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Family Matters:  Why do holidays have to blow so much?  |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
 Posted - May 10 2009 : 5:52:43 PM
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Ronna, We live we learn, some of us just have bigger hills to climb. All we can do is try to make it easier for someone else and that usually will make us happier.I hope you and all the farmgirls had a good if not great mothers day.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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Ronna
True Blue Farmgirl
1891 Posts
Ronna
Fernley
NV
USA
1891 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2009 : 7:47:04 PM
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| Thanks Diane. I didn't mean to sound like "poor pitiful me", as it reads back to me now-I just have learned to flow with what happens and save myself from being hurt. As has been said, most men just don't realize women need the nurturing. Goes back to my "famous" statement...women have to talk things out, men just burp or fart and think it's settled. Someday I'm gonna embroider or cross stitch that so my kids can fight over it when I'm gone :) |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 02:25:20 AM
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Good idea Ronna...the embroider! Make me one too! LOL
I am usually depressed or sad on mother's day but this year I wasn't. I think it is because my son and his wife, who live a long ways from me, have sites on Facebook. I just got online to find them and we keep in closer touch than ever. I knew my Danny boy would make me a card (this year it was huge...a whole poster board). I also refused to do any housework that Saturday and sewed all day! I made a blouse and a skirt for me!
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 05:09:05 AM
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Jonni, I hope you had a nice day after all . Many hugs from Marian
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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Edited by - dutchy on May 11 2009 05:10:01 AM |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:18:38 AM
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Well, this thread gives me heart....Thank you all for understanding. I do believe that men and women are just cut from different cloth and sometimes they are just so obtuse. I'm sure I can be, too, but I really do try to understand what's important to him...even if it bores me to tears, or I'm not so keen on it.
I'm so sorry, Ronna--you are right, though--if you don't expect, then you don't get disappointed. And it's funny--what Julia said is true. It is what it is, and I had to end up just "letting" go of my expectations and that enabled me to enjoy the day.
It seems that because my husband works in the restaurant industry, that he just loathes holidays like mother's and father's day brunches and Valentine's Day and New Years Eve dinners because each one is a madhouse and the customers are usually unbearable--he also notes that the food is rushed and the staff is hurrying you out for the next turnover table because of the demand for reservations. I forget sometimes, that working in an eatery does not a good consumer make. He's the WORST date for dinner....ever.
So, he made "breakfast" and we dined al fresco on our porch with my mother...and it turned out lovely. I finally just gave in and decided I would enjoy whatever came my way, because I would ruin my own day by pouting or thinking about what "wasn't". And I'm glad that I did. The table was set with my vintage tablecloths and antique brunch napkins, a crystal vase with white violets, columbine and lily of the valley, and Justin made an omlette with goat cheese, roasted red pepper, chives, basil and spicy sausage and we had english muffins with butter and Miss Wilma's homemad grape jelly, mimosas and coffee. It was really lovely--food and garden and company, all. He also was very thoughtful with my gift. He went to the jeweler where we purchased our wedding bands and bought a lovely delicate chain for my antique rose cameo that I've wanted to wear, but never could because I couldn't justify the expense of a chain.
Then we headed to the garden center. I wanted to put Violet in a dress, but the little diaper covers just don't fit her waist, so I'm going to have to take them in (an then out) but I didn't have time yesterday. Got some herbs and some perennials, but I didn't get anything for my cool little vintage seed spreader like I wanted. It's a 1950's Scott brand seed spreader with signature Green and Orange paint and I wanted some color. But, I couldn't really find anything that popped.
Then, off to Hyde Park and then to Mt. Adams where my husband got deathly ill and had to go to urgent care. I stayed behind with Violet because everyone was so upset she had to leave after just getting there, and ended my night at the 24 hour Walgreens waiting for his prescription until 11:30 with a total FREAKSHOW...seriously. When a woman stood up and yelled to the pharmacist, "Sir, I'm gonna throw up--where's the john?!?!" I practically charged the counter and said, "I have a two month old and I don't want ANYTHING that these people have, so can you please check on that prescription I dropped off 30 minutes ago????" Thankfully, it was ready and I was outta there...
Never a dull moment with the Lynch family!!!
I hope you all had a lovely mother's day, mother or no...and thank you for your kind understanding. This is such a warm and wonderful place!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - FebruaryViolet on May 11 2009 06:45:57 AM |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:30:14 AM
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Definitly excitement at your house yesterday. Your breakfast brunch sounds heavenly. So sweet of hubby.
Sorry to hear he got so sick. Is he alright now?
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:40:26 AM
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| Oh my gosh. The first part of the day sounds so sweet, and then it all went wrong. Hope Jus is feeling better. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:43:51 AM
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Oh yes! How callous of me! I forgot to mention...he has some sort of prostate issue--it runs in his family, but it acts like a severe flu in which he gets a high fever and has trouble going to the restroom, along with extreme back pain. Much like kidney issues. Usually we have some warning, but yesterday, BOOM! It was just sooo sudden. Once he gets the antibiotic in his system, he should be feeling better, but I left a VERY sleepy daddy and baby girl at home this morning.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:21:30 AM
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Jonni - your Mother's Day sounds like it was perfect (except for the Walgreen's part). Your husband sounds like a very caring man to make brunch and buy you that sweet gift. I hope that he is feeling better today.
Handmade Soap & Lotion Bars http://www.therusticcottagebath.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
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Edited by - therusticcottage on May 11 2009 11:21:57 AM |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:26:09 AM
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It was...I was being a baby, I know...and he was being a bit of a baby, too :) He is feeling a bit better, and I think we both have a better understanding of what "expectations" are :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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CherryMeDarlin
True Blue Farmgirl
602 Posts
Cherry
Odenville
AL
USA
602 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:36:19 AM
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Chalk it up to a learning curve! Show him lots of appreciation for his thoughtfulness and now he has an idea of what pleases you! And I'm so, so happy you had such a lovely morning. My hubs idea of brunch is peanut butter toast served on a paper towel and a glass of sweet tea!  (I guess your Walgreen's experience is the full-moon craziness you mentioned, huh?)
~~Cherry~~
"A thing is as simple or as complicated as you make it." --TT Murphy |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:56:38 AM
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You're right--marriage is just that. There isn't anything wrong with peanut butter toast, now!
Close, Cherry...I actually had an even better bout with crazy on Friday at the office. See the same thread :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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4forMe
True Blue Farmgirl
166 Posts
Dawn
Easton
MD
166 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 1:40:59 PM
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Just wait til Christmas rolls around.....it stinks to have parents who are divorced and remarried and DH and I both have parents like that. They don't want to celebrate Christmas together but they also expect you to make an appearance at their house with their granddaughter, each and every one of them. I have tried everything, dragging my kids from house to house, hosting an open house at my home Christmas day and then I gave up. Someone always complains and it always made my holiday stressful. Now we just chill out, the kids and DH and I. We do what we feel like doing and don't let others make our holiday plans for us.
Sewing, knitting, gardening mom of 4. |
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LauriP
True Blue Farmgirl
239 Posts
Laurianne
Hertford
North Carolina
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 09:33:31 AM
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Because tom's mom has always been such a depressing and selfish woman, he really doesn't know how to handle any holidays. And mothers day is no exception.
He'll say he'll do such and such for me...like cleaning the kitchen. Ha. Yesterday I ended up doing 3 loads in the dishwasher of the dishes "I'm gonna wash for you!!" -- He also said he'd get me "Whatever ya want!" -- I got a $6.00 hanging basket from Big-Lots..an' then this morning he called from one of the Port's in Virginia, saying, "I went to wal-mart and bought..." and listed all the things he got himself.
He always did this growing up w/his mom -- fighting for her to notice him when she got something..then she'd feel guilty, buy him something, an' then tell him to "Go off somewhere..." -- and the circle never ended.
I'm feeling numb right now from the phone call. I know I shouldn't feel like I don't like what he got me, but it never works out that I have a "gift" -- it's always something that's needed, not a present. I really wonder how much damage his mother has done to him. But you'd figure after 55 years on this earth, he'd get his act together..
Laurianne |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 09:40:25 AM
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I'm so sorry, Lauri--it really is hurtful, isn't it? Especially when women (not all of us) are by nature, thoughtful, creative and instinctively giving (to a fault)...
My husband is a dear person, he just drops the ball sometimes. Sounds like your man is somewhat self absorbed--and I think they all can be at times.
I don't have any advice, except to say maybe just go out and buy yourself something wonderful. You can either tell him or no, but at least you can have something fabulous!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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LauriP
True Blue Farmgirl
239 Posts
Laurianne
Hertford
North Carolina
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 09:56:40 AM
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Oh Jonni!! -- tha's really what it is!! My dh does get very selfish, and it drives me just about to jump off the roof. But it's how he's always approached any holiday, or some day where he "has" to get me a present.
And believe me, I've already sat in my studio an' figured out what I'm getting for my "present" that I've wanted/waited for since for Evah...
And I even said to tom on mothers day (while we sat in the parking lot of a mall when he got my vitamins...) "You really don't do holidays well, do you?!!" He said he didnt, and all I could do was sit and wonder why I couldn't just run away!!
I tell people that I haven't had gin in over 30 years, "But believe me, this may just be the time to bring that to a halt!!" -- Mothers Day was just That close to driving me over the edge!! LOL!!
Laurianne |
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Corinnelouise
True Blue Farmgirl
957 Posts
Corinne
France
957 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 10:40:34 AM
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Sometimes when we do not get anything, we should get out and get ourselves the little something we have wished to get from our man. A nice flower, a candle, a scarf, a new eye color make up. In her book "simple abundance" Sarah Ban Breathnach say we all need a special drawer where we put some comforting items we like and which can make us feel good anytime. I've used the idea and have a couple of perfumed candles, a book yet to read, a few nice teabags, a couple of fat quarters, just in case ...
Corinne
Sister # 101 |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 11:20:24 AM
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I totally agree, Corinne--
When I was feeling blue about Mother's Day, I did some "theraputic shopping" and bought the other mother's in my life gifts, but also myself. Our daughter is named Violet and while shopping, I found this beautiful tea cup and saucer made by Portmeiron that had lovely botanical illustrations of blue and purple Violets and reads in script, "Sweet Violet". I love tea and I love my Violet, so I snatched it up without even looking at the price because, well, it spoke to ME and it was my gift to ME. If I had looked at the price, or thought about it for more than a minute, I would have talked myself out of it because I'm very practical...but phooey on practical sometimes!
Laura, I now know what those bumperstickers that I see around town mean: Don't Postpone Joy. To me, this sums up your situation with your husband....take care of YOU and don't wait on him for YOUR joy. We, afterall, are all responsible for ourselves and we can't will someone to be something they're not inclined to be, right or wrong.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9321 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9321 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 03:40:46 AM
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I know I am late posting to this but I just had to add my two cents, ;)
I work in a Hallmark gift shop and I know that most holidays are pushed by retailers, obviously.
However, keep in mind that we are nt our husbands mother and personally I would rather have my children do something for me if they want to. My oldest dd, who is a mom herself now, made dinner and did the dishes that day. Of course she normally does this on but she wanted to make the day special for me. She gave me some beautiful handmade items that I will treasure. My second dd gave me a gift and my son didn't, he is not in much of a position to be spending and usually his sisters prompt him. I was not offended that he didn't get me anything as he does a lot of outdoor work. I wanted to get my oldest something for mother's day to celebrate the two little treasures I have as a grandmom. It was special for me and I enjoyed it but I let go of expectations on my husband's part a long time ago. I also got to spend time with the little ones later on when I babysat. I enjoyed the blessing of being able to do that! I guess I am more into what they put into it. I know that my son for instance knows that I like the yard to look nice but don't get out there much to do anything. He makes sure it is taken care of. Let's be sweet to our mom's and mil's since if it weren't for them we wouldn't be moms. And they won't be around forever. They like to be remembered without having to ask too.
I know this is late but I hope everyone enjoyed the day!
Denise
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 10:03:38 AM
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i used to call my tiny mother The Artful Dodger. She was great at avoiding family holiday horror shows, I learned from the best. I just love that line : Why Do holidays have to blow so much? I guess it is the nature of the beast...
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 10:54:19 AM
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I love that you called your mother the Artful Dodger--fabulous! And so literate, too :) I'm glad you liked the title of my thread...they really do blow, sometimes 
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: Why do holidays have to blow so much? |
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Why do holidays have to blow so much?
