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Across the Fence:  Silence is golden...or is it?  |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 04:49:15 AM
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Sigh...I've been dealing with a very difficult on-going situation and i just don't know what to do. It involves a secret war between two people I know--a person i once considered a friend, and the other person I've considered a friend for a long time now, but I'm really starting to wonder. Somehow i got caught in the middle of this war and so far, I've been keeping silence because if I start telling people the truth--well, it could (would) ignite a firestorm. Most people don't have an inkling about this secret war, but some people know about it, and they seem to be blaming me for it. Like I'm to blame for trusting these people? The message I've been getting from the people who know is along the lines of "Why don't you just lay down and die?". No one's actually said those words, but from the looks I've received and the things I've overheard, that is indeed the message. I've been "protecting" the one person I know whom i still consider to be a friend, but I'm having second thoughts. He doesn't seem to appreciate it very much, won't talk about it, and i don't know if it's because he just doesn't care about me, or if there' some other reason i don't know about. All I know is, I feel like I've had to "lie down and die" so many times that I just can't take it anymore. I recently had a dream in which I was standing in a cemetery, and all the gravesites were completely filled up--there simply was no room left to bury anyone. And i simply can't "lie down and die" one more time.
Add to that a recent situation where someone I know and respect said something about one of the parties involved in this secret war--and i was thinking "If you only knew the truth". i was tempted to tell him the truth but I didn't want to shatter his illusions. But he trusts these people so much, it seems like he really deserves to know the truth---I just don't know what to do. I've cried, I've prayed, I've fumed...it feels like I've been so concerned about the other people involved in this war that I've forgotten to protect myself. Lots of people have been telling lies about me, some deliberate, and some because people just don't know any better. There's a part of me that wants to set the record straight, but at what cost? I'll be vindicated if i tell the truth, but will it be worth the trouble that it will create if i tell the truth? I just don't know. On a spiritual basis, the message I've been receiving is "Wait and see..." like there's another piece of this puzzle that I'm unaware of. But in the meantime, I need to protect myself, and I feel ready to lash out at the next person I hear who tells a lie. I feel like I'm living a lie and it's not a very good feeling.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 05:58:03 AM
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| Cindy - (((hugs)))!!!!! I am so sorry you are going through this, especially around Christmas! |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 07:06:34 AM
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That's such an awful position to be in, Cindy! I'm so sorry! You're right to follow the spiritual message. I really don't ever "move" in a situation until I know I have been "released" to do so. Having said that, would it at all be possible just to tell both parties that you no longer want to be their sounding board and prefer to be out of the situation all together, and then turn around and tell anyone who has any qualms with you, or who is lying about you, that you have notified both parties you will no longer allow yourself to be put in the middle anymore, therefore they should keep their ludicrous opinions and hurtful lies and gossip to themselves. When you are caring for both people in the midst of a struggle, you become the rope and if the rope is pulled too tightly, it can snap. You deserve so much better than this. You have such a loving, caring heart. But in this situation, you can't do them any good. They have to figure it out on their own and stop dragging you into their craziness, you know what I mean? Walking away and taking care of your own heart and psyche is not a crime. Staying out of it will be good for you all around, and, perhaps, the parties involved will have to deal with each other directly and resolve the issue all together... We can hope, at least.
Enjoy your holiday season, sister - YOU are SO worth it!
Hugs and love -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 07:38:29 AM
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I understand the pain of being in the middle. I think Nini's suggestion is a possiblity, you would not be telling lies or exposing lies, but rather pulling out of the web you are now in. If the opposing sides won't talk about it, write them each a note saying you are out of the equation. If you are having such dreams you are under major stress and need to take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Susan
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 07:43:48 AM
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I agree with Nini.....time to step away and take care of yourself. Let go and Let God/Spirit/Universe take care of it for you. I have had to do this with my younger sister who has told me that she washes her hands of me. I beleive that it will be worked out however God needs it to be. You just have to continue to have a good relationship with Him and He will direct you.
Hope this helps and I'm so sorry you have been placed in this situation. Challenges are in place so we can grow. Grow away, Farmgirl!
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #1682
Thirty-One Independent Consultant
www.mythirtyone.com/sherone
My Blog
www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com
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Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 2:07:58 PM
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well, I thought about it all day at work, and I've decided that if the one person I still consider to be a friend doesn't respect me--and it appears he really doesn't--then it's over. As for the other person--I don't know if any of you have ever dealt with a sociopath--a person who appears "normal" but secretly has no conscience--that's what she is. I avoid her like the plague. what's sad is, I believe there was a time when she was "normal"--her parents went through a nasty divorce when she was eight and she acted out the pain she was feeling--her father decided she needed an attitude adjustment and her parents put her in a mental institution. she was never the same after that. I tried to be her friend but you can't be a friend with a sociopath. It's like trying to cuddle a porcupine. I just feel depressed that it's come to this--my dog just chewed up a doll that I've treasured for years and I was yelling at him--this whole situation is just bad for me. It's turning me into a mental/emotional wreck--there's nothing more I can do. i've done everything that's humanly possible. And it wasn't enough.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 4:40:48 PM
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| Oh Cindy! (((HUGS)))!!! I am so sorry that you are going through such an emotionally trying time right now! Praying that walking away is a blessing to all involved! |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
4001 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
4001 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2013 : 4:59:56 PM
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Because this situation is haunting your dreams and causing you to be mean to your dog, it is time to withdraw from this situation for your own good. Tell the party you still deal with that you will not deal with this problem anymore. Tell anyone else the same thing and if they pump you for information, tell them you cannot tell anything because the situation is private.
To take care of yourself, seek some kind of counseling and do not take phone calls, visits or emails from these people. Perhaps writing this all down in a journal will help you make sense of how you got drawn into this situation and how you may keep yourself out of a similar predicament. Always take care of yourself first.
Marie, Sister #5142
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2013 : 3:35:20 PM
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I agree with everyone else. Time to walk away from the situation and let those two figure it out for themselves. This time of year is supposed to be about faith, hope and joy and celebration with the ones you love. Take care and remember you always have your "Sisters"!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2013 : 4:22:07 PM
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I agree with everyone also. Not only that kind of stress is bad mentally but also physically. You should walk away from that situation. You are not a verbal punching bag for some one to use. And the sociopath that is just dangerous. They have no empathy, its all about them. Keeping you in my thoughts . Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter!
Silly Boys Trucks Are For Girls |
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Across the Fence: Silence is golden...or is it? |
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Silence is golden...or is it?
