| Author |
Family Matters:  Farmgirls without Daughters?  |
|
|
dena91
True Blue Farmgirl
181 Posts
Dena
Pennsylvania
USA
181 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 5:55:08 PM
|
We have been blessed with 4 amazing boys, ages 4 to 22. But, alas, no daughters have graced our home. Being 49 now, I'm feeling like my childbearing days are probably behind me. As it set in that we would not have any daughters, I realized how much I would miss that relationship - especially sharing all the farmgirl activities I love so much. (I know there is no guarantee she would like them too but...) Have other farmgirls had all boys? I know not all women feel a 'loss' in this situation, but I do. People say things like 'Oh, be thankful you have all boys; my daughter is far more difficult than my boys...' Not helpful. I'd love to have the opportunity to experience that for myself. Any thoughts or wisdom on this topic? Thanks.
Dena
Pennsylvania
USA
Farmgirl 5620 |
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 11:19:32 PM
|
well I must admit, I agree with your friends... our son is so much easier then our daughters! lol
However, with 4 sons, you have the potential of having 4 daughters some day.... when they marry. I say, when they marry, for the love of all things holy try to be the best mother in law EVER, never judging, never pushy, etc etc... and you may very well gain 4 daughters that would LOVE to spend time with you.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
 |
|
|
hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 05:57:14 AM
|
Dena - As one who knows that I am going to be heartbroken when I am unable or unlikely to have any more children, let me first send you lots and lots of (((hugs)))! I agree with Heather, in that in the future, your sons will bless you with daughters :) With that said, that doesn't necessarily help you now, unless your 22 year old is engaged ;) My only suggestion would be to "adopt" a daughter. There are always young girls out there that desire learning those "trades," yet their immediate family either do not have the experience or interest in it. I actually have a few of my own daughters, but I have also "adopted" a couple girls from school that want to learn different things. I have one girl that I have been teaching how to cook. Just yesterday I had a young girl approach me about learning how to sew. Would that be something you may be interested in?
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 08:37:25 AM
|
Hi Dena!
I am totally with you. I'm at that age, too, and my son - my only child, the son I prayed for - is just getting ready to graduate this year and move on with his life. I had wanted ten kids, but he is THE blessing for which I am eternally grateful. I really did want a larger family, and I can't tell you how much I would have enjoyed having a daughter as well. To be truthful, now that I'm older, there is that gnawing little ache over it that seems to get stronger with every passing season. I truly do understand. But when I focus on the blessings, WOW does that change my perspective! Thankfully we had fostered children before and shortly after our son was born, so we do have a sweet little extended family. One of my foster daughters actually has become more of a daughter-sister-best friend, and her daughter is like my granddaughter. SUCH blessings. And then, of course, we have many other relatives and friends with daughters whom I've "adopted" into my heart, just like Shannon suggested. They have filled very special places in my heart that only they could. And even now, the Lord has brought my son's girlfriend into our lives, and she, too, is an incredible blessing, bringing so much joy and laughter and happiness into our world - SUCH a PEACH! It's as if she has completed our family circle (Although I realize I'd better try to not get too attached, just in case! Can someone tell me how to do THAT?!). So, even though I didn't receive the gifts of many children and daughters as I had hoped, the Lord still answered my prayers and provided for my heart's desire in ways far more wonderful and abundant than I ever imagined. For ALL of them, I am truly blessed. And you know what? I plan to be an awesome Grandma one day! Maybe I'll have grandsons AND granddaughters to bless my golden years - wouldn't that truly be golden, indeed! :)
It's funny...When I was a little girl, a family friend gave me a little canvas wall hanging that read, "When life gives you lemons... make lemonade!" It had a profound influence on my entire life. To me, there's nothing better than quenching thirst by savoring the delectable sweetness of homemade lemonade - certainly MUCH better than staring at that sour lemon sitting on the counter and just watching it mold! ;)
'Time to go pray for my daughter again! I may be pushing 49, but miracles do happen, and I'm ready for them - however they come! :)
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
Edited by - Ninibini on Dec 08 2014 09:01:21 AM |
|
|
|
YellowRose
True Blue Farmgirl
6914 Posts
Sara
Paris
TX
USA
6914 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 09:38:49 AM
|
I have one son and have never longed for a daughter. Maybe it's because I had him at thirty-one after years of being told I would never conceive or if I did I would never carry a child to full term.
At seventy-two I have seen enough of life to know to hold on to what I have and to let go of regrets.
Sara
Walk in Peace - Live with Joy
FarmGirl Sister #6034 Aug 25, 2014 |
|
|
|
Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 10:26:04 AM
|
I have 4 daughters and they are all farmsy and animal loving. No sons and yet my sister has 4 sons----so you see it all works out in time.
Like Sara (YellowRose) I have seen enough of life to just hold on and be thankful for what I have. I do have Sons-in-law and some are Sons-of Guns. LOL
MB
http://www.smallcityscenes.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
|
|
|
ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 2:42:55 PM
|
I have 3 sons. To be honest, I would be clueless what to do with a girl. Maybe some day I will get a granddaughter. I really enjoy my sons (ages 32, 29 and 11). We have gone boating, fishing, skiing, skating, sledding, biking, hiking, and so on. I don't feel like I've missed anything. My oldest and youngest sons both like to cook and bake and I've taught them to make a few things. Only thing they didn't get from me was gardening. They do appreciate my hard work in the yard which is something.
Dawn in IL |
|
|
|
sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 3:39:15 PM
|
Dena, I have one son. I had hoped to maybe have more, but life has other plans. I think that you should think about fostering or adopting a little girl if that's what is right for your family. Maybe join a Big Sisters program in your area?
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
|
|
|
|
dena91
True Blue Farmgirl
181 Posts
Dena
Pennsylvania
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2014 : 7:23:35 PM
|
sjmjgirl - We actually tried to adopt a girl but over the 2 years that our homestudy was valid, 6 boys became available for adoption! We felt that one of those boys was meant to join our family so he is our 4 year old! Too fun!
I also noticed that your son has autism. Our 19 year old does as well :-)
Dena
Pennsylvania
USA
Farmgirl 5620 |
|
|
|
oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Dec 10 2014 : 1:12:02 PM
|
Dena, I had 3 boys and 1 girl, now I have 2 more great daughters (in-laws), another great son (in-law), as well as 5 grandkids, 4 boys and 1 girl, and I wanted to have 6 kids, but it wasn't in the cards for me, but adopting or fostering a girl or 2 might be what the heart ordered...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
|
|
|
windypines
True Blue Farmgirl
4178 Posts
Michele
Bruce
Wisconsin
USA
4178 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2014 : 03:26:22 AM
|
Yup 3 boys here and now 3 grandsons. The girls will come, as others have said.
just a girl farming in WI
Michele |
|
|
|
dena91
True Blue Farmgirl
181 Posts
Dena
Pennsylvania
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2014 : 12:32:27 PM
|
Thanks everyone for your wise thoughts and comforting comments. I guess its just like everything else in life; an opportunity to enjoy what we've been given. I heard this awesome analogy one time about having something happen in life that you didn't expect:
Say you plan a trip to Italy. You've researched the language, food, and culture and you can't wait to get there! While flying there the pilot has to divert the plane to Holland. You step off the plane completely disappointed, shocked and bewildered. You know nothing about Holland ! You wanted to go to Italy and now it looks like that's is not going to happen. As you get off the plane and begin to explore this unexpected destination you start to see that, no it is not Italy, but it does have some nice things about it; the flowers, windmills and canals are beautiful, just not what you expected.
Soooo much of life is like this story, isn't it??? Farmgirl hugs to all!
Dena
Farmgirl 5620 |
|
|
|
cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2014 : 08:45:37 AM
|
Dena, what a blessing to have 4 sons. I have the opposite situation...all girls. I kinda treated my girls like a combination of sweet southern belles and tom-boy mixed up into one. They learned all the girly things about farm living but can also do all the guy things, too. But, I can imagine that teaching guys how to do girly things like crocheting isn't quite as acceptable.
I kinda did what Shannon suggested....'adopted' one. Actually, through the years I've adopted many young men as farm hands. It's not too hard to find homeschooling families with sons that want their sons to learn farm stuff.
I think there are girls out there that would be Blessed to hang out with you and learn from you. Or perhaps you could find a small group of girls that you could teach a few workshops to.
God will Bless you with daughters-in-law. Just hang on. Last year, our family was Blessed with a son-in-law and I have the most precious relationship with him. In fact, he started out as a farm hand years ago! Isn't that funny?! After he became interested in my daughter and asked to court her, I didn't get a lick of work out of him again. ha ha
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
|
|
|
dena91
True Blue Farmgirl
181 Posts
Dena
Pennsylvania
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 11:44:04 AM
|
Too funny about your son in law! This morning I was thinking of family trees and it came to me that our tree is really just getting ready to spread out and multiply its 'branches'. Thinking of our families in a generational sense (kind of like stepping back and looking at the forest and not just the trees), was really helpful to me. Most of the comments here have been in that vein, but being a newbie to this generational thing (our oldest is just 22 and no where near getting married at this point), I don't have the experience yet to say 'oh yeah, this is not finished yet'.
Thanks cajungal
Dena
Farmgirl 5620 |
|
|
|
Ruby V
True Blue Farmgirl
220 Posts
Ruby
Chilliwack
BC
Canada
220 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2014 : 5:13:35 PM
|
If you want to spend some time with girls, the Girl Scouts are always looking for troop leaders. I was a leader for years. It's lots of fun and so rewarding. I loved doing little craft projects with the girls.
Ruby ~ Sister #3597 |
|
|
| |
Family Matters: Farmgirls without Daughters? |
|
Farmgirls without Daughters?
