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Family Matters:  Pregnant frustration!  |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 31 2014 : 6:54:05 PM
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As I've shared with all you Farmgirls, my husband and I are expecting our fifth child. We're thrilled, and so are our four daughters.
I always very much wanted a peaceful, natural pregnancy and childbirth experience, but never got one - not completely, at least. For years I had a very "old school" OB who thought the more tests and interventions the better and everything was viewed very clinically and I felt I constantly had to fight NOT to fall prey to it,but I still did in some ways.
This time around I took the plunge and switched to a midwife practice and one that came highly recommended. I thought it would be fabulous, natural, peaceful...only at the very first appointment the midwife told me I'm "advanced maternal age" (I'll be 38 when this baby is born) and tried to pressure me to get about 50 prenatal genetic tests. I was shocked, and turned them down (my husband and I turned down all prenatal testing except the ultrasound for our girls). Then she said I should have at least three ultrasounds (we only ever had one per pregnancy before) because of my age and at least two different gestational diabetes screenings.
I haven't agreed to any of this so far, and I am almost halfway through this pregnancy. But, every time I go to a check up the midwife tries to lean on me to agree to all the testing. I thought midwives were supposed to treat pregnant women like mothers, not like we are patients with a "condition." When I left my old OB I thought I was getting away from that model of care!
Now, I'm at a point I haven't even scheduled an ultrasound AT ALL because I'm just soured on all this "treatment" like there is something "wrong" with me, or my baby. I want to be supported, not pressured and dictated to.
Did anyone else ever feel like this while pregnant? Or is currently pregnant and feeling this way?
Do I even HAVE to get an ultrasound at all?
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder
"A [wo]man is rich in proportion to the number of things which [s]he can afford to let alone." - Henry David Thoreau |
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AFinkberry
True Blue Farmgirl
310 Posts
Ally
Kalama
Washington
310 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2014 : 8:54:41 PM
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Well, this isn't your first time at the rodeo, so ultimately, you know what your body should feel like. Getting pressure from anyone to do something you don't feel comfortable doing (and even that small nagging voice that says 'why?' is a valid doubt) you have the right to not go through with something. Is it possible to switch to another midwife? Also, remember that not all midwives have the same training, so maybe this one has more of a "doctor like" approach. There is evidence to support the need for certain tests and ultrasounds, but as I've mentioned, this isn't your first baby so I think your body knows what to do. I feel sad that you are having this stress during what is such a blessed event. As far as needing to get an ultrasound in the first place, I have no idea. I've read both the pros and cons, the yeas and nays, and personally, I've had one with each. Now, again,depending on the training, your midwife may not feel comfortable not knowing what's going on in there and she may feel that she needs the ultrasound because that's how she was trained. I've read of midwives that don't recommend it and they are perfectly fine without seeing the baby. To me, three sounds a little over the top. You put it perfectly when you liken it to "treatment." IMO, I think the ultrasound will give your midwife peace of mind, but that isn't something I think should lean on any decision for you. You get the ultrasound if you feel it's right. I applaud and admire your choice to go as natural as possible in all of your pregnancies! Women supporting women is very important and I hope that my ramblings help you in some way, even if it's just acknowledging that you've been heard! We've gotta stick together, sister!!! You'll make the right choice! Good luck!
Ally
Farmgirl Sister #5672
"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness." ~His Holiness the Dalai Lama |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2014 : 11:26:31 PM
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I know many people who never had a u/s. After all people were having babies for thousands of years with out.
I think you should find a local LLL or natural mommy group in your area, look for a AP fb group in your area if you don't have LLL and ask around....that's how I have found the best natural medical help!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2014 : 05:59:34 AM
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Thank you so much Ally and Heather for being so supportive. I really don't understand what is wrong in this country with treating pregnant mothers like we have an illness that needs to be controlled!
I was watching some special on cable recently about a birthing clinic in Bali where the midwife group there holds guided meditation groups, yoga classes, and prenatal massage , etc., as their standard care for expectant moms, with all medical testing as optional. They do, of course, monitor the moms for signs of dangerous conditions like pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes, but their norm is not to push laundry lists of tests or medical interventions that aren't even indicated. In fact, when a mom goes into labor they have several midwifes and assistants on hand and encourage her to bring family memebers who all sing to her and massage her and she walks around with their support - even outside - and all the windows of the birthing center and rooms are open to the fresh air. The women there are not even hooked up to baby monitors or IVs unless it is medically indicated or they request it.
Now, I'm not naïve - I know there are plenty of women and babies out there who have been saved by medical interventions, and there are plenty of complications of labor and delivery that require heavy-duty medical care and I am glad we live in a country where these things are available when needed. What I don't like is that pregnancy, labor and delivery have so often been turned into an automatic "problem" that mist be treated and tested and tampered with. What, I NEED T0 genetic prenatal tests because I'm over 35? I know the risks and am at peace with that, I didn't ask for the tests (and it's fine if any woman wants them, I just don't), but I keep being coerced to get them anyhow? And I have never had gestational diabetes, but suddenly I am being told because I'm so "old" I need to be tested over and over again even though I show no symptoms? And we never had a an ultrasound that showed an anamoly or problem, but now I need THREE? The midwife tried to pressure me to have an ultrasound at 12 weeks, when I asked her why she said, "Well, with advanced maternal age you run a greater risk of genetic anamolies...it's better to know earlier if you have one to leave your options open..." Uhhh....that's an ominous thing to say to a pregnant mom!! I passed on that, and the one she tried to strong-arm me into getting at 16 weeks, now I am almost halfway through the pregnancy and she seems upset with me for not doing all this. Like I wrote in the original post, I am at a point I don'tt even want any ultrasound because I just want my baby and I left in peace.
And who knew that 37 (I will be 38 when the baby is born) was so ADVANCED for maternal age! I just had a friend who had her first baby at 41 and I didn't think that was "advanced!" This is my fifth, it's not like I lack experience!
I'm not a PATIENT for heaven's sake! I'm an expectant mom!!!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder
"A [wo]man is rich in proportion to the number of things which [s]he can afford to let alone." - Henry David Thoreau |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Feb 01 2014 06:04:26 AM |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2014 : 06:53:01 AM
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I soooooooo understand where you are!!!!! I am not "allowed" legally to see a midwife due to having 2 c-sections, however, with baby number 6, the OB wanted to treat me the same way.... so I started doing A LOT of research. When she would start pushing something, I would come back with research why we were not going to do it. She finally learned to respect our family's wishes - enough so, that when/if we get pregnant again, we will go see her. It seems like the more "advanced" we get in the medical field, the more the medical professional "knows" and the "less" the patient knows. There are some that do not view it that way, but it seems like most do. What they don' seem to tell you, is you do not HAVE to do anything! You do not have to have any tests done, any ultrasounds, any vaccinations, etc. There are times there are "consequences" though, such as in SC if you as the expectant mother, do not get an HIV test, it is state laws that the baby must be tested. Overall, I say do your research, decide what is best for YOUR family, and stick to your guns. If the midwife is too pushy that you hit the point where you are not comfortable, I personally would switch!!!
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2014 : 11:14:57 AM
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I had my son at the age of 38. He's now 6 years old. The only problem is that he has childhood apraxia of speech which is a neurological defect between the brain and the tongue and effects motor planning skills. There is no other defect though. It doesn't effect his movement which in alot of cases it does. I know you want minimal testing but I would at least get the 4d ultrasound done so you can be prepared for potential birth defects like Downs or spinabifida. I didn't have amniocentesis done due to it inaccuracies. I mean afterall I was going to love my child no matter what. I understand what you're saying but even in the labor room how the delivery goes is what determines how youlr birthing setting is going to be. I realize you have something ideal in mind but don't get your heart set on something that might not be. I'm not trying to sound pessimistic or hateful but a healthy child is the goal and with that way the risks of not getting tests against the possibilities of something not being right in utero. I did all the right stuff I gained 8 lbs when I was pregnant lost 20 afterwards. Other than the cas Danny is healthy. Granted all the testing in the world can't make a healthy child but even back pre 1900 there was a high chance of infant mortality due to lack of prenatal care. Do what you want but remember if something goes wrong (God forbid) you are going to be doing the what if thing. Alot of things can be fixed after the child is born if the problem is known ahead of time.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3945 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3945 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2014 : 9:26:40 PM
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I believe the midwife is trying to cover her fanny in case something does go wrong. Maybe if you could release her from some forms of liability she will feel better. I have never been pregnant; however, I have worked on some sensitive jobs and I always spelled out what I could and could not beresponsible for in my contract.
Marie, Sister #5142
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6611 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6611 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2014 : 05:37:25 AM
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Suzanne, as a nurse for 34 years, I agree that you are always free to decline healthcare suggestions. Keep in mind that the nurse midwife is only practicing the recommended prenatal guidelines based on your age. Each pregnancy is different and should be treated as unique. There are never any guarantees that everything will be trouble free or without complications and some issues are not anything that you can see or would even know were happening. I think the midwife is just trying to make sure you are fully informed of prenatal guidelines for your age so that if there are any issues identified, you and your husband will be informed and able to make the right choices for further treatment needs or delivery needs. But again, you are always free to decline. Based on what you and your husband desire, perhaps, the two of you can sit down with the midwife again and discuss your reasons for skipping the tests and find a happy medium. That way, together you might be able to agree on a medium ground that decreases your statistical risk but fits with you and hubby's desire to not do any tests. The nurse midwife is only trying to help you have a healthy baby and delivery. If you can see that from an objective perspective, I feel certain together you will be able to find that middle ground that makes sense to you and allows this pregnancy to proceed making sure you are staying healthy and that the baby is growing normally. Good luck with your decisions and enjoy your pregnancy!
Winnie #3109 |
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2014 : 10:13:26 AM
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How frustrating! I went through that with baby #3 when I refused most of the tests because this was my 3rd in 4 years. Now that I am going to a private midwife practice, I am shocked at the difference and it's a great one! I am SO sorry to hear about how your experience isn't going as thought. You are definitely not whatI would call 'advanced' maternal age- you're still young!!! But maybe the midwife has to do that to protect herself in this litigation-happy age we live in? Also, I found out certain states have different laws regarding births. Like if I was having twins I'd have to see a regular OB despite my age and no home birth for twins! I was shocked because in my home state that doesn't matter! I really feel for you and will be praying she stops leaning on you so hard so you can enjoy the pre-natal appointments!!! So happy for you and congrats on baby 5!!!! When are you due? I'm due June 8:-)
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Mar 02 2014 : 05:01:21 AM
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Thanks for the support, Krystle, and congratulations on your pregnancy!! Isn't it a miracle every time?! I'm due at the end of June, so I'm scrambling to make sure all our homeschool goals are met by June 1 - which isn't easy, since I had us start the school year rather late (before I knew I was pregnant again)!
Yes, I'm just frustrated that I have never gotten the prenatal/birth model of care that felt right for me. Maybe it is the state I live in - Ohio leaves a lot of room for medical litigation, which I am sure does make all caregivers jumpy.
I just want to know why some midwives or OBs have to treat pregnancy, labor and delivery like something is WRONG, even when it isn't. I just found out last week that after I had blood drawn my midwife ordered a bunch of additional genetic tests for it that I had already refused without my knowledge. My insurance company said this particular bunch of tests were completely unnecessary, since the anamolies being tested for would not be more likely based on maternal age and we have no family history for them, so now they want me to pay out of pocket for them to the tune of $800!! I think this is outrageous, since I never agreed to the testing in the first place. I'm trying to decide what I can do about it.
Again, I'm just frustrated!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder
"A [wo]man is rich in proportion to the number of things which [s]he can afford to let alone." - Henry David Thoreau |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Mar 02 2014 : 06:29:41 AM
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Oh Suzanne! I am so very very sorry!!!!! That is WRONG in every sense of the word! If you already refused, I would most definitely call the midwife's clinic and tell them THEY need to pay the charges, as they had NO right to run those labs without your consent! If they argue, I personally would switch midwives and find a malpractice attorney as well. That is outrageous!
I understand the need to cover the basics, and to offer recommendations based on scientific findings - HOWEVER, God created that little one within you and blessed you to be the child's mother - not the midwife, not the scientists, not the genetic engineers. It drives me bonkers when doctors treat you like you are sick or "have a condition" rather than being blessed with an infant growing within you.
I look forward to being pregnant again in the future, Lord willing (we have 6), but I also know that as I get older (I'm almost 35), more and more comments will be made regarding my age, number of children, etc. We are blessed to have found a fantastic doctor for our last pregnancy that makes recommendations and only "argues" about one's she is adamant about - specifically GBS screening and for gestational diabetes.
Oh - and as far as homeschool - I'm not sure the age of your other children, but we found them doing some school after the baby was born, that they could do on their own (the oldest reading to the younger, math for the most part, handwriting) - kept them busy and on a schedule which helped our family. We were not rigid, but it was nice on the rainy days especially, when I was busy with the baby, and they were bored with everything so they were bickering, to give them something to do.
Continuing to pray for you!
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: Pregnant frustration! |
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Pregnant frustration!
