| Author |
Family Matters:  Unhappy Changes  |
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 05 2014 : 1:25:45 PM
|
Well girls...it's been a rough couple of months. The weekend after Thanksgiving, Ric's mom took offense at some imaginary insult and got him so worked up that he beat the heck out of me AND scared my bird. My cousin came down to rescue me, and...I'm home. I'm living just outside of my hometown, in a location I have always loved.
I have not filed formal charges (that was the deal if he let me leave quietly), but the police and my lawyer are aware of the situation just in case. My bird's nightmares seem to have abated, but mine have not. There is a place in town that offers free counseling to abuse victims, but I'm scared to leave the house most days. Makes it hard to job-hunt, but I had already applied for disability due to some chronic conditions so we'll see.
Right now I'm taking care of my cousin's three-year-old (ADHD and disruptive behavior disorder, oh boy), taking long walks in the hills, and doing more crocheting than I have in years.
Ric e-mails me constantly begging me to come home, swearing he will change...I want to believe the fool, but I know I can't. As for that evil mother of his...grr.
I am free but feel like a prisoner.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2014 : 2:09:10 PM
|
Alyce--so sorry to hear about your trauma. Please don't go back to Ric. and do seek counseling--it will help you see the situation more clearly. Keeping yourself (and your bird) safe is the first priority. I understand your fear--praying for your safety and healing.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
 |
|
|
ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2014 : 3:41:53 PM
|
Alyce, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please get the counseling. It will help you rebuild your strength and help you move on to an independent life. You are in a better place now then with your husband. Take good care of yourself and your bird. You are in my prayers.
Dawn in IL |
|
|
|
rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2014 : 5:42:50 PM
|
Take care of yourself. Counseling would probably be a great idea as well as cutting all contact with him. Regardless of the agreement to not file charges I would do it anyway. He has put you through more than anyone should have to experience and it will take time to get through it. As long as you let fear rule you, yes you will be a prisoner, don't let him or his actions weld such power over you.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
www.madameapothecary.com |
|
|
|
nndairy
True Blue Farmgirl
3075 Posts
Heather
Wapakoneta
Ohio
USA
3075 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2014 : 6:01:50 PM
|
Sending you a big hug Alyce. I'll be praying for you. It sounds like you really could benefit from the counseling. Maybe call the place and see if someone would be willing to come to you. I'm sure they're used to people being afraid to leave home.
Heather
Farmgirl Sister #4701
http://nndairy.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
Dapple Grey Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
725 Posts
Betty
Goodrich
Texas
USA
725 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2014 : 7:17:00 PM
|
{{{{Hugs}}}}} Hope that things get better for you.
~ Betty ~
Farmgirl Sister # 5589 |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2014 : 03:12:02 AM
|
I'm so proud of you for being so strong, Alyce, and for choosing health, safety and life! You GO farmgirl! I know how confusing, difficult and painful this can be, and I think you're just amazing for taking these necessary steps. The girls are so right: counseling will be such a big help. Please do call - you will feel SO much better and more confident, please believe us. I will be praying for you to find your path and quickly begin to receive all the blessings God has in store for you. God bless you, sister! We love you and are here for you! Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2014 : 09:00:29 AM
|
Alyce (((Hugs))) Be strong and do fall for the promises. I did it for years and was a virtual prisoner cut off from my family and friends. Do not believe him, if he's done once, he'll do it again because he successful the first time and power is addictive. Seek the counseling and give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Being assaulted by someone that you trusted is a deeply disturbing thing to have to live with. Remember that you have friends here <3
You must do the thing you think you cannot do
-Eleanor Roosevelt
She with the most chickens wins 
Annika
Farmgirl & Sister #13
http://thegimpyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/annikaloveshats/
|
|
|
|
Marcy
True Blue Farmgirl
2701 Posts
Marcy
Tiverton
Rhode Island
USA
2701 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2014 : 09:32:35 AM
|
Alyce,
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. If there is anything at all that I can do, please let me know. Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
big hugs
Marcy
Farmgirl #170
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give...Eleanor Roosevelt
http://marcysworldofcreativity.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
wooliespinner
True Blue Farmgirl
1311 Posts
Linda
Manchester
Ohio
1311 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2014 : 10:22:12 AM
|
Alyce glad you are somewhere safe. I agree with the other ladies and please seek council. Its the best thing you could do for yourself. And you need to be good to yourself and let them help you with making good choices for you.Take care and be safe.
Linda
Raspberry Run Farm
Nubian Dairy Goats |
|
|
|
HealingTouch
True Blue Farmgirl
3448 Posts
Darlene
Kunkletown
Pa
USA
3448 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2014 : 12:14:35 PM
|
Alyce,
DO NOT GO BACK. He won't change. You have to change. You already did. You left. That's the first step and you can do it. God did not put you on this earth to be abused. Where there's no respect there is nothing else. Go for counseling and get your confidence back. You are the daughter of The King. You are in my prayers.
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Darlene
Sister 1922
God first, everything else after!
When Satan's knocking at your door, just say "Jesus will you get that for me?"
When it gets to hard to stand, Kneel!
|
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2014 : 12:24:10 PM
|
I would press charges too, not only for yourself but for the next woman!
Secondly, change your email address, I know it's not fair but do it. Disconnect from him completely. You have to break those bonds. It will hurt like crazy.... but after time, lots of time with out any contact at all, it will get much better.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2014 : 5:59:58 PM
|
Alyce, file charges. Get a restraining order. Why leave the door open for him to come back? By not filing charges, you're giving him mixed signals and he will continue to think he can weasel his way back into your life.
He needs to face serious consequences for the serious harm he has done. The courts often require convicted abusers to participate in anger management and other programs. Without this intervention he probably will attack you or someone else again, or even kill. |
|
|
|
rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2014 : 7:50:45 PM
|
| Alyce, I sure you know he hasn't changed, having been in a abusive relationship for 13 years I can tell you have to let him know you are in control of you life now, a restraining order is a must, it gives the law the tool they need, counseling is also a must for you, I went for two and a half years and so thankful I did, You probably don't even realize how this has all affected you, abusers take everything from you, and you don't even know it, try to get a copy of CO-DEPENDENT NO MORE. Now you put your big girl panties on and stop being a victim, you left him, just remember the courage that took, call tomorrow and get yourself some help, become the survivor I know you can be! Spread you wings and fly little bird. Roxanna |
|
|
|
hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2014 : 08:44:47 AM
|
Alyce,
(((HUGS))) and prayers are coming your way! You know what is best for your situation.... use your heart, but also your head. I'm a strong believer in forgiveness, but also in self preservation and learning from the past. I do believe people can change, but only when they truly repent and get a new heart from Jesus Christ. Unless that happens, I too would recommend cutting all relations with him (if you don't want to get a new e-mail address, you can always just block his e-mail address). Counseling is a wonderful tool to help you heal from the inside out. If you are a Christian, I would recommend a Biblical counselor. If you are not, I would recommend finding one that is truly empathetic and understands that you did NOTHING to deserve what happened!
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2014 : 8:09:48 PM
|
Oh Alyce, I am so proud of you for leaving. that took a lot of courage that you probably did not realize you had. You are out now, do not go back for any reason. Cut any connections with him. Do get counseling for yourself. It will take time to get your life back, but you will and you will feel so much better when you come through this on the other end. Prayers will be said for you...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
teckelhut
Farmgirl in Training
32 Posts
Sussie
Deschutes Junction
Oregon
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2014 : 8:19:27 PM
|
First off I must tell you how sorry I am to hear that you were an innocent victim of a violent temper.
Second of all. I am very VERY proud of you for leaving him. A beating now could be a killing later. Best you stay away from him. If he does continue to bother you even after you have told him not to, that is considered stalking on his part and that IS a federal offence now.
Sussie of Teckelhut Acres
Heritage Chickens
Meat and Show Rabbits
Certified Naturally Raised
Certified Humane
Deschutes Junction, OR
Farm Sister #5781 |
|
|
|
jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2014 : 11:42:00 AM
|
Praying that your bad dreams and hurtful memories heal soon. Do not go back, no matter how tempted. You have taken steps in the right direction and do not go backward. God bless you and may you find the peace and joy you deserve.
Farmgirl #31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2014 : 3:34:09 PM
|
Alyce,
So sorry for your pain and struggles. I agree with most that counseling would be helpful. If not an option right now for you.....there are online support boards out there.
You are strong and brave to take care of yourself and do what's best for yourself and your pet! Have a bird myself. Enjoy yours and allow it to help you begin to heal!
Sending hugs
Blessings,
Linda
http://grannysbirds.blogspot.com/
Country at Heart
'For I know the plans I have for you......'
|
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2014 : 2:13:52 PM
|
My insurance kicks in on April 1st, so I can start counseling then.
In about a week, I will have my remaining belongings. August 1st, Ric will be a part of my past. I have blocked any means of contact for Ric or his mother.
It's all so overwhelming sometimes. I burst into tears at odd times. I had a good dream last night for the first time in months. Thank goodness for you gals, and for my offline friends and family (all wonderfully supportive).
I know of a few guys who are interested in me, but I am SO not there right now. Right now I am focusing on my bird, my nephews, and the gallery show I have coming up.
Thank you all so very much. I love you gals (and the guys who maintain the place).
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
wooliespinner
True Blue Farmgirl
1311 Posts
Linda
Manchester
Ohio
1311 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2014 : 3:10:39 PM
|
Oh Alyce glad you are going to be able to get counceling soon. Glad you are doing better and moving forward with your life. Congrats on the upcoming gallery show !!! Thats so exciting and a positive step forward for YOU. You focus on you and take good care of yourself.Breath and enjoy your new life. Its gonna be a good one I truly believe that. Hugs.
Linda
Raspberry Run Farm
Nubian Dairy Goats |
|
|
|
rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2014 : 5:32:27 PM
|
| Alyce I am so happy for you, just take one day at a time and with each new day you will find a new great thing you have forgotten about yourself, and a renewed strength, I wish you all the best on your up coming gallery show! Roxanna |
|
|
|
jan49829
True Blue Farmgirl
2428 Posts
Janet
Winter Haven
Florida
USA
2428 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2014 : 6:03:49 PM
|
Alyce, things are going better for you. Keep up the great determination that you have. Things will work out for you. Sending good vibes for your upcoming show. I hope it is a success for you. Hugs!!!
Jan
Farmgirl Sister #3340
http://hardatworkcrafts.blogspot.com
http://Jan49829.etsy.com
|
|
|
|
hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
|
|
MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2014 : 07:27:46 AM
|
Thanking God for giving you the courage to walk away and to not only survive but thrive!
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
|
|
|
marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2014 : 10:33:44 AM
|
A new life is waiting for you sister! Happy for you!
Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter!
Silly Boys Trucks Are For Girls |
|
|
|
Family Matters: Unhappy Changes |
|
Unhappy Changes
