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Family Matters:  How did you handle your first child leaving home?  |
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lilyblossom
True Blue Farmgirl
416 Posts
Donna
Evansville
IN
USA
416 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 09 2008 : 12:33:15 PM
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My oldest daughter - Miss A is leaving in 10 days for Germany where she will study for one semester at the University of Regensburg. From there she will move to Slovakia where she will be interning at a military academy teaching English as a second language and won't return home until next August.
I have been so excited for her up until today. Now all I can do is cry!!! When I helped her move to college last year I never shed a tear, but enjoyed helping her get settled into her dorm, etc. This year it is so much different.
Is this a normal process that I am going through?
Donna...true blue KY farmgirl, farmgirl #86 |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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Mountain Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
806 Posts
JoAnn
Colville
Washington
USA
806 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2008 : 2:50:10 PM
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| One of the hardest parts of being a parent is letting them go. I always remember the quote about a good parent gives them roots and wings. Our job is letting them go. JoAnn |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2008 : 3:09:17 PM
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Donna~
UGH! It is the hardest isnt it. I was the same when my boys went off to College I did fine~ had fun helping them set up thier apartments etc... When they enlisted into the military (one as a junior at WSU and one as a sophomore @ a private Christian College in MO)...........it was so much harder.. I think because of the thought that you/I cant get to them as easily if they needed me :).... 2 years into it and We are all finding our way!
JoAnn, I know you are right~ we have to let go... but they will be peel my knuckles as I am not going quietly :)
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
"Despite the gardener's best intentions, Nature will improvise. ~Michael P. Garafalo
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2008 : 4:48:06 PM
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Oh it IS hard Donna..when my oldest son moved out (he is 30 now) at 18 he moved all the way across town to my mom's house...big deal...and was home for supper at least 3 times a week and over to visit and help out all the time. We called it his "halfway house" halfway to grown up!! But when he moved to Northern Calif at 20 then it really got tough..I cried alot and since it was 8 hours away didn't get to visit much...after that he moved to Kentucky (married by then) for 2 years and I went almost that whole time without seeing him in person..it was awful. Luckily he is a good phone caller. Then he lived here in our same town for 2 years and I saw him again every day..it was hard when he moved back to Calif 4 years ago and I don't think I am still totally used to it. I think it is hardest when the oldest moves out..but then my second son was 22 when we moved here and he stayed in CAlif..I got a little more time with him. Third son went away to college...whole different thing..but by then it was easier.
I didn't handle it all that well so I don't have any advice...Just we are here for you if you need a ((((hug))))
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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britchickny
True Blue Farmgirl
1048 Posts
Angie
Port Orange
Florida
1048 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2008 : 4:52:12 PM
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Donna, is is hard even if they are doing what they have planned all along. Last year I posted a topic about taking my son to school in Florida (we are in WNY) and everyone here was so kind. We are getting ready to take him back for his sophmore year and right now it feels easier but no doubt I will have a little crying session but then I will be thrilled that he will go further and do more than I ever could have so maybe I have done my job right!! I sure hope so!
Hugs to all who have kids heading out into the big wide world.
"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance" JUDE 1:2
http://www.pinkroomponderings.blogspot.com/ |
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Shirley
True Blue Farmgirl
734 Posts
Shirley
Olympia
Wa
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2008 : 12:47:52 AM
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Marybeth, your my kinda thinker. ROFL
also just kidding ROFL |
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lilyblossom
True Blue Farmgirl
416 Posts
Donna
Evansville
IN
USA
416 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2008 : 5:18:03 PM
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You girls are so funny and so right about letting your child go. Thanks for your words of wisdom and your sense of humor. Miss A and I spent time together today and it was a blast. I realize that her leaving is just part of the circle of life and this will give me time to spend with her little sister Miss K.
Part of me just doesn't want to think that I'm old enough to have a child that is ready to spread her independent wings and go out into the world alone. But then again this is what I have been training her up to do...be independent, grasp those golden rings of opportunity as they come along and spread her wings.
Donna...true blue KY farmgirl, farmgirl #86 |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2008 : 11:21:57 PM
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I haven't reached this point yet..but with a daughter nearing 18 ..I dread the day when she decides that she must soar out the door of our home and stretch her wings a bit more. I know that she must, and will at some point..either by choosing to have a home of her own, or through marriage..but I have never faced this before..and honestly don't know how I will handle it when the time comes. I hope that I handle it with grace and strength..knowing that I have raised her to be a strong individual and to stand up for herself and to be proud of her accomplishments... among other things...and knowing that my daughter isn't just my daughter..but also my friend..and that we have a bond that is pretty strong..and that she will know that the door is always open for her should she ever feel the need to come back to the "nest" for a bit.
So..I don't really know how I'll handle it..I just hope I don't become a blubbering heap of emotions when that time comes...but if I do..I'll "blubber" in private I'm sure.:0)..but stand proud of my daughter also...because I just have a feeling she's going to be quite an accomplished individual.
She has a lot going for her.(not just saying that cause she's mine..but yeah..she's pretty special)
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - Aug 11 2008 : 08:26:03 AM
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both of my girls have reached well into their adulthood .. i've watched the roads they've walked down .. the adventures they have had. it is VERY hard at first to 'give them their wings' ... (but when you see that it is exactly what we, too, also did at one point in our lives .. it will make it a little easier .. and OH MY!!! after awhile .. the FREEDOM to run the road whenever, wherever you wish .. is AWESOME!! AND .. hopefully, they won't move too far away and there is always a car, bus, train, plane to get you to them and them to you!
my oldest daughter is in Delaware .. when we lived in Maryland .. i had the wonderful opportunity to be in our grandchildren's lives as they grew up ... the grandes are now 14 and 21 .. and they are BOTH coming to visit in a couple weeks (and bringing that GREAT GRANDSON with them!) ... and our youngest daughter is in toledo .. an 8 hour drive .. which ya'll know from my 'ramblings' that we travel often! (going there NEXT WEEK!!!)
would adore if they both lived NEXT DOOR .. but that is not usually how life goes .. so treasure every moment they are with you before they leave and make many moments available in your life after they leave to be with them.
i promise .. it will all work out according to a wonderful life plan for everyone. xo
True Friends * KENTUCKY FRANNIE
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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luvnlife
True Blue Farmgirl
82 Posts
Michele
Quincy
WA
USA
82 Posts |
Posted - Aug 11 2008 : 8:59:09 PM
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Haven't crossed that bridge yet but I already have a plan in place. My oldest is a junior in high school this year. I have always wanted to go back to school to get my bachelor's degree and have found a local university that offers my degree online. When she heads off to school, so does Mom. It'll be bittersweet but I imagine we'll both share some similar college experiences. I'll keep you posted...
Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Farmgirl Sister #306 :) |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 05:01:52 AM
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Well, none of mine have left the nest really...to young! However, when I left the nest, I WAS SO SCARED!!!!! I never realized just how much mom and dad did for me until I was gone!! I had to become self-sufficent over night. It was hard at first, but they prepared me well.
Now, DH's oldest daughter has come back to the nest, and is living in the finished basement with Beau, and Harley the bulldog....It's nice having them around [most of the time] :), as she is expecting in October and we will soon have a little one around...
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
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Tammy Claxton
True Blue Farmgirl
1559 Posts
Tammy
Glen Burnie
Maryland
USA
1559 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 8:14:54 PM
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I begged my oldest daughter to stay home because the guy she was moving in with was not good for her! 3 years later and so many times wanting to smack him in his head....she came home crying..... She's on her own again and doing well...she onlylives 5 minutes away from me, so I can see her whenever I want.
Crafty Bay Farmgirl Chapter
"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"
Farmgirl #152
http://countryintheburbs.blogspot.com/ |
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Back Home Again
True Blue Farmgirl
584 Posts
Audrey
Albuquerque
New Mexico
USA
584 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 11:06:30 PM
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Donna...You asked "Is this a normal process that I am going through?" and I say ABSOLUTELY! We have one son and so he was always our "first" and our "last" at whatever life passage.
When we drove him to college his freshman year..it was exciting. Helping him get situated in the dorm ....was exciting. Waving goodbye, my Hubby and I both smiled and as soon as we were out of sight >>>> the river flowed!!! Hubby wrote him a letter when we got home telling him how very proud we were of him and knowing that our son too had shed a few tears as we drove away, Hubby told him how it rained inside and outside of the car on the way home ( and it did really rain outside all the way home)...it let our son know we were also going through a new phase, just like he was. He grew that year and we grew too by learning to adjust. We were sooooo thrilled when we would visit him or when he came home. And, we have continued to be proud of him as he worked in NYC (far from us) and when he went for his MBA and graduated from Law School.......... Each time we have been sooooo proud of him and each time we CRIED with joy watching him becoming a responsible, caring, human being. I think if you weren't feeling sad that would Not be Normal!!
What Hubby and I have always tried to do is REMEMBER when we were his age, how we felt and that included all his ages. We have always tried to have faith in the love, trust, and values we shared with him as he was growing up before leaving on his first big step.
How wonderful for us to know that someday he too will be, smiling and crying, and he too will know it is all normal. ......... Yup, I'd say your feelings are VERY normal!
Until Later,
Audrey
~ Side by side or miles apart....dear friends are always close to the heart ~ |
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Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2008 : 07:58:43 AM
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I'm preparing for this in two weeks. My son is leaving for university, and it is 5 hours away, in Ottawa. It's a bittersweet feeling right now, I'm happy for his new adventure, but part of me feels like my heart is being torn out at the same time. I'm trying not to let him see my sadness, just putting on a brave front.
My husband and I both had a good cry last weekend, and it didn't help that Trace Adkins was on the radio singing "You're gonna miss this" !!! He is such a good kid, I guess we've done something right.
At least these days we have webcams & email to keep in touch.
I'll be thinking of you, Donna.
Lori
Farmgirl Sister #183 |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2008 : 08:07:44 AM
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Well, I don't have children (yet--in February, though :)) but I went away to boarding school as a Freshman in high school, and I remember receiving a rare letter from my father saying, "I guess your mother is missing you something terrible because your room is exactly the way you left it--in a hurry, bed unmade, clothes strung about...." and I recieved that letter a full two months after I'd started at school....she never let on though and I never even thought it bothered her that I went away to school. She always kept me supplied with letters and cards, and care packages, and daddy's letter was such a rare insight into her feelings about the whole thing--if you love them, you have to let them go, no matter how much it hurts.
Hoping you're feeling better about this, Donna--it would be different if she was going a state away, instead of across the pond. She's going to have SUCH an amazing time, though, and just think of all the nifty things she'll bring back for her mom :)
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2008 : 08:35:13 AM
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It seems every new change in life brings some anxiety and fear of the unknowns but after having been through quite a few changes including the fledglings flying off to their own nests, I can tell you you'll be just fine...it's the transition that is hard. Give yourself permission to cry (and do so!) and miss her, as you will, then watch as your girl has the experience of a lifetime and you've made it all possible for her to be the girl she is! Thank goodness you have emails and phones to keep in touch and know she's okay at any given time because it's true, she's not next door. Hope you're doing okay. Donna = normal.
Jami in WA
Okay, so now I have a blog. http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/ |
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nampafarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
494 Posts
Kim
Nampa
ID
USA
494 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2008 : 12:32:26 PM
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It was hard and it still is as the oldest goes off to year two away from home, she is close to MJ's farm though.....Lucky kidling....I just have to remember that she is doing what I raised her to do, fly with wings wide open...I would hate the alternative which some of my firends are facing, girls get PG+, dont leave home, sit on the couch or take minimum wage jobs and go nowhere in life.... Thank goodness for cell phones.....and free long distance.
Kim
Farmgirl Sister # 302 |
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Family Matters: How did you handle your first child leaving home? |
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How did you handle your first child leaving home?
