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Family Matters:  How to make up a fight?  |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 08:41:48 AM
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What do you do when you've had a big stupid blowout with your husband/significant other? This doesn't happen to me very often at all and I'm not sure how to proceed.
He thinks I'm in the wrong, and I KNOW that he's in the wrong. He wants an apology, and I don't want to do it. It's not that I'm stubborn by nature, but his behavior was completely out of line and I don't want to reinforce it by bowing down to his idea of what's due to him. (I'll give the gory details if necessary, but it's really too stupid to go into...we'd need an instant replay to decide who was actually in the wrong!)
I just want the whole thing to go away. And quickly, because I'm afraid his emotional malaise is putting him on shaky ground at work! But somebody's got to make the first move. Any graceful ways to restore good feeling without giving in? |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 08:51:31 AM
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In the end, it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong, but that you love each other. Agree to never let things get to that point again! Life is too short not to be happy and enjoy every blessed moment of it. Move on you two!
Dawn in IL |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 09:07:20 AM
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Well, Amie, you KNOW I've been there...I will usually wait until the end of the day and see which "way the wind blows". If he is still cantankerous, then I will say something like, "I really hate how we left things today, it bothered me all day long. I feel like we misunderstood each other--can you please explain to me why you feel such and such?" And usually, I'll get a VERY reasonable, mature answer and we can expand on conversation from there.
I absolutely HATE fighting, and moreso, being right and not being able to BE right, but in the end, as Dawn said, you have to move on and either agree to disagree or revisit it at another time when emotions aren't so high.
I wish you the best--I hate fighting! |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 09:28:38 AM
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After my husband and I have a fight, we're usually both too proud to be the first to wave the "white flag." Sometimes, to break the stalemate I'll act like it never happened and mention that it might be nice to watch a video, or maybe suggest playing a game together. Or, if the fight was especially my fault, and I dont' want to come out and admit I'm being a boo-boo head, I'll do a little something special for him. Like make a pan of Rice Krispy Treats (my husband's favorite) or his favorite dinner.
Even just taking his hand when we're sitting near each other is a good step. My husband is usually so relieved the fight is "forgiven" he appreciates the gesture. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 10:48:17 AM
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Doug and I have been there and done that a lot! It's a tough one because it really comes down to their personality. Sometimes we have to pull out the "Let's agree to disagree on this one" and "I am sorry that we fought so much about this. I love you and can we just put it behind us?"
It might sting for a few days but eventually you two will move past it.
*hugs* Hope that helps!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 11:18:46 AM
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| Thanks guys for the wise answers. I tried acting like it never happened, but obviously something more is called for in this case. I'll pick up a treat at the grocery store on the way home and hope for the best. |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 1:50:44 PM
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My mother had a wise thing to say when it came to fighting. "Don't every let the sun set on an argument and don't ever leave the house angry because you never know if you will see that person again. She was right and was married for 50 years when my dad passed away. In the big picture it just doesn't matter. Discuss the behaviour but let the right and wrong part go.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
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Old Spirit
True Blue Farmgirl
1498 Posts
Rae
MN
1498 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 5:00:49 PM
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Tell him you are sorry you had the fight BUT how you feel about things said and done. Men don't always get it but still express your feelings. You should not feel you can't express yourself. Also by saying you are sorry about the fight, which you probably are, you are not saying you were at fault :-)
Rae
...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles:...
Isaiah 40:31 |
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Family Matters: How to make up a fight? |
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How to make up a fight?
