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Family Matters:  advice about not wanting children...  |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 08 2009 : 03:24:38 AM
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Thanks Sherrie....I'm taking your comment to heart too.
And yes, I'm probably also the warrior/medicine type.
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I had a nice quiet dinner w/ my mom last night, and wouldn't 'cha know, this same topic came up.
I pretty much told her the same stuff that's been stated here....hubby and I enjoy the lifestyle we are living, yes we are being selfish, but can admit it and don't want to chang our lifestyle. It's so liberating being able to come and go and to just do whatever. Funny, she agreed to all my points. And I think she also agrees that if children are not wanted, don't make the sacrifice that may be taken out on kids just b/c the parents were pressured into making a decision that they regret
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2009 : 04:57:11 AM
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Maybe I am not the right person to listen too, but I'll tell my 2 cents worth anyways, lol.
I never had children, never married (I am 52 now)
I have always stated I didn't wanna get married, didn't wanna have kids. NOW in my 50's, living single and all alone, I wonder. I know if I had anything to say in it when I was young, I would have gotten married and hopefully would have had children. Sounds strange this sentence, I know. IF you knew my youth you would understand, too long to go into here :(
But now I am set in my ways, enjoy my life for the most part.
It is YOUR life, YOUR choice. If you don't want to have children, it is your prerogative to think like that. NOBODY has to make your choices and you have never to apologize or explain your reasoning for not wanting them. And maybe later in life you both might change your minds. ALSO your prerogative.
Chin up girl, you're gonna be just fine :)
Hugs....
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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junkjunkie
True Blue Farmgirl
1306 Posts
Judy
Lawrenceville
NJ
USA
1306 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2009 : 08:01:19 AM
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There are a lot of posts on this topic and I really don't have anything more to add other than...do what YOU FEEL is best for you. Don't let anyone pressure you or try the 'selfishness and lonely later in life' argument to do something you may regret later. Not everyone is meant to have children, and that's fine. Everyone is different and unique and a lifestyle is not a 'one size fits all' formula. You have time on your side if you decide later and there's always adoption if you don't get pregnant. Having a child when not ready only results in resentment on the part of the parent, and the child will feel that,causing problems later in life. Also, children are not a guarantee of being taken care of later in life. How many times have we heard of parents being drained financially and taken advantage of by their 'adult' selfish, unresponsible offspring and sometimes abuse is involved. I know, that is usually not the case...but it happens. Also, as someone mentioned, you could be put in a home because they don't want you to impose on their lifestyle. There are NO guarantees. Today, there are more options available to us than past generations. If you and your husband want to travel, do the things that would be curtailed by having children, and generally enjoy a freer life...then do it!
"To have life in focus, we must have death in our field of vision." Benedictine monk John Main |
Edited by - junkjunkie on Aug 08 2009 08:06:45 AM |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2009 : 1:47:54 PM
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If you and your husband don't want any children thats OK by me. My youngest will be almost 30 when he gets married and he has said they plan on having 1 or 2 no more. I said thats fine by me. My oldest said mom, I don't think I want children I want to travel and see the world and I want to be able to do what I want to do. I was glad, at least he knows that if he had a child his life would change a lot and he just likes his life as it is. I already had my kids and I do get my grandson from my husbands youngest daughter a lot, and she's having another by a different boyfriend so I'll do a lot with that child also. I think your right if you don't want them don't have them they are expensive, time consumming, muddy, little people that need someone who wants them. There are a lot of unhappy children in this world planned and unplanned. I admire you for knowing what you want and don't want and sticking to it.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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prairie_princess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Elizabeth
Carpenter
WY
USA
613 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2009 : 11:03:16 AM
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sherrie - i think the native outlook is very fitting! maybe that's the way to look at it... i'm the OTHER type woman, which sounds good to me, being a warrior. moms and warriors both have their strengths, just in different areas of themselves and their lives.
anna - i've questioned this notion, one you brought up and i've heard from my grandma - women who don't want kids are selfish. are we? i don't think so, really. i told my grandma when she said this to me "no, i think having a child when you DON'T want one is selfish. you weren't thinking of the child's well being, and that's pretty selfish."
i'm pretty surprised at how many replies this topic has brought... and so much wonderful advice and stories!!!
"Only two things that money can't buy, that's true love and homegrown tomatoes."
- Guy Clark
"The man who has planted a garden feels he has done something for the good of the world."
- Charles Dudley Warner |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Aug 24 2009 : 06:11:33 AM
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I feel it is far more selfish to bring a children into the world and then altar no part of the existing lifestyle. You can examples of this all the time. The poor kids are like the perverbial family dog tied outside.
It kills me to see child's bleary eyes when they are forced to go out in public with the parent and catch naps on the fly...or spend late evenings at adult parties.
I love kids, I just don't want them around all the time
Think back to when we were all super young and try to recall the things that we wanted once we became adults.
At no point in time was having a child on my list.....beats me why??
(shrugging here w/ hands in the air) the desire just isn't there
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MissLiss
Farmgirl Legend Schoolmarm
322 Posts
Melissa
Corona
CA
USA
322 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2009 : 9:09:10 PM
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Elizabeth, it sounds like that neighbor who was bugging you was just jealous! I am 28, married and have a 3 year old daughter. I love her, don't get me wrong and I wouldn't trade her for the world, but boy do I get jealous of my girlfriends without kids! How nice it must be to go out whenever you want or have a nice date with your husband/boyfriend and not have to find a sitter. I think two things are true sometimes. 1. I think some women get jealous (whether aware of it or not) of your freedom without kids and 2. Some women just assume that you are a woman and therefor WANT kids or NEED them to make you whole or something. My husband was in the Marine Corps and we were surrounded by 19 and 20 year old couples with 2 or 3 kids, asking us why we didn't have any yet? Weren't we going to have kids? Yes, we wanted kids, but we wanted to be married for a little while first. We wanted to have time together, just the two of us, before we went down that road. So I know how it feels on both sides. Don't beat yourself up over it. When debating whether or not to have another child, my mom told me not to have another child just because I didn't want my first one to be lonely or because everyone expects us to have more than one. She told me that if I was debating about it, then I shouldn't do it. When you want to have a child, you want to have a child. If you don't, there is nothing wrong with that. A child is a HUGE commitment, like someone mentioned earlier - it's not all sweet all the time! Puking, pooping, screaming, tantrums, you name it! You can't send it back and nobody else is going to take care of it for you. So if you don't want one, by golly, don't have one. And you should feel confident saying so. Anyone who would question your choice or criticize you for it is nobody you need to be around anyway!
Melissa
Use it up,
Wear it out,
Make it do,
Or go without! |
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stefffic
True Blue Farmgirl
151 Posts
Stephanie
Cherryville
NC
USA
151 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2009 : 12:42:45 PM
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I tell people I'm allergic to children. ;) I've never wanted kids, liked kids, or had any desire to have dealings with children.
Some people are too nosy for their own good, I hate it when people ask when I'm going to get married or have kids.
"A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself."
"One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries." A A Milne |
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Family Matters: advice about not wanting children... |
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advice about not wanting children...
