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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Staying at home vs. working- HELP!  |
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HorseyNut
True Blue Farmgirl
78 Posts
Allena
MO
USA
78 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 27 2006 : 05:21:34 AM
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Rebecka,
Your faith is inspiring and you are so right! The lord has always provided well for us and we messed everything up from the get go. It's easy to forget what God has gotton us through already, who can be afraid of the future in light of all the gifts we have now?
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...but how much love we put in that action. - Mother Teresa |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2006 : 8:57:16 PM
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Hi Ashley,
My children are 27, 19, and 17... What I did when they were younger, because for some of the time I was a single parent, even when I was married to my first husband he made very little money. I created jobs for myself where I could have my children with me.. I had a certified family day care. And also I cleaned a church I did both of these jobs most of my children's childhood. So that I had the best of both worlds, had my children with me, and made some money. Was it easy...nooooo.. but worth every minute of it. YES! Now, looking back on the whole thing I am so thankful I did things the way I did them. I have happy well adjusted kids. No money can buy that.
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - JennyWren on Apr 25 2006 06:18:08 AM |
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 05:30:09 AM
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Ashley, my hubby and I decided many years ago that one parent should always be present. There is no daycare giver, teacher, or neighbor who could possibly care about the long term implications of their daily actions as much as Mom and Dad do. Your day care provider has them for a few years, and then they're gone and forgotten. Their teacher has them for a year, and then contact is lost. Neighbors move, and they're not responsible. A study recently showed that not even grandparents made the powerful impact that parents make.
I stayed at home with my kids. My older daughter was in day care for three years while I was in school, and I regret that. I feel like something important is missing. Ask around amongst your friends. Ask them what they wish they'd had from their childhood that they didn't get. The response is almost NEVER a fancy car, a big house, Nintendo, etc. They all wish they'd had more of their parent's time.
I believe we're hardwired for it. The yearning we feel, the desire to raise up our progeny, it's biologically part of what we are as human beings. The agony that Lynda so poignantly describes shows that. That was heartbreaking; and she had no choice.
There is no 'thing' that you can possibly own that can take the place of being there. The work is relentless, boring and thrilling, and often without tangible reward. But it's some of the best in the human experience. My daughters are grown now, and I wouldn't trade those years for anything.
As for being practical, hubby and I drew up a budget and estimated what we'd need for housing, utilities, food, taxes, medical needs, clothing, entertainment, transportation, and savings, among other things. We cut where we could cut, and when we thought we were done, we cut some more. I worked at a natural foods co-op two hours a week while my hubby stayed with the kids, and in return got reduced prices on good food. We had just one car. We gardened extensively, and my daughters always played somewhere in the periphery of my vision. We turned down the heat, popped popcorn and watched movies for family nights, combined trips, and did whatever we needed to so we could get by. We also set aside $$$ for the future. We worked with the numbers over and over and on a continual basis to make it work.
There is no job more important than parenting.
And I agree with the others that this needs to be a shared decision, because it's shared work and shared responsibility. Be careful of surrendering your rights as an adult to anyone; this makes you not much more than your husband's oldest child. I don't think it's wrong to turn decisionmaking over to the person most equipped to do it; my hubby handles all long term investments because he's good at it and I'm not. Anything concerning the livestock, most of the stuff about the house, monthly budget management, etc, is mine. It's like Henry Ford once said: "Asking who should be boss is a lot like asking who should sing tenor. Obviously, the one who can sing tenor." But as for decisions as huge and irrevocable as adding another family member, wow, that must be shared equally.
I don't think I blabbed as much as Lynda, but I sure gave her a run for her money.  God bless you, Ashley, and good luck. |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 09:09:29 AM
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well,
this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
first let me say, i am an oldster, 55 and i come from a long line of people who for various reasons were not raised by moms.
i for example was born in an orphange type setting and then was adopted to a family where the mom was raised in a convent because her mom, who was raised with out a mother, died when my mom was 6.
so i guess im kind of an expert of sorts on families without mothers.
there is no substitute for a mother. men cannot be mothers, just like we cant be dads.
what i have noticed in my family of few moms is that the people dont know how to navigate socially in the world. there is a fear that governs people without moms.
the world wont tell you how valueable you arebut without the mom you are at the mercy of your own intuition to figure out lifes lessons. i think moms have a way of instilling these lessons without you having to learn them the hard way.
im sorry that the world doesnt walk the walk, but im glad there are still moms in the world who do in a time when i think there is little outside recognition.
i wonder about a church who wont let a low paying worker bring along a child to work. what happened to family values.
i blelieve that the husband has an important voice in the family but the expert on the children is the mom. search your heart and ask your husband to search his heart, the question on the table is "what is best for our child"
and remember there are people who grow up without benefit of a mom,
and there is no substitute for that, no auntie, no grandma , no day care.
and while im at it, all you moms who chose to stay home with your babies, thank you. it doesnt just affect your children, it affects our communities.
now i hope i have not been too harsh, or hurt anyones feelings, thats not what i wanted to do.
this is after all just my opinion, and i cannot set myself up as the shining example of a stay at home mom, but sometimes hindsight is 20/20.
also, i know when they a little and you are sleep dprived it feels like time is moving sooooo slowly, but these little ones really do grow up so fast, i know my babies are, 30 25 22 and 19. they seldom let me cuddle or kiss their booboos anymore.!
thank god for grandchildren.
fran |
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FarrarFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
330 Posts
Lynda
Frohna
Missouri
USA
330 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 09:19:24 AM
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A moment of good health, compliments of Mary Ann, because I just had to chuckle, nonetheless, point well taken. However, I learned a whole lot more from your posts, what you shared is very vital for everyone no matter what their situation. I hope you know how right you are about personal financial planning strategies and practices, it is SO, SO very important. I must admit, though, you warmed my heart and gave me a smile by mentioning my name. This forum has taken on a life of it's own as we all want to help Ashley with her decison and yet you also remembered me - even if it was only because I had a very long post. :o) .
Thanks, you are a sweetie. God's blessings fill your days.
In His hands,
Lynda
Pray in faith and you will not live in doubt.
www.pamperedchef.biz/lorenzfamilycooks |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 10:01:11 AM
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I love Fran's comments, it is so true. My Mom's Mom died when she was 5, my Mother struggled her entire life with all kinds of things she should/would have gotten from her Mom. Which in turn made my life difficult. It's a hard cycle to break.
I think one of the hardest things about staying home with my children was the outside pressure, "Oh you don't work".. Everytime someone said that.. I always thought to myself.. Like H*** I don't! You try and nurse a baby, run a day care and clean offices with children in the evening. Society in it's twisted ways of thinking somehow implies that women who do not work outside of the home are somehow,not as valuable as women who bring in an income. That's a load of manure!
After 27 years of children, I can tell you I have seen so much bad behavior in children, most of which has it's roots in not getting enough attention. I agree with Fran 100% there is no substitute for a Mom.
I honestly think if you can find a balance between bringing in some income if you have to and staying home. If you can't find something, keep looking. You may have to create it yourself, but it is possible. You will make it just fine. Living simply will help you achieve all of your goals.
When you are down, just talk to us! We'll gladly help you.
Sending you hugs...
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 6:55:58 PM
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quote:
A moment of good health, compliments of Mary Ann, because I just had to chuckle, nonetheless, point well taken. However, I learned a whole lot more from your posts, what you shared is very vital for everyone no matter what their situation. I hope you know how right you are about personal financial planning strategies and practices, it is SO, SO very important. I must admit, though, you warmed my heart and gave me a smile by mentioning my name. This forum has taken on a life of it's own as we all want to help Ashley with her decison and yet you also remembered me - even if it was only because I had a very long post. :o) .
I was being a bit of a horrible tease, wasn't I? 
Your post came straight from your experience and your heart, Lynda, and you touched mine. I really appreciate your frankness and caring. Those in your everyday life must be very glad to know you. |
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Destiny~
True Blue Farmgirl
195 Posts
Dar
west
TX
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 05:36:27 AM
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I grew up with a stay at home mom. She didn't even drive until I was sixteen. We didn't have much money but mom was the coupon queen and she taught me how to make a dollar go further than anyone I know.
I'm not a mom, except to some exchange students, but I always knew that if I did have children-I would stay home at least until they were in school.
I have a career but I look up to SAHMs.
Best of luck on your life choices.
"Let us, together, sow seeds for a better harvest-a harvest for hope."
Jane Goodall, Harvest for Hope |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 3:02:02 PM
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Both my husband and I were in the Navy and I decided to get out and stay home with our new son. Decide my whole paycheck just going toward daycare and the gas to get there, plus the added stress wasn't worth it. We set up our finances and keep going over them for months now. We planned, planned and planned some more. We even have a 5 year plan--nothing concrete but an idea. I am working on my degree at home and by the time my sweet son is old enough for school, I can go back to work, even if it part time.
I also can go back to work if it gets tough, but I think we will be ok. We plan out everything we do with money. We always pay ourselves first- even if it is only $5 or $10 at a time. Over the long haul, this will add up.
Now, we live a very simply life. We have everything we need and only replace when we need to. I do buy new items(on sale only though) when I need to because I am a pretty good shopper and...
1. Most clothes at yard sales, thrift shops don't fit me.
2. What I need to replace is so little to me it is not worth scrounging the shops.
3. I don't have time....full time mom and student...trying to run a home...trying to enjoy life a little
I don't want to homeschool, but any learning at home I consider an education. I read alot to my boy right now.
I also do housecleaning, haircutting, pet/house sitting on the side when I can.
You will know what to do....just plan and talk about it alot with your family...good luck |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Apr 26 2006 3:03:20 PM |
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 04:52:20 AM
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Catscharm, I admire your innovative and personalized approach. Not all ideas fit everyone (the thrift store thing is a great example) so you cut back someplace else, and make it work for your individual situation. You also pay attention to the cost of your time--- spending alot of time looking high and low for an inexpensive item is not an economy.
It sounds as though you're resilient and thrifty, as well as a sharp manager. |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 06:04:31 AM
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Follow your heart, no matter where it goes. I chose to stay home with my children, with short bursts of employment to get us out of debt every now and then. When I did work, it was at the school or somewhere where I could be with the kids when they arrived home. Now my children are 23, 20 and 17 and guess where I am? Home. And I think that they are beginning to appreciate the fact that Mom is here when they come through the door after a long day of school or work. Whenever I mention getting a "real job" I am met with groans and the ultimate question "Why? You work here!" I am sure it is because they see more work in their future!!
I wish you the best in your decision.
Karin |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Staying at home vs. working- HELP! |
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Staying at home vs. working- HELP!
