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Across the Fence:  The Neighbor Kid--got suspended, no boundaries  |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 06:16:20 AM
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The 10 year old boy accross the street is a funny, energetic, bright kid who is usually a good kid. He told me that he got suspended because he and his 2 buddies were going around at recess bulling other boys pants and *underwear* down and there were girls present.
My sister (who is a clinical psychologist and worked with sex offenders for years) said that at 10 years old he ought to know better than that and she thinks maybe he has been seeing things at home that are inappropriate, she suggested maybe his parents drink and have too much and have sex in front of him and that's why he is acting out.
Aiyiyi. I just feel sick. If that is going on that's just terrible. His parents do not mingle with the neighborhood at all. Most of the neighbors think that they are very materialistic and don't really like them. We have only been here since August. I have only had to get on to the boy 2 times for name-calling.
He said that his parents weren't angry, but they were very disappointed. I don't think they did anything though.
My heart is broken because I really like this kid and now I found out he's a bit "icky," you know? And at 10! I really thought he would be good for at least until he was older and driving. But, also, his parents are planning on sending him to a Christian private school next year. So, I think maybe they know that they recognize he's in need of a different environment.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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elah
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
Emily
SW
Michigan
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 06:36:43 AM
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Sorry to hear about the boy's situation. Maybe he was just following his friends and did not actually think up or start the playground de-panting. If it's the first time he did something like that then maybe that's the case. Boys that age sometimes get caught up in the moment with their friends and what started out as taking another person's hat and throwing it (which got the girls attention and laughing)got carried away before they even really thought about what they were doing.
Maybe the parents are switching his schools to get him away from those "buddies" that he follows into trouble at school. It's really hard to tell what is going on without knowing the family and the situation a little more. But I'm sure that child could use a positive influence in his life and maybe that could be you.
Just my 2 cents for what it's worth! |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 06:55:27 AM
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| Your sister might be reading more into the situation than is really there. Having spent so much time around sex offenders, she may be seeing sex offenders everywhere, you know? It sounds like it was a mean and rowdy thing to do, but not necessarily sexual in intent. Kind of like the classic wedgie or the purple nurple, both of which were popular playground torments when I was that age. Give him more time before you write him off as "icky". |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 07:28:09 AM
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Please don't write him off as 'icky'. You might make a difference in his life right now. And Amie c. is right. Too much can be read into any situation. I have 2 grandsons around that age and they can be the sweetest guys but rowdy too. Make your place a safe haven and see what's going on before you fall for what the neighbors say or think. MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 07:31:02 AM
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Emily, I hope you are right! That's what I hope.
Amie, I wanted to think that too. But, this week with the shooting at VA tech I'm kind of feeling like there is evil everywhere and I think with my kids I should err on the side of caution. I hope that you are right though. There were boys at my school that seemed nice, but they were really sick weirdos on the inside. I just pray that he isn't like that and this really was just a one-time thing.
What the hey is the "purple nurple?" Maybe I don't want to know. : o)
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 07:41:13 AM
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I'm in agreement with the others. There's a lot of "might be", someone "thinking" what may or may not be the truth, and guesswork going on here, and this is totally unfair to the boy and his family. Also, I know from experience as a teacher that that age kid likes to tell big stories, making themselves sound tough or whatever. There's no telling if what he told you is even totally accurate.
If this were your child, would you want people to be speculating, thinking the worst of you? I'd apply the Golden Rule here and not judge prematurely and without facts.
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
Please visit me at www.marykay.com/pmiinch |
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junkjunkie
True Blue Farmgirl
1306 Posts
Judy
Lawrenceville
NJ
USA
1306 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 07:45:16 AM
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| I think that at that age, boys do really silly and rowdy things, especially around their peers. It's a little over the top, but I don't think it's sexual. Sometimes things are read into too much and people are hyper-sensitive. Just remember when we were kids and the stupid things that were done...and if done today, we'd probably would have some label attached to our files! |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 07:56:59 AM
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I forgot to mention something else. He has a little sister and she looks like a boy. She has a boy haircut. She wears clothes and shoes that could easily be boy clothes. People who don't know her think that she is a boy. I know this because I have to tell people who come over that she isn't a boy she is a girl. She is about 7 I think. That was another reason my sister thinks that they are a strange family.
They are by themselves after school each day.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 09:04:32 AM
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I remember it was a "fad" during my 6th grade year (a long time ago) to de-pant other kids during gym class. I think it was just kids being rambunctious, and finding ways to best their fellows. I think the worst part was the victims being embarrassed, but when it happened to multiple people the rest of us just kind of ignored the person who was causing problems and didn’t make a big deal about it for the victims.
I must say- when I was 7 or so, the only way you could tell I was a girl was that I had REALLY long hair. I never liked the "girly" colors and would always wear unisex looking t-shirts and jeans. My parents let me be the tom-boy that I wanted to be. I only wore dresses to church and to special events.
Hopefully the family isn't "off" as that would be very sad for both of the kids.
Alee-
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Vintage Redhead
True Blue Farmgirl
233 Posts
Kaylyn
Saint Charles
IL
USA
233 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 11:35:47 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by _Rebecca_
What the hey is the "purple nurple?" Maybe I don't want to know. : o)
You probably don't want to know. But since you asked (and now probably lots of others are wondering) a "purple nurple" is to grab at the breast region of a young girl and twist it until it turns blue. It hurst *like h-e-double-hockey-sticks.* If she is developing, it hurts worse. I know from experience.  ~ K
~ Kaylyn ~ (Living in Suburbia with a FARMGIRL Heart!)
My Cause: http://nickspavilion.blogspot.com/
My Life: http://vintageredhead.blogspot.com |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 11:39:30 AM
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I still don't like the fact that the kid isn't aware of his effect on others. Think about how you would feel if someone pulled you pants and underwear down at school and exposed you when you were 10 years old. I would have been mortified. So, for him to be so flippant about it just makes me not trust him anymore. And the fact that he got that crazy at a school playground. You know? It wasn't him and his friends hanging out at a pool and doing that junk, it was on the school grounds at recess, geez. I just think it might be a red flag. I'm thinking he's home alone after school by himself with his sister. That's just asking for trouble. With cable and internet these days, yuck.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 11:48:00 AM
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Around here it's called "pants-ing" and is a "common" middle school boy prank. However, if done at school it is considered sexual harrassment and you are suspended for 3 days. My son had this happen to him during play practice and he did not want the other boy to get in trouble as his perception of it was just a prank. He was embarrassed and said he would never do it to someone else knowing how it felt now. It's hard to know where the lines are anymore and sometimes what is bad judgement is mistaken for something more serious. Remember mooning and streaking? Though I don't advocate the practice, mostly just poor judgement on the part of the "mooner" or "streaker". My husband's high school graduation had a streaker on a motorcycle! And where is that individual today? A great Dad of 4
who owns a thriving business and has been married for 25 years! (And it wasn't my husband incase you were wondering!)
I think if you have liked this boy to this point, keep an open mind and just be aware. Unless you see more distubing behavior, I would guess it's more lack of parenting/supervision than anything else.
PS...The boys around here only purple nurple each other, they would never do that to a girl. I think that would certainly be considered harrassment!
with a happy heart |
Edited by - bramble on Apr 19 2007 11:52:05 AM |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 12:34:48 PM
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Yeah, the de-pantsing thing was popular when I was in middle school, also...ESPECIALLY when girls were present. Usually done to more shy, quiet boys. I'm 33, so that's been a popular thing for a while, I guess. I think is should be disciplined, but I don't see a sex offender, I see a jerk and a bully, and always did when it happened in our school. Do you remember being 10? I'm pretty sure I didn't think a whole lot about my behavior affecting many people except my mom and dad, and that was because I didn't want to get grounded. Very few children are that self reflective at that age.
My husband and I were having this conversation a couple of days ago--the elderly woman next door has practically raised her great grandson and he's always been troubled...I watched him beat a tree with a baseball bat as a little guy, tears streaming down his face. When he finally "got it all out" I asked him what happened, why he was so angry at that tree, and he said "I rode my bike by here and it reached out and bit me!!!" So, I knew he was a little different--but I also know a great deal about his mother and her escapades...Now that he's 15, I tell you what...I'm the only person he speaks to...about anything. I talk to him all the time, , to say, "hi" or whatever. Even when I know that the story he's telling me is embellished, I try to listen with interest. I think I'm the only one who does. He was diagnosed as bi-polar, and also with Turrets Syndrome and now takes medication. I always try to encourage my husband to be nice to him, and he says, "why, so he won't kill me?" He also calls him the "future axe murderer" which gives me chills in light of this weeks events, but I just continue to be kind to him. You never know what it might mean to him in later years, or right now.
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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CutiePatootieFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
75 Posts
Tess
Vancouver
WA
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 1:25:21 PM
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Rebecca,
You seem to be a great mother. Your natural instinct is to protect your children. Which is what you're supposed to do. But you might look at it from another angle. For example: we had two neighbor kids who's mom never put their best interests first. It was always what would make her happy and what would make her life better. A lot of times she exposed her kids to terrible men and bad situations.
My mom decided to open her house and her arms to these two. She treated them as if they were her own, but still made them go home at night. Her house, her rules. And most times people think that kids would shy away from that, but they didn't. To this day they love her as if she was their real mom. She gave them the discipline and love they craved from their own mom.
I suggest be open to this boy and his sister. Invite her over to help you cook or with canning. Invite the boy over to play with your boys. Maybe let them have snack with your kids in the afternoon. Of course, set boundries and make sure they remember they have their own parents and house. But they are still at the age where they can be changed. Don't give up on them. They need some sort of guidance and school systems aren't allowed to give them that anymore.
Just my 2 cents as well. :) |
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Vintage Redhead
True Blue Farmgirl
233 Posts
Kaylyn
Saint Charles
IL
USA
233 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 1:51:44 PM
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Theresa:
I agree 100% with what you've said. While lots of people would disagree, I believe that deep down, most kids *want* someone in their lives who is going to be tough and give them boundaries. At the very least, I know kids just want someone to listen to them and give them some attention.
There is a little guy in my son's class at school. He is essentially ignored at home - his parents had him when they were *really* young and they haven't grown up much in the past 7 years. He is welcome here any time - if his parents will let him come over, that is.
How are you supposed to take it when you tell dad that his son is this awesome kid and you're about to invite him over for a play date and dad says "You *WANT* him???? You can *HAVE* him!" - while the child is standing right next to you - but before you respond, dad floors it and drives off...
It is no wonder children are so utterly lost in this world. It makes me so, *SO* sad. ~ K
~ Kaylyn ~ (Living in Suburbia with a FARMGIRL Heart!)
My Cause: http://nickspavilion.blogspot.com/
My Life: http://vintageredhead.blogspot.com |
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MariaAZ
True Blue Farmgirl
203 Posts
Phoenix
AZ
203 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 4:23:15 PM
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I don't have children and so really can't comment on if this is normal behavior for a 10 year old boy, but I DO know that this type of thing is not all that uncommon on cartoons. I am a big fan of the cartoon SpongeBob Squarepants. In one episode his boss, Mr. Krabs, wanted to break Bob of playing with fishing hooks so he engineered a scheme with Bob's co-worker, Squidward, to lure Bob into playing with a hook being manipulated by Squidward. Bob "took the bait, hook line and sinker" and got his pants caught on the hook. He ran to the restaurant where he worked and begged Mr. Krabs to help get him unhooked, but the only solution Mr. Krabs offered was for Bob to take off his pants. He did, but the hook was in Bob's underwear as well. Bob ended up taking off his underwear as well, and the episode ended with all the girls in the restaurant calling him "SpongeBob Nudie-pants."
I'm not going to comment on the psychological profile of the child in question, but what he did HAS been shown on shows aimed at children.
Visit my blog at www.craftyfool.net |
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 4:48:29 PM
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As a school teacher I think that your sister may be jumping to conclusions that arent the case. I would say this is "common" behavior and things like this happen a lot with kids of this age. At 10 kids are starting to become aware of their own bodies and really start to realize there is a difference between boys and girls. I would say that most likely the boys were trying to get a laugh from everybody.
If you asked a lot of parents to descibe their kids they would say they have good, well behaved kids. I think 100% of parents would be REALLY suprised at how their kids that they think are "perfect angels" act when mom and dad are not around.
This situation just sounds to me like kids being kids. I think you need to be carful about assuming that the parents are drunks and sex fiends just because the kid pulled down another kids pants. WHat if it had been your child? Would you want other parents assuming this about you?
I remember doing stuff like this when I was a kid and my parents certainly were not drunk and having sex infront of my sister and I and I certainly didn't grow up to be a crazy sex offender just because I pantsed somebody. It was just funny. AND when I did it my parents were "disapointed" but I don't think I got in trouble eaither.
I understand you are concerned about the type of influence that this kid may have on your child. As a teacher I would suggest that you should be more concerned with the friends your kids have at school that you know NOTHING about. Your kids could be a good influence to this boy. Don;t write him off because of one silly incident.
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gregs_lil_farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
219 Posts
birdi
hartford
me
USA
219 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 5:06:05 PM
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I have to say that I agree with the majority here and that I think that this sounds just like a kid prank. They can be mean and mischievious at times, but I don't think its fair of certain authorities to "label" certain behaviors automatically. It may be something to watch and I understand the reasoning behind this. But we, as a society, seem to label a judge way too quick sometimes. Just my opinion.
Our gut reaction isn't always correct but I do seem to give the benefit of the doubt until it becomes a pattern. Trust your judgement is really all you can do. He is a 10 yr old boy...says a lot. lol
-Simple pleasures make my heart smile-
www.fouracrefarmgirl.blogspot.com |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 5:27:51 PM
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sounds to me like maybe thios child needs a "friend" to look out for him.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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serenity1652
True Blue Farmgirl
140 Posts
Fawn
Elkins
WV
USA
140 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 7:44:56 PM
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My boys are 14 and 15 and them and all of there friends shank (pull each others pants down)all the time...They wear those silky shorts that hang off of their behinds and first chance one of them gets to shank the other one...off goes the pants...Oldest boy even shanked the youngest in Walmart...LOL I think it is boys being boys.
Fawn
"May all of your farm girl dreams come true...as mine has"
http://shallowcreekfarm.blogspot.com/ |
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sewgirlie
True Blue Farmgirl
1894 Posts
Sheryl-lyn
Calverton
NY
USA
1894 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 8:19:22 PM
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As a teacher also, I have seen this many times with middle school boys. They think it's funny because they see it on tv and cartoons (as mentioned already) a million times a week.
One year when we were all teenagers, one of my friends was at the ocean with us, and one of the girls unhooked the back of her bikini top and when the next wave came...."Look out!!" Well, the boys got an eyefull and we all laughed for hours about it. Even she laughed when she covered up again (with seaweed!). |
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Tracey
True Blue Farmgirl
766 Posts
Tracey
State of Confusion
USA
766 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 9:19:40 PM
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Yup, totally normal behavior.
Rebecca, I'd suggest relaxing and taking what your sister says with a grain of salt. I've got a sister who likes to draw upon her college education as well...and sometimes she's dead wrong. Often, actually, but I let her think what she wants to think, and have learned not to let her thoughts become my worries.
And I'm not sure what the daughter dressing like a boy has to do with it. Darling has been mistaken for a boy of late as well, and she's thirteen!
Visit Quiet Storm, our adopted Mustang! http://wildaboutquietstorm.com
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 06:14:08 AM
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Hopefully you guys are right. I would hate to over-react, yet I didn't want to be naive either. If it had happened at a pool or in the lake or whatever, no biggie in my mind. But, at school? Just not that cool. Just glad the other two boys don't live on our street too.
Just so you'll know, I really hate Spongebob square pants. I don't really enjoy the humor for the most part, there are a few select episodes that are goofy and I'm cool with them, but I hate that it's aimed at kids. Most of it could be done without. Aimed at adults it would be just another goofy tv show.
When I was 10 there were some kids that were quite perverted. So, I don't think that age is all that innocent. I wasn't exactly pure as the wind-driven snow and I was one of the sheltered kids. Have you guys ever been on a public school school bus?? Though I did grow up in the 80s and it was the MTV generation/Madonna generation, but it's not exactly better nowadays.
I wasn't assuming that his parents were doing weird stuff at home, but my sister had suggested that could have been one explanation. She usually isn't paranoid about it or anything. Her daughter is 16 and I've never heard her mention anything about being worried about the kids being nasty at all. So, this is the first time she's really said anything like this. She thinks it's not a big deal if it's around the pool, boys being boys, but at school in front of girls just really had her dander up.
I do know (and am comfortable with) a great majority of the children at the school where my kids go. I've changed some of their diapers, watched them be baptised, presented to the church, taught some of them in class, my husband teaches some of the older ones in the junior high class.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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Tracey
True Blue Farmgirl
766 Posts
Tracey
State of Confusion
USA
766 Posts |
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Carolinagirl
True Blue Farmgirl
486 Posts
Kim
Rutherfordton
NC
USA
486 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 1:51:49 PM
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Whew! I'm so glad to read that everyone else thinks that your sister is probably reading too much into this. Boys do stupid, embarassing things to each other (girls do too, as a matter of fact).And I don't think it's just the age- in the football movie The Program the boys (high school or college, I don't remember), the boys taped another player's buttocks together with duct tape. My BIL is a chef- a funny game that the other "boys" who work in the kitchen like to "play" is to hide behind the door of the kitchen with their winkies out and embarass the next one to come in. These are adult age people. MY BIL detests it but can't make it stop. Sometimes boys are just gross. That was a lesson I learned in middle school. So, automatically labeling this kid a sexual pervert is over-exagerated, I think.
As for the little girl, I have to laugh. I'm wearing my husband's jeans, his tshirt, and doing a man's job of mowing the lawn today. Though I'm pretty sure my husband knows I'm a woman. ;)
Kim in NC |
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Across the Fence: The Neighbor Kid--got suspended, no boundaries |
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The Neighbor Kid--got suspended, no boundaries
Glad your sis isn't being paranoid over it. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in your profession; sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders. 