| Author |
Book Ideas:  Step-Parenting for Dummies  |
|
|
idsweetie72
True Blue Farmgirl
129 Posts
Sandra
New Meadows
idaho
USA
129 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 11 2009 : 6:50:56 PM
|
This really should be a for real book- the farm-girls could get together with their ideas of what has worked for them and what has not- get some of the ideas from the step-dad- and "walla!" a new wonderful-funny-hopefully informative book that a great % of people would read!
Mazy Day Farm |
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2009 : 9:31:57 PM
|
The very first rule is that the step dad can not make the rules. The biological mom has to make the rules and set them and carry them through. if the step dad does it , the kids will resent it and they won't get along. he has to be there to back mom up but he really has to stay out of it. that is a hard thing to do but it does work. It also works the other way around where there is a dad and a step mom. the step mom has to stay out of it too.
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
 |
|
|
NikkiBeaumont
True Blue Farmgirl
473 Posts
473 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2009 : 12:15:09 PM
|
I agree with Beverley! It all goes back to that same ole retort that the kids throw out, "You're not my Mom/Dad!" The biological parent MUST be the one to lay down the rules. The biological parent IS on the frontline of the parenting battles and the step-parent backs up the biological parent.
When you are a step-parent it is not technically your job to raise those kids. As soon as I realized that I was not responsible for my step-daughter's manners, hygiene, and the state of her room, things became so simple and pleasant. I did teach manners while she was present, but I never criticizing her. Leading by your own behavior and respecting boundaries are two lessons that step-parents need to learn.
Farmgirl Sister #554 |
|
|
|
walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2011 : 07:24:20 AM
|
I think this is a wonderful idea!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
|
|
|
|
Oggie
True Blue Farmgirl
526 Posts
Ginny
Machias
Maine
USA
526 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2011 : 7:34:20 PM
|
I come from a Brady Bunch family from the 1960's with six of us kids. My parents dealt with Viet Nam, drugs, rebellion, and everything in between. They backed each other no matter what and discussed it between themselves at some other time. They were determined to make us a family and they both took on the responsibility of raising us and believed it was their jobs to do so. They had and still have a great faith in God. And probably one of the biggest things they did was NEVER say "step" anything. To this day they tell people they have six kids, they have 11 grandkids (four adopted), and they have 14 great-grandkids. They do not differenciate between step, adopted, mine, yours, its always OUR. My Dad (he's my step) took on us four kids as though we were his blood and has helped us financially and emotionally from day one. My Mother did the same to his two kids. They are now 92 and 83 and all of us call them Mom and Dad and we all love and respect them. They really are the perfect example. :)
Ginny
Farmgirl #2343
www.thedewhopinn.com
"I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whomever I'm with."
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it." Both by Elwood P. Dowd (Jimmy Stewart) in the Movie Harvey
|
|
|
|
CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2011 : 8:27:13 PM
|
I think one of the best things a step parent can do is to love the child's parent above all else. Treat that child's mom or dad like gold. Ours were 17,24 and 28 when we found each other so there was not a lot of child rearing left to do. But believe you me the older kids can be pretty tuff too. My boys are pretty protective of me so Jack had to prove himself to them. :) His son was determined to hate me. I just let him. I treated him with love and respect any way. Took about two years. Now he may as well be mine. I think the other thing that has made such a difference for us is that we have made it known from the beginning that we are a couple, they didn't have to like it but they had to accept that we would not allow any triangulation in our relationship. We don't talk about anyone in this family unless they are present. We don't tell other peoples news without permission. And we never ever speak for each other.
Maybe there should be a chapter for those with grown kids?
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
|
|
|
walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2011 : 2:57:34 PM
|
"Treat that child's mom or dad like gold." CMac, that is so, so true!!!!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
|
|
|
|
birdie71
True Blue Farmgirl
254 Posts
Robin
Glendale
Arizona
USA
254 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 2:20:01 PM
|
I am a stepmom and have been since 2004. I did not bring children into the marriage. I knew from the beginning that I would share the responsibility of caring for these two with my DH. I knew this because I chose to marry him and part of him is his kids...package deal. I made it clear in the beginning to my DH that he would not have to carry that alone...like everything else, we do this together. It was rocky for all of us at first, but we knew that would be. I knew that my relationship with the kids would take some time. Building relationships with kids has been part of who I am as a teacher so that was an understanding I came in with. The relationships that I have developed with these two precious kiddos has not been without its hiccups...but it also has not been without beauty! I do not have the depth of relationship with the older (daughter) as I do with the younger (son). She and I have a bit of rocky roads. She lived/lives 99% of the time with her biological mom...I'm sure affecting our relationship. Whereas my son (I call him my son because that's how I see him) and I have built an amazing relationship...very much a mom/son relationship! He has lived with my DH and I 95% of the time so my DH and I have pretty much raised him. In many ways, as I found out when I became a stepparent, my life as a teacher is very much a stepparenting role! I make sure that my stepkids and my students know that they are loved no matter what...bottom line!!! I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!
Robin
Farmgirl Sister #1301
Farming in the Sonoran Desert? Hmmm?!
my mama's (ceejay48) craftiness ~ www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
my daddy's craftiness ~ www.aspenforge.com |
|
|
|
brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
|
| |
Book Ideas: Step-Parenting for Dummies |
|
Step-Parenting for Dummies
