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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Staying at home vs. working- HELP!  |
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ashcordes
True Blue Farmgirl
197 Posts
Ashley
Roann
IN
USA
197 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 12:14:28 PM
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| OK gals....I need help, advice, anything you can give me. I am in a great debate, with myself, my husband....How do you make the decision to stay at home???? I am currently our church secretary...I love my job, love my pastors, but here's the problem. I have one daughter (9 mo. old) and she comes to work with me 3 days a week, the other two I have a cheap babysitter for one day and grandma does the other one for free (Can't afford day care). They are not going to allow me to have here at work with me once she can get around (which could be any day now). Now to throw another wrench into the situation...hubby is ready for me to be pregnant with #2 sometime this fall or sooner would be fine with him. So, basically, what it comes down to...how do you know if you can afford not to work? I know that sounds like a stupid question, I could just use some great advice from someone else who has made this decision. Even if I stayed at home I would probably do crafts to make a little bit of money. Hubby should have some changes in his situation (he's a farmer) that would have us making a little more money. I just can't see having two children and paying someone else to raise them, but maybe it's just the way I grew up (with my mom at home). Any advice would be greatly appreciated! |
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katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 12:20:43 PM
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| If your hubby wants another baby, let him get pregnant! Seriously, are you ready to have a second child? Are you even getting enough sleep right now?? To say nothing of the financial aspect . . . . My advice - - make a budget for one child on one income and try that for a while before you make a decision to have another. |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 12:36:33 PM
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I think alot depends on your lifestyle and what you are willing to give up to be a stay-at-home mom. I chose to stay at home and we were certainly in a position where I should have worked. There were some really tough years...some days where I couldn't afford a coffee while waiting for the girls in dance class. I sewed costuming for the studio in exchange for classes. Would I change anything...not a chance. We just made do.
We never had a lot of material things...no VCR, computer, modern kitchen gadgets, etc., no vacations. But what we did have was precious time together and deep bonds. To this day my three girls and I are very close. Personally I don't feel anything in the world can replace that. Little people need their mommies.
These are my personal feelings...hope I didn't offend or open a can of worms here.
Di
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ashcordes
True Blue Farmgirl
197 Posts
Ashley
Roann
IN
USA
197 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 1:03:16 PM
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Thank you Diane, those are my thoughts too, that is what I have been feeling lately. I think we mommies are the most important people in our children's lives, no matter what.
Katie- no, I haven't caught up on sleep yet, but do you ever after you have children? I wish my husband could have the next couple of children, but don't see that happening unless science comes out with some new technology- wouldn't that be great? But, he is my husband and I am to submit to his wishes.....
Anyone else want to share how far apart their children are in age and whether it was a good or bad situation? |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 2:17:58 PM
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I chose to stay at home when my oldest (homemade kids)were babies until both were in school. I did daycare for working moms to be able to afford it and did crafts and other stuff when I could too. It can be done..and I feel like it is very worth it. I don't see how anyone can afford to pay daycare and all the extras that go with working outside the home and have it pay off...but then we got by with only one car alot of times and nothing fancy for sure...I am still glad I did it. I am home with my four youngest kids now too...and we still struggle and I find ways to bring in a little money here and there. And I have never caught up with sleep since my oldest was born (he is 28 now) and now I have a cow keeping me up nights..haha
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 4:30:36 PM
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Ashley -- I admire you for wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. It is the most important job in the whole world. I worked the whole time my first daughter was growing up. Just didn't think I had a choice. I had my 2nd daughter at age 42 and went back to work full-time when she was 8 weeks old. That lasted for about 2 years and I hated every minute of it. So I worked part-time until she was in 2nd grade. Went back to work full-time and 6 months later got laid off. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and to our family. I have applied for lots of full-time jobs since then but nothing has worked out. So I guess God wants me to be home to take care of my family.
It is a struggle financially all the time. And it worries me because we don't have much money put away for retirement. I will tell you this -- you definitely have to be willing to make lots of sacrifices. We don't go out and eat much, I don't buy a lot of new clothes, we don't take vacations, etc. That's not to say it can't be done but we just aren't able to. And to be honest those things just aren't as important to me anymore.
I agree with Katie -- make a budget using only one income. Try to live on only one income for a while and see how it goes. If you sit down and figure out what you really make an hour after day care, gas expenses, eating out because you're too tired to cook from working all day, etc. I think you'll be surprised. I made really good money when I worked full-time until I started deducting expenses. I was actually making about $5 an hour!
As far as having a second child -- my mother always said that if you wait until you can afford to have a baby you'll never have one! But that's a decision that BOTH of you should make.
Mine is just a little old fashioned garden where the flowers come together to praise the Lord, and teach all who look upon them to do likewise.
-- Celia Thaxter
http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
http://rusticcottage.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - therusticcottage on Feb 21 2006 5:12:01 PM |
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TejasFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
105 Posts
Dawnn
Bartonville
Texas
USA
105 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 5:48:09 PM
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Ashley - you are so blessed that you have a choice! I don't know how single parents do it. My DH and I made the decision to have him stay home. He was in the restaurant business and was ALWAYS working whereas I have a more M-F 8-5 type job. We felt it was important to have one of us home with our kids and this way, our kids have two full time parents since as a Mom, my first priority is my kids - even when I am at work.
At first it was tough financially, but we adapted. Sometimes I think having money begets money--the more you make, the more you buy, the more you need to take care of? I totally agree with Kay - when you look at work clothes, dry cleaning, gas, etc - it really adds up.
On having another baby, that is such a personal choice but I can tell you that I would not have done it any other way. Connor (5) and Katie (4) are only 12 months apart and Matthew is 2. They are all due to be a year older in the Spring. They are very close and we are almost done with the diaper stage. It is hard but so much JOY!!
Good luck with your decsion - you will make the right one for your family.
XOXO |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 5:53:18 PM
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I stayed home with my children until my youngest was in school full-time. As a result of that and dh being in the Air Force for 10 years and we moved to this state afterward, I will probably never *retire*. I'd be really old when I get the required number of years. But I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world. My kids, now 18 and 16, still talk about how much they enjoyed my being a sahm. Fortunately, being a teacher allows me to be off with them when they're off, so I've had the best of both worlds.
Anyway, there is a calculator on a site somewhere that allows you to figure out how much you really bring home from a 2nd income. It's either at Dave Ramsey's site or Mary Hunt's site, I can't remember which. That might help you.
Good luck as you work through this decision.
Some people search for happiness; others create it. |
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sleepless reader
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
CA
USA
1022 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 6:17:42 PM
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I've worked a bit off and on with both of my kids. I was lucky enough to work at a local children's center for a few years and just a few hours a day. I was able to have my children there, but not necessarily in my classroom.For about a year I took care of a newborn so his mommy could go back to work.was working. I also had an office job that allowed me to have my daughter with me. We made the choice to homeschool and that pretty much took me out of the work force...what little I worked.I don't regret the choices we've made. I've always been able to be there for the kids. Our cars are old and we don't take many vacations.
As for the sleep issue, just when the youngest sleeps through the night, the oldest is driving. Sleep is so over-rated!
Are there things you could do from home with your current job?Could you job-share with another person who couldn't do it full time? Maybe share child care with them? Are there other working moms who need child care that you could give?
Good luck with your decision.
Sharon
Life is messy. Wear your apron! |
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Rusty pins
True Blue Farmgirl
91 Posts
Paula
Oelwein
Iowa
USA
91 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 6:55:06 PM
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Dearest Ashly.......go with your heart sweetie.....it's never wrong!! Being a stay at home mother myself was the best thing I've ever done! We had some VERY hard times...hubby even worked 2 jobs...but you'll have hard times even when your a 2 income family. But because of me staying home....I can say that we've raised really good kids. NOT perfect.....but they come to us with anything, and they've never been in trouble. Our youngest is 12 now and he and I are really close. He still likes to cuddle with mom....even for just a moment when he comes home and we're talking about his day. And then he's off to visit friends. Our kids are 4 years apart, which made it so much easier. Now our oldest has a place of her own, holds down a full time job and is in the army. our middle daughter will be graudating next year and off to law school she goes. My kids will tell you that with alot oftheir friends being 'lock key' children ...they've always been very secure in knowing that mom was always home for them. As you get older the years seem to fly by...and soon your baby will be off to high school...and you'll wonder where that time went. I can honestly say that I loved being home....and I love being able to remember those '1st' things...the 1st crawl...the 1st words ect. Those, my dear, are what you'll remember as the years go by. And nobody says that you have to lose yourself in your marriage. You stated that you love to do crafts. Good for you. I have a very good business doing just that!! So...just because you are home raising your children...doesn't mean you can't help support the family.
Just my 2 cents. :o)
Oh......I just want to say that I have bunches of respect for mothers who work out of the home!!
:o)
Sweet Blessins',
Paula ;o)
"Life shall judge us harshly enough. Let us at least be gentle with each other."
http://www.rustypinsandoldlace.com/
'Antiques & HandMades for your heart and your home.' |
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Rebekka Mae
True Blue Farmgirl
965 Posts
Rebekka
Moscow
ID
USA
965 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 9:03:40 PM
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Ashley-
This is such an important decision and I am glad you are hearing all these women's experiences- I am sure that much of it will resonate with you. To start out I have to say that when you crunch the numbers traditionally it never looks like you can afford to stay home- and yet I have for three years, hmmm. You find little ways to make your money stretch and you just don't need all the things you are used to when you are both working- I am amazed at how much I used to spend to 'relax' after working hard all day. Now I am home and I grow herbs for my bath, take tea with my daughter and have time to visit with other Mama's and trade childcare.
My Mom and Dad both worked and let me tell you- I got away with ALOT during Jr High and high School that would not have gone unnoticed if they had not been tired from long days at work- they were both teachers and I never got into any 'serious trouble' but I am determined to stay home until my daughter is in school and then to be there to pick her up after school. Everything worked out fine for me, I am clever and resourceful and graduated from high school with a 2 year college degree so they thought I did not need alot of 'direction' or 'limits' and I believe that it would have been much cooler to have one of them home. So, it is not only the little ones who love to have the security of a parent at home...the big kids need it too.
The first two years of my daughters life I stayed home on less than $13,000 per year that my husband made while he went to school- crazy but I had to and we did not buy new clothes, I worked in trade for organic food and made baby slings for 'extra' money. During that time we had deaths in his family, our daughter had open-heart surgery and my staying home was the thing that kept our home a place of peace. Now my husband has a great job as a firefighter and you know what- the bills multiply with the increased income....we have the same amount of spending money and a little more insurance! You make do or do without, read Frugal Luxuries by Tracey McBride and Your Money or Your Life for many moneysaving tips...shop at goodwill...grow your own food (babies love sunshine and dirt!). We have not regretted it for a second and though I may someday go back I will do everything in my power to work from home because it is what I love. Right now I also make a little extra watching some lovely children two days a week which is nice because my daughter has playmates and I make grocery money.
Maybe I am reading your posts wrong but it is your right to make the descision about concieving again TOGETHER with your sweet hubby- if you feel that you must submit to him something is wrong. This kind of energy is toxic for mommies and little children and daddies...maybe you meant this in jest but if not please think about it- if you do something that you feel reluctant to do it will be felt by all, If Mama Aint Happy Aint Nobody Happy! Please disregard this if it does not apply to you but I feel the need to say something because I know a few women who have felt this way, and had babies when they were not ready with very sad results. Just be sure you are promoting partnership, especially if you are about to become a stay-at-home Mama where you earn no paycheck.
Good luck sorting all of this out- it is certainly a tricky subject but well worth the time. Also, I know several Mama's who are plain happier working...and Daddies who stay home...and families who work together...you find what suits you. Just make sure your kids are surrounded by 'family' all day every day whether that is a nanny, parent, granny, neighbor or teacher. If they know we are all keeping them under the wing they will grow up to be strong and loving.
With Love and Blessings,
Rebekka
I mailed your pattern today so you should get it soon;) |
Edited by - Rebekka Mae on Feb 21 2006 9:24:40 PM |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 9:22:22 PM
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I am a sahm and I love it.. it's really challenging though.. and take it from me you want to space your kids out by more than 9 months! Ours are 13 months apart and I feel like I can never give them both the attention that they need individually at this age.. they are awesome and a real kick to have, but I do feel very guilty about the attention part.
Financially we just make ends meet by cutting out a lot of extra's. We got rid of cable TV, and only shop the outer aisles of the grocery store. I make our food instead of buying instant stuff, and I also got on WIC. We had a household income of nearly 16.00 an hour and we still qualified. They cover things like baby formula (I couldn't nurse with my second child because she had reflux problems and needed special expensive formula).
The way we handled the transition was really simple actually, for about 6 months before we made the switch I started putting all my earnings into a savings account so we had to get used to living on his earnings, then we had the buffer of my earnings to help for hard times. It also helped that we only have one car. When I went home we sold the other one and used the proceeds to pay off the SUV... that cut down on insurance... we also payed off our credit cards before I made the switch so that helped too.. after we did that the only things we had to worry about were the house payment, and health, car and life insurance, groceries, electricity, phone and garbage bills.. still a lot but with the credit cards gone, we were able to carry it. also read the tightwad gazette books, the simple living guide and check out www.thedollarstretcher.com for more helpful hints..
It's a transition but it's totally worth it.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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Rebekka Mae
True Blue Farmgirl
965 Posts
Rebekka
Moscow
ID
USA
965 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 9:32:09 PM
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WIC is great and something crazy like 45% of women in the US qualify-
for cheese, milk, vegi's, farmers market coupons, juice, cereal, beans, peanut butter, tuna (which I think is kinda scary with the mercury) etc
in WA and many other states you can get organics...and hand breast pumps...
You need to ask- this is a program with a set amount of money, if people don't use it it goes to waste.
You can be on WIC as a pregnant or nursing Mom until one year, the kiddo's can also get WIC beyond that first year.
Go to the WIC website and see about eligibility.... also see if your child qualifies for medical coverage because he or she is on WIC (I think that they do).
Rebekka |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2006 : 06:45:50 AM
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Oh Ashley, I was in your same situation and I went back and forth for so long on it. First of all about having another baby, that is a decision for BOTH of you not just him. Are YOU ready to have another one soon? I personally couldn't do it but that's your decision and whatever you decide will be the right one. Regardless of what you decide on that, you have a 9 month old that needs you so much right now. The first 2 years of life is so important in their development and the little ones need their mommies.
I was working a full time job and my parents were raising my kids for me because I couldn't afford daycare either. I was not happy at my job at all and I was taking it out on DH and the girls. I woke up one morning and told DH that I was quitting my job, I was done with it. All he said was "good, it'a about time!" I didn't know if we would be able to pay the bills or not but at that time I didn't care, I just wanted my family back. It was the BEST decision I have ever made.
Money is VERY tight. I don't get new clothes, eat out with my friends, or go on nice vacations. I have my family though and that's more important to me than any material things or any amount of money. We are able to pay the bills and we have a roof over our head, we basically have all our 'needs' but we have a lot of 'wants'. We sacrifice a lot but all of us are so much happier and when my kids hug me and say "Mom, I'm glad your home with us. Don't ever go back to work again, ok?", then I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Do what's in your heart. If your heart is at home, then quit and learn to sacrifice. Good luck!!! |
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FarrarFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
330 Posts
Lynda
Frohna
Missouri
USA
330 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2006 : 5:58:34 PM
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Hi, Ashely,
Everyone has given you such good loving advice and the common message I am hearing, is to just do it; follow your heart and be the mom you were called to be. It sounds like you already know what you want to do, but are seeking not only advise, but permission because it is such huge step to take. Trust the Lord and let your faith be your safety net, your husband will be your earthly support and we will all gladly lend our shoulders and prayers.
I'll throw in my two-cents here from a little bit of a different perspective. I was NOT a stay-at-home-mom; I say was because I am way past your situation and by the sounds of it, most everyone else who posted here, too. My age is going to show on this one. :o) My children are all grown and on their own and we did have them very close - 4 in 5 years. Yes, they are close in age and to this day they are also very close to each other. They have been each other's best friends from little on up.
I did stay home with them when they were very little. At some point in time, we began to feel the strains of raising 4 children on a very small income and I offered to go work just part time to help with the "bottom line." It was just 2 days a week; 3 of the kids were in school so only needed a babysitter for the youngest and an aunt covered those duties. Well, not long after that and certainly not as a result of that, my husband and I divorced. I was devastated as one can imagine, but my biggest area of anger came from the fact that it forced me to work full-time. I never in my life wanted to do or be anything but a mom and a homemaker.
With this new status in life, it was necessary that I move from the country (3 miles back on a gravel road in the woods)to the city so that I could find a good enough job to support us. That meant having to work full time; the judge saw no need for alimony since I was in good health and could work. I guess taking care of 4 children didn't rank as high on the the full-time job chart as a job in an office. (oooh, there's still a touch of bitterness, isn't there?) Now the people in the office were very, very nice and were very understanding to the fact that I was a single mom with 4 children and that they were my first priority. Considering that I lived 25 miles from my job, they were exceptional in their understanding. What they didn't know was how many times I cried myself to work because I would see moms pushing their young ones in a stroller out for a walk or waiting with their children to get on/off the bus. It was terribly painful, my heart just broke, true physical pain.
I could go on and on because it was a very traumatic time in my life, but God in His grace and mercy gave us all the strength and resouces to endure and rise above. He is so good and provisional.
All this to say from the other side of the coin, from a mom who did work and who regretted/resented that I had to. Since you are at a point that you can make a decision one way or the other, putting it all on paper like most have suggested is a great way to see what you need to in black and white, but you also have to look beyond that at what you will miss in your heart and what your children will miss, too. They will never miss the money if they don't know any different. A life of sacrifices in material/surface areas only strengthens the more important areas of love, memories and safety, and those are the ones they will feel and remember the most. I can easily chime in with everyone here about sacrifices and making due (and none of which I regret). If you are thinking that working will make it better; it may in some areas, but it doesn't sound like the money area is your greatest concern. I had no choice, and I regretted everyday that I was not home for my children. Our situation made us very close and them close to each other, trust me I would have much rather had the same results under normal circumstances. Despite the situation, our children rose to the occassion and have made me proud over and over. God was with us every step of the way and His fingerprints are visible today as reassurance and proof that He makes all things good. Romans 8:28 (my favorite scripture)
Even to this day though, I am saddened by the fact that I couldn't stay home with them, which makes me want to be able to stay home even more now (yes, as an emptynester) so that I can still be the homemaker that I've always wanted to be and be a "grandma on call". When I was in high-school my mother went to work for the first time in her life, we had a household of 12. As saddened as I was as a mother to work, I was even more heart-broken for my kids that they never got to know their grandmother very well because she was still raising kids of her own and had to work. She couldn't be the kind of grandma that I had, or that I want to be, now that I am a grandma. It is so, so sad and it has not gone unnoticed or unmentioned by them either. It's a rippling effect. I have not let go of my dream to stay at home, be a homemaker, available for my grandkids and still for my kids when they need me too. (Grown children still call and ask for your help - and I'm thrilled.)
So, Ashley, as I tell EVERY stay at home mom I meet; I commend you for making the decision to be home with your children, they are a gift and God has given you a very high calling to take care of them to the best of your ability. This is no way a slam towards those who don't or can't stay at home with their children, everyone's situation is different and they must choose what is best for their family and home. My DIL is a perfect example of a mom who loves her children very dearly, but for some reason is not suited to be at home all day long. She did try up until the twins were over 18 months old. I am very proud of her for doing so. I think she enjoyed it, however she is just not a domesticated woman, she does not have the drive or desire to take care of house and home the way I do, and I certainly don't judge her (or anyone else) for it, she has to do what is necessary to make her a better mom; working outside of the home is what helps her. We are all different. So if you can choose to stay home and that is what your heart is telling you, then don't hesistate to follow it.
I know I have gotten VERY windy on this subject, and I truly apologize to everyone, but I guess since I feel like I missed out on an opportunity I longed for and felt was my God-given calling and I know I will never get the chance to do it again, I am so passionate about it. I want to encourage every mom to stay home; raise their children in a safe environment, filled with solid family values and memorable teaching moments, surrounded by agape love, that provides every advantage a home-grown, faith driven home can provide. You won't regret doing a single one of those things. I pray God will guide you with this very important and heavy-hearted decision, trust that your prayers will be answered and you will know what is best with His help.
In His hands,
Lynda L.
Pray in faith and you will not live in doubt.
www.pamperedchef.biz/lorenzfamilycooks |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2006 : 01:11:22 AM
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| Very well said Lynda!!! I couldn't agree with you more. If mothers choose to go to work I don't think bad of them at all because like you said some people just don't have the drive to take care of a house like we do. If I didn't have children I would most certainly be working but they are now my main priority. Even when my youngest starts school, I told DH I don't really want to work because I want to be here when they get home from school. If you financially have the oportunity to stay home, you won't regret it at all. |
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garliclady
True Blue Farmgirl
274 Posts
Reidsville
NC
274 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2006 : 05:10:53 AM
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One of the reasons we started the farm was so I could stay at home and be a wife and mother. The first years of our marrage we lived simply and we both worked and we started the farm. We bought and payed for equipment and tractors etc to give us some extra income.
After a couple years of trying to have children we decided to adopt.
We were so glad we had been frugal and saved because adoption is expensive . we planned for one and ended up with 2 lovely children thru adoption. I am a stay at home mom and love it . Since we started our marriage living simply and staring a home business(Farm) it hasn't been a strain so much finacially . I believe most families could live with one income but it takes life changes and doing with out some of our wants. Not going to work saves on wardrobe , gas, and babysitter fees. It also may help with your taxes if it puts you in a
lower tax bracket. Staying home means eatting at home more , having time to shop more wisely, growing and putting up food for your family not needing a cell phone because you will be home . We cut out our cell phone , have no cable, shop at thrift stopes, Barter with others for the things we don't grow, keep our heat turned down and we have cheap internet. There is lots of ways to cut out expenses. Most stay at home moms find little ways to make some income and save money. I have worked for churches in the past and know you don't get paid that much. So staying at home may acually save you money .
Cornerstone Garlic Farm http://home.bellsouth.net/p/s/community.dll?ep=16&ext=1&groupid=140532&ck=
My Recipes http://recipecircus.com/recipes/garliclady/ |
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FloralSaucer
True Blue Farmgirl
156 Posts
Australia
156 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 02:41:04 AM
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| I haven't read all the replies. It wasn't an issue when I started I didn't think. My eldest is nearly 18. I had the first four three years apart, and because of retrenchments etc. the last 5 years apart. It has worked well for me. I haven't had to go back to work and we have been on varying wages. |
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ErinRapp
Farmgirl in Training
17 Posts
Erin
Dundee
Oregon
USA
17 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 08:37:18 AM
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I have four kids of my own 7,6,3, and 20mo. I tried working after the first and second, only from the pressure that to be a strong woman you had to have a career outside the home. And then, when I looked around me I realized some of the strongest and most intelligent women around me were mothers. My husband was happy to have me stay at home even though our financial situation was tight. Somehow we're provided for and we make it through. Of course we have great family support and that makes a big difference. I'm still at home and love it!
The grass is greener in your own backyard! |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 10:18:17 AM
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Welcome Erin (I love that name...I have a 9 year old daughter who is Erin too!!) be sure to go over to the welcome wagon section and introduce yourself! I am glad you found us
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 2:37:17 PM
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oh honey, do what your heart tells you to do. For me at age 40 being a mom was all I wanted. Being home was hard at times financially & I have worked full time since the age of 15, so working was all I knew. Nothing can replace those times. Not everyone makes the same choice & it's different for everyone. Just do what your heart tells you, like my grandmom used to say "you can never go wrong if it's truly from the heart". I agree with her. Good luck. Michele
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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HollyDee
Farmgirl in Training
45 Posts
Holly
Coburg
Oregon
USA
45 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2006 : 2:29:07 PM
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I love this topic. Staying home is the bar none absolutely hardest task I have ever had. We have 4 boy's 12,9,3,2. I have been home for so long. But have alway's been able to find an outlet. Like this website. I have just been itching to take being at home to another level. Now trying to be thrifty and more organic and more creative and have a recourse to reach out to when everyone else seems to be putting kids in daycare, going back to work a job outside the home. it can feel isolating. It was a huge struggle in the beginning. We had like $12.00 left after bills. I just started hangin the clothes on the line. thrift shopping. trading, canning, gardening. Thank God I had grandmas that went through the depression they were a wealth of information. It just seemed like everyone we knew was buying new cars, taking lavish vacations, buying the latest fashions, getting nails and hair do's must I go on. There is a time and a place for material goods but being home for your hubby and your kids is a must in my eyes. I know some people don't have the choice or so they feel. But it is well worth it. But Hard. Hope you come to a peacefull decision, You'll never get enough sleep, have enough money but you'll have each other and that is worth it. Raising your family is the most rewarding and heartfelt thing you'll ever do. Good luck with your decision. I wish you well my frind. HollyDee |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2006 : 6:12:18 PM
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Lynda, I just now saw your post and have to tell you that it just about broke my heart. Yet through it all, I saw such grace and strength of character. Bless you for sharing that.
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
http://happymama58.blogspot.com/ |
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HorseyNut
True Blue Farmgirl
78 Posts
Allena
MO
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 07:12:24 AM
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Motherhood is the greatest gift and the greatest sacrifice. To make this choice here is a bit of advice, when you are on your deathbed what will you want to have done? What does God want you to do? God made us to Mother our Children, have faith, you will be provided for. Mother Teresa said "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much." You can do it, by the sound of it you can't afford to keep the job anyway with childcare expenses.
Here are some hints I use to pinch pennies. Don't drive, stay home as much as possible. Don't eat out except as a rare treat. Make a budget for such things and STICK to it. Make a meal plan each week and shop for it, buy nothing extra. www.meals.com is great for this. Shop at stores like Aldie if they have one there, saves me about $50 a week for a family of 5. Buy whole frozen chickens, have baked chicken day one, chicken soup or dumplings next. Meat is expensive, make it last. Make things like cooked oatmeal, pancakes and eggs for breakfast, cereal costs an arm and a leg and has nothing in it mostly. I have a liberal grocery budget and I buy whatever extras from it by cooking more and buying less convenience foods. No frozen foods, then of course beans and ham with cornbread is cheap and healthy and can be chili the next day. Also if you are home you can learn to bake bread, this might not be a big saver for you, but if I buy a big 25 pound bag of flour, I save a TON, because my kids eat about a hundred peanut butter sandwiches a day. Wheat bread costs a bit more to make, but you can save there too, because good wheat bread is even more expensive. I make a massive amount of dough, then freeze it in loaf size pieces in ziplock bags. Fresh bread everyday, for less. Of course since it's you and Hubbie that eat it mostly you might spend more on bread this way, because it tastes so darned good LOL.
This summer if you have room you can garden and can your veggies too, even if you buy fruit it's often cheaper to can yourself then buy.
Chickens can give you eggs and meat for less too if you can manage to do the deed. You can raise a roaster chicken here for about 42 cents off your own egg with a broody hen. Maybe someone should start a thrifty section for us to put these ideas? I have no idea how to make that happen any ideas from you more experienced girls?
Good luck, have no fear, you can make it work, we all manage to somehow. |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 07:54:19 AM
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Hello Ashely,
As most have said go with your heart. I too was able to stay home with my children untill most were in school. I did daycare for other working mom's. If you have two children I found three or more wasn't all that diffucult. I always tried to have children my childrens ages so that they had built in playmate. I also hook up with a state program called 4C's that did training, helped with expenses for food and diapers. It was geared to the home daycare provider. Think of the good you could do for some other working mom. Having their child in a home instead of a day care. If you crunch the money budget up front it never seems like you will have enough. But if you are willing to give up some of the material things that we all get caught up in AND HAVE PRIDE IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING, I think you will love it. I loved teacher my children nursery ryhmes, taking walks, play in the mud, not having the grind of 8-5 is so relaxing. Besides most of the time they pay you cash and what is better then the good old green stuff. If you do claim any of it you can also write off expense so it is always a wash. I can't say my house was any cleaner, but my family and I were happier. But do remember if you do daycare for others that if a child doesn't fit into your mix as hard as it is you need to let them go. My experences with home daycare were wonderful I got to watch not only my childern grow but others some from birth to school. Sometimes you just need to take that leap of faith.
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 08:15:54 AM
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Here is my experience. My husband let me stay home from the time when my first was about 12 wks old. Our next child came when our first was 2 yrs 4 days old. Then our third came 2.5yrs after that and now we are expecting #4 and he will be 2 yrs 7 mo younger than our third.
It has never been easy to do this. We live near family, but no one that is able to help us out for the most part. When our 4th is school age, we plan on me going to work at least part-time.
I see all different situations at our church. Some moms get to stay home full time and some have to work full-time. Some are in between. If you only work 3 days a week it really wouldn't make sense for you to continue working. You said yourself you won't be able to afford day care. Most of the women that work part-time in our church have jobs that really pay off and their income allows them to pay someone (not day care) to watch their children.
The time has flown by quickly for us to have all our children. The two year spacing is a bit close, but I will get to be pregnancy free now and all my children will be close in age after this little guy is born. I am looking forward to it.
I am of the opinion that every situation is different. However, our husbands need us to be there for them. No one else can have children for them! : ) My husband had a very minimal paying job when I began to stay home. We lived in a very tiny house and we had lots of debt. Not everyone can start out in such a scary way. As time has gone by, my husband has steadily increased in income and we are very close to paying off debt. I am hoping that maybe this year we can buy a larger home.
I wouldn't have wanted my children to go to day care. Their relationships are so close to each other and to me. I think that raising them until they are school age is very ideal, just not everyone can do it. It's a very personal thing that you will have to decide with your husband and pray that God will provide for your needs as He is already doing. Financially and physically and spiritually we have been stretched to really extreme limits. We have taken it one day at a time and our marriage has been strengthened because of the trials we have had to face together. I see major blessings the whole way through it that wouldn't necessarily be seen from the world's perspective.
HTH-
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn & Elia |
Edited by - _Rebecca_ on Mar 22 2006 08:32:53 AM |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Staying at home vs. working- HELP! |
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Staying at home vs. working- HELP!
