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Family Matters:  Why didn't I listen to my dad???  |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 06:45:07 AM
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Slight Rant...
During the ice storm in mid February, a huge limb fell through our electrical lines attached to our house, and pulled the whole outside panel and siding off of our home...Insurance covers it, so it's not that big of a deal, I just needed to hire an electrician, and siding contractor, which I did, after much trial and error....Now, the electric is done and the siding is waiting in the wings, and the state electric inspector says, "No go". Not because of what the electrician did in regard to the line damage, but because of what my father-in-law, a licensed union electrician for the City of Cincinnati, did last August when he adjusted our panel to accomodate my new front loader washer and dryer. He's always made it seem like it was such a big deal (hassle) to help us out with things, so we never really asked, and then he finally did offer his help after my husband all but begged him...He asked us to pay for materials ($140). At that point I just wanted it done, and the price was right, you know? According to the inspector, though, it's all completely illegal and positively dangerous--he said he couldn't let it slide in a house of our age (1929).
So, how do you say to your husband, "Your dad screwed this up, and now it's going to cost us and the insurance WON'T cover it." I guess you just don't....and somewhere in the back of my mind, I recall my daddy saying, "Jon, don't do business with family members--don't sell a car to them, don't BUY a car from them, don't loan them money, etc..."
Grr.
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 07:10:38 AM
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Jonni - Sorry for your mess, girl. Even at the age of 86, my dad is usually right, too. And this website is WONDERFUL for getting your rant out and knowing all us girls are here to support you. But your poor husband isn't his dad(be grateful) and I bet he's going to be upset about his dad messing up, just as much as you are. But feel free to gently remind your dh if your fil ever offers help again.
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?" - 'Brother Dave' Gardner |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 08:14:58 AM
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Right as usual, Miss Bee--I think my dad also said blood is thicker than water, if I remember correctly, so even though my first reaction was to ring him up, I didn't... I would hate for my husband to think badly of me.
I really don't have the money to fix it (sounds like a pretty hefty bunch of changes), but I'll make it work somehow!
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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kitchensqueen
True Blue Farmgirl
521 Posts
521 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 1:26:25 PM
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Doesn't sound like fun. I wonder if your father and law would be willing to help with costs since he was the one that made the incorrect changes? Then again, maybe you might not want to go there with him since he's family and there's money involved... I'd just remind that when you speak to your husband, don't phrase it like "your father really screwed this up!" but instead go for the "the inspector says we need to make these changes" tact and let your husband draw his own conclusions. That way you aren't the bad guy.
http://apartmentfarm.wordpress.com
Now Open!: http://shadetreestudios.etsy.com |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 1:59:12 PM
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Honestly, I think I'm just going to leave him out of it--it's like I said, you can't really say anything...I don't know if any of you ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond ever, but I forsee it being like the time when Frank drove his car into Ray and Deborah's house and he decided that THEY should pay for the scratches on his car....i.e, one big stubborn mess 
I spoke with my husband briefly only to say that the inspection didn't pass because of some previous issues, and that we'd get it worked out. I didn't even mention his dad, because it's just not important, now, though he seemed to know what I meant, because, actually, the electrician told me he mentioned (to my husband) that things "weren't too great" with the panel, but backed off when he said his father did it. Electrician's pretty savvy, too, I guess!
I'm actually really thankful that this inspector takes his job so seriously--we could have had a major fire because of it, and losing my beloved pets and my home would be difficult to forgive--this problem is cake in comparison.
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 2:04:32 PM
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You are a very wise woman, Jonni!
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?" - 'Brother Dave' Gardner |
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Mikki
True Blue Farmgirl
1510 Posts
Mikki
Austin
Indiana
USA
1510 Posts |
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owwlady
True Blue Farmgirl
899 Posts
Jan
Tomahawk
WI
USA
899 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2007 : 2:53:08 PM
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| Jonni, sorry to hear about all your trouble. I agree though, never deal with family unless you really, really have to. I would have assumed like you did though that being a professional, your FIL would have done it correctly. |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 12:06:38 AM
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So sorry for the mess! I do so hope you will be able to get it all worked out soon! And yes parents words have a way of comming back at times  . But remember it happened to your dad too! We all live n learn! I am hoping for the very best! (((HUGS))) and you know for next time!
Hugz,
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 11:48:43 AM
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Jonni, I'm sorry that that happened to you. I too learned the hard way of not doing business with family. I only wish someone would talk to my daughter and put some sense into her. That her mother, her friends and relatives are all right and that she should not get married to the man she is marrying in 2.5 weeks. It is such a diasater waiting to happen. But it all takes us mishaps to learn that our parents are usally right. 
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 1:13:04 PM
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We do learn, eventually, don't we? Thanks so much girls for your understanding--it always helps to get different perspectives, and Miss Bee Haven was sooo right--my husband isn't his father, and Thank goodness for that!!
I guess we all have to go through those trials and tribulations, but boy was my father always right--he could read your intentions quicker than anything. Sorry, Bboopster, about your girl, but she'll get it eventually. I'm still working on it most days
My husband was really upset at his father last night, after talking again with our electrician. I just simply told him that it was "over" and we were now on to getting it fixed. Let's move on--at least we still have our home and our pets--no danger to speak of, and it will be remedied.
That will happen next week--thank goodness it's payday!!!
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 2:27:09 PM
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Jonni, a hug for you... and, I'm glad your husband understands the source of your trouble.
Betty Jo... Oh, dear! Maybe she'll still wake up and see her danger. I do hope so.
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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kitchensqueen
True Blue Farmgirl
521 Posts
521 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 3:08:56 PM
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Not to highjack this thread away from Jonni, but Betty Jo, I hope your daughter isn't in an abusive relationship; remember to support her (as best you can despite your feelings about her soon-to-be-husband) because if things to do get rough and fall to pieces she will need you more than ever.
http://apartmentfarm.wordpress.com
Now Open!: http://shadetreestudios.etsy.com |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 3:40:07 PM
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Jonni,
Just to offer some thoughts that might sooth your feelings about your father in law... whatever adjustments he made may have been perfectly acceptable in Cincinatti when he was active as an electrician. This is something that varies widely depending on where you live. Another thing, I don't think it's fair to ask him to help pay for the work he did for free when he only did it because your husband begged him too in order to save money. My father says something too, "no good deed goes unpunished."
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2007 : 4:05:31 PM
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Oh boy! What a sticky situation considering that you all have been on tentaive ground recently. I think you are right not to bring up the "Dad screwed up issue". Not only has your husband been disappointed in him for other things, now he is disappointed that his father doesn't know what he's doing with your house. I think your husband probably knows all this, he just doesn't want to hear it from you. Someday I will share a story of my well meaning FIL who left my SIL with no working bathrooms while my husband was renovating her entire second floor! OIY! Relatives!
Like everyone said be thankful the error was pointed out to you and figure out how to get it fixed to code and put your mind at rest knowing it's fixed properly. Sorry, sometimes there isn't an easy answer when it comes to the inlaws (or poison ivy!)
Rant away...we've all been there!
with a happy heart |
Edited by - bramble on Mar 16 2007 4:07:16 PM |
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Family Matters: Why didn't I listen to my dad??? |
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Why didn't I listen to my dad???
