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Family Matters:  Why do holidays have to blow so much?  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - May 08 2009 : 07:09:11 AM
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This will be my first mother's day. And I WAS really excited about it. My husband has been talking about all the wonderful things he has planned (going to lunch at a new restaurant, and then out to the Indiana line to my favorite plant nursery). And I've been looking forward to it all week long....
Enter my mother,the great grandmother, and my two mother in laws.
My mother decided that she can't rearrange her bi-weekly Sunday cleaning job so she could come to lunch with us, so she said to me "well, don't eat much at your lunch and bring a pizza over on Sunday evening around 6 or so". I don't even think she remembered that it was mother's day for me, too. I don't WANT pizza--and why on earth should I have to monitor myself at a lunch that is supposed to be enjoyable?
Then, Justin told me that his grandmother will be celebrating mother's day at one of her daughter's houses, and all the family (large, Irish Catholic family) will be there celebrating (including his father and my OTHER mother-in-law, Jane)...so he told his dad we would "be there" and figured, "that would knock Jane out"...and then I thought to myself, "what about his mother?", who is going to be by herself on Mother's day because Justin's sister isn't coming in to town (because SHE'S SMART!)...and so I asked him about her and he said, "Oh, I told her as well that we'll stop over on Sunday..."
And so I'm thinking...(rather selfishly, I know) how did my first Mother's Day turn into a day catering to everyone else?
It's not at all my dh's family--they've made no demand on our time. My dh just offered (because it's family, you know?), and my mom? Well, I'm just not sure. And if I say something to her about putting a damper on our original plans, then I'll get the Grade A mother guilt trip!
Any advice?
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 07:40:06 AM
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Tell everyone it's your FIRST mothers day and that you are starting a new family tradition, and then start one. My dear friend always went out for ice cream with her daughter, just the two of them. Before my kids were born we catered to everyone, after I had my son we started doing our own family things which have become tradtiton and the in-laws and parents became a part of it. Do not be afraid to say no!!
Hugs, Kathy |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 07:45:57 AM
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Amen, Kathy! I'm in total agreement with you. If I had only done that myself! I can honestly say that I've never had an actual 'Mother's Day' for my own. Never, ever. It(and every other holiday, for that matter) was spent catering to somebody else. Start your own traditions NOW and save yourself a boatload of resentment later(speaking from sad experience here).
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 08:31:56 AM
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Thanks for understanding and not making me feel like a terrible selfish girl (I can do that on my own!)...I did just tell my mother that she could come to lunch with us, or we would have to see her on Monday night. She backed down very quickly when, after she said, "oh no, now, that's YOUR day!" I said, "Well, you wouldn't think so!!!"
So, that under my belt, I checked on the restaurant that my husband was supposed to reserve and (unless he's done so already) they only have reservations for 2:30 in the afternoon (and their website says Brunch is over at 2:00)...so um. I think that's out.
I feel totally let down--guess we'll end up at Cracker Barrel...or better yet, Otto's (which has wonderful food, but my husband works there and I eat there constantly). Yay!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 08:39:08 AM
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See, your mom understood. You have to speak up for yourself or else nobody will know how you feel. Hopefully, they'll understand.
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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CherryMeDarlin
True Blue Farmgirl
602 Posts
Cherry
Odenville
AL
USA
602 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 10:33:57 AM
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Jonni, could you have your day on Saturday? I understand where you're coming from. My mama lives 45 minutes away from me and my sister always makes plans without asking me first if I can accomodate them and if I can't, then I end up looking like the "bad" child. (My sister is just a few miles from my parents and my brother around 10, so they see my parents a whole lot more than I do.) My MIL lives in the same town we do, but my BIL and his family live in Panama City, FL, so we are usually at their mercy when they come up because their time is so limited. We spend so much time running back and forth! The solution that works best for us is to make the Saturday before Mother's Day my day and that takes care of the guilt and I can celebrate my mama and grandmother on what is also their day, too.
~~Cherry~~
"A thing is as simple or as complicated as you make it." --TT Murphy |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 11:37:38 AM
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I agree you should start your own tradition for mother's day. I never celebrated it as I could never celebrate fathers days. I will see my mom and my son's will meet me their as it is just easier for everyone.
Remember what ever you do your children will learn from your tradition so when they have their children don't be surprised if they put you on hold.
Remember it's nice to be a mother 365 days a year, I think you should be celebrated everyday, and your first mothers day seems very important but it's really just a hallmark day.
Don't feel guilty you are intitled to your feelings. Just enjoy your day no matter where you are. Remember you are important and loved everyday.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 12:20:47 PM
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Thanks again, girls, but it really doesn't matter anymore. I feel like a REAL baby now, but my dh didn't make any reservations (I gave him 6 choices) and they're all booked solid, and then he said he didn't want to eat "brunch" anyway, so he'd just make something and we can sit at home on the sofa and eat at the coffee table (like everyday)...I haven't been out to dinner in 4 months. Funny, why ask someone what they want to do for "their day" as he termed it, if you don't want to do anything nice for them anyway. I'll just get my girl together and we'll go out the nursery ourselves--maybe I'll pack a little lunch and eat it at a park like we used to when my Great Grandmother was alive.
The only reason I thought it was going to be special was because he told me that it would be...I didn't ask to be treated like a queen. This isn't the first time this sort of disappointment has happened--you think I might have learned my lesson by now with him. Mental note: make sure father's day is as memorable.
Sorry, just really hurt and feeling pretty low...about everything. Stupid holidays.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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wild daisy
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Madelynne
Billings
Montana
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 12:51:40 PM
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I must be lucky. My husband always tries to make Mother's Day special. This year he has to work all day. It's OK we are planning to go kayaking and fishing next Saturday. After being a mother for over 23 years, the best memories are the little ones. Like the special card of a mother and baby elephant and the message inside stated "I've got it made in the shade with a mother like you". This was from my son when he was in the second grade. His teacher later tried to apologize to me saying, your such a great mom I tried to have him give you another card. I replied no I really like the one I got. It hit the spot. Just remember the little things that make your day special. Maybe Violet will still surprise you yet. Enjoy and think of things to come.
Madelynne
johnandmadelynne.blogspot.com |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 1:05:55 PM
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I think that there wouldn't be anything wrong with saying that to your husband that it is your FIRST mother's day and you want to spend it enjoying it.
It is important that you spend time with your 'mothers' but it even more that you are able to embrace one of the holidays that truly is about celebrating this wonderful journey of motherhood that you've just started. If it wasn't for little Violet and Justin, you wouldn't have to worry about Mothers Day at all. It isn't just about celebrating your Mom or his, its about celebrating that wonderful little child you have :)
Take time for you, JUST SAY NO dear, and if they don't understand, thats okay, they dont have to ;)
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2916 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2916 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 1:49:06 PM
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Hey Jonni
I would not be surprised at all if Jus did not have something up his sleeve.. Just wait & see. |
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MissDana
True Blue Farmgirl
348 Posts
Dana
Carrollton
Georgia
USA
348 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 3:15:41 PM
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Hey Jonni! Welcome to the world of mothers! I told my robert early on if he wanted to "try" to have more children, then he had better take better care of his wife! That got his attention!!! LOL!! I'm caught, like most of us, with 3 almost grown children and an elderly grumpy mother. I used to have a church job so Mother's day was always a work day. YULK! But the last 2 years I have had no Sunday work and I FULLY expect breakfast in bed, if nothing else!!
Dana
Proud Farmgirl Sister # 267
www.schultztroupe.wordpress.com
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 3:43:58 PM
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Jonni, I sent you an email.
Happy Mothers Day....you will only have ONE first mother's day...so enjoy it!!!
 
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
The Universe says: Speak abundance and act abundantly, no matter what, and an outpouring of the "stuff," far in
excess of what we could ever spend will come! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 3:58:58 PM
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Oh *Hugs* Jonni! That is so tough! Some guys just don't understand how crushing something like that can be! My first mother's day with Nora was spend digging and planting in the garden- that was what I wanted since Doug hates digging gardens and planting. It was a sunny day with a sweet breeze and my sweetest darling girl.
I hope you find the joy and peace that should be yours on Mother's Day. Hold your sweet child close and smell the wonderful baby smell!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 4:59:03 PM
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Ahhh Jonni,
You had expectations that you thought you understood because Justin said what he said. That always makes it tougher.
So girl, you go out to the nursery with sweet Violet and tell her all about those plants and why you love the place.
Happy Mother's Day from our clan here girl!!!!!
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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Sheep Mom 2
True Blue Farmgirl
1534 Posts
Sheri
Elk
WA
USA
1534 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 5:28:08 PM
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Disappointment is always so painful. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Make up your own tradition with your daughter and then stick with it. There are a lot of guys out there that don't plug into all the holiday stuff and don't understand why we are so upset when there was talk with no follow through. Make his fathers day extra special put a lot of care and compassion into it and know that his karma will educate him as the end result. We have to be what we want the world to be - for us not for them. Two negatives certainly don't make a positive and will just carry your hurt forward. Be the better of the two and celebrate your motherhood and your husbands fatherhood for your child. Create and enjoy the happiest Mother's Day ever.
Sheri |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 5:52:43 PM
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You all know how weddings can turn into a day for everyone else but the couple......so goes other times too. My daughter has taught me a lot on this subject. She does so well juggling all the family members, and seems to welcome it too. Just keep in your heart the love you have found in your little one, and share it with others, and let go of the rest.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 08:06:28 AM
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Mother's day must be before father's day for a reason........What ever you do...Enjoy your day..no matter if its fun or not. only you can control your happy times so try real hard to just enjoy the whole day..Give your kids a little treat also with out them you would'nt be a mommy...
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9094 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9094 Posts |
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wild daisy
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Madelynne
Billings
Montana
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 10:25:08 AM
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Nancy I agree with you. Husband should read these postings about Mother's Day. Maybe they would get a clue. Or maybe not.
Madelynne
johnandmadelynne.blogspot.com |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 11:13:38 AM
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Thats a really great idea, Nancy Jo!
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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mulegirl
True Blue Farmgirl
184 Posts
rosemary
cottonwood pass
co
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 1:16:08 PM
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I don't think guys get it with doing special stuff. It is not a bad thing, they just think differently. In all the tv shows and movies it is women or gay guys planning the perfect wedding or event. I've stopped getting disappointed not getting something special whenIi think I should a long time ago. I got blue in the face dropping a gazillion hints, men just don't get it. I think women should get together and celebrate the times that are the most special for us...birthdays, Mothers Day, let Halloween and 4th of July to co-celebrate.
By the way I did actually get a 55th birthday present this year from my boyfreind. On the way back from his annual deer hunting trip with the man buddies he picked up a rusty old chair from a field and a 55 mph sign (get it 55 for 55!) I do actually love the rusty chair as it will get a painting on it one of these days...but see what I'm talking about?
So if you want a special celebration ask women to plan and attend it!
Rosemary
smile, follow your heart and don't look back
http://web.mac.com/rosemaryart |
Edited by - mulegirl on May 10 2009 1:13:42 PM |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 4:40:01 PM
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My MIL used to try and monopolize Mother's Day every year. Some of the biggest fights my husband and I ever had were over Mother's Day. Finally I stood my ground and said "Mother's Day is my day and the one day of the year that I get to do whatever I want. I'm choosing to stay home and enjoy MY day. You can go with your Mother if you'd like to." That was the end of that.
I think that you should let your husband know, in a kind way, that you'd like to spend the day with him and Violet. You can be with the other moms on Saturday or Monday.
Handmade Soap & Lotion Bars http://www.therusticcottagebath.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
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Ronna
True Blue Farmgirl
1891 Posts
Ronna
Fernley
NV
USA
1891 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2009 : 3:04:41 PM
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On my first Mothers Day, in 1963, I said something about it to Larry and he informed me I "wasn't his mother". My reply was he didn't do anything for her either. I reminded him of that yesterday, so this morning he asked if the dogs told me happy mothers day. The first one after we remarried in 1995, he was at work in Alaska, but ordered flowers for both me and our daughter; said he realized all he'd missed out on all 26 years we were apart. I think I've gotten a few things-like floor mats for the Vette, since then. If you don't "expect", you won't be disappointed. I never could get my mother to understand that..she always thought everyone should do what she wanted them to do. "He should have given me a card; she should have called me", etc.
I always made sure everyone in my family had great birthdays, etc, but very seldom has anything been done for me. I can remember two good birthdays, when Larry bought my new Corvette in '95 and last year when a truly sweet farm girl sent flowers. I asked mother why I never had birthday parties (my sister did) and her reply was that "everyone" was on vacation on my birthday in July. Huh?
As our own farmgirl Julia Hayes says, "it is what it is". Easier to learn to just deal with the hand you're given and not try to change what can't be changed. So, now that my eyes are full of tears, I'll go back to cleaning house. My stepbrother did take his lady and me out for a nice dinner last night, so I'll have the rest of my steak for dinner tonight. |
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Family Matters: Why do holidays have to blow so much? |
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Why do holidays have to blow so much?
