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Parenting & Farm Kids:  At what age should.....  |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
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SarahJ
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Shreveport
Louisiana
198 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 31 2012 : 05:59:39 AM
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For me, this depends. When I was in college, and home for the summer, I did not pay rent, but I was expected to have a summer job, and I had a full list of expected chores. My parents felt that, during college, school was my "job" but I lived in the dorm during the school year and I was on full scholarship, so I was only home for about 3 months a year.
My brother, on the other hand, dropped out of high school, and at 24, is still living at home and can't hold down a job longer than two months. My parents probably should charge him rent, because right now, he has no incentive to change. Why should he? His life (in his eyes) is just peachy.
I think that charging rent comes in when you feel that they are using home as a crutch to keep from becoming independent and financially responsible. Or, if they are making plenty of money and blowing it, and still acting like you are expected to continue to provide for them, then it may be time to change the situation. WHatever the case, young adults need concrete goals and timelines, and everyone needs to agree on what the longterm plan is when it comes to YOUR home.
SarahJ
Farmgirl Sister #116
http://bayoumama.wordpress.com/ |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2012 : 08:00:28 AM
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We told our kids that when they graduated they had a few options those being.....
school full time and live at home free and we pay expenses
school part time work part time live at home free but pay own car expenses
work full time and pay rent and all own expenses
enlist in the military
We were always very clear with the kids as to what was expected and never had any arguments about anything.
Kathy |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
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musicmommy
True Blue Farmgirl
430 Posts
Wendy
Oregon
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2012 : 2:48:02 PM
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One option that we have already told our kids is that they are welcome to live here rent free after college if they are using the money that would otherwise go towards rent to save up towards buying a house. We live in an area that rent is high and houses are outrageous and would love to be able to give them a chance of getting into a home.
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
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YakLady
True Blue Farmgirl
652 Posts
Natalie
Montana
USA
652 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2012 : 3:42:08 PM
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I attended college full time and worked part time and as long as I kept my GPA above a 3.0, I had no rent (or my parents paid my rent at school). If I started slacking off of school, they had a 100 dollars per .1 under 3.0 that I would pay them every month. It worked!
~Hen 4316~ Just a farmgirl in Western Montana.
Starting a family and raising up a small ranch using natural resources.
www.mydoterra.com/thurman |
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Farmer Judy
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Judy
North Aurora
IL
USA
433 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2012 : 8:06:08 PM
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We cover my daughters cell phone on the family plan, her car insurance (cheaper with the family than on her own), she lives with us and eats all her meals here, she does her laundry and we are teaching her what she will need to know or learn to live on her own. My daughter is almost finished with her associates degree and has no school debt and has paid for it herself. She has been working at least part time since she was 19 and is now 23. We do ask her to pay towards the expenses we cover for her and food. She is happy and it helps us make our budget work. She pays 100 a week. If she was going to school full time it would probably change but she has never taken a full class load at school. We will see in the fall what will be happening when she starts her bachelors degree, she will enter as a junior.
God bless,
Judy
Farmgirl #3666
Born a city girl but a farm girl at heart!
http://farmtimes.blogspot.com/ |
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kysheeplady
True Blue Farmgirl
1291 Posts
Teri
KY
USA
1291 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2012 : 02:07:01 AM
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As soon as they have a steady job, assuming they are not going to collage. They need to know that in the real world there are responsibilities ... I think it prepares them for life outside the shelter of home.
Teri
"There are black sheep in every flock"
White Sheep Farm
www.whitesheepfarm.com |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2012 : 07:52:59 AM
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I started charging rent when they were finished high school same as I did at that age.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2012 : 08:03:31 AM
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This is interesting and timely in light of a recent situation with my youngest brother in law still residing at home.
For my husband, the rules were: 18, you live at home, you MUST have a job and you MUST contribute x,y,z to the household budget. If he wanted specific foods, he needed to buy them himself. For my brother in law, it has never been the case, he can't or won't maintain a job, they pay for all his car insurance, cars, etc...and now, they are starting to feel put upon and resentful.
I think a nice compromise is key. When I lived at home, I did not pay rent, but I did pay for my car insurance, car payments, personal items, gas, etc. I also cooked dinner for the family.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2012 : 3:01:40 PM
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I agree with some of the others here, it all depends.
My husband started paying rent at 18 with his parents, but his parents were a bit strange. (not that paying rent is strange, but well...I won't go all into it). He married me at age 21. They said before we married, make sure you are sure you want to be married, cause once you marry you are out of here, and will not ever be welcome back. (for visits we could come but not to ever live again no matter what). My parents were the opposite. They said, if you ever find yourself needing to come back home just let us know. However, their parents had the same attitude.
We lived on our own, paying every thing for ourselves, oh my dad would pay for us to go on a trip to visit them once in a while as a gift to us, etc, but we paid all our own bills, rent, cars, etc etc. For 10 years. We lived in Queens, NY. Then we decided we wanted to buy a home, we had 2 kids. And NYC were too expensive for us to ever afford a house. We want me to stay home with the kids, and live on one income. So About 8 years into our marriage, I asked my parents about it. They said we were welcome home to save money for a home of our own. Vince had me talk to them several times cause with his parents and their attitude he just couldn't believe it. Finally my dad said, we said yes! How many more times are you going to ask. Any way....took us two years to save up the money to leave my husbands job and for us to move from NYC to Kansas. Took my husband another two years here in Kansas to find a living wage job that would support us. My parents did NOT charge us rent during that time. However we paid for our own phone, internet, car, insurance, food, etc etc. And we did small chores for them, running around for them, and I cooked two meals a week for them. It worked out pretty well.
However, we had a plan of getting out and all that stuff, not just mooching forever more.
For us we would let our children live with us to save money for a home of their own, or so they can go to school, or for them to be full time in evangelistic work. Etc. However, if I felt our children were not growing emotionally and just being moochers then it would be time to charge rent or get out. All the same even with out rent, there should be chores that every one in the house has to do also so that way no one feels it is all on them and they are being taken advantage of, at least I think.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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hwright95
True Blue Farmgirl
90 Posts
Heather
Murfreesboro
TN
USA
90 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2012 : 10:02:40 PM
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My step-daughter (27) moved back in with us over year ago, she lost custody of her 2 small children, and gets them every other weekend. She does not pay rent but helps out with bills, and other expenses. It's hard because my three daughters have had to move into the same room, and stepdaughter/ her kids in the other. She works full time, but seems to spend her money on frivolus items, and has no real plan to get out on her own or get her kids back. I don't know what the answer is.
Heather Wright~ Farmgirl Sister #2187 “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”
#8213; Dr. Seuss, The Lorax
www.vintagekarmajewels.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 12:01:57 PM
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Heather I would say a talk, about a time frame and her plans. If she refuses to come up with either. I would say your husband and you need a talk about your plans and time frame, and then he needs to tell his daughter those things. IE We love you, and want to help you, but unless you can come up with a time frame of when you plan on leaving the nest or a plan of action for that. We must go on with our lives as well, and we will need you to find your own way in life by X date/year.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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pinokeeo
True Blue Farmgirl
559 Posts
Phyllis
Oregon
USA
559 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2012 : 5:56:51 PM
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When my son graduated from high school, I told him $100 per month and he had to buy his own food. He asked if a friend could move in, since we lived in a huge house. I offered the same deal to the friend. I ended up with four young adults living in my house. They each paid their "rent" and bought their own food, and sometimes they cooked for me.
Letting them know up front what was expected worked very well for me. And they seemed to enjoy the freedom of a place to live without too many rules. And none of them stayed more than one year.
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I cannot master those things that I have not tried.
check out my artfire: http://www.artfire.com/users/PiNOKEEOs |
Edited by - pinokeeo on Nov 06 2012 5:57:53 PM |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2012 : 05:13:37 AM
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Good for you Phyllis. I think it depends on whether the child is going to school or not. My daughter lived with me while she was going to school. She paid for her phone and all expenses except for food and rent. After she graduated and was working I told her I was going to do her the favor of learning to live on her own. She moved out and all went well. However, her oldest daughter is still living at home after college and only pays for her phone and gas for the car. She helps around the house but does not have many independent living skills.
Paying any amount of rent is important for children living at home. It is not cruel to expect adult children to do their share.
Nancy
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 06:14:39 AM
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I'll give the other side of the coin. I'm 40 now. When I was 18, I simply COULD NOT WAIT to leave my parents' house. It's not that we didn't get along, it's just that I always had a sense of independence. I was envious of a couple of friends of mine who moved into a trailer in a park for the summer after high school. I was excited to move into the dorms when the Fall came. The University I studied at was only 25 minutes from my folks' home. I only went home about once a month or when I couldn't find change for the laundry. At the time, I didn't need much money because my student loans covered room and board, and I walked everywhere.
I spent 3 semesters in the dorm, and grew to hate it. I had a part time job on the weekends. My boyfriend and I decided to rent a small apartment that his Aunt moved out of. Believe it or not, my folks were ok with this because the rent was cheaper than room & board. No, they didn't like me living with my boyfriend (didn't last long), but it was a fair financial decision. I paid for utilities and groceries. I still didn't manage money well, and often would be begging for money to pay the electric bill.
I did this sort of deal nearly all through college. My folk's paid the interest on my loans, but I was expected to pay them off when I graduated with my degree (yeah... I deferred them for a few years).
I do remember one day, I was on the phone with my mother, and trying to figure out how I was going to get her to give me money to pay a bill. She said, "I dunno, Erin, you'll just have to figure something out." It was my wake up call. It woke me up to realize that it was time I quit asking my parents for money.
I did a lot of growing up, and yes, I even moved back home for a few months. I don't think it's reasonable to expect an 18 year old to "get out of the house." I'm not sure it's even fair to ask them to suddenly pay "rent" in a place they should be able to lean on. I do, however, think it's a better option to RAISE your kids from the very beginning to crave independence. To have a desire to go out and learn their own lessons. As parents, we should help our children - maybe even bail them out a time or two - that in itself is a lesson. Along with the lessons of independence, should come the lessons of humiity, graciousness, reciprocation, and pride. These lessons CAN'T start at age 18.
Already, my 8 year old has said to me, wow, I really want that Lego set. To this I say, "Well, I guess you'll just have to figure out a way to get it." Then he'll reply, "Can I clean the bathrooms?" (I pay $5 for a clean bathroom!)
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: At what age should..... |
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At what age should.....
