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Family Matters:  Feel kind of guilty for being mad at FIL...  |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 31 2007 : 09:19:44 AM
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I have the best hubby in the world and his family is okay with me too. However, his father is getting really old (he's 81) and super cranky. He knows he's getting old and can't do stuff like he used to.
However, he has kicked both my mini-doxies twice (he does it when no one is looking, even if you're around the corner) and so I won't take the dogs anywhere near him. He hates animals of any kind. But even if you don't like animals, you don't hurt them.
Yesterday he went nuclear cuz the dogs were just in the yard (the one time I let my guard down and figgered the yard would be okay as they weren't in the house) and stormed into the house, dropping the F word as he went. Hubby and I almost left but it was the grandsons b-day and we stayed after hubby talked with his mom.
But it was all I could do to sit there even in the same house. I can't bear this man. I'm beginning to see the dynamics of hubby's family and I'm wondering if there is a lot more under the surface than I know. Things that aren't good but can't put a finger on it.
There have been many times when I've wondered how my hubby genitically (sp??) came from this family, he's so different and caring. So I'm wondering.
Well, must go to set up our 5th wheel but had to vent this out. Thanks for listening...
Winona :-)
Don't sweat the small stuff...
http://goneridingagain.bravehost.com |
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kitchensqueen
True Blue Farmgirl
521 Posts
521 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2007 : 10:15:41 AM
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Sorry, Winona. Family dynamics can be really rough sometimes. Don't feel guilty about the way you feel though. On the one hand, I feel for your father-in-law-- it can be really tough to grow older, especially when doing things gets hard. On the other hand, being abusive to your animals and rude in general is no way to behave, no matter what your age. I think the way you're handling it is good-- minimize your interaction with him, and we you do have to be with him, take things with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, you still have a wonderful husband, and you can at least be grateful to your father-in-law for that. :-)
http://apartmentfarm.wordpress.com
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2007 : 10:47:37 AM
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Ouch. I really don't like that he kicks your little dogs. I mean, it's no picnic with the bad attitude either, but that you can walk away from and remember "it's his stuff,not yours". Sounds like you and your husband are on the same page about this, too. Keep the dogs (and you, if you're feeling particularly conservative) out of his sight lines. I'd be too afraid of a confrontation if I didn't keep my distance. You can say all you want to around me about me, etc.., but don't do ANYTHING to my dogs!
Glad you got the best part of the gene pool in the family!
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2007 : 7:16:34 PM
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Hi Winona,
I had to read your post... could have written a similar one 10 years ago! My FIL was almost a split personality... very sweet and generous, or very crude and demanding. Extremely short fuse. My MIL was lovely, and my husband has her character (we've been married for thirty years; I think I can trust it ) Don't worry too much about your husband. Sometimes suffering through a father who is so difficult makes a good man. As for guilt, that I also understand... I totally lost it once with my FIL, and he knew it.... and never really forgave me. He's been dead for 10 years, and I so wish I'd been forgiving toward him instead of allowing the anger I felt to fester. Not to say you should ever place your dogs in a position to be kicked by him, but if possible, keep them away from the man. And for your own sake, if at all possible, forgive him.
Farmgirl hugs,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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Bluewrenn
True Blue Farmgirl
1122 Posts
Erin
Texas
USA
1122 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2007 : 9:53:27 PM
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Maybe it would be best to leave your dogs at home when visiting their house? If he really dislikes animals, then it's safer for your animals too.
Also, it sounds like a lot of this can be attributed to his age... I've worked with a lot of seniors and while some are generally nice and sweet, others hate having their routine changed, even for something simple, and they easily get cranky. Some just don't like the noise or mess or activity of small children or animals.
My Homesteading Journal http://toomyvara.livejournal.com
My craft journal http://bluewrenn.livejournal.com
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2007 : 10:31:41 PM
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Thanks you guys sooooo much!! We ate dinner at a pizza place with him and my MIL and lots of family (about 20 or so) so there wasn't a chance of anything happeneing. He acted like all was well with the world while I'm sitting there trying not to interact with him but still be polite, after all he IS my hubby's father.
The good news is we have stayed at the hotel since he kicked both puppies within 10 mins of each other (there was also another time he did something and I heard the yelp and saw my little one cowering on the floor...just wanted to clarify that) and I'd been successfully avoiding having to deal with him. The other good news is we set up our 5th wheel today and it's going to be where we live now (the hotel is getting expensive!!) and he won't come visit. Everyone always has to go to their house and I've never understood why and now I really don't care. But at least now I can keep my babies away from him and minimize my contact.
Thanks again for the support and understanding!!
Winona :-)
Don't sweat the small stuff...
http://goneridingagain.bravehost.com |
Edited by - goneriding on Mar 31 2007 10:36:17 PM |
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Family Matters: Feel kind of guilty for being mad at FIL... |
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Feel kind of guilty for being mad at FIL...
