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Family Matters:  Understanding my family...  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 1:12:19 PM
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I have finally seen the light!! (Cue the angels ).
After receiving an email from my sister and talking with my Mom, I have learned they operate from a place of jealousy and the pure fact that they purposedly try to make me feel bad and bring me down. I am not one to toot my own horn, but after years of depression, anger, hatred even, I am finally at peace with my family. I know they will continue to do stupid things but I recognize that, own it and move on from it. I realized I spent too much time trying to explain things to them in hopes that they would get it and always worried in the back of my head the judgement that would ultimately bring me down. I have somehow risen about it and I can't explain how, but lordy, the lightbulb went off!!!
For the first time in my life, I know if something in my life goes wrong, especially with Hubby deploying, I will be able to handle it on my own. I used to have to play nice to my family, keeping them at arms length but around in "case" I needed them knowing they wouldn't be around for me, but it was somehow comforting to me. I know now we will be ok and I don't need to keep attached to them "In case". Does that make sense?
I let them make me think I was useless, dumb, lazy, leaping before I jump kind of person and now I know I am not. It is so weird. I forgive them but doesn't mean I have to be around them or feed their egoes.
HA! HA! HA!   
Also, I get my brother now. He is the type who is always into the latest greatest of everything (I think he is the Jone's we talk about) but in some ways, I do get why after understanding how my family is. He started working at 13 to make his own life and never listened a day to my parents (he was respectful and never got into major trouble but he did his own thing) and now I see why. My parents only hold him in clout because he makes good money (important to them) but my mother constantly complains about his lifestyle and how he lives his life. I now see why he can call ever 6 months and not feel guilty. Wow!! I finally get it!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Mar 20 2008 1:20:03 PM |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 2:32:09 PM
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I'm so happy for you Heather. I love you saying that you forgive them but that it doesn't mean you have to be around them. That is so true and such a big step toward living your own life and moving on past their opinions and judgements. Things are just really coming into focus for you, it is so great!
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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greyghost
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
Lynn
Summerville
Georgia
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2008 : 07:57:32 AM
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| Congrats, Heather! Glad you feel so much better :) |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2008 : 09:07:28 AM
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I know we've talked about this before Heather but I think we came from the same nutty history!! It was difficult to sever the ties because when you have been raised with so much shame and guilt, well,thats what you are comsumed with!
Finally after a couple of years of no contact I feel free at last! I feel I have broken that generational dysfunction and started my own beautiful healthy family.The dragons and demons are gone. I do forgive them and have no hard feelings.I just can't have their sickness in my life.
Hugs sweet friend!! We may not have the blessing of wonderful parents and siblings, but we have beautiful children,spouses and friends!!!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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idcityrose
True Blue Farmgirl
202 Posts
Rose
Idaho City
Idaho
USA
202 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 8:11:57 PM
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You know I think "nutty" families are more common than we realize. My family just finally officially cut me out of their life, as well as my mom, over money. Funny, I don't have any, nor does my Mom and yet we are content and happy. I know some people think you have to love them because their are our blood relatives, but I learned long ago that "you can't pick your family" but you can pick your friends. I have better, more loving and kind friends that any of my siblings. The world will not end if we make a hard choice, or they make it for us. I didn't realize how much of a chore it was to continously go to the never ending Birthday, holiday get togethers that when they shut me out I had a huge weight lift off my shoulders.
What you have done is break the expected behaviour and that my girlfriend, takes a strong and evolved person. Welcome to a more content life.
Some people look for happiness, others create it!
idcityrose
We are never alone in the forest of Sisters! We "Mountain Farmgirls" are outstanding in our field! |
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farmingdoll
Farmgirl in Training
26 Posts
Ann
sonoma valley
ca
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 10:05:56 PM
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| I'm sorry to hear about all of your families, I have to say I can relate, I'm so glad, I'm not alone! Rose, I'm sorry you and your mom lost your family over money, just because you don't have any! I think that people that are rich believe because they have money they can treat others badly including family, they will never be rich without happiness inside themselves and cutting family out because they don't have the finer things in life is simply sad. I'm happy without having my brother in my life, seems we had to walk on eggshells around him, I fianlly went to a counselor and she told me I didn't have to like him because he was my brother or hang out with him. I was shocked at first but made so much sense. I'm much happier, good luck to you all! |
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Family Matters: Understanding my family... |
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Understanding my family...
