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Parenting & Farm Kids:  how do you all do it?  |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 11 2013 : 07:01:36 AM
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Had a bad night last night. My son lately has been defiant. I don't know why. Sunday pm was a bad night. My mother in law hates it when I discipline him. No matter what I do I'm mean. She'll take right up for him. I work out of.the house. My house is a continual mess. My dh works hard but being self employed and work goes according to the weather and demand for services. I help him as much as I can but I'm limited in my capabilities. This summer, if I continue to work out side the house, I'll have to send my son to my parents overnight.2nights a week.they live over an hour away. I can't afford daycare and even if I could the local day care is full. Already checked on it. Money's tight and if I do get done work I'm going to have to sell our family car as there's a payment on it that dh can't swing. My income covers it. My cell phone I could do without. Not a big deal. I am just sick of not having the time I need with my son. Or to get what I need done.how do you all do it? Is there something I'm missing?
Lorie
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2013 : 07:03:37 AM
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Btw dh has work trucks so transportation isn't an issue really unless we all go somewhere.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2013 : 07:31:05 AM
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Lorena,
I understand your stress.
If you feel the need of more time with your son and can deal with the transportation issue maybe the job isn't really necessary and would give you some peace and removal of stress. Any job takes some cost for transportation, less time to do homecooking and/or gardening that could save money, less time to keep your home in order and a pleasant nuturing place. Shuttling kids, over an hour each way also takes more time and gas. If this is what you really want and need go for it.
When our kids were little, DH and I worked opposite schedules so we could avoid child care costs, but not everyone has that option. Does your DH have the option of scheduling so he could make sure he could be there at least one of the two nights with your kids and would your parents be flexible in only taking the kids when needed? That could save driving cost and time, and it could be good for him and the kids.
Sometimes kids go through stages that are tough to deal with, don't take it personally, it can just be their attempt to be in control and is natural. Is your MIL around a lot or is her opinion just a stress when she is? Generations have different views but maybe DH could talk with his Mom and tell her he trusts your decisions on dealing with your kids and she should not get involved.
I don't know what your MIL is like and what your relationship is, but maybe she would soften if you asked her for advice for how to deal with the misbehavior when the kids aren't around. "Did your son ever behave like that? He turned out pretty good (hopefully true!) How did you deal with it?" Maybe she would be flattered enough and think of it in terms of her child, who she wanted to teach to be a good person, rather than her grandchild, who obviously is "perfect". Let her know you will listen when the kids aren't around but that she can't step in and interrupt when the issue is happening.
Good luck!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
Edited by - Cindy Lou on Jun 11 2013 07:43:15 AM |
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NixKat
True Blue Farmgirl
288 Posts
Kathleen
CT
USA
288 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2013 : 08:21:59 AM
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Lorie,
I agree with Susan. You didn't say what age your son is. But whatever his age it seems as though he trying to let you know he needs you.
When my girls were young I stayed home with them or worked on opposite shift as their father so as not to need child care.
Bottom line, how much does it actually cost for you to work away from home? Child care, gas, car payments, taxes, lunches, work clothes, etc. add in the stress you and your son are experiencing. Are you earning enough "net income" to justify the paycheck? For myself, I never earned enough money to give up being a full-mom.
Hope it all works out for you.
Kathleen...... Farmgirl Sister #3447
http://hennypennyfarm.blogspot.com/
www.klbobbittphotography.com
/www.facebook.com/KlBobbittPhotography |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2013 : 09:05:00 AM
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My son mos 5 going on 6. Hr does have childhood apraxia of speech (cas) which id which can also have some behavioral problems as well. He REALLY id a good, obeidiant kid for the most part. He knows that his father and I don't put up with much. It's just lately blantant obstanance. For instance, I took some miniature cast iron dishes off the table ad we were getting ready for supper. He screamed at the top if his lungs angrily about it. He "made egg salad " and was going to have it with our real meal. Which I didn't really have a problem with except for the tantrum hr was about to have. Now this happened at mils. Normally we get along ok.yes wr are down there daily but if I had even tried to discipline him for that in front of her she would have had a fit. He did get a good scolding. But even if I slap his bottom for such behavior in front of her why I'm the bad one. Yes I do believe in an occasional spank when needed. I don't do it all the time and I do use forms of time out and talking and scolding and a spank is generally last resort. It is still legal in Maine to spank one's child as told to me by a Maine state trooper. So don't get on my case about abuse because he is very far from being abused. But anyway she takes his side more often then not even with my dh when he gets after our son. Had a talk about my job with dh not too long ago today. It's not an option now
Dh cuts wood, harvests hay and blueberries. He has a portable sawmill and skidders and so opposite schedulrs aren't am option as on bad days he's working in the garage as well as ay night maintaining equipment and vehicles. It's a crazy life I lead and sometimes it shows.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2013 : 10:47:03 PM
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I know this will sound harsh, and I do NOT judge you...but plain and simple people can't do it ALL. It's just not possible. You can only do so much and over that something has to give.
As the others have offered...I would probably, no, not probably, I would give up the car. We ourselves only have one car...highly doubt anytime soon I'll be able to afford my own. When I was growing up that was normal...mom's stayed home and there was only one car per a family-course only one TV that stayed in the living room too! lol haha
I know it's really unusual today and boy do people seem shocked that we only have the one car, but for us it's worth the small inconvenience for now for the future good of our kids later on. Or if your DH has a job like my dad did when I was growing up, my mom when she needed the car for the day would just get up early and we would all ride to work with dad, she had the car for the day and then picked him up at the end of the day. I don't want to get up at 3 am with my DH...so not even going to attempt it! lol (he works 4 am to 8pm every day! ARG!).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - Jun 12 2013 : 04:07:36 AM
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Lorena,
Grandparents always take the side of their grandchildren. My mother tells me that is the benefit of being the gramma. so with that said.....
There is nothing wrong with an occasional spank on the butt to get their attention. Their is a difference between discipline and abuse. So your fine.....
Also, it may sound like your little guy knows that Gramma will take his side, so he pushes you a little in front of her. This is to test boundries and the age. As soon as he figures out the you will still discipline in front of other people it will stop.
As far as the job goes....if it is only covering the car and work expenditures. Get rid of the car and cut your budget as much as you can. Many people make life work on just one-income in order to stay home with their kids. (We have....) You make sacrifices in costly luxuries, sell clutter and put the money away for rainy day, work from home. (I usually do alterations or sell eggs....little things)
I know I sound harsh and straight to the point, but changes is a hard thing to do. You need to know that others have done it and we support you. Your family sounds very supportive, so that is good. I'm sure they will be happy for the change. And your son will love having more time with you. Your hubby will be happier, since you will be less stressed and able to handle things at home. It gives him the freedom to work and provide for the family without worry.
Like Heather said.....we can't do it all. Society expects us to, but it is not possible.
Good Luck
Arttie |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jun 12 2013 : 9:15:59 PM
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Honestly, most people can't do it all. I know I can't. If you were to visit my house you'd find a floor that needs sweeping, laundry that needs folding,etc. Without sounding too harsh, now is the time to reevaluate priorities and rally the troops, so to speak. Get rid of anything that isn't a necessity. Is it feasible to quit working for the summer and start again in the fall? Check with friends or closer living family members to see if they can help with child care. If not, what about a responsible teenager or college student? Most wont charge as much as a day care will. Personally, I think sending your son to your parents house 2 times a week is going to be too much of a burden. Not to mention the cost of gas! Anyway, we have all been there! Keep your chin up!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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SandraM
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
Sandra
Coldwater
Michigan
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2013 : 04:26:46 AM
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I was going to say I don't do it all either :) I would evaluate and prioritize. It sounds like you know something needs to change, now you just need to decide what and do it even if it is difficult.
I would stick out the discipline. Children push. As far as grandma, most are like that. But I would ask her to refrain from sharing her opinion about it especially if she is doing it in front of your son!
I always tried to set up a reward system so we were having some positive reinforcement for good behavior as well as the consequences for negative.
Good Luck!! :)
Sandra
www.mittenstatesheepandwool.com |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2013 : 09:14:03 AM
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Thank you all ladies. Sorry to be so late getting back to you. Had to "let the scab heal over " before I came back to this post. In keeping the job and the car. We do live frugally. $59-89/ week for grocs and household stuff with out extras and that's for. 3 of us. But anyway mils backed off. She and I had it out and I'm sure dh has had it out with her too. My mom said that'd she'd like to come over and stay the night too which will help.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2013 : 10:02:23 AM
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I'm so glad you found a solution. And I hope I didn't hurt your feelings in any way. No doubt we all have to live frugally in todays economy that's for sure! :)
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: how do you all do it? |
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how do you all do it?
