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Family Matters:  Major Drama  |
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MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 09 2013 : 2:10:31 PM
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Well, it didn't work. She came in violating the no alcohol rule, and has tried to run me and my house. They still have a place to stay on base til the end of the month. She is no longer allowed here. We got into a physical altercation when she cursed me in my own home. She then proceeding to slam things and generally act like she lost her mind. I called dispatch to have them send a deputy to have her removed, she followed me around the house, so when I went outside, she followed, I came back in, closed and locked the door. She then proceeded to kick in my door and I proceeded to beat her down like she was a stranger who was breaking into my home. That was the final straw.
The deputies observed her behavior and got her for disorderly conduct. Her husband was called in, he had to make the situation aware to his command. She is at the moment, getting a mental evaluation. They will release her this evening and she has another court date. My grands had to see her being put in a squad car. I'm not sorry she is gone because she refused to follow the rules and she refused to seek help. Her husband has been informed by his command that HE will be held accountable if she is not getting her treatment.
Poor man is now moving their stuff back out of the house. Dont know how long he can stay there or where his family will be after that. They are in my prayers and I know she will do all she can to keep me from seeing the kids but he wont. He knows he needs us.
Can't say that we didn't give it a go but she came in lying and being deceiving and looking for a fight to justify her reasons for breaking the no alcohol rule. By picking fights with me over my not thinking it necessary to break out every piece of meat in the house to cook for one night, knowing money is tight, she clung to that as her excuse. She then posted on FB about doing what she wants to do. What she didn't expect was me doing what I want to do. She has had the family walking on eggshells and being held hostage to her madness for too long. Never again. She cannot come into my presence with out a note from her doctor saying she is receiving therapy, is medicated and going to AA. As we've been paying for their cell phone (family plan) I put her phone on season so it can't be used to call and harass me. She's going to see what real tough love is all about.
Her husband is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Wanting to protect her but knowing that she cant be helped without getting help. It has caused him to lose his promotion at work.
Beer bottles stuck between mattresses and in book bags...the madness has to go somewhere else. Now we have to turn our home upside down again while they move back out. He will hopefully find someone from work who can help him finish up tomorrow as he has to do it without her.
What a day.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
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CindyG
True Blue Farmgirl
293 Posts
Cindy
Fairfax
VA
USA
293 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2013 : 3:04:22 PM
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Tracy,
I am so sorry to learn of the outcome. I admire your willingness and effort to open your home to help make the situation better for them.
Hopefully the right social services can assist at this point.
You are to be commended for trying-
Cindy
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wooliespinner
True Blue Farmgirl
1311 Posts
Linda
Manchester
Ohio
1311 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2013 : 8:16:57 PM
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I am so sorry Tracy that things with your daughter didn't work out. You tried and did the best you could but sometimes it just plain doesn't work. At least you know you did what you could. I hope her hubby can steer her toward professional help and she accepts it and gets back on track. Praying for all of you. Hugs to you.
Linda
Raspberry Run Farm
Nubian Dairy Goats |
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nndairy
True Blue Farmgirl
3099 Posts
Heather
Wapakoneta
Ohio
USA
3099 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2013 : 11:21:03 AM
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Tracy,
I applaud your efforts. You sure did try to help her. It's too bad that the little ones are stuck in the middle of all this. Hopefully your tough love will help her to realize she needs to accept help and get back on track. I will be praying for all of you.
Heather
Farmgirl Sister #4701
http://nndairy.blogspot.com/
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2013 : 3:19:25 PM
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Oh, Tracy I'm sorry you're still going through this. I know you've been put through the wringer. I'm just glad that she's out of the house and maybe she'll finally get the help she needs. Stay strong!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - Oct 13 2013 : 12:56:29 PM
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Thanks for your support and prayers. They are much needed and coveted. I got an email from my "son in law" stating that everything that is wrong with my daughter is my fault, I am no Christian and I can no longer see my grandchildren. It hurt and angered me but what can I do? He's confused and lost himself. He's angry because I told him he should remind her not to post all her business on FB because it will come back to haunt them both. She had her peanut gallery friends who mean her no good, egging her on. Instead of him putting an end to it, he jumped on about having her back...cool, have her back and protect her but also protect her and your children from herself. He's angry that the children saw her being arrested. I didn't have her arrested. Her mouth and actions had her arrested. It was the state, not me who made that call and he knows it, he was standing right there.
So, according to him, I know longer have grandchildren. The devil is a liar. I will always have my babies and they will always remember my love for them. And their parents will call me before I call them. He has crossed into the dark side and is now her full time enabler and room mate in the land of delusion and mental illness. I can only pray.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
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Alanna Neupert
True Blue Farmgirl
66 Posts
Alanna
cabot
PA
USA
66 Posts |
Posted - Oct 13 2013 : 6:15:29 PM
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| I'm so sorry Tracy that this has happened to you and your daughter. It is so easy for some people to point the blame at one person and to stop letting you see your grandchildren is terrible . I so feel for you. 'Alanna |
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MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2013 : 6:25:38 PM
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Whats funny is reading her comments on FB. She says they are protecting the children from me. They have yelled, cursed and fought in front of these kids but the moment I tell her she's got to go and the moment I have to lay hands on her to protect my home, I'm the monster. They are feeling pretty sanctimonious right now. The Lord's will be done.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3945 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3945 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2013 : 11:10:01 PM
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Oh dear! This is indeed very discouraging. I am so sorry this has happened.
I have some advice. Please feel free to follow or not follow it.
First, post a message on her FB saying something to the effect that you are sorry things turned out this way; that you love her, your son-in-law and the children; let her know that you will be there for her and her family when they all calm down and have a plan for their lives.
Second, check her FB page once a month or so and do not post. Try not to let anything anyone says make you feel angry or sad.
Third, wait until you are contacted regarding their welfare and then decide on the next step. I believe it likely that you may be asked to take care of the children.
Fourth, when speaking with the in-laws or other friends and acquaintances, try to tell your side of the story simply and without emotion or judgments.
Fifth, get yourself legal counsel just in case.
I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was committed when I was in my 30's. I don't mind saying that I was really messed up. Although my problems were not as severe as your daughter's, the time I spent in the hospital and in therapy was very helpful. My parents were in denial about my illness; however, I had the full support of my sister and brothers and some very good friends. People will accuse you of being unkind and harsh. Just remember, she made the choice to break the agreement and the consequences were necessary.
The next few weeks will be very difficult. Stay strong and remember that you have friends here and always take care of yourself first.
I will think of you often.
Marie, Sister #5142
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2013 : 3:00:37 PM
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Thank you for the good advice churunga! Much appreciated.
Here's what I've done so far. I took her off my FB feed. The moment she got a new phone she did her rant and I tried to tell her hubby that for their own good she shouldn't be making such bold statements about burning down houses. He said he would but joined the band wagon. I read her post and the comments from the peanut gallery and chose not to respond. I have also restricted her on my page. I only go to hers to see pics of the babies. She is posting the pics more aggressively in order to drive the knife in but she failed to realize that I can control what I will and wont allow on my page.
I have let my immediate family know and as for the rest, they already know because she has no filter so she has managed to make herself sound demented. I did have a conversation with her husband since the email. He had to come remove their stuff and asked for a police escort. I had no problem with it one way or the other but its funny how brave people are behind a screen. I gave them stuff I had bought for the kids. Before he left, I told him I loved them, would pray for them and wanted the best for them and prayerfully, in the fullness of time cooler heads would prevail and we can make some since out of this.
As for her, I can honestly say, that at this point and time, if I don't see her again, as long as she is alive and doing her best, I would be fine. Too much water. I'm not bitter but I have done more than enough and since she cannot differentiate between the mother daughter relationship versus the girlfriend/bff, then we can't relate. I will not be disrespected by someone I struggled to bring into this world and spent the past 15 years trying to keep alive.
She stated to my brother on FB that she has done nothing wrong and she and her hubby are keeping their children from me. I'm only human. Anyone being deliberately evil can keep well away from me. They will be needing me because even though they are united in this cause, she will do what she always does after the honeymoon phase and they will be back at each other but they wont have a go between.
I don't want to lay eyes on her until she brings something from her doctor stating she is in therapy. If I had the chance, I would have had her committed but having talked with a few people, it is nearly impossible to get an adult committed and her hubby has been made a eunuch with selective memory. He's forgotten the things she's done to him but can blame me for the exact same things she did to him, to me.
I want more than anything for her to be committed and healed but its now in the Lords hands.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3945 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3945 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2013 : 5:00:19 PM
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Tracy,
Good for you. Take care of yourself first.
It is correct that the statements made against you on FB can be used legally if necessary. The problem is that law enforcement has to be aware of them to take action. I do not recommend informed the police about this . . . yet. Anytime she puts on the internet stays there. She realizes that, right? At least you can see your grandchildren.
My husband has a daughter and he said it would take an ENORMOUS amount of bad behavior to have him disown his daughter and he's not certain he could do it. I believe that this feeling will change.
As of now, the only people who can commit her are her doctor or her husband. A physician will place her on a 72 hour hold if she expresses the desire to do harm to herself or others. I just worry that she will do harm to her husband or her children. If she does that, the county has no choice except to put her into custody and the children into protective care.
I suggest watching the TV series called The Guardian. It addresses various problems adults have, how these problems affect the children and the general idea of the legal status of children and minors. It's a good story.
Keep us informed.
Marie, Sister #5142
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2013 : 5:49:34 PM
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What really gets me is that there was an incident when she left home in the middle of the night. She called her hubby (they had been at it all night) telling him where he could find the van (i.e. she was going to end it). The live on a military base. He runs out the house, leaving the kids asleep searching for her, he called the MP's and EMS was called in. He found her. They actually examined her and determined she was sane enough to go home. Pissed. He turned around and did the same thing a few months ago, under the exact same circumstances and they sent him to the military hospital and kept him under watch for 24 hours. Wha...?!!!
I don't fear for them hurting the kids in a physical way. I fear what they see and hear when they think the kids are sleeping. He keeps promising me that he's going to get her help, his command has told him that he MUST do it or they are coming after him. Now he's such a eunuch that he will let her convince him to not follow through, as usual.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Oct 16 2013 : 09:02:17 AM
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Tracy, 1st off I am sorry that you are dealing with such a heartbreaking problem, but I would highly recomend that you also get some proffessinal help, it will help you have some peace of mind, and also if you need to take drastic measures with your daughter, in order to help your grandchildren, it will be on record...good luck
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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Family Matters: Major Drama |
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Major Drama
