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Across the Fence:  Do kids no longer grow up?  |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 12:58:12 PM
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Is it just me or does the younger generation seem to be stuck between childhood and adulthood right now? I have so many relatives that are around 18-23 that should be adults by now but they are just living the party life, working just for spending money and mooching off their parents. It's insane! I am only 26 years old so don't know what it was really like generations ago but up until 10-15 years ago it seemed that teens graduated from highschool and either 1)went to college, 2)started a job and moved out or 3)got married and moved out. Those were the options it seemed.
I think I am just upset because I have noticed how backwards it seems now. I have one cousin who is 22 and got married seven months ago and moved away but now plans to come back without her husband because she is lonely and misses her friends and family. Excuse me, but her husband IS her family now! I can't even wrap my brain around that one. I have another relative that is 19 and just working for spending money but hasn't paid her parents back for the money she borrowed from them a year ago for a car, won't watch her little brother when she is home, and doesn't pay a cent towards the home expenses. I could go on and on but I am discouraged and know there are kids out there with goals and those who have grown up but it seems like they are few and far between. DO you think it is the child's fault or do the parents enable them to be this way? From the time I made any money as a teen I had to buy pretty much everything I wanted and I had to pitch in around the house. I would have felt guilty if I could just freeload. What is the problem?
-Elizabeth |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 1:10:22 PM
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Actually you are right. I'm 26 and was raised well *ahem* just let me say that. I have been sheltered some then went to college. BUT I have always HAD to be responsible for myself. I do agree I have countless friends my age and younger that are divorcing/ed and are trying to hold onto the young behavior. I always say I'm in limbo. I don't party and go out all the time like some friends do and I don't have my own family like some friends do. I'm caught in between. I work 3 part time jobs and another one I don't include. I buy groceries, clean, fix, and do yard work at home. I just did a massive amount of yard work today and boy was it heaven. BUT I was just talking to my 88 years old neighbor and saying how I worry about the students I have and how I want to get out of teaching because of the things I "have" to put up with there. I work hard but the smart mouthed, unaccountable, irresponsible qualities of many students just is too much. That is not all of them but I genuinely worry what will they do when they are to get a job and hold it down and take orders from someone. I told one 3rd grader yesterday to sit up in his chair the right way (he was every which way and I didn't want him to fall) and he said WHY....I said explained and he continued to argue and say why does he have to for me and can he not question me and other things. LET ME TELL YOU this irked me. I said I am the teacher I know what is best for you and you are at school and need to show respect and I will return the respect. (condemn me if you don't agree) I NEVER in my life back talked or questioned a teacher.
I see what you mean by 19-20 somethings and living young. It's all different. I am slightly under that (mainly I suffer from bad anxiety and barely drive, but have made the most of my surroundings and work plenty) but many don't know how to cope. I can rattle of how many live at home and don't lift a finger to help. I may not pay money but I do help out in all other ways. I also take care of my one grandmother. I call and check on her almost every day and see if she needs anything. If I cannot help her I call her children and see who can.
I REALLY believe television is part of the evil (many are raised on tv) and parents are not able/do not raise the children. I just try to teach them what is right and wrong and life skills. If they are down right rude I let it be known and explain. I give LOTS of praise when things are done and done well. I do not reward for no reason. The whole self-esteem and everyone is a winner is the worst thing to happen. Some parents are behind that too.
*Stepping off the soapbox and passing it* This is JUST my opinion and I do not wish to argue. :)
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggybitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 1:18:02 PM
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Ok I lied, my grandma (Mammy) and I always talk about how by 21 she was married and had taught a year before that. Grandpa was in both the korean and wwII wars. She said they were older at a younger age. I totally agree. It's interesting and sad. We have so much more opportunities now, but half the time we are searching for happiness and the greener grass.
I have fallen under the searching category but I thank God for this forum and you all because I know what I cherish and want. I am content for the most part FINALLY and realize I don't have to feed into advertising and an image. I'm happy with what I have and want to get rid of some of it. The bigger better attitude can contribute to part of the problem.
I don't want a huge house, I want a nice house and something I can work at. If I have to work just to pay for the house then I will not be at home enjoying it. I also will not be at home to raise my child and have to constantly worry about working to pay for childcare and bills. I've seen this happen when I worked at the YMCA. Babies were dropped off at 6am and picked up at 7pm.....what a way to live and these were the kids raised at the YMCA and not by the parent. The amount of money that they paid sometimes for even 2 children was almost a whole salary. *I'm not blaming or saying you are wrong if you do this* I had to go to a daycare at 3 and hated it, so I am jaded. I remember the time with my mum and loved it. We DID things and contrary to what some believe I remember things back to age 2 because it was interesting and active.
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggybitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 1:38:46 PM
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Bridget,
I forgot to mention that I know there are younger (or even older!) people who do still live at home but are not freeloading off their parents. It may mean they help with the bills or they do their share of the housework but they are adults living at home. They acts like an adult. Too many of the teens or younger people that stay home are not responsible at all. They only hold down a job in order to have "fun" money and they have no idea how to save money or live a responsible life. And I sit there and wonder why the parents allow it?
I did grow up early. I started babysitting at age 11 and paid for all my clothing, stamps, animals, and activites. If I didn't have money for something I didn't ask to go somewhere/get something. I got married at age 18 and had a household to run then. I made grocery lists, cooked meals, did laundry, balanced the checkbook (and never once bounced a check!). And now I look at the kids who are the same age and they wouldn't even know how to make a pot of spaghetti or sit down and make a budget. It's sad.
And it seems parties and friends are ALL that matter to the younger generation. While I know friends are a dear part of life it is not to the point that one should choose friends over leaving a spouse or blow all their money treating friends at resturants or having fun. All I ever hear around me is "I'm going out with friends"...it seems some people have to be around their friends 24/7 and don't have a life outside of that.
And once again, I realize that there are responsible teens out there, I'm sure plenty of the farmgirls are raising their children in a way to really prepare them for REAL life. But I just don't understand what is happening to that younger generation...it seems all about "me, me, me" and just living life one day at a time and not preparing or even having a goal for the future.
-Elizabeth |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 1:42:49 PM
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I have this very complaint and that is inside my decade of age. I'll be 30 in January. Rob has a cousin who I love, but quite honestly, at 25, he is the biggest jackass. He is immature and has no goals or direction and still relies on his parents quite a bit. It's upsetting because he thinks that Rob, at nearly 30, with a house and a wife and children and HUGE obligations, can just go off and act like a jack ass too. I have a tough time with it because, he is Rob's cousin, so Rob has a tough time setting the boundaries. kwim?
My brother is the same. He is 27, has 3 children and he has no job and lives off of my mother. It makes me sooooo angry!
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs:
http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
Etsy:
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
"Joyful chaos, working in tune with the seasons, telling itme by the sun, variety, change and self-direction; all this wwas replaced with a brutal, standardized work culture, the effects of which we are still suffering from today." - Tom Hodgkinson in 'How To Be Idle' |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 1:45:41 PM
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I forgot to mention that maybe it isn't just the 20 somethings that bothers me but maybe irresponsible people in general who just never seem to "get it" and grow up. My sister-in-law is in her upper 30's and she is always buying lotions or clothes or something or other at the mall but then never has money to pay the bills. She puts all the men in her life (and there have been several over the years) before her own daughter and her life seems to be one big party. instead of growing up and being a faithful wife and loving mother. It irks me when people think life is one big party!
-Elizabeth |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 1:54:47 PM
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This is a HUGE pain for me, not matter the age of the person!! I have worked my tail off to get where I am and when I worked as a hiring specialist, I could not find a qualified candidate to save my life. Most were job hoppers- having several non related jobs in several years. Lying on resumes and applications and get mad at me when I dare ask them about their integrity and ethics. I once had an employee tell me to go jump off a cliff and begged me to fire him so he could stay home, collect unemployment and drink and party. I have had parent call me about jobs for their 20-25 year old "kids" and get mad when I tell them the applicant needs to call me, not Mommy or Daddy.
I guess it really irks me because no one has EVER given me ANYTHING I have, own, want or supported me at all. I was once homeless and have cleaned toilets to keep food in my stomach. I went to school where everyone had a new car at 16 and everything else was bought for them (I live in a rich part of town). I had N O T H I N G but big dreams and even bigger cahonies to go out and get what I wanted. I started with $0 and though I am by far rich, I know my day is coming.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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deeredawn
True Blue Farmgirl
2306 Posts
Dawn
Cordova
TN
USA
2306 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 2:20:56 PM
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okay. I dont wanna add fuel to the fire, but I see it. I'm 38. As far as I'm concerned, you 20-somethings are gems. I do worry however about how the masses of young'un's are going to live when they've had so much handed to them without earning it. My dd, is 16. When she was old enough to write letters, I made her pay for stamps, and then deoderant, hair products and such. None of it worked. she still feels as if she's owed something. Then, my 15 and 18 year old neices can't conceive of food coming out of a garden or barn. To them, food is a box, graham crackers come from little elves, and cheese sauce is in a pump. Seriously? How are they gonna live? Their mom and dad order out 4+ times a week. THEN, I work at a place that is physically and mentally demanding. So many people can't hang. They just go on unemplyment and again, want something without working for it. I think that we need farm/rural boot camps. I'm serious. Nothing a hoe and a pitchfork wont fix. Or bring em in on butcher day..... get em up at dawn to feed and water, bring them around when the cows get out at 2am. Make them can in August. Oh yeah, and if I talked to my dad the way some kids do... I'd be knocked into next week. No supper. Grounded. try not feeding a kid these days. Your up against child endangerment. Gimme a break. I've bee working in my family business since I was 13 and it was a BUTCHER SHOP! More than once I got mouthy only to lose my dinner and have to go to bed. argghhhh. so I guess I did get worked up.
Dawn #279
MJ's Heirloom Mavens-QMD
http://harvestthymefarm.etsy.com
http://harvestthyme.blogspot.com
~live big, ride hard, and shoot straight~ |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 2:34:33 PM
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I must say I have been VERY blessed, but there is a difference in realizing that and not abusing it and just being a spoiled brat. I also have to live with the "only child curse" people automatically assume you are spoiled and that generalization of only children. It's sad but true.
I was never allowed a job until after college. I actually BEGGED to get one. My job was to do chores and practice my instruments and get good grades.
I also was never taught truly about money, I have made mistakes and struggled and FINALLY realized I what to do and have embraced it this year. I KNOW when I have children that I will have them pay for things just to learn how money comes to you and what you have to do to get it. So many think it will come to them. I've known many women that make kids with different fathers in order to get money and sit at home. It's sad but true least around here. I can't even IMAGINE that. Anyway I do think kids need taught about money from the age of 4/5 like school age and in appropriate stages so that they can grasp it.
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggybitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 2:41:13 PM
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Bridget, you are a teacher and still have to work other jobs and can't afford to move out? My lord you poor girl! You are working your butt off. Be proud of yourself, you are certainly going to earn a lot of respect for it. I think honestly there has always been loafers and losers. But, it does seem to be worse now. I was working at 15 and making good money by the time I was 16. I married young at 17 and had our first child at 18. I feel I was a lot more grown up than the kids today are.Tom and I felt our kids, our bills and our lives were no ones responsibilty but ours. There are many people I know that are in their 30's and 40's that are still very immature and don't want any responsibility. If you are single I guess that is your choice but if you marry and have children, then you need to own up to those responsibilities. If you are living home, then your parents should have the sense to have you pay some room and board and share in keeping the house. It is the fault of a lot of parents because they do not insist upon the kids being responsible for much of anything. If you don't have expect them to contribute or stand on their own 2 feet, believe me they won't. There are a lot of parents that are true enablers,and keep contributing to the lazy and self centered lifestyle their kids love. The kids are babied and alllowed to feel they are entitled to everything whether they work for it or not. Well, guess what, that may work at home but out in the real world that isn't going to fly with other people. I have to be honest, I have a real problem with both the parents and the kids who are like that. The first thing I wanted to do was be independent and take care of myself. I just can't understand why there are so many people who don't seem to want and work for that too.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 3:32:33 PM
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I was raised a bit sheltered and I think it hurt me. I was a little too hard on my kids then as I wanted them to know what the real world was like. But now, I'm proud to day, my grandkids are just the right balance...of being sheltered but knowing that you have to work for things. Finally, got it right.
I've been rich and I've been dirt poor but as long as I've done it for myself, I'm a happy camper. Don't understand the moms and dads calling for their kids about a job!! Heard of moms calling the kids supervisors at work to complain that their kid didn't get a good review! Can you believe?? I'd be embarrassed for my mom to call for me! No way would I do it for my kids.
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 3:53:41 PM
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Oh yes people call in for school and jobs and I just talked to the one teacher about this problem and how she had a Halloween party and gave out prizes for the best costumes in categories and a mother was giving her heck because her son didn't win?!!! OMGosh can you imagine!
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggybitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 4:12:09 PM
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I was really lucky to be raised in a farm and ranch community. Most of the kids knew what responsibility was because if they didn't get home to feed the animals or help with the farm chores- it really hurt the family.
I think my parents did a good job. We all had weekly chores around the house and got paid an allowance for our work. We learned to save money to buy things and we also learned to go without when needed.
A comedian was on one of the late night shows a while back talking about this issue of feeling entitled to things in the generations today- One of his comments was about people when they get frustrated with a little lag on the internet on their Iphones. He said "Give it a second to come back from SPACE!"
With all the amazing technology out there, people get really used to the marvels and don't realize that 50 years ago, these things were ALL Science Fiction!
I hope that Doug and I find the right balance for Nora!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Laura Marie
True Blue Farmgirl
419 Posts
Laura
Rancho Cordova
California
USA
419 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 10:10:32 PM
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I agree. I am a manager and the majority of my employees are between the ages of 19 and 23. The majority of them are not from Cali, and they are out here living. They complain when they don't get hours and when they get called in they have plans to go out for the night so they can't come in and cover a shift. They call me with all of their problems and some of them I understand but sleeping through an alarm is not a reason, nor is your car in the shop. We have public transportation and I took it for two almost three years before I bought myself a car. And I had to work 2 jobs taking public transportation and paying my bills all on my own. It's a hard task, but I feel that at some point it is good to know that you can rely on your self and not need anyone else to take care of you.
These younger kids think they are entitled to everything. If they don't get it they have a 22 year old temper tantrum....GROW UP!!!! Learn to work and learn that just because you are here it doesn't entitle you to what you want. Needless to say I had a long day at work today dealing with these problems and I just want to tell them to grown up and do their job. I don't want to hear about it I have other things to worry about...but I can't...so now I am starting to ask questions as to what their job is and if there is a problem with what I am asking them to do...."It's your job, you filled out the application for this job, I didn't hand pick you..." if I could only tell them that....awwwwwwww....
Farm Girl Hugs!
Laura Marie #369
www.lauramariedesign.com
"It's not the size of the farm but the size of your heart!"
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lacisne88
True Blue Farmgirl
1181 Posts
Chelsey
Lake Stevens
Washington
USA
1181 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2009 : 11:19:21 PM
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I have noticed this trend as well, but for the record, I am 20 (21 on April 20th), and I went straight to the University of Washington after I graduated from High School. I definitely would not say that we are all like this, it just depends on the person. I was on the track to college my entire life before graduating. Literally from the moment I was in Kindergarten I did everything I could to do well in school because I knew going to college was important. I agree that the majority of young people and kids now don't have respect for many things. They are consumers and simply consume. They want more and more and more and can nver get enough of what I want. I feel as if parents need to be in their childrens' lives more and basically take a more active role in parenting. People should not be allowed to have kids unless they are actually going to parent the children. My parents were always there for me and are still always here for me. And even if I get married at whatever age I do, I will still want to live nearby my family and friends because although I will start my own family with my husband, I am not going to abandon the family and friends who shaped me to be how I am today.
Chelsey
Farmgirl Sister #283
http://farmgirlpleasures.blogspot.com/
http://aminiatureworld.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - lacisne88 on Mar 31 2009 11:19:51 PM |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2009 : 03:52:32 AM
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I have noticed how as a nation we have become wussier.
Kids no longer disappear to play for hours at a time to only come back my twlight......there are threats to our personal wellbeing everywhere
There are computers everywhere and t.v s in every room
The cell phone has become the new umbilical cord to whatever
Ther is no spanking in schools or in the home any more
public hangins need to make a return Maybe that would scare a few baddies enough to make an example
PC needs to be dropped like a hot potato and if folks would just say what they mean, and mean what they say, there would be fewer misunderstandings
And kids aren't taught the value of a dollar, to work hard,save for the things you really want, pay yor way and not try to find the easy way out.
I'm hoping when my time comes I'm not forced to waste away in a nursing home where the punks of today will be begrudgingly taking care of me.
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Prairie Princess
True Blue Farmgirl
1075 Posts
Jodi
Washington
USA
1075 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2009 : 1:19:17 PM
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But we cannot generalize, ladies. There is good in the world yet!  Another young person speaking up for herself here -- I fit into Elizabeth's "18-23" year old category...and in spite of that I fit none of your stereotypes. I live on my own...out of state from my family...I am pursuing a college education...with no family financial support...I work full time so I can live...and on top of THAT, I spend countless hours volunteering for a local non-profit...I am motivated...responsible...I dream...I know where I'm going, who I am, what I'm doing in life.
There are loosers, moochers and bums in all age categories. Not just the younger generation. It is based on the individual...whatever stage in life they may be at...And they are missing out on a lot...nobody to blame but themselves.
~Jodi
"Women are like teabags...you never know how strong they are until they get into hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt
www.jodielyzabeth.blogspot.com |
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lacisne88
True Blue Farmgirl
1181 Posts
Chelsey
Lake Stevens
Washington
USA
1181 Posts |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2009 : 5:27:54 PM
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ok
So speaking up for the good younger folk out there. kudos to you and PLEASE keep up the good work....spread the love 
They are out there somewhere and they are to be commended for sure
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2009 : 5:44:40 PM
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Jodi-
GOOD FOR YOU!! Seriously, you sound like you are doing great! I think there is only 1 of you for every 10 of the others though, at least in this area and the ones I run into it seems. Keep it up!
-Elizabeth |
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deeredawn
True Blue Farmgirl
2306 Posts
Dawn
Cordova
TN
USA
2306 Posts |
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Across the Fence: Do kids no longer grow up? |
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Do kids no longer grow up?
