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Family Matters:  Birthdays, Holidays, and Food  |
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sunshine78
True Blue Farmgirl
106 Posts
Cynthia
Western
Nebraska
106 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 03 2007 : 07:06:35 AM
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I am really sorry in advance for getting on my soap box, but I have to let out some steam. Since I got married in 2002, my in laws and family, husband included have made birthdays and holidays almost unbearable. Every single gift has to be pre-approved, no surprises and they all think the world revolves around them for scheduling, like I don't have family. Yes, I am an only child so it is easy for my folks and I to get together anytime, but it's just a consideration issue I guess. Anyways to the real biscuit burner. A couple of years ago all the kids (3 and spouses) went in on an expensive gift for my father-in-law. Apparently it wasn't the right brand or something because he went and bought his own and our gift is left sitting on a shelf. I hate that, what a waste of money. I would much rather him say he wanted to exchange it. I just found out about that last week so that's why it's fresh.
Hubby's B-day is coming up and he hates surprises (total opposite of me). So his gift has to be pre-approved,but could he want something reasonable, no it's got to be a 3 or 4 wheeler or some expensive tool. When he brings it up and I say that I don't know if we can afford that right now, he goes into singing happy birthday to himself in a depressed tone. He brought up the B-day thing at 4:15 this morning. Last straw! UGH!!! I have never asked for anything for my birthday since turning 20 and certainly not for outlandish gifts (because he already has a 3 AND a 4 wheeler).
I am about at my end people.
Then there is the food, when we eat together I eat slower than he does and he will salivate over my plate hoping for my left overs. I get guilted into giving him food that I would have otherwise eaten. I don't get it. One day I finally told him that I haven't enjoyed a meal since we got married, there is enough food, go get seconds. I also asked if since he has two other siblings if he had to fight for food growing up. He said yes. I don't know if it's true or not because he did not grow up without. UGH!!! Again I don't know. Sorry this is so long, but I feel better. |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2007 : 10:45:19 PM
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So glad you came here to vent! Sometimes it can make you feel so much better just knowing others are listening and care! I can totally understand how that might get under your skin and with eating it is the same here, I eat slow DH eats very fast...but growing up with two brothers has given me a tough side and I tell him to back off so it rarely happens  ! I do so hope things get better! As for the gift thing...I have no clue  Just hoping you can figure out a good solution and in the mean time here is a big (((HUG))) !
Hugz!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2007 : 08:11:23 AM
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Are you sure HE's not the only child ? 
I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it--families can be SO distressing, especially when they aren't your own, and you have to consistently learn them...I've been married for 6 years, and I'm still trying to figure this thing out. I'm an only child, too, so like you, sometimes these people seem nuts. (i.e. see "Family Trials and tribs, should I just keep quiet?) My dh's family always draws names at Christmas, and the "suggested" amount is $25.00. No sooner than we draw names, they all tell each other who they have and then you get a laundry list of what that individual wants, none of which costs $25.00. I usually receive two pairs of socks.
Tell his parents he wants a three wheeler or expensive tool and let them get it. For your gift, you can give him your leftovers at the party. 
Seriously, though, I would simply stick to your guns and don't allow yourself to feel pressured by his guilt trips. You said it best at the end of your post "he didn't grow up without". I know you were referring to food, but that seems to cover it all ways around. Birthdays are certainly fun--and they should be about quality time with the people that love you, at least that's how I was raised. Obviously, there are different strokes for different folks, and their celebrations revolve more on the material side of the spectrum. You can still celebrate, but you don't have to get caught up in the hoopla. You're feelings are equally important.
And, if they want everything to be planned and impersonal, there's always giftcards!!!
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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sunshine78
True Blue Farmgirl
106 Posts
Cynthia
Western
Nebraska
106 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2007 : 1:54:32 PM
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Love those responses! Funny. Thank you!
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a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2007 : 2:51:15 PM
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Stand on your two feet and tell the man you will not share your plate of food with him from this day forward, and don't feel guilty. Why not let your in-laws know what you have to offer for suggestions on happy birthdays and holidays. They just might need a wake up call. Remember, you are an individual who has feelings, rights, and solutions and you deserve respect. Of course before you do any of the above pray first. Only God has perfect solutions!
Remember me as a rose. |
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Family Matters: Birthdays, Holidays, and Food |
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Birthdays, Holidays, and Food
