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Family Matters:  Trying to Come Out of the Fog  |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 07:14:07 AM
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Hey Farmgirls,
I miss being interactive with this forum. Consistency for a little while and then either daily life or big life events demand my energy and time. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to even try to come back because I'm so hit or miss.
When I have come back and posted in the past, all y'all have been so gracious and loving and welcoming. TRUE FARMGIRLS!
Currently, I'm not just trying to come back to the flock for farmgirl friendship again, I'm trying to just re-enter life.
I've been caring for my ailing mom for several years. Last year, 2013, was the most difficult. She had a debilitating stroke that left her immobile and bed-ridden. Although I lived next door (our small farm is like a family commune with multi-generations having homes on it), I moved in with her. We were unable to afford any nursing care and didn't qualify for any assistance. I slept with her, fed her, had to physically pick her up and transfer her from bed to chair, clean her, and of course love on her.
My farm business had become profitable instead of just breaking even. Like any farmgirl, I did a little bit of everything....sold eggs, goat milk, bread, jams/jellies, show animals, homemade items. The farm was an educational farm. I held classes for homeschoolers, scouts and held adult workshops on sustainable living and butchering animals. I had an intern/apprentice program and a volunteer program. I was a vendor at the local farmers market. The business also had a mobile trailer that traveled to schools and put on educational programs.
When my mom had her first stroke, without hesitation, I closed the farm, cancelled all upcoming programs, and sold off more than half my animals, keeping only what we needed as a family. My mind and my self-identity had been prepared to take on the role of full time caregiver.
My sweet mom passed in Dec.2013.
8 months later, I am slowly coming out of the fog.
I'm in a unique place in life where I'm able to create a new life.
Last year held so many life changes....My daughter got married and I finished homeschooling my youngest, I closed my business, cared for my mom and then lost her. All of my self-identities had either changed or disappeared.
I'm still wife, mother and secretary to my hubby's business. But, it's as if I'm standing on a mountain and looking ahead at the horizon and viewing all that's ahead, all my options, and being able to choose to step right, left, or straight ahead.
I'm asking myself, "Do I start my farm business again? Do I do something new?" It's an exciting and frightening place to be.
Wow, just writing all that down has been cathartic.
I love all y'all farmgirls!!
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3930 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3930 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 09:20:49 AM
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I envy you. I am stuck where I am with limited options. Don't get me wrong! Life is good but I want a challenge. Whatever it is you want to do, just go for it and don't look back.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 12:55:14 PM
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Catherine: How wonderful to read your post; all that you did for your Mother. I believe if you were able to do all you did for your mom, you can do anything. Follow your heart. Keep us posted. I'm so sorry for your loss. I once read something about when a person has a lot of set backs, they feel like they've fallen to the bottom of the barrel. The punch line was that there is only one way out, UP. Big hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 3:39:37 PM
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| Catherine, it's like the care you gave your mother has given you a new birth. How appropriate! It took all of us a while to figure out what was what after our first births, right? And how interesting that nearly nine months have passed since your mother did. I don't want to get too philosophical here, but I can't help putting some of those thoughts out there. On a more practical level, you have a chance now to piece together the life you really want. I wish you success and much love. |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 4:54:15 PM
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Oh Catherine. So glad to see you back. How blessed your mom was to have you. I thought your post was so sweet. I'm sorry for your loss.
I agree with Marly. Follow your heart. Maybe you can do your farm business again, if that is what you want. Or try something new. Love your attitude. You can do anything.
Farmgirl Hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Farmgirl of the Month, January 2013
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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Audra Rose
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
Vanessa
Brooksville
KY
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 4:56:48 PM
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Please accept my sympathy for your loss. You truly honored your mother with your time and care. Now, as you transition back to your own life, ask yourself, or make a list, of what activities you are passionate about. You know that you can teach others, raise livestock, run a business....so step out confidently, and listen to your heart.
Doxie Mom - Everyone loves a Weiner!
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. |
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auntjenny
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Jenny
San Luis Obispo
CA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2014 : 9:49:35 PM
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| You are such an inspiration! Give your self a little time and you will know just what to do. I am so glad you are here. |
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Nana Shirl
True Blue Farmgirl
352 Posts
Shirley
Kit Carson
Colorado
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2014 : 8:31:34 PM
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Catherine..I too am so sorry for your loss...you indeed honored your mama as her caregiver and sweet daughter..It is a tough position to be in..I lost my lil daddy in April..I was the one here to help my mama care for him...now my mamas grief is so raw..I am dealing with that....Bless your heart for being there for your mama..now it is time to let yourself back into life...to nurture yourself..and let your heart lead you where God wants you to be...Blessings ..you will be in my heart n prayers...Shirl
You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me. ~C.S. Lewis |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2014 : 04:19:00 AM
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Catherine - First of all, (((hugs)))! I am so sorry to hear about your momma! What a blessing that you were able to spend so much time together and to help. It must have been a great comfort to her! Congratulations, yet more (((hugs))) for the marriage of your daughter and for your baby graduating! Wishing you the best, while you figure out where your future is leading you! I will be praying!
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2014 : 10:58:32 AM
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All y'all are so awesome! Thank you for the well wishes and prayers.
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2014 : 3:34:47 PM
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Continued prayers Catherine.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2014 : 5:28:01 PM
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First (((HUGS)))
Second- I can SO relate!!
My mom passed in Feb, followed by my brother in law in April. I am now just dealing with my emotions. It is very draining and at some times, I feel like I am a little crazy because my emotions are all over the place.
Well, I quit the corporate job- didn't even look back. Best thing I have ever done!! I have puttering around the house now, making meals from scratch and working on my own business, which is fresh and exciting.
I feel like I am starting anew everyday. I went and cut off my hair- was done with the long for now, I am wearing make up again and I am really enjoying finding my style. Then I emptied out this house and only put back what I truly loved. I have some Texas license plates on the wall and some metal lettering. I love it!! I would never have done this before but I think with the passing of my family members, it just snapped something in me.
My business will center around animals, in some sort of way. I headed down this path almost 22 years ago and stopped because I was told to get a real job. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my time in the military and the travel but I went down the corporate path and have honestly hated it for years. My passion was to be able to do something with animals and also do something creative with an animal base.
So here I go!!! Cowgirl boots flying and all!!! YEE HAW!!!
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2014 : 06:35:47 AM
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Heather, (((hugs))) back to you. I'm sorry for your losses. You're right, the rollercoaster emotions are draining. In the beginning, I felt like I was drowning and gasping for air. I still get moments of that feeling, but I'm coping better.
Congrats on your new beginning and YOU FLY GIRL!!!!
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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Dapple Grey Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
725 Posts
Betty
Goodrich
Texas
USA
725 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2014 : 4:37:40 PM
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Congratulations on your new beginning. Emotions sure do take us on a rollercoaster ride. I had a sister pass away in April. I still get so emotional at times and I am sure it will be that way for awhile. I have my dairy goat herd, my dogs, my horse and I can tell you animals are so comforting to me. A peace just comes over me working with them.
~ Betty ~
Farmgirl Sister # 5589 |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2014 : 6:33:24 PM
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@Betty...You're right about animals being comforting. I'll go sit with my dairy girls and cry. The queen of the herd, Millie, will always come up to me and lick the tears off my face. I'm sure she just likes the salty water but I'd like to think she's comforting me.
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2014 : 4:36:04 PM
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Heather, sorry for the loss of your mom and brother in law. Hugs to you. Fly, fly, fly.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2015 : 06:44:27 AM
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Any type of grief leaves one in a fog it seems...I am just coming out of it too after losing hubby 1 1/2 yrs ago..
I can feel what your feling....
Farmgirl Sister #368
~~*Terri*~~
Life is too short, it is just a vapor, live it like you wont have another minute with the ones you love......
http://thecontentedwomannow.blogspot.com/ |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2015 : 07:03:24 AM
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Terri, I just prayed for you. The ache of grief is deep to the marrow and while the searing pain may ease up, it doesn't end. I'll continue to pray for your strength and joy.
Catherine
Sister #76 (2005)
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt.
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2015 : 07:08:34 AM
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 Tears are streaming down my face,,,Ive been told the pain eases but, never really goes away...just when it seems like I get a hold on it,,it slips away again....aargh !
THANKS more than you know for your Prayers...
Farmgirl Sister #368
~~*Terri*~~
Life is too short, it is just a vapor, live it like you wont have another minute with the ones you love......
http://thecontentedwomannow.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: Trying to Come Out of the Fog |
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Trying to Come Out of the Fog
