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Family Matters:  Thought far away would be enough!!  |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 05:19:38 AM
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I guess not. I've posted about how I try to avoid my hubs family and have even moved 150 miles away! Close enough for him to see them but far enuf that I don't have to visit every time I'm in town. It had gotten to the point that I'd do without stuff just so I didn't have to go to town and then on over to visit.
So, here we are, happily ensconced in our place 'over the mountain', knowing that they would never come visit and all is well.
Not so, it turns out. Last nite, hubby springs on me (waited 2 days to tell me) that on the 15th of this month, his daughter and SIL have 'invited both' of us to go fishing with them at a place that is about halfway between our respective places.
Oh, please say it isn't so!! I'm pretty sure his daughter is having fits too and this is the guys' way of 'getting us all together' and we'll just have a *(%*$#ing swell time.
I almost couldn't sleep last nite just fretting over this 'trip'. I said I'd think about it and hopefully, something with my to-be job will happen and, darn, I can't make it.
I don't mind if hubby wants to do whatever with his family, that's the way it's supposed to be. But to me, they are snide and mean and hateful and I don't put up with that from even my family or friends. I don't WANT to be buds with them. Piranhas is a good description of them. Lions den does justice to their home. I dread every bit of time I have to be around them. They are that bad and hubby won't protect me, sad to say, so I have to protect myself. I have to say, he's the best guy in the world except when it comes to his family. So, now I do what I have to do and leave it. No point in screaming, yelling or even leaving a prince of a guy (except for his family) since we live far away. Hope I explained that well. :-) 
Oh, geez...think I'll go for a LONG ride on my horse this morning, mabye that will settle my mind and stomach for a little bit.
Thanks for letting me vent!! Thank goodness for this site and you guys!! 
Winona 
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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4HMom
True Blue Farmgirl
720 Posts
Kelly
Montana
720 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 08:11:04 AM
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Maybe you're feeling a migraine coming on? 
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -Gandhi |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 10:47:15 AM
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Or cramps...a pulled back muscle...sudden vomitting...develope a limp... ; )
Heather
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LauriP
True Blue Farmgirl
239 Posts
Laurianne
Hertford
North Carolina
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 1:39:19 PM
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>>  << Ha! Heather, those are about the best answers I've seen in a long time!!
Personally, I honestly Do get bad migraine headaches when family members stress me out, irritate me to no end, and make my last nerve want to hop on a tramp steamer an' head to South America. Jus' tell them you've got a bad rash or something..like poison ivy. Bird Flu was what my mil said she was coming down with one time...honest..maybe that's something to try!
Laurianne |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 8:16:01 PM
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Winona:
I so know how you feel. I've been going through the same thing for 34 years. I love hearing how honest you are with your own feelings. I say Hurray for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! My hubby is the kindness, dearest, sweetest, man and I love him with a love more than love. However, like your husband, mine does not protect me either. So, I have learned how to protect myself. I just don't associate with any of them. Period. I think he is afraid of his own family. No problem here. I say to him, "Whatever. I am NOT afraid of them, they don't like me, I don't like them." End of story. Be strong. Vent away. I'll always be reading your ventings. LOL
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 8:33:40 PM
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Marly, y'know, I think my hubs is afraid of his family too, especially his mom. Wow! Did I just say that HERE!! :-) (Waiting for the lightning strike!) She called the other day and I accidentaly picked up the phone (didn't read the caller ID) and when I heard her, I said very politely that I'd get my hubby. No point in even trying. It won't turn out well for me anyway.
Here's an update...so this AM we were sitting out on the porch and I was putting my boots on and I told him I'm not going. He can go and have fun but I'm not. He didn't take it too well and has been sort of miffed all day. Much as I love him, them's the breaks. He won't protect me and I'm afraid of my step-DIL with the grandkid around. She's way over-protective and I refuse to have anything to do with him, sad to say. But she has told me she will protect him at all costs. That was enough for me!! So I avoid the grandkid at all costs. I know that sounds bad but I don't need her to get het up that I let him get a scratch and call the cops on me. I've seen her go after other family members and I don't want to be in her sights. Better to leave them ALL alone.
So, I'm dealing with a slightly sulking hubby right now but it's better than me worrying and fretting till the 15th about being with them. I've done enough fretting in the last few years to last me a lifetime!!
Thanks for the support! :-)
Winona :-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2009 : 7:46:08 PM
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Winona:
Oh, this sounds just so familiar. It did not take me too long to know where I was not wanted. No way for me. I just stay OUT of the picture. Of course the Steps see the lack of support from my DH (their Dad) and they would go on and on about all kind of crap. That went on for a few years. Email me if you want to hear more. I hate to put the dirty laundry out here. LOL I feel for you Winona. Be strong. You do not have to take that. I wish I would have had some kind of support all those years ago. I find out I am tougher than I even thought I was. Keep smiling, and hold your head up high.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2009 : 10:00:17 AM
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Winona-
Good for you!!!! Let him deal with it-I when I was married years back I made the mistake of not meeting his folks till after the we got married-honeymoon was goin to see his parents. (that shoulda told me somethin) His mother hated me instantly and the rest of the family treated me like dirt as they never got the chance to "approve of me" before marriage. Only one that liked me was his Dad who had dementia. (hmmmm that makes one think... :-)) At any rate,if I were to ever get close to gettin serious with a guy,lesson learned. Meet the family first & if they treat me like crap,well,I'm not hangin around. I know that sounds harsh but I won't put myself thru that again. Perhaps you need to talk w/your hubby & tell him you're divorcing the in laws.
Best of luck to you both......
http://www.mandochicks.com
http://www.mandolinbabe.com
@MandolinChick on Twitter |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2009 : 11:33:10 AM
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I guess I'm lucky I don't have inlaws. My MIL died before we got married but we got along fine as long as his sister was no where to be seen. She hated seeing me at my MIL's funeral. My SIL & BIL thought for sure I couldn't get married in their catholic church & national shrine but I did and they did show up. They did not sign the wedding book so I signed it for them. I even got pictures of the eating our wedding cake. I hated holidays and birthdays but it was important to my husband so I went. I stayed away from his brother & sisters I played instead with the younger children, I still do. Little by little aunts and uncles would seek me out and talk to me. I was always polite, I feel bad for people with so much anger. My DH and I have only been married for just over 3 years. His sisters swear I am better than sliced bread, His brother always is the first to note how helpful I have been to his family. I just listen and usually say I can see why you feel that way, but I think I can almost see why they are feeling that way. I enjoy family birthdays a lot more and it seems so strange to be welcomed, invited personally by the one sister who swore to God I was a devil and very evil. My DH's children always talk to me and give me hugs they are not very fond of their family either. They say they would not show up unless I go. I just believe always be nice it will pay off in the long run..What have you got to lose??? Plus it just has to kill them when they can't say anything bad about you.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2009 : 06:53:14 AM
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Diane, if only it were that easy. My hubs family does this to all the females that marry into the family. No matter what you do, it will be wrong and they will let you know. I've watched them go after others even. Too much stress on me and life is too short to try to straighten them out or show them how good a person I (think) I am. My hubs best friends from his childhood on have told me that his family has treated almost all of his girlfriends/wives this way and ran them off. Hubs is oblivious and apparently no ex- has ever told him what was going on...until I came along. I think deep down he knows it's true but just can't overcome it.
Sherrie, you are so right! I won't ever remarry but should I find myself single again and end up dating (H*ll will probably freeze over before I ever would...but, just in case...), if his family treats me badly, the guy is gone and I'm outta there. I'm not putting up with it.
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2009 : 6:17:15 PM
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My brother divorced his very nice wife because He's an alocholic. Same brother remarried another very nice wife and he didn't change and she's still with him and happy. His ex remarried a nice man but his family didn't like her because she was married before. Good thing the new husband is nice, but he ignores the way his family treats his wife. She just ignores them. Sounds like a soap opera. I can't image being treated that way or worse treating someone like that. I think I'll stick in my corner of the world and try to believe every one is nice always. Wouldn't that be nice.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2009 : 07:14:21 AM
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Diane, yep, it would be nice. I've retreated to my corner of the world too but now, I'm too 'world-weary' to believe that everyone is nice (one of the big reasons I've retreated). I still don't 'get' why in-laws treat others badly. To me, it shows disrespect for their son/daughter who is married to the DIL or SIL. Like the son was too stoopid to marry well or know who he wanted for a wife. But no, for some reason, the son (going with this one) just won't stand up for his wife. At first, (I don't know how much you know what I've written) I believed they liked me but what he said and how they acted just didn't jibe. Caused me so much angst and after a while, I wised up.
*Thank goodness for a site like this that I can connect with others who have the same problem!!!*
So, now, it's either sink or swim. Depending on whose point of view you're looking at, I'm doing one or the other with them. They wished I would sink but I'm going to swim and do my best to ignore them.
Winona :-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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MissLiss
Farmgirl Legend Schoolmarm
322 Posts
Melissa
Corona
CA
USA
322 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2009 : 9:23:53 PM
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I'm sorry to say, but I'm glad to see that other farmgirls have in-law issues too! My DH and I are close to his 2 brothers, but my MIL hates that DH married me. MIL is on welfare and has no education. I come from a middle class family and graduated with honors from a university. I can cook and clean and am quite crafty, I must say. MIL can do none of those things and MUST criticize EVERYTHING I do all the time. For Christmas, she will send DH's brother's children mountains of gifts and our daughter will get one tee shirt. We've had to start having our Christmas celebrations without a present swap because my daughter only gets one present and cousin C gets 12! It's so silly! I don't care if she's in our lives or not, but like you all said, DH sticks up for her and not for me and our daughter (annoying) even though he's the nicest guy ever when she's not around. I don't mean to get caught up on the present thing, I don't think gifts are that important, but it's hard to hear your child ask if grandma loves cousin C more since she gets all the attention and the presents. My daughter feels like she's done something wrong, when the only thing she's done is have me for a Mommy! So unfair! Good news is that MIL lives in another state and only comes out on holidays AND since she hates me so, she usually chooses to stay with DH's brother! So sorry BIL!
Melissa
Use it up,
Wear it out,
Make it do,
Or go without! |
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Hosanna
True Blue Farmgirl
466 Posts
Hosanna
Alton
Virginia
466 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2009 : 07:26:44 AM
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MAN. This is all really disturbing. I just got married and my MIL lives 800 miles away. She thinks I am ok and we got along, but Hubbs says if we were closer she'd find something to dislike about me/the house/what I do/how I cook/etc. I've been up there twice, and she hates all her sons in law and her daughter in law. None of them get along real well. I personally cannot stand my BIL, he's an alcoholic and a bitter, mean man. He picks fights with my Husband about stupid stuff from their childhood. Plus, one time when we were there, I saw him beat his dog over a spilled bowl of dog food. I told my husband I wasn't going to stay with them when we visit anymore. Hubbs agreed, he can't stand the fight picking either. My husband also warned his mom that if she was rude to me, we were leaving right then and going back home 800 miles away.
But nothing ever happened, so we're all on pretty good terms. For now. It's only been 1 1/2 years. Hy DH has a few issues about my parents, but not a big deal.
www.happilyeverafterhosanna.blogspot.com
www.thewindofheaven.blogspot.com |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2009 : 4:03:38 PM
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The gift giving thing is way wrong. When I was married thr first time we went to his moms for Christmas my sons were 1 & 2 but my step-children (his kids) were 7 & 8. They all got a tee-shirt and a pair of home made mittens. As did all the grandkids except for one of his sisters her 2 kids got about $500. spent on them (they never needed for anything)I just packed up all 4 children and said we are going to Gramma C's. Everyone always got the same things a coloring book, crayons,and socks. If gramma C had anything more to give it was done in private not in front of others who didn't get as much.
My DH was mad but it was the last time we were treated that way. I never brought it up but anytime things were not fair I just packed up the kids and told them all I was going to my moms, and I'll see you all later. No fighting no arguing, but I got may point across in a nice way.
Plus, the kids always wanted to go to gramma's C. all the time 30 years later they still do.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2009 : 4:24:03 PM
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I say if he won't stand up for you, then you don't have to be with his relatives.Period.
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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Family Matters: Thought far away would be enough!! |
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Thought far away would be enough!!
