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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  This week has been so sad...  |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 05 2009 : 9:40:37 PM
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Not for me, really, but for the whole town. One of our young men died by his own hand in the wee hours of Sunday morning. No one had any idea that he was so depressed. He was such a goof ball and always had a smile for everybody and joked around all the time. He was one of the rare ones who was ALWAYS very polite and respectful. Parents liked having him in their home. He loved to be the center of attention and loved football and was so loved by so many and apparently had no idea. His death brought the entire high school to its knees. Not to mention his family. His mom is one of our local farmgirl members and she is devastated beyond consolation. It was such a shocking blow, that most of the high school students didn't go to school for two days and were all over town crying and hugging one another and many of them simply fell apart. This whole event is tragic beyond words and one can't help but wonder what we missed? How could this happen to someone with so many friends and was so loved?
His birthday was today. He would have been 18. A candle light vigil was held for him for his birthday and everyone carried their candle as they walked the half mile to the football field. It was incredibly heart wrenching. There was a bon fire in the parking lot at the football field and every high school kid was there as well as many who had graduated in the past year or two, many middle school kids and several adults. They played guitar and sang songs and told stories about him. Saturday will be the memorial service. It will be held in the high school gymnasium as are all such services that are expected to be too big for our community hall or churches. It will be a packed house, I'm sure, as the whole town and then some from the surrounding area will be there.
As a mother, my heart just breaks for our sister. What words or deeds could I possibly offer that would even help? I'm so at a loss as to what to do here.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
[size=1]My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com [size=1] |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2009 : 10:15:17 PM
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Lisa Marie, I don't know this young man, but times are hard and the fate of the world and the future can't be lost on the young of this age. I don't know this young man's sadness, but I feel his pain. His taking his own precious life is a great tragedy and I am sorry first for his pain and second for the pain of his loss to family and community.
I am sorry that he could not see light to guide himself by enough to escape his current darkness and became too tempted by the "easy answer". I will light a candle too and give prayer of peace and comfort for his poor family. As always in this situation. I wish that I could have been there and done something...I feel lame even typing it, but it is what I feel.I know that you likely feel the same.
Lisa, offer hugs and comfort, to those of us left on this earth, that is what we can do. Offer to help the young cope, once again, hugs and comfort...cook meals for the family during this terrible time if they need, offer to help with child care, if they have other young children...it is the simple things that matter...I know that you feel like you don't have anything to help with, but being a farm girl, you can always find a way...bake some bread, a batch of sweet rolls or a cake....it is the simple and kind home-made things that will matter the most.
*HUGS*
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
MJ's Heirloom Maven's Librarian
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MaryJane
Queen Bee
16446 Posts
MaryJane
Moscow
Idaho
USA
16446 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2009 : 11:02:48 PM
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Lisa Marie,
If there is anything we can do, please let us help. The fine people of Idaho City are in our prayers. We will be thinking of you on Saturday.
Much love,
MaryJane, Farmgirl #1 Plowin' Thru ~ giving aprons a good wrap for 45 years and counting ~
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Buffalomary
True Blue Farmgirl
199 Posts
Mary
Caldwell
ID
USA
199 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2009 : 11:31:27 PM
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Oh Lisa, thank you for letting us know. I know of the horror of losing a family member in this manner. A few years ago, one of my nephews made the same horrible decision. I also had a cousin years ago chose the same path and each time, there were more questions than answers. "How could they do this" and "Why didn't anyone see it". I think that was the hardest question. "Why didn't we see it?" It is hard to know what to do in times like this. I think just being there and helping them mourn is important. Please let us know how we can help.
Is possible for us to send cards to the family? Maybe send them to you to pass on? If it's okay, would you please post an address so we can send a card?
Thanks Lisa.
Buffalomary
Farmgirl Sister #293
You can take the farmer's daughter off the farm but you can't take the farm out of the farmer's daughter!!
Please visit me at my blog: http://buffalomaryscorner.blogspot.com |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 07:18:34 AM
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Lisa,
I had to leave and then come back to this page. I have a 17yr old daughter, and I can't even imagine the pain as a parent, friend, community. I don't know what to say except I am SO SORRY. I will keep this family and community is my prayers!! I will make sure to hug my daughters a little tighter tonight. God Bless you for helping your friends through this horrible ordeal. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help this family.
Lori
Have a Country Day |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 07:42:22 AM
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Lisa Marie- I can't imagine anything right now that would give his mom comfort, but sometimes just having a friend wrap your arms around you so you can sob on their shoulder is more comforting than anything. I would just suggest giving her as much time and love that you can right now. She is going to be in for a long and devastating road to heal from this grief. My heart just breaks for her and the whole town.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 07:47:04 AM
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Lisa Marie, when I was in highscool, I had a friend who tried to do this to himself.Fortunatly he was found and saved, but he was never the same. Its isnt easy, they will never forget, it will always be hard. They will always wonder why, and if they could have done something to stop it,, help or reach out.
I am thinking of all the kids and the town and his family.
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
People can only make you feel inferior with your permission, and you dont have my permission......
Dont let the chain of love end with you.....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - Firemama on Feb 06 2009 07:48:41 AM |
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Ms.Lilly
True Blue Farmgirl
826 Posts
Lillian
Scotts Mills
OR
USA
826 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 09:00:34 AM
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Lisa Marie- I too know the loss of a young msn. The pain is deep, in fact your story brings tears to my eyes. My prayers and thoughts go out to their family, you and the whole town. This will be a long painful journy but time will heal the heart.
Lillian |
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wild daisy
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Madelynne
Billings
Montana
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 10:32:03 AM
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Oh Lisa my heart goes out to the parents of this boy and to your community. It will take time but maybe as a whole the community might see the problems that this young man had and save another life. I have heard of this happening in other communities and the heart ache is so great. My own father tried to commit suicide but was found and rushed to the hospital. After a few days in the psych ward and talking to him he realized this was not the way to solve his problems. This happened over ten years ago. He is doing OK but has his days. He always knows he can call me and talk. Always be there for his parents and for others who might be lost.
Madelynne
johnandmadelynne.blogspot.com |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 10:59:11 AM
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Many of the adults are speaking out and telling these kids that they are here for them should they ever need to talk or cry or get advice or anything else. We want these kids to know that we are here for them and that nothing is worth such a permanent action. It's going to be hard for them all.
My daughter created a video for all of his friends and family. If any of you would like to see it, it's on youtube as: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE_wKfqzh2s
If any of you would like to send a card, please email me for the address. They don't live in city limits anymore and have physical mail delivery so, I don't want to give out their address on an open forum.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
[size=1]My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com [size=1] |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 12:38:48 PM
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I'm so sorry. My circle of friends/family lost 2 young men to suicide within a week of each other last spring. (They didn't know each other.) It's a terrible loss, and painful in a way I don't think any other kind of death can be. I'll be thinking of you all, and especially his family of course.
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 1:55:41 PM
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Lisa Marie, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I am praying for his family, friends, and the whole town. This is very sad.
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 2:31:10 PM
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Just be there for his mother. Let her talk,and you listen. Sometimes just talking to someone about your child helps.She will probably always want to talk about him, it keeps your child alive and not forgotten in your heart and in others. She will need to cry( and will for a long long time) and grieve, feel guilty and get mad and go through every imaginable emotion there is. Don't tell her you know how she feels, because no one can, except another mother who has lost a child. Don't say things like time heals all, or it was God's will. She has her own thoughts. One day she will learn to smile again and go on with her life, but she will never get over it, you won't see it outward anymore one day. But, she will always carry her loss with her, it's not so much you learn to live with it, as to live again in spite of it. My heart breaks for her more than you could ever know. Also for the kids that lost their good friend and classmate. It is so hard to face death at that age, you feel so invincable. If she has friends like you that care so much, anything that you do for her will be the right thing.
Hugs and prayers, Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 5:33:12 PM
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The power of prayer is probably all there is that could help. Everything I have done feels so minimal and lame. I wouldn't even attempt to say anything that most would consider comforting words as I can only imagine that there simply are no words that would be comforting. Lots of hugs, expressions of love and a couple of casseroles. I don't know if anybody even wants to eat. But it's there if they do.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. The family and all the young folks here really need them and someday, when the family is feeling stronger, I will show them how many people were thinking of and praying for them.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
[size=1]My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com [size=1] |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 9:17:12 PM
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Lisa Marie--I feel so deeply for this young man and maybe I can offer a bit of understanding. Though some things never make sense, sometimes a person temporarily forgets who he is; he forgets that he's someone's son, someone's friend, someone's brother, etc. And in a moment of forgetting, he makes a tragic mistake. It happened to my cousin's husband; I think he simply forgot for a moment that there were so many people who loved him. And the grief can be overwhelming to those left behind, they wonder what they could have done to prevent it. Al I can say is, tell the people you love, who they are. Tell them everyday, multiple times a day. Pray that they never forget it. I know it's not much, but it's the best advice I can offer. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family and friends of this young man.
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 08:43:44 AM
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Lisamarie, thank you for sharing this...Countryborn Maryjane, your words are very very wise. Those of us on the outside feel so incredibly helpless and we desperately want to rid ourselves of that feeling and the discomfort it brings so we reach out and often very innocently say things that aren't helpful...I would also add however, that people needn't feel like they're walking on egg shells totally self-conscious about saying the wrong thing or even the right thing that they don't say anything at all. They shy away in doubt and insecurity. Please don't do that!
My advice: There isn't anything to say and that is absolutely sometimes the best thing to say. "I don't know what to say...."
I would also throw out there that in about a month's time, the stigma of what happened is going to settle in. People are going to wonder...fingers are going to begin to be pointed, whispers and looks are going to be felt by nervous, paranoid and broken spirits.
Lisamarie, what this young man shows us is the depth and deadly truth of depression. So many people become incredible actors hiding and masking the degree of their despair. We wonder later, "how could we not have noticed?" We begin to blame ourselves because that's all whose left to blame.
This is such a horrible horrible tragedy and my heart is just broken for his family. May I suggest that you stay true...stay put...stay in contact and in friendship. She will need true and trusted friends in the months to come just when she didn't think things could fall more apart...they will as she begins to clean up the pieces....Don't let her be alone in that process..help her clean up...and then by some strange happening life really will go on. It may take years but one day she'll see flowers again. She'll notice the changing seasons and you will have been with her and she won't know how to thank you. With your heads together, a sigh and smile, you will remember and know just how fragile it all is.
On a side note: My husband is a psychiatrist. He is doing Grand Rounds at Sacred Heart next Tuesday and the topic is suicide. It is worth mentioning that in January '09, more men in the Army committed suicide than those killed in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. Suicide rates are increasing in the Marines as well. Mental Health issues are pervasive, serious and still incredibly stigmatized. Let me know if you have any questions for my husband...I'd be happy to ask him. ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
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Corinnelouise
True Blue Farmgirl
957 Posts
Corinne
France
957 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 09:31:43 AM
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Thanks for letting us know Lisa, I will add his mom and whole family in my prayers tonight.
Sometimes hugs do wonder when we are sad beyond words. I know you live in a tight community, this must be so sad for everybody.
A big hug to you dear girlfriend.
Corinne
Sister # 101 |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 09:57:03 AM
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Oh Lisamarie, my heart hurts for this family and the community. I too, have been touched by suicide, as my precious BIL felt it the only release of his difficulty. We had know idea he was in such dire straights.
I agree with Julia, saying 'I don't know what to say' and then just giving a hug is huge. When my husband was dying a friend said to me, that same thing. I told her to tell me she loved me and give me a hug. No, it doesn't take away the pain and grieve, but it does give comfort and support. At times like this that is all we can do. I can't even begin to know this mothers deep hurt and grief. My prayers are ascending!
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440 |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 4:39:16 PM
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The memorial service was really nice. Lots of tears, of course, but lots of laughs, too. Stories from his sisters, mom, dad, uncle, friends and teachers all had a lot of humor. It was good. The potluck after had more food than anyone could possibly sample in one setting except for maybe the football players! The mom held up very well. After a good hug I told her to let me know if she needed me to come cook or clean. She actually smiled and said she would probably take me up on that. Which is good. I'll be there.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
[size=1]My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com [size=1] |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 5:34:18 PM
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I'm glad it went well for all.
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440 |
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Laura Marie
True Blue Farmgirl
419 Posts
Laura
Rancho Cordova
California
USA
419 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 8:35:06 PM
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Oh Lisa Marie, this is such a horrible, horrible thing. I'm afraid no words, can even come close to a closure for this event. I had two kids in high school do the same thing my senior high school and it is such an awful thing to wrap your head around it. The best thing is to offer a warm hug, shoulder to cry on and yes, a day of cleaning, who would say no to that! But we all must remember that it is times like this when we all pull together that we realize just how much love we have for one another, and it's ok to say I love you, or you mean a lot to me. Those things can never be said to much.
The family and community will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight!
Farm Girl Hugs...
Laura Marie #369
www.lauramariedesign.com
"It's not the size of the farm but the size of your heart!"
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: This week has been so sad... |
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This week has been so sad...
