hard. Prayers for all to find the joy in this holiday season. Our loved ones are with God and they would want us to have smiles and laughter, but they understand the tears. |
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Sarahpauline
True Blue Farmgirl
672 Posts
sarah
Ringgold
GA
USA
672 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 07:04:50 AM
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You know, I am in a state across the country from my family and hometown. I wont be able to make it back for christmas. Traditions are different here, no snow, no lefse and they put cornbread in the stuffing, and what the heck is succotash? One thing we are planning is to have a crazy adventure for Christmas. We are going to a bed and breakfast in a town we have never visited. We are doing something totally different because the thought of trying to do the same, just me and my son by ourselves is just too sad. Make a new tradition too, and keep the old ones. I made christmas stockings out of a damaged quilt that my great grandmother had made. Its really special and I want to give one to my son when he moves away. I also applied an old B&W photo of my great grandparents to the muslin back of the stocking so that in the future maybe my grandchildren will know the neat little lady that made that pretty quilt.
Not all those who wander are lost...
www.SarahPauline.com
www.AbraxasBaroque.com |
Edited by - Sarahpauline on Nov 19 2009 07:06:25 AM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 10:06:56 AM
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Suzie, hugs to you. NO it is not wrong to laugh etc. YOU know how you feel and as many said life does go on, how hard it might be.
My brother passed away from lungcancer too, almost 2 yrs ago (next Jan it will be 2 yrs). My mom 4 months before him. So I (and many many here) kinde understand how you feel. On the one hand you grieve, and on the other hand there ARE still funny things happening which make us laugh, whether we want to or not.
Laugh when you want to, cry when you need to.
Love and hugs for you and all of yous here.
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 4:02:27 PM
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I am doing okay. I know it will get harder the closer it gets to the holidays. I like a quiet Thanksgiving and since DH works really early the day after, we are staying home and keeping to ourselves. I miscarried a baby the night before Thanksgiving in 2004 so Thanksgiving is a day of reflection for me personally. I have much to be thankful for, as I do have my sweet little boy now, but I still mourn the loss.
Thanks for asking about me.
Everyone here has shared so much of themselves and such good advice. This thread will likely be well visited over the holidays as we each have our moments of sadness. We will need the reminders to experience the joy as well. |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 7:00:31 PM
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You girls continually amaze me....I've been on the Caregiver post quite a bit, and found this by accident, like I said really didn't want to read it 10 days ago but.....thank you for the advice and encouragement, of course my friends and family it's good to be feeling like I am....and I AM a very strong gal, but needed to "hash things over" with "neutral parties", (best I can say that one!!). You've made me feel like it's "o.k.", and I thank you all, we'll see how the Celebration of Life goes Sat., I know that will be hard!! Teresa, don't be surprised if I do email you.....have admired what you are, what you do, and the woman you are!! Thanks again gals, but this doesn't mean I'm leaving this thread!!
live, laugh, love |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2009 : 3:41:47 PM
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Stopping by to give a big (((HUG))) to all of you.
Suzie, my condolences for you loss. Never let anyone tell you how to feel; or even to let yourself feel guilty for feeling one way or the other. YOU are the one walking in your shoes. I can't not imagine what you went through from the day your husband was diagnosed up until the time of his passing. You are a strong woman.
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2009 : 6:25:12 PM
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Hope everyone is doing okay today. Had some rough spots as I expected. I miss a lot of people.
Hugs. |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2009 : 6:48:50 PM
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Robin, you are are in my prayers, as well as others on this day. The rough days will smooth out alittle as time goes on. Take care, and here are lots of hugs for you.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2009 : 8:11:16 PM
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My prayers as well, for all of you gals out there, each and every one who has suffered a loss, whether it be recent, or in the past few years. Hope you were all able to enjoy Thanksgiving, and give thanks for what we do have in our lives...my Dad used to say "there's always something to be thankful for".
live, laugh, love |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 06:21:57 AM
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Last night was a bad time....so many commercials talking about going home for the holidays. I used to be sad because I couldnt go there anymore as someone else lives there! I then realized that I HAVE been home for the holidays for 20 years in my home.
My dads birthday is tomorrow.
How is everyone else doing? |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 09:18:36 AM
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Doing well! isn't it odd how as adults we don't recognize the home we're in at present is indeed "being home for the holidays"? Hoping to start decorating this week. Remember to allow yourself to experience joy. A book I've recently discovered may be of help to you now & thru the coming year. It's called "Romancing The Ordinary-A Year of Simple Splendour" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It's about enjoying the seasons & Holidays while encountering new ideas-recipes to try,decorating tips,girl stuff,and filled with wonderful homespun wisdom. Aimed at the woman who is at the moment single,I got a used copy off eBay a few months ago & it's been wonderful. Fantastic vintage photos,too!
http://www.pluckyfarmgirl.blogspot.com
http://www.mandochicks.com
http://mandolinbabe.net
http://www.mandolinbabe.com
http://www.mtndulcimer.com
@MandolinChick on Twitter
fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 4:20:16 PM
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Hey gals,
It all kind of hit me harder a couple days after thanksgiving. But I am doing ok. I hate the days when I am work and suddenly realize something like " I will never hear his voice again"
My dad was a December bday also...the 9th.
(((HUGS))) to all
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 4:21:43 PM
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| Hugs everyone. |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 6:43:23 PM
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I will always miss my man, there will NEVER be anyone that could replace him, nor do I ever want one. I look at my kids, and my grandkids, and I see him, in a smile, a twinkle of an eye, a smerk and a laugh, in a very short lived temper flare. I see the pride my husband felt when he looked at his kids, and the utmost of ultimte pride looking at his grandkids. I remember the pain in his eyes when he knew he would never walk his little girl down the isle, but his eldest son will take his place, and his love will radiate down from above.Yes, the holidays will always be a bit sad, without him, and I will always miss him a little more on those days, but only because those are the days that bring up the best memories of all.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 8:01:35 PM
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Sounds like everyone did "sorta, kinda, o.k." with Thanksgiving....now for Christmas!! I had a tough spell this a.m., pellet stove was acting up (STUPID STOVE!!), got it fixed and running again, rearranged the front room to make room for the Christmas tree, and suddenly realized my hubby wouldn't see it this yaer...then remembered our first year of being together, but not married yet...I had hauled all my Christmas stuff out and had a huge mess in the living room (am a picky housekeeper so always hate that mess for a day!!), Pete hauled chips, worked at night and called me about 6 that evening and said "why don't you meet me at McDonald's and you can run to Longview with me"...I left the mess and all, and rode on the truck with him that night...that is a cherished memory to be sure!!! Point being, I sat down and had a good cry, and felt better about it, guess ya gotta do that.
live, laugh, love |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 7:23:59 PM
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How is everyone doing? I have been okay. I made my moms Christmas cakes today. Thats rewarding for me because it honors her memory.....its sad, because, well, mine just arent as good as hers! I am meeting my brother at the cemetary tomorrow to bring a poinsettia.
I have been trying to keep busy making food. I have been busy with stocking the gallery that carries my jewelry. I have also completed all my special orders for Christmas.
Hugs to everyone who is having a hard time. |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 7:33:14 PM
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Glad to see you on here once again Roxy, I've been wondering how you were doing....it's a tough time for all of those concerned, tougher for some, than others. I realized in these past few weeks, I too, will never hear his voice again, and the Christmas songs that were my DH's favorites, well, I just had to turn Sirius music off one day last week. Sure hits you at the oddest moments. I'm spending Christmas with my brother and his wife, away from home this year and praying that I don't melt into a blubbering idiot while I'm there!! Merry Christmas to all of you how have lost loved ones this year, you are all in my thoughts.
live, laugh, love |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2009 : 04:57:39 AM
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I've been having a tough time since Dad's birthday on the 9th. Just when you think you have yourself together...bam! Tomorrow will be my dad's family Christmas party, minus dad, Aunt Sue & Grandma. There are 6 of dad's siblings and there families left. I pray I keep it together b/c everyone else tends to be stoic in public and I am the sentimental teary eyed one.
Christmas blessings and hugs to all!
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2009 : 07:44:29 AM
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Suzie,
Its a strange feeling isnt it? Knowing you cant hear that persons voice or catch their "scent". I can still remember my moms voice and her laugh, but it gets more distant as time goes by. I wish we had a video camera back in those days. Everyone now and then I catch the scent and warmth of being against my mothers chest. At those times I know she is still with me. I think my dad plays tricks on me hiding things!
Merry Christmas to you and Hugs! |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2009 : 07:49:30 AM
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Bonnie,
My dads birthday was the 3rd. I know how you feel. I dont think you need to be stoic. Thats so much stress to place on a broken heart. You need to allow yourself to "feel" what you feel. Find a room for a few minutes alone or take a walk. Dont stuff it down.
My brother died on Dec 23, 2 years ago. I had to go to DH family Christmas on the 24th. I kind of just sat back numb and teary. It was not easy. When I had to I just went outside to cry when I had to. My family had a very subdued celebration that year.
Hugs and prayers for everyone who is going through this. |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 22 2009 : 8:03:32 PM
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To all you gals that have been guiding me through a tough time the last couple of months, I have you in my thoughts and prayers....I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season, (Merry Christmas)I hold you all very near and dear to my heart and thank you so much for the support, I will certainly continue to give my love and support!! I am spending Christmas with my brother and his wife, in Ocean Shores, Wa. Be close to your family and let things go when you need to, it makes you feel so good!!
live, laugh, love |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 23 2009 : 8:34:27 PM
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| Merry Christmas do my brother Danny. I lost you 2 years ago. I miss you and your humor. I love you. See you again, Forest. |
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Holidays: Holidays without loved ones. |
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Holidays without loved ones.
