| Author |
Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  CANCER SPREAD-having hope again  |
|
suzyhomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
806 Posts
Clare
Tyler Hill
PA
USA
806 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:16:42 AM
|
Ladies, I don't know how to say this. First, I just can't thank you enough for all the love, prayers, support and tangible gifts, including the two quilts. I will use them regularly and feel completely blessed when covered in them. I wanted to write indiviual thank you's, but things have changed now. I don't have it in me, but I want each of you to know that I feel blessed to know all of you through this forum.
OK, the news was not good. I am still in shock as I feel better than I have in a year's time. It just does NOT seem possible that I got news like this.
The MRI revealed the tumor is shrunk, but it is still present. It also revealed a blood clot in my pelvis. I had several ultrasounds done on my right leg for excessive swelling, looking for the clot. It is above the leg and so it was missed. When they went back and recehecked the MRI from August, they saw the blood clot there as well. It just goes to show how things can be missed by the person reading the test. OK, so I will go on blood thinners and hope my body takes care of the clot, but it will have to wait until after my stent procedure on Tuesday.
The really bad news is the PET Scan revealed the tumor is still active, AND there is now a spot on my LIVER. This is really bad news. I know when cancer spreads to the liver, it can quickly move to lung and brain. Also, it was not there in Jan on the CT scan, but it has grown to show up in two months time.
Friday I meet with my doctor. He is presenting my case to both the NYC office and the NJ office of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Hopefully, there will be some option to manage this situation and buy me more time. I hope they can do something to shrink them, and then maybe surgery to remove them. That would be the best case scenario. I am not stupid and spoke with my family doctor as well as doing research on the internet.
The news is very scary for it brings to light how short life on earth can be. If you can please add my husband, Steve, and my two children, Maddie and Jake, to your prayers, I would really appreciate it. My husband is a wreck. I worry about leaving them in the near future. I am not afraid to die, but I worry about them finding another woman to love and be there for my kids as well. The news really brings my mortality right to the foreground now.
Ok, the good news is I found a new family doctor that I like who is also considerate and compassionate. I am very grateful for this as I need someone here to manage my blood thinner medication and just to answer questions. Also, when we were in Florida (4 weeks for me and my in laws with my parents and 2 1/2 weeks as well for Steve and kids), I had the time of my life. I walked the beach every day, rode bikes a few times with my daughter, swam in pool and soaked in hot tub, ate really good food, some even I cooked. The weather was perfect, and I felt vibrant and alive and well, healing and more whole than in a long, long time. We even had a professional photographer take family shots at sunset on the beach. They are incredible pictures of a suntanned and well dressed family, smiling and happy. I ordered a large one on canvas to hang in the empty spot over my love seat in the house. I feel very grateful for this break, this normalacy.
I want you all to PLEASE take some time to really be with your family and relax and love them. Time is so short, the commodity that you can't ever get back. Don't waste it. You never know what is around the next corner. Please spend a bit of time as a family, even if it's just to walk together or garden or swim or bike or camp or cook.
I would appreciate any and all prayers and any helpful suggestions. I do consult with a biochemist so I have some special supplements. I do walk and do some mild and easy yoga. I take baths at night to help relax, and I have a mild anti-anxiety drug I can take if sleep eludes me still. I am still sewing and doing some embroidery. We are plotting the garden and a strawberry patch this year. My husband is currently boiling the maple sap for syrup. So life is still abundant and beautiful. My kids and I watch a movie together and read together and just talk. We are still planning some short camping trips that can be done spur of the moment as time and health permit. Steve wants me to do some videos for the kids, and I want them in it as well.
I plan on attacking my fabric stash and books with the vengence to cull to make it easier to deal with my stuff. If any of you are sewers, please let me know and I will be slowly mailing things off to be enjoyed by you. I want to give you back a little bit of the love you have all given me. Thanks so much and I will keep you posted. My thoughts and prayers are now centered on trying to kick this cancer and be well enough at the same time to do simple things with my family.
I have some hope again. Truly I feel good and will continue with visualizations for improving myself. I also have gone back to raw foods as they do supply lots of nutrients.
I got some information from the biochemist about the chemotherapy drug of choice. It is called Avistin. It is currently being used for colon cancer that goes to the liver and lung cancer. It has been used in a few cases for advanced cervical cancer. The drug works by cutting off circulation to the tumor. Therefore, it shrinks or stays the same. It is helpful in preventing spread of disease. The liver is so vascular that this drug is very effective against liver metastases.
Ok, so the trick is to convince my doctors that I want to try this drug NOW and not later. The other drugs traditionally used for this cervical cancer do not work. They just are not effective. So, I need some prayers that the doctors open their minds and hearts to me and really work as a team to use Avistin as part of the treatment and plan of action.
I am also going to see a massage therapist who does reiki work. I figure it will help relax me and bring me back to my center of calmness. I am good many moements of the day, but yesterday I had a panic attack, could not breathe. I was just sewing after taking a walk with my son. My daughter was on the computer and my son was quietly playing by me. My hubby was outside boiling sap. It was a perfect moment of a happy family and I guess I just panicked that it might be one of few more. This morning I feel a bit better, but it just hit like a bolt of lightening from nowhere.
Yup, still believing in miracles and seeing myself healthy. I feel so good that I just don't believe the news. I'll keep up on my end and thank you all for praying and keeping up the support on your end.
Hey, a bit of fresh air. I am having an MRI tomorrow (3/18) to really see what the liver looks like. There is a chance it is nothing!! I am betting on it, seeing it as healthy and robust. the results should be in by the time I see the doctor on Friday. Here's praying it is nothing.
Country girl in NE PA |
Edited by - suzyhomemaker on Mar 17 2008 11:30:55 AM |
|
|
Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
|
|
sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:32:52 AM
|
I am so sorry to hear this. My family's trials seem so small in comparison. I pray for you all and wish you well. I pray the doctors find the answer to help you finding out one is mortal is not always the easiest thing to do but it does happen to all of us at some point. I just wish it happened for you latter in life.
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe
Farmgirl Sister #115
my bloghttp://sunshinescreations.vintagethreads.com/
my web store http://vintagethreads.com/ |
Edited by - sunshine on Mar 15 2008 08:33:28 AM |
 |
|
|
Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
|
|
Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:38:21 AM
|
Clare I cant even being to imagine what you and your family are going through. Please know I am thinking and praying for you daily. Thank you for inspiring/reminding ME to spend each moment with my family and to make them great.
Thinking of you Clare
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
Rich or Poor, It Dont matter We're all the same everybodys hungry in a different way....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:42:39 AM
|
| Clare, my heart stopped for a moment when I read your second paragraph. It did not seem possible, after your more positive postings. And still your inner generosity continues to rise to the surface, thanking your friends here, admonishing us all to remember how brief this life can be, and all the while taking care of your family. I am thankful that you have found a good family doctor to guide you toward recovery. You are an incredibly strong woman and you can draw strength from us here, as well as our Heavenly Father. I keep you close daily in prayer. Love, Nance |
|
|
|
wannabecountrybumpkin
True Blue Farmgirl
117 Posts
Christy
Bristow
Virginia
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:44:39 AM
|
Clare,
I will be praying for you and your family!
Farmgirl Hugs!
Christy
Farmgirl Sister #139
|
|
|
|
katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:50:21 AM
|
Clare -- Thank you for telling us. Your courage and love for your family shines like a beacon. And your words about living life fully and not wasting our precious moments here on earth are so true and so necessary for me right now. I hold you up in prayer.
www.youaretoocreative.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
farminmama
True Blue Farmgirl
63 Posts
Jen
Florida
USA
63 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 08:57:54 AM
|
Clare,
I will be sure to remember you in my prayers. Don't give up, you sound so defeated in part of your letter. Your family sounds wonderful. I will heed your advice to spend more time together. I will remember your husband and your children, for their strength and courage. I will pray those same things for you. I wish I could speak some profound words of comfort to your very soul...if I could I would. (((hugs to you Clare)))
Jen
sweetheart to Harley
mama to 3 beautiful angels...^i^ ^i^ ^i^
farmgirl Sister #151 |
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 09:15:26 AM
|
Clare-
You are a beautiful, bright, wonderful spirit. You are so amazing! I KNOW you will kick this cancer! I KNOW that you will get better! I am so sorry to hear about your clot and this new spot on your liver. You have some amazing doctors and there are so many wonderful new treatments now than there were even 2 years ago. I will keep you and your whole family in my most fervent prayers for a safe and wonderful recovery.
With lots of love and support
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9093 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9093 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 09:17:18 AM
|
Clara,
This is sad news, and I'm so sorry. Like the others I wish there was something I could say that would just make it all go away. We will continue to hope for the best, and hope there is something that can be done. My thoughts are with your whole family.
Nancy JO
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
gafarmwoman
True Blue Farmgirl
244 Posts
Pam
Georgia
USA
244 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 09:28:06 AM
|
Clare,
My prayers and good thoughts are with you and your family. I wish you all the best in this fight. Thank-you for thinking of others and I will take a long walk today with my husband.
You can never have enough friends.
Please come and sit a spell with me at Life on a Southern Farm
http://georgiafarmwoman.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
joyfulmama
True Blue Farmgirl
1175 Posts
Debra
Silver Springs
NV
USA
1175 Posts |
|
|
CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 09:37:12 AM
|
Clare, Please so not give up. Please keep fighting. The news you have received would knock anyone off their feet. But, this is a long way from over. You have some wonderful Dr.s working on finding answers for you. Your soul and heart and spirit are so kind and giving. For you to remind us how precious time is,is such a beautiful gift. God does work miracles Clare. I would do the same things you are doing, the videos are a wonderful idea. That doesn't mean you won't be here to see them too. It just means you are being prepared. My sweet girl, live, enjoy your life and keep fighting. Yes, you have a horrible disease,I know this. But, believe me when I say any one of us can go at any time, so your way of living your life should be the way we all
live.Just soaking up the love of those around us and spending sweet and beautiful times together.Enjoying the simple joyous pleasures in our lives. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that those are truly the best times of our lives. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Love, Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
|
|
|
Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 09:42:41 AM
|
Oh Clare, I can't imagine what you're feeling and thinking right now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. You must stay positive, to beat this. All us farmgirls are sending positive vibes and prayers out for you and your family.
Sending a hug,
Lori |
|
|
|
therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 10:18:23 AM
|
Clare - I am so sorry about this news. I can't find the right words to say. I am praying on my knees for you and your family. Memorial Sloan Kettering is the best place that you could go to. My first husband had cancer and was sent there in 1979. It is a wonderful place full of compassionate, caring doctors and nurses. Their treatments are at the cutting edge of medicine. I believe that God is a God of miracles and I am praying for one for you and your family! Sending you lots of love!
Kay
Handmade Olive Oil Soap, Lotion Bars, and Prim Treasures - http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com Sign up for my monthly newsletter!
I'm A Rusty Chick!!!
PROUD FARMGIRL SISTER #100 |
|
|
|
cinnamongirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1682 Posts
Carrie
Canada
1682 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 10:23:50 AM
|
| CLARE Here for you!! (((((((((HUGS AND PRAYERS)))))))))))))) |
|
|
|
mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 10:48:09 AM
|
I too believe that our God IS a God of miricles-I'll be on my knees too! Angels like you need to be on this earth for a long time!! MANY HUGS!!!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
|
|
|
frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
|
|
Utahfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1940 Posts
Portland
Oregon
USA
1940 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 11:09:13 AM
|
Clare, I want you to continue with your blue lighting and affirmations. As we spoke about a few months ago, SEE the blue light erasing those spots. If they appear again in your meditation, attack them again. Keep doing this until they are gone. KNOW that even as we speak, your body is cancer free. Every cell is functioning the way it should, every organ is strong. Visualize your strong liver and give thanks for it. You still have work to do, my darling Sister, but we're all in there with you, making you strong with our prayers and blue-lighting. And know thatas you go through this journey God is with you every step of the way. Call if you need me.
love,
Patricia
Proud Farmgirl Sister #19
Rusty Chicks Chapter
check out my etsy site http://ThePlayfulFarmgirl.etsy.com
Today I choose faith not fear. |
|
|
|
Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 12:02:08 PM
|
Oh, Clare. I am so sorry to hear this. I was hoping that things would turn around for you. Know that you and your sweet family are still in my prayers.
(((HUGS)))
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
nashbabe
True Blue Farmgirl
687 Posts
687 Posts |
|
|
Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
|
|
jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2008 : 1:19:03 PM
|
Clare - I type through tears which are blurring the keyboard. Your spirit is so wonderful and I praise God for your time in Florida of sun and warmth and good times! You and your family will ALWAYS remember it, and the photo will help.
You can teach all of us many things. And you have already begun by telling us to hold every moment dear. We all know that tomorrow life could change for each and every one of us. How we forget that! God's gifts are so plentiful, and I hope He showers you with them. Love to you and your famliy -
Jeannie
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
|
|
|
PlumCreekMama
True Blue Farmgirl
730 Posts
Heather
Iowa
USA
730 Posts |
|
|
amyartgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
991 Posts
Amy
Junction City
Ohio
USA
991 Posts |
|
|
Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: CANCER SPREAD-having hope again |
|
CANCER SPREAD-having hope again
