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Family Matters:  Be careful what you say...  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 06:52:54 AM
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We went to the lake last weekend, my good friend came along with her daughter, who is adopted. Marcie is hispanic/caucasion and her daughter in asian/caucasion. We went with some friend of mine and one of the mother looks straight at Marcie and says "She look NOTHING like you at all...you wouldn't even know she was your kid."
Marcie quickly pointed out she was adopted, which she is quite used to having to defend.OK,,,insert foot now... I don't know about you, but I would never make a comment like that unless I knew the family well enough. I had a neighbor with adopted children and we always pointed out that they had the same eyes as their mom and were tall like dad, even though they looked nothing like them. I guess I am used to it because Charlie looks NOTHING like me, except maybe his flirty eyes. He is the mini me of Scott. I get told all the time by strangers he looks nothing like me. I don't take it personally but I find it a little rude.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Jul 26 2008 06:54:16 AM |
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
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Ga Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
2355 Posts
Karen
Meansville
Ga.
USA
2355 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 07:53:07 AM
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How rude! People dont stop and think before they open their mounths. I am very tender hearted and that would have put me to tears. I think people need to stop and think before they open their mouths,because they never know how another person could react. Ive always heard if you cant say something nice dont say anything! Karen
Create in me a pure heart,O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalms 51:10 http://farmgirlingastyle.blogspot.com/ |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 10:15:15 AM
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People can be so rude. 5 of my 7 kids are adopted..and to tell you the truth THEY look more like me than my 2 homemade boys did when they were little (oldest son looks alot more like me as he gets older..he is 30 now) since they were blond..and second son has bright blue eyes. But people with my oldest boys would always say they didn't look like me and now they will comment that my kids don't look like each other..and say things like "How strange". Usually they are talking about the two who ARE birth siblings..but oh well. I can't imagine saying anything myself. The kids take it in stride and think it is funny that no one can tell who are birth siblings and who isn't or that they are adopted at all.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 11:13:54 AM
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Jenny- I was thinking of you when this happened. I wondered how you handled it. : )
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 11:50:05 AM
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I think we find it pretty easy since none of our kids were adopted as babies...they were all at least 3 and 1/2. So they know all about the adoption and have alot of friends and family also adopted and they just consider the people that comment "silly and uninformed" more than anything.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 12:32:18 PM
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Heather:
I am embarrassed to admit, but when I was younger, I, too, put my foot in my mouth. There was a girl I went to high school with. I saw her at church, of all places to put foot into mouth, and she had her three boys with her. Here I go with, "None of them look at all alike". The girl just said, "They all have different dads." To me, the boys could have all taken after her and looked like their mom. I learned the hard way. Like you stated, unless I know the family situation, my mouth remains shut.
Marly |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 12:49:04 PM
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I think we were irking this lady because our kids were better behaved than hers and she was a little snotty about that. : ) So she had to say something nasty to make herself feel better.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 1:53:50 PM
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Heather, my friend has two children--she is white and is married to a Philipino (Lily, her daughter gets it confused and says she is "Lilipino") but when we go out together with the kids, people like to say, "how great it is that you and your "partner" adopted these lovely asian children...So, people will assume all the time, right or wrong, rude or no. Apparently, we appear to the "outside" world as a lesbian couple who travels the planet to adopt needy asian children!
Jenny, my boss's kids are both adopted and you would NEVER know they weren't biological--the girl looks like my boss, and the boy looks like his wife.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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mommom
True Blue Farmgirl
854 Posts
Susan
Lancaster
Pennsylvania
USA
854 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 3:18:28 PM
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| My oldest grandsons daddy is from Thailand so Brody has a tan year round! A man was here one day fixing our tub upstairs and of course B was helping him. The man came downstairs and said to me, "I think it's so nice that people your age adopt little ones from China!" He caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say! I finally got out that he was my grandson....not my son and that he was half Thai! The poor man felt embarrassed but I assured him it happens all the time to us. B is with us a lot and he does call me Mama so naturally people think he's ours! Susan |
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Txfarmgal
True Blue Farmgirl
585 Posts
AK
USA
585 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 7:07:48 PM
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I agree with you all, that is a bit strange and rude. why would someone say that.
Aunt Jenny, I like when you call your 2 boys homemade. ;)
AngiKay
www.angikay.etsy.com
Be strong and Courageous. Jos. 1:9
Texas 4H! http://texas4-h.tamu.edu/ |
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shepherdgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1008 Posts
Tracy
California
USA
1008 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2008 : 10:08:55 PM
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I guess some people were just never taught any manners... or else they just ignored what their parents taught them.
I have three boys. The first two looked absolutely NOTHING alike! My oldest son has light brown hair and brown eyes. My second son (only 18 mos younger than the first) has this HUGE MOP of unruly BLACK hair and GREEN eyes! My third son actually looks a lot like the FIRST one (I cried when he was born because I thought "How can you be so cruel God as to give me ANOTHER one!" my first son was a NIGHTMARE of a child growing up!!!!), but he has a differnt nose. Actually, they EACH have a different nose from the other. (I still can't figure out where ONE of those noses came from-- LOL)
Anyway, when it was just the first two boys, people would always look at them funny, but only ONE person ever had the nerve to ask "Do they have they same father?" (and, believe it or not, it was a salesman in a JEWELRY STORE!!!) Needless to say, I was EXTREMELY insulted! Of COURSE my boys have the SAME father! I made that PERFECTLY clear to the man and walked out with my head held high and my tongue clenched between my teeth so I didn't stoop to his level and say something VERY RUDE BACK!!! I can laugh at the situation now, but it certainly wasn't funny then. ~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
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lilwing
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Brooke
Fulshear
Texas
USA
1403 Posts |
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sleepless reader
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
CA
USA
1022 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2008 : 12:53:09 PM
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My (adopted) daughter would tell people that her big brother grew in Mommy's tummy, but she grew in Mommy's heart.
Sharon
Farmgirl Sister #74
Life is messy. Wear your apron! |
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shepherdgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1008 Posts
Tracy
California
USA
1008 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2008 : 7:14:20 PM
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How sweet Sharon!!! I love it when people use POSITIVE things to teach their children about the world-- like telling a child with Freckles that they are "Angel Kisses" when someone else calls them (the freckles!) UGLY!!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
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CarharttQueen
Farmgirl in Training
23 Posts
Miriam
Soldier's Meadow
Idaho
USA
23 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2008 : 12:51:59 PM
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Wow. That's such a reminder to remember to be tactful and gracious! I never did like the "Well YOU look like so-and-so" comments, even if I supposedly looked like my mom or dad. It seems so intrusive to have someone tell me where I came from!
What's interesting to me is how adopted children pick up so many traits from their adoptive parents (in talking, mannerisms, facial expressions, etc.) that often you don't know they're NOT biological children! I've know several families with adopted children, and actually knew them for several years before learning of their adoption. I was shocked about one family, because every time I saw their little girl, I could SEE her adoptive dad's face in hers! Her smile and everything was just so much the same.
Adoption is such an amazing thing!  |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2008 : 12:55:08 PM
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My oldest daughter is SO much like me...like me now and like I was as a child. It is kinda cool.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2008 : 07:56:42 AM
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I'm adopted (altho I happen to know my bio family...unfortunately...) and people would tell my mom and I how much I looked like her. She was very warm complexioned and dark eyes and I am a neutral with blond hair and blue eyes! But I have her mannerisms.
I have learned that since we are getting to a be a globalized world, I have to look outside myself and THINK (well, I try to anyway) before I say something. I don't think I could have kept my mouth shut, forget manners on someone so stoopid, and would have had to inform them of their misdeed. I don't think that's stooping to a lower level, it's raising that clown to a higher order in my mind... But that's not how I was taught (manners were everything to my mom) and I've had to learn.
Winona ;-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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Family Matters: Be careful what you say... |
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Be careful what you say...
