| Author |
Across the Fence:  Can I have a wedding shower/reception for my son?  |
|
|
theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 3:58:14 PM
|
| My youngest son is getting married next month. YEAH!!! They will get married in ND on 3/17 and then are planning to go see her folks in FL on 3/20(this will be a surprise visit). The next week they will come to see us in GA. I'd like to have some kind of reception or shower for them. Here's the problems. I can't invite her folks because then it will spoil the surprise that Casey and Marissa are coming to visit. Can I have a small reception? Or should I just have a "after shower" for all of the local family and friends? Can you have a shower after the wedding? Since they have nothing to set up house with except a few furniture items I'd like to do something for them. Especially for kitchen items. I can find used items etc.,but thought it would be nice for them to have some new stuff. Plaese give input Thanks |
|
|
KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 4:18:29 PM
|
Ok...I've been to several receptions after the wedding--in fact, I'm going to another in March (a cousin, married in Dec. in Vegas and is coming back north to celebrate their marriage with family)...I think they're lovely celebrations of the marriage, but most of partys I've attended are for fairly well established couples, and request donations to charities in lieu of gifts, or are so intimate and small that something personal is more appropriate. I've even been to a "set up the bar" party for a couple recently married where we all brought bar items. Maybe you could simply call it a housewarming party and have an open house at your home for them. It's tough to "suggest" that folks bring gifts after the fact, but most people will do something as a kind gesture anyway. Gift cards, cash, etc... would be great because they wouldn't have to haul the stuff back to where they reside.
As far as her parents go, maybe you can "foil" them a little by inviting them to a family weekend at your place to take place the weekend they come to Georgia--spin it as a "get to know you better" weekend or somekind of birthday celebration that you thought would be great to include them in...don't know how well you know them. After they visit Florida, the secrets out, but until then, make sure your dil and son are "in on it" and that your stories match up...i.e., my husband turned 30 and I threw him a HUGE surprise party--I sent an invite to us for a 50th wedding anniversary party for his grandparents best friends, I sent everyone else his 30th invite and he never had a clue--for months I planned it and everyone talked "in code" about Jack and Jeanette's anniversary!!
I'm certainly no expert, so gals, jump right in. Anytime.
Just think of all of the roads there are...all of the things I haven't seen....yet. |
 |
|
|
theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 4:25:04 PM
|
| Jonni, I like the house warming idea. Since they are in the Air Force they (USAF) will be shipping furniture back so any gifts can go then. As far as her parents I have only talked to her Mom once on an email to introduce us. Guess I'll just play it by ear for the invite. Thanks |
|
|
|
GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
|
|
Norskema
True Blue Farmgirl
98 Posts
Candace
Central Indiana Area
USA
98 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 9:20:23 PM
|
My daughter's friend was in a similar situation. They had a second reception and had a lovely time and all the friends and family here were happy to help them celebrate. There really isn't a wrong way to do things as long as everyone is on board. It will be a lot of fun and I think you'll be glad you did it. Also, by then you might be able to have some wedding photos put together which would be very fun also. Congratulations on the upcoming event.
Every way of a man seems right to himself but the Lord is the tester of hearts. Proverbs 21:2 |
|
|
|
Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 04:46:47 AM
|
Actually, I would say no. I hate to be the dissenting opinion, but it's generally considered bad manners for family members to throw showers when gifts are involved; that should be done by friends. It's an Emily Post thang. And even if you say it doesn't matter, it will to some of the guests. When weddings happen, some people feel twisted to death over gifts and parties.
A party to honor the couple is fine, but it should be with gifts omitted. Sorry, I'm an old fashioned girl. |
|
|
|
happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 05:28:09 AM
|
I think the key to this question is to ask your son & his fiance what they would prefer. If they're okay with you doing something, then go from there. I also agree that a reception is better than a shower, particularly after the fact. I've been to lots of receptions that have been held after, even weeks after, a wedding. But not a shower.
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
http://happymama58.typepad.com/my_weblog/
Please visit me at www.marykay.com/pmiinch |
|
|
|
Leezard
True Blue Farmgirl
950 Posts
Elizabeth
Novi
MI
USA
950 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 05:32:04 AM
|
I say go ahead and if you're worried about doing the proper thing maybe you could have someone else "host" it but you could still do all the leg work. I'm not one for doing the proper thing all the time, especially with a situation like this where it's not a typical wedding type event. I think you could play it as a celebration for the couple for their wedding as well as a housewarming. In my opinion, if some of the people you invite don't like it then they don't have to come. I'm all about celebrating people's life events no matter who's throwing the shindig! 
My sister and I are throwing the bridal shower for my brother's wedding coming up this summer, that's probably not proper because we're the grooms sisters but it's one of the only ways we're able to do anything for the "wedding". It's cool with me if others don't like it but I'm not too worried about that because my intent is to celebrate their upcoming day so that's what we're doing
http://ruby--slippers.blogspot.com/
www.leezard.etsy.com |
|
|
|
Leezard
True Blue Farmgirl
950 Posts
Elizabeth
Novi
MI
USA
950 Posts |
|
|
a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 05:46:30 AM
|
Call it a Shower of Love for the Newlyweds!
Remember me as a rose. |
|
|
|
KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 05:54:36 AM
|
Oh--I also forgot to mention that most, if not all of the celebrations after the weddings I've attended were paid for, planned and hosted by the bride and groom. Like I said, most of these couples are very well established, and do everything on their own--it's a trend in this area to forego the huge wedding and throw a big party when you get back. We were going to do it, as well (get married in Ireland and send invites to a party the day we took off). I think I also mentioned that it's really difficult to suggest folks bring gifts, but people will anyway--I really never go anywhere empty handed Dinner parties, whatever...I always bring hostess gifts etc. That's boarding and finishing school in me.
I think, more than anything, if there is a celebration of their marriage, that it will be wonderful--regardless of gift or no gift. Receptions (historically) are a "community" event, for family, for friends and neighbors,to present the couple to their new "extended family". I realize that they will be living elsewhere, so label it what you want, but throw some food and some punch in the mix and you've got a party.
In the case of my cousin's thingee in March, the only thing I found a little "uncool" was that, inside the pre-printed invite, there was a computer type letter on copied stationary with baby stuff around the border, like an afterthought---"Yeah!!! They're Pregnant!!!" it says, and, that they won't be back in town before the baby is born, so please bring a shower gift to the party....I like babies, don't get me wrong, but I think I'll send something when I'd like to...
Just think of all of the roads there are...all of the things I haven't seen....yet. |
|
|
|
theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 08:43:47 AM
|
Thanks for all the ideas. I will of course be planning this with Casey and Rissa. The motivation for doing this is to let her meet all his extended family as all our family is out of state. Also being in the military for just a year they have nothing for housekeeping. I think it may just be a casual Meet the MR and Mrs. party and we will grill out and have munchies. Maybe some will be kind and bring gift cards or gifts. I'm not going to call it a shower or reception then we don't have to worry about all that etiquette stuff. We are not "fancy" party people and I am like most of you in that if someone does not like the way we do it then they don't have to come.
I have enjoyed all the input. Thanks again TEDDIE
Too blessed to be stressed! |
|
|
|
oceanfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Rachel
A Little Closer to Heaven
Oregon Coast
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 09:04:28 AM
|
I think that you are right on track with not worrying about what you "do and don't" do for weddings. These days, it's really anything goes, and like you said, if someone doesn't like the way you do it, they don't have to come. You aren't going to be able to please everybody. Just do all you do with the best interests of the bride and groom at heart, and you will be fine. As long as you have their blessing, I don't see how you could ruin the event.
rachel
See what I'm up to on my blog... http://minetothine.blogspot.com
OR check out my gardening activities at http://oceanfarmgirlsgarden.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 11:08:49 AM
|
Teddie- I like your "Meet the Mr. & Mrs." idea. That makes it seem less pressured to conform to shower or reception etiquette. Actually, it sounds like a lot of fun!! Good luck!
Karin |
|
|
|
Leezard
True Blue Farmgirl
950 Posts
Elizabeth
Novi
MI
USA
950 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2007 : 07:35:36 AM
|
Sounds like you've got a great idea there...very relaxed and a great chance for the family to meet her and for her to meet them. Have a great time planning and a good time at the party! :)
http://ruby--slippers.blogspot.com/
www.leezard.etsy.com |
|
|
| |
Across the Fence: Can I have a wedding shower/reception for my son? |
|
Can I have a wedding shower/reception for my son?
