| Author |
Family Matters:  Friend with family problems  |
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 09 2012 : 12:53:26 PM
|
I have a friend, whom I've known for twenty-five years, and she is having a very stressful situation involving her fifteen year old daughter. This girl has a very sweet personality but has been diagnosed with Asperger's and her behavior is driving the rest of the family crazy. I've told my friend if she ever needs to talk about it, to give me a call, but she seems to be keeping all her feelings bottled up inside. She gets really down on herself at times, feeling like she's the world's worst person, but she's really a very good person. I can't seem to reach her anymore and I feel worried. I know friendships have there ups and downs but I've never seen her like this before. I'm not sure what to do. Is it common for someone who's going through a situation like this to draw away from their friends? I worry because her husband, although he tries, isn't very emotionally supportive. I'm not sure what to do anymore. She acts like she doesn't want to talk about it.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2012 : 1:25:29 PM
|
She needs to seek a support group of other parents with the same problem. It's probably hard for her to know how to reach out to people who aren't in the same situation, she probably imagines you wouldn't understand or how to explain something so foreign to others not dealing with the same problems. I would imagine if she could find a local support group of other mothers dealing with the same issues she wouldn't feel so alone in this battle, and would see others are going through the same things not just her.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
 |
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2012 : 5:18:28 PM
|
I would agree with Heather, she needs to find people in a similar situation. But it is great that you've told her you are there for talking when she's ready. Was it a recent diagnosis? If so, she's probably still going through the "grieving" stages of that and maybe doesn't quite know how to handle the information and what that all means for their family. You can be a friend by just being there...when she's ready. Maybe you can be the one to suggest to her to seek out a support group? Or maybe help to seek one out for her? :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com
www.amydingmann.com |
|
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2012 : 8:31:12 PM
|
She attends a support group called "Moms in touch" but it's not specifically for mothers of children with disabilities. She's known about the diagnosis for a long time but decided that trying to manage it with medications was counter-productive. so her daughter has been off medications for a while. Her diet has been changed, more organic foods, no white sugar, white flour,etc. They had to take her out of school because her behavior was disruptive. I don't know what's going on now with her daughter cause she hasn't been communicating with me. I told her I was praying for her.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4827 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4827 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 06:17:28 AM
|
Your friend is very lucky to have a supportive person like you in her corner. I do understand though her reluctance to talk about her daughter's problem with you. My youngest son is mildly autistic and has ADHD. I have very supportive friends but I feel they don't really "get it" when I discuss the problems we've had with my son's school & their staff and sometimes with him. It is hard to understand what it is really like unless you have a child like this in your home. Most of the time my son is a lot of fun, but ADHD people love to argue, argue, argue over the most simple things. It is very draining and exhausting. I find I clam up after one of my son's sessions, this weekend was one of them. I swear Sunday was 72 hours long!
All you can do right now for your friend is let her know you love & support her unconditionally. That helps more then you can imagine. Some day she may suddenly let everything she has kept bottled up inside her come spilling out to you. If she doesn't though it is not a reflection on your friendship, she just isn't comfortable allowing this to enter in to it. She may consider that to be her haven away from the storm.
Keep praying for her! It is very difficult having someone in the house with an illness, especially one under the Autistic Spectrum.
Dawn in IL |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 07:04:26 AM
|
Maybe she is not ready to talk about it, but, I agree, she most certainly needs to have a support group. I will keep her in my prayers.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 4:57:41 PM
|
I have to agree with Dawn. Unless you're "in it",its very hard to relate. Alot of autism/asberger parents experience shame when their children's behavior gets out of control. Plus, she may be so busy dealing with her daughter that she hasnt had the time or energy to do much else. And you're right, its probably the last thing she wants to talk about. I would maybe suggest that she should think about seeing a therapist and just keep offering her a shoulder to cry on. She's really blessed to have you as a friend.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
|
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 8:15:22 PM
|
Cindy, I have Asperger's. Is there any way I can help?
It sounds like her daughter is upset and frustrated about something. Her mother may not realize she is pulling away from you, but I have heard that it feels isolating for the parents. I can tell you, the daughter is hurting a lot as well.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2012 : 10:03:36 PM
|
Alyce--yes, I'm sure her daughter is hurting, but it's like she's in her own little world. And very hard to reach. a difficult situation.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2012 : 10:10:56 AM
|
Cindy,
My son is 12 1/2 and was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2007 after years of battling with doctors, teachers, and saddest of all, family. I knew that something was wrong when he was 18 mos old and started banging his head on things when he was mad. It has been a long painful road, but he is finally getting the direction he needs.
I completely understand what your friend is feeling. I've been through the depression, self-doubt, anger at anyone and everyone, isolation and never ending tears. At times I still feel isolated because none of my other friends have children with special needs and they don't - they can't understand. I even lost a friend on here because of this. I thought she was someone I could actually lean on, but I guess I leaned a little too much. We don't even speak anymore. Your friend probably feels like a failure as a mother because she couldn't protect her child from this mess. I know I did and sometimes still do. All I can say is send her a letter letting her know you are there to support her in anyway possible at anytime, but don't smother her. Continuously asking about it will likely drive her away or make her shut down more. When she is ready, she'll talk. In the meantime - if you two still talk on occasion, don't bring it up. Talk about the rest of the family or current events. Like I said - she'll talk about it when she is ready.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
|
|
| |
Family Matters: Friend with family problems |
|
Friend with family problems
