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Family Matters:  MIL has done it to me again....  |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 10:47:02 AM
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My mother-in-law and I have a horrible relationship. She has been mean to me since the day we met, and I let her walk all over me because fighting back will just make a bad situation worse. I just try to avoid her whenever I can - and smile and take her abuse whenever I can't.
My husband and I have been married seven years, and three holidays (Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) a year I call my MIL and invite her over to our house. And every single time she has said no, she would rather spend the holiday alone. And every single time I hang up feeling like poop.
I made my customary Easter call to her this week, and guess what? THE BIG JERK SAID YES! Now she's found another way to ruin my holiday! She used to ruin it by saying no, but now she's ruined it by saying yes!
How bad is my mother-in-law?
*The first time my then-future husband invited me to his apartment to meet his mother, she wouldn't let me in. She shouted at me to go away through the closed door. I had to wait for him in the parking lot. Then she accused me of breaking in and stealing something from her bedroom. (She lives in a third-floor apartment...like I'm Spider-Man or something?)
*She offered to hold a bridal shower for me when we got married and then cancelled it at the last minute, telling everyone that she invited that I told her that I didn't want their junk.
*She offered to pay for the flowers at our wedding, then provided me with 5 bunches of plastic flowers from the dollar store - $1 price tags still attached.
*You know that part of the wedding where the priest says, "Speak now or forever hold your peace?" She stood up, sobbing loudly, and ran right down the middle of the aisle and out of the church. (NOTE: We had told the priest during our prenovena classes that her disrupting the wedding was a possibility - to his credit, he just kept going like nothing happened.)
*She came back just in time to join the receiving line, where she told everyone who shook her hand that I was three months pregnant - which was not true.
*She told my husband that she was going to give us a gift of $1000 to help with the wedding, and then on our wedding day we recieved a card with $100 in it...and an itemized list of how much she had deducted from the $1000 because of her expenses. -$200 for her dress, -$50 for shoes, -$200 for her hotel room, -$50 for gas, etc. |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 10:58:59 AM
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I'm sorry, I'm laughing about her behavior because it sounds so funny but she really sounds crazy or evil! Does she have bi-polar or something? Has she just done this with you or was she rude and mean to his previous girlfriends as well?
I think if it were me I would have stopped inviting her a long time ago.
-Elizabeth |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 11:09:46 AM
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Oh man, I am SO sorry, but I too am giggling. She is worse than MY mother in law!! I think though that you are obviously then bigger person to invite her all this time. Hang in there!!
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
Rich or Poor, It Dont matter We're all the same everybodys hungry in a different way....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 11:12:06 AM
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Yeah. I myself was wondering why you married into the family...hopefully he's really great, right?
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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PlumCreekMama
True Blue Farmgirl
730 Posts
Heather
Iowa
USA
730 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 11:14:28 AM
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I would have given up on her years ago too! Does she have mental problems? What does your husband think of her actions?
http://plumcreekmama.blogspot.com/ |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 11:21:38 AM
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I would have stopped inviting her too!
You can only take so much abuse.
Especially if you have been biting your tongue all of these years and sucking up the abuse.
I would call her one final time and tell her she is welcome at your home anytime and leave it at that.
When you stop calling to invite her, she'll get the hint.
Don't fall into her bs trap either. She will WHINE to anyone who will listen about how horrible you are. Keep your chin up.
If she ever did show up for dinner, I would hand her a bill for her portion of the meal. LOL
(A little dose of her own medicine won't hurt her.)
What does your DH do about this?
Both of my ex's were Mama's boys, so they wouldn't have done anything to stop behavoir like this. Although, to my credit, I did win both MIL's over, especially the battle ax of the two.
My Dad, who was a huge Mama's boy, would have told his Mama to knock off the b.s. and told her where to go and how to get there if she didn't.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 12:09:34 PM
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Oh my gosh! she sounds like my mom! Who I have had to sever ties with because she was making me crazy!!! I think like my mom ,she sounds like she has a huge personality disorder!! I take my hat off to you for putting up with her! many hugs!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 12:52:36 PM
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What an absolute nutcase. You're probably doing the right thing by not fighting back. But aren't you tempted to call her at the last minute and cancel? Or go out somewhere else without telling her, so there's no one home when she arrives?
Sounds like there's a good chance she won't show anyway. |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 2:38:44 PM
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Honey, you so get the award for craziest, not to mention most untruthful MIL. Wouldn't you know it, this would be the time she picks to say yes! If she runs true to form, maybe she will call and cancel. If she does, don't ask again!!!
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 2:41:43 PM
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I am so sorry for you Jessie because you don't need that stress!! I hope you can find some solution.
(((HUGS)))
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 3:21:50 PM
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Good lord, she sounds like something from a horror movie. I think you should call her the day before and say :We all have diarrhea..that usually stops most people from wanting to visit. You're a stronger person than I am, my MIL was a nutbar, but not of the evil variety... Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 5:09:30 PM
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I can understand you wanting to invite her over for your husband's sake because after all she is his mother..but land sakes alive she sounds really nutso! Does she have the beginning stages of alzheimers or something? She has serious mental issues to have done the things you listed here.
I suggest sitting down with your husband and discussing how she has made you feel over the years and list out on a piece of paper the things you have posted here as to her "track record" of lies/manipulations/deceit/evilness..and show this to your husband.
And let him know that from this day forward you will not put up with or take any of this trash/being treated this way from anyone in your life. Life is too short to be treated like crud by anyone! Issue the ultimatum and either write her or call her and flat out tell her(be prepared to probably be cursed out) but tell her flat out that you will never again be her verbal beating post.You will not put up with her manipulation tactics nor her lies about you.If you ever wish to include her in your family events tell her that she must have a truthful tongue and not to tell lies about you and while in your home she absolutely must treat you with the utmost respect or she will be banished from your home and your lives.
Make sure that your husband is in your corner.
If this option does not work. Totally discontinue inviting her to your home and visiting her home and tell hubby that if he wishes to have contact with his mother that it is his responsibility to call her or to go see her but that as long as you are married to him she is neither welcomed in your home nor will you be setting foot into hers nor will you remember her on any holiday from this day forward. That is..if your ultimatum at trying to reach a level of respect from her is not honored by her.
you certainly have put up with more crud than I would have..but then I have the best in laws a gal could have..love them to pieces.
Good luck..hope you can use some of the ideas I gave...if not..just toss them..ha.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 8:07:21 PM
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maybe you can give her a bill at the end of the meal! Just said it beside her and say "I'll be your cashier whenever your ready" just like they do at the restaurants! Just be sure to include you tip in the ticket cause she doesnt sound like the type to offer one up on her own!!!
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
Felt and Fabric Crafts
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com
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katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2008 : 8:23:57 PM
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Tina has given such sound advise. This kind of abuse is unacceptable, and you need to take firm action to stop it. And don't invite her over for Easter again. Never invite if you don't want a yes!
www.youaretoocreative.blogspot.com |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
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Aunt B
True Blue Farmgirl
108 Posts
Terri
Chillicothe
OH
USA
108 Posts |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 07:40:57 AM
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Jessie, the behavior you listed would be laughable if it wasn't actually going on in your world. This woman is not right in the head, and if it's been like this for the 7 years of your marriage, it won't change or improve now. Just be ready for the totally unexpected if she does show up at your house on Easter. She sounds so erratic that I wouldn't even know what to warn you to watch out for, except that SOMETHING will happen. Do let us know how it went!
I'm glad at least you knew her nature before you married her son. She's nuts and you sure cannot trust anytyhing she says, good or bad. I also don't think that you should be the one who "feels like poop" after each holiday phone call with her...you are staying in contact with her much better than a lot of other daughter-in-laws would.
GOOD LUCK SUNDAY ... hopefully, she will cancel, or at least stand you up. Maybe that's her new trick; mahking you stress out and prepare for the Grand Arrival, only to leave you hanging. Let's hope she doesn't show up in a taxicab with the driver expecting you to pay the tab. Also be wary and ready to refuse any unexpected food deliveries coming to your house; COD shipment sounds like her way to handle "I'll bring the ham" arrangements.
It's your house, your holiday, and just go about your own business and if she shows up, don't let her knock you off your gameplan.
I'm dying to know how this goes!
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
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Pearlsnjeans
True Blue Farmgirl
248 Posts
Vicki
West Haven
Utah
USA
248 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 3:54:08 PM
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Jessie - In my case, I'm the MIL. The relationship with my DIL has been "sensitive" for the four years they've been married. I invite my son and his wife over for dinner often and just as often get turned down or they don't show. She has also been quite cold towards me. This has been a very difficult situation, but things have been getting better over the past 4 months. I'm trying to be more open-minded and as the mother of a son, acknowledging that he is an adult and for him his wife comes first now. WOW  , tough for a mom to admit. Seems like your MIL needs to do this, however she truly does sound mean-spirited. Just prepare your Easter dinner like always and if she arrives, be courteous, but don't put up with abuse. After all it is your home. I hope all that came out right  and that your Easter is a happy one!
Vicki
Farmgirl Sister #120
Farmgirls are elegant |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 7:43:33 PM
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OMG...what can you say to this?? Welp, read my post about dealing with my in-laws and maybe you'll get some ideas. At least, also, you knew what kind of gal you're dealing with beforehand anyway.
Hope it went well yesterday...did she show up??
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 11:37:41 PM
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You know what that reminds me of? The movie "Monster-In-Law" I am so sorry that you have this woman in your life, and for as much as she makes your life miserable, I pity her because her life must be miserable as well. You a sweet farmgirl to keep inviting her! Maybe one day she will stop acting out so much. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2008 : 07:06:04 AM
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Alee youre right!!! So Monster In Law!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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Tammy Claxton
True Blue Farmgirl
1559 Posts
Tammy
Glen Burnie
Maryland
USA
1559 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2008 : 08:07:15 AM
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Wow - I guess you all have said it all! That woman is NUTS! My MIL is a saint compared to her. I'm not a mean person, but me and that woman would have probably went rounds by now! Whew!!! So sorry you have to deal with that sweetie - You surely don't deserve such harsh treatment!
Crafty Bay Farmgirl Chapter
"A friend is someone who does things that count, but never stops to count them"
Farmgirl #152
http://countryintheburbs.blogspot.com/ |
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junkjunkie
True Blue Farmgirl
1306 Posts
Judy
Lawrenceville
NJ
USA
1306 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2008 : 08:53:35 AM
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Jessie, I can't add to what the others have said....wow! I'm really curious, how does DH deal with it? Does he laugh it off?.....ignore it? Does he try to come to your defense?
"To have life in focus, we must have death in our field of vision." Benedictine monk John Main |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
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idcityrose
True Blue Farmgirl
202 Posts
Rose
Idaho City
Idaho
USA
202 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2008 : 05:20:56 AM
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I think everyone covered all the bases about this womans sanity, or rather, lack of. Maybe it is time to just quit calling her. Do you have children? You wouldn't want to expose them to her. It is a small comfort to know that probably most of the people she rants to about you already know what kind of person she is. I doubt if you are her only target, but I ams just curious about how your DH handles this. Does he know his mom is not sane? He would have had to heard her lie. Does he care about including her in your life together? Just curious and Bless you for being able to tolerate it for 7 years.
Some people look for happiness, others create it!
idcityrose
We are never alone in the forest of Sisters! We "Mountain Farmgirls" are outstanding in our field! |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2008 : 06:09:42 AM
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OMG, Jessie are you out there and are you okay? Do we need to post your bail?
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
Edited by - Hideaway Farmgirl on Apr 02 2008 06:10:14 AM |
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Family Matters: MIL has done it to me again.... |
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MIL has done it to me again....
