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Family Matters:  Horrible MIL Problem  |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 08:23:00 AM
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My MIL doesn't wear underwear with her short nightgowns. It is the main reason that I never want her to visit. That, and she walks naked from the bathroom to the guestroom. I am not a prude and I don't think that the genitals are dirty, etc. I am just tired of seeing it. I have a son, he is a baby, but I don't want it to be a habit, and noone wants to see their Gramdma naked. She is a very dramatic person, and I am not sure how to deal with it. I think I could handle this behavior for a short stay, but she has asked to stay for at least a month-three. I keep telling my husband two weeks at the most please, as she will be' "hogging us," for the summer. We have other relatives that want to come see us.
i have a lot of issues with her, but this is the worst one, and everyone of my friends just laughs. I am afraid her next stay will turn ugly if I don't think out some plan before she gets here.
I have wanted to ask you farmgirls for your opinion since I signed up, but was afraid due to the sensitive content.
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 08:35:09 AM
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There was a sitcom show about a similar issue on a few weeks ago...I have to admit, I'm not opposed to the body, but I would have issue with someone walking around like that in my house....What does your husband think? Clearly, this is going to be something that you should treat honestly and openly--but because it's family, I would be lighthearted about it. I would probably say something like this--"hey, we'd really appreciate it if when walking around in the house with your gown on (or off), you wear your robe." If she asks why, just say, I love you, but I don't need to see THAT much of you!!!"
If she doesn't after that, just hand her one (a robe) everytime you see her.
I couldn't help but laugh a little either 
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
Edited by - KYgurlsrbest on Jan 30 2008 08:37:44 AM |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 08:36:19 AM
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I think you and I should get together and start a support group for suffering daughters-in-law.
Does she walk around 'au naturale' deliberately, or was it accidental - like she forgot her clothes in the bedroom and tried to go back to get them without being noticed but you caught her? Maybe you can buy her a robe for her stay with you and mention that you noticed during her last stay that she appears to prefer dressing in the bedroom versus the bathroom.
My MIL would do this purposely to freak me out, and if this is the motivation behind your MIL's actions, I'm afraid there's not much hope. She's doing it to get a rise out of you, and if it's upsetting you this much, she's succeeding. It's a story as old as time itself...we grit our teeth and ignore our MIL's issues, then complain about them to anyone who will listen.  |
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chicken necker
True Blue Farmgirl
509 Posts
Sherry
Eastern Shore
Maryland
USA
509 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 08:37:46 AM
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erg. That is a problem. I know this is easier said than done, but if it really concerns you, you should make a stand and confront her. I've had to do it with my IL's and some of my own family. It is your home and your life, and other people must respect that. If they can't respect your values and feelings, you have the right to "uninvite" them. Hope it works out for you!
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. ~anon |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 09:25:24 AM
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I don't believe she does it to freak me out. She is just very, "free." DH says she has always been this way. I am afraid to confront her. Last visit, when I confronted her about her not believing in SIDS, she wanted to go get a motel room, and sulked for two days. I am starting to think i should pitch a tent in the yard for her!
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 09:28:35 AM
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I don't think you have to confront her, so to speak. Just say, hey "Laura" or whatever her name is, we need to you to to be more modest around this house. You never know when someone is going to stop by unannounced. If she gets her knickers in a twist and pouts, then let your husband deal with her, but I think you just have to play it lighthearted and not "confront"...I realize that it bugs you, but you get more flies with honey.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
Edited by - KYgurlsrbest on Jan 30 2008 09:30:58 AM |
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myfairlady636
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Janice
Fort Bridger
WY
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 09:28:44 AM
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LOL I just have to laugh, I love my MIL so much and I know she loves me. I am glad to have her come for the "annual" 2 weeks, but I am also just as glad when she goes home. The woman runs me into the ground!!!! She plans the meals- but wont lift a finger to cook. She says little things like "looks like it is time to clean out the fridge" and "oops.. I notices some dust on that light fixture.. you'll want to get that taken care of when you get home from work" The woman comes to my home, sits on my couch... the whole couch for the entire time ordering us all around. Thank goodness she doesn't wear short nighties. eWWEEEEEEEEeeeeee.
My Fair Lady Farm Girl Sister # 92
"Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction"
http://millberrycottage.blogspot.com/
http://myfairlady636.etsy.com |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 09:32:24 AM
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You know what? Just thought of something...I must be one of the lucky ones. My mil is nice, but a perfectionist cleaner who happens to also be deathly afraid of dogs. We have 4--big ones. So, she just NEVER comes over, and that's ok by me.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 10:01:05 AM
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Jonni, I am envious! You are right, I need to approach it with humor. "knickers in a twist....." yea, I wish she wore knickers! MIL loves my dog. She stayed away for a long time, since he is American Bulldog/Pit Bull, and she was afraid of pit bulls. Now she is an advocate of sorts for them. Blame the owner, not the breed, etc; etc.
Janice, you must be a VERY nice woman! My MIL is similar. Mine cooks, but only stuff she likes, puts tumeric in everything and calls it gourmet.
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 10:04:26 AM
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Patricia! We have a pittie, too, and that's the one my mil wouldn't even look at! So funny! Sounds like, at least, she's open minded.
""knickers in a twist....." yea, I wish she wore knickers!" That's a good one, Patricia! I really think if you just approach it like a "ha ha" she may just realize that it's not appropriate for EVERYONE's household!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 10:12:01 AM
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Jonni, I wish you lived closer, you sound like a cool chick. And then I could be like, "Put on some pants, Jonni's on her way."
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 10:26:42 AM
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I would suggest the robe, too. Even leave one in the room she will be using, and tell her it's house policy for everyone.
This reminds me of the time my mother stayed in my son's room when we went away for a little holiday. (they were animal-sitting for us)
When we came back, and they went home, my son (about 15 years old then) went to go to bed, and found my mom's underwear in his bed! I told my mom she had left something behind, and she said "oh, yes, they were bothering me one night." He was so grossed out, and to this day can't get that vision out of his head, that his grandmother was in his bed without her underwear on!
Lori
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myfairlady636
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Janice
Fort Bridger
WY
USA
226 Posts |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 11:20:15 AM
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Hey, Patricia...anyone who has a pittie is cool in my book (that includes Janice--Miss Bee Haven, incidentally)...I too wish I lived closer. Idaho is one beautiful state, and I don't at ALL mind being an example you use to get your mil to cover up!!!!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 11:54:00 AM
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I also like the "This Robe's For You" idea, and how about also getting her a cute pair of pj's (top and cute boxer shorts) to wear while she is at your house. You could use that gift as a gentle way to bring up the subject at the istart, nstead of shreiking loudly everytime you happen to see her disrobed. Although shreiking might also get the point across.
I wonder if we can find a pattern for a front-to-back wrap-around apron for her to wear?
I would just be honest with her, that it is something you didn't grow up with, that you are not used to and don't want to get used to, and that it makes you uncomfortable and embarrassed. Hopefully she is caring enough to respond to that. After all, it's only for two weeks, hopefully, that she would have to modify her behavior while being a guest in someone else's home. Remember, when in Rome...
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 11:59:50 AM
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Wrap around apron LOL
Thank you all for trying to help me. I NEVER though I would ever laugh at this!
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 12:03:34 PM
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I'm so glad that you're finding a little bit of a tickle
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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myfairlady636
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Janice
Fort Bridger
WY
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 12:20:29 PM
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I hope you are not offended that I am laughing, I just think life is so funny that way. It's a good thing that I can look back and laugh about all the things that at the moment seemed like such a crisis.. like when I got home from work at 6:00 pm on Thanksgiving day and she wanted to know if I was going to put the turkey in for a traditional thanksgiving meal. I think I probably had to pick my eyeballs up off the floor when she said it wasnt too late to have a nice meal together as a family, and it is Thanksgiving afterall. A smart person would have said NO... well, that is obviously not me. Here I am making pies, rolls and YEP.. a turkey for a lovely 9:30 pm dinner. I look at it now and laugh a lot. But then.. I was so mad I am sure I was slamming dishes, cupboard doors and probably even muttering something profane. LOL.
My Fair Lady Farm Girl Sister # 92
"Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction"
http://millberrycottage.blogspot.com/
http://myfairlady636.etsy.com |
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myfairlady636
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Janice
Fort Bridger
WY
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 12:22:05 PM
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Did I mention.. at the time I was running a deli, and had sent out more than 30 full thanksgiving dinners with all the trimmings that day and had been at work since 3:00 am.? Ya.. LOL.
My Fair Lady Farm Girl Sister # 92
"Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction"
http://millberrycottage.blogspot.com/
http://myfairlady636.etsy.com |
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MasterGardener
True Blue Farmgirl
572 Posts
Chandra
Louisiana
USA
572 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 2:05:54 PM
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On a more serious note, it sounds like disrespect to me...disrespect for you, plus to sulk is immaturity and it also sounds like it's a dominance/manipulation issue to threaten to go to a motel...I'd say, "let me call you a cab" Some situations need guidelines, boundaries and limitations. What she does in the privacy of her own home IS her business, but this is YOUR home & YOUR boundaries ARE important...
I'd be asking myself "how strongly do I believe this (topic/situation) needs to be confronted/altered and make the decision to follow through...With children, we say, "I love YOU, but THIS behavior is unacceptable"...which seperates the behavior from the person...same applies to "grown-ups"..."I love YOU, but passing between the bathroom and guestroom without clothes on is unacceptable to me/us or my parenting values or because it sets a bad example, etc.,...then the "this robe's for you" idea sounds like an excellent solution!
.• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
((¸¸.•´ ..• -:¦:- -:¦:- Chandra
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´Farmgirl Sister #64
She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Proverbs 31:16 |
Edited by - MasterGardener on Jan 30 2008 2:50:50 PM |
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myfairlady636
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Janice
Fort Bridger
WY
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 3:28:54 PM
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I'm with Chandra- When others are in your home, they should respect you, your home and your values. Personal boundries are very important and it is obvious that she is crossing that boundry. I like the "this is your robe" idea and I think you should just be forthright and honest about your feelings with her. What is the worst that can happen? I also think that seperating the behavior from the person is the way to go.
My Fair Lady Farm Girl Sister # 92
"Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction"
http://millberrycottage.blogspot.com/
http://myfairlady636.etsy.com |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 9:48:37 PM
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you can always give her a taxi cab ride to the nearest nudist colony..she might actually enjoy it.(joking) but you've recieved good advice here. hope the situation improves and she umm learns to enjoy wearing clothing in your presence.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 04:37:46 AM
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I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at this. I like the idea of hanging a robe just for her in the bathroom. You could hang a sign next to it that says "No nudes is good nudes." She might just get the hint!
Really, your husband needs to talk to her about this. If it comes from you, it will be like an act of war. If it comes from him, as the head of his own household, it may humble her into complying. If not, take her that hotel and let her stay there until she can behave. Good luck!
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com |
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22shortie
True Blue Farmgirl
329 Posts
rebekah
sulphur
la
USA
329 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2008 : 4:02:02 PM
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! OMG! I wish I could say I can't imagine someone doing that but My MIL does the SAME THING! I just ignore it because I think it is a disgrace to her and I'd rather not be assocaited with the whole ordeal. As for my daughter seeing that, hopefully she'll see how disgusting it is and never act like that. Once, my MIL got out of her hottub, striped down on the back porch and waited several minutes before she bent over facing the window, and grabbed a towel. I saw IT ALL! YUCK!
Fresh and creative projects popping up on my blog daily! Stop by and check out what I'm up to today!
http://pumpkinseed-unscripted.blogspot.com/ |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 3:56:06 PM
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Time of year to BUMP this one.
God is with me, nothing can defeat me.
God is with me, nothing can defeat me.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
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Family Matters: Horrible MIL Problem |
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Horrible MIL Problem
