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Family Matters:  Every Once in a While, I wish I was alone...  |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 08:14:29 AM
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Disclaimer: I love my husband. We are very much alike, and he is a wonderful kindred spirit to me. Of course, I love my sons too, and love watching them grow.
BUT.... dang I just with the lot of them would go away for about 4 days and leave me alone! I don't want to take a vacation by myself, I want to clean my house, and enjoy it's cleanliness for more than 2 hours! I don't want to have to carry on a conversation, break up a fight, make a meal or compromise. I don't want to "have to do" anything for a while. I just want to sit outside (let's pretend the mosquitoes are gone) and watch my chickens. I want to take my dogs for a walk and not have to "BE BACK." I want to watch Animal Planet for half a day, and don't want to be teased about it. I want to sew, read, bake - just for fun and with no time limit! Or I want to take a drive and just day dream. I don't want to have to think about work, or where I need to be, or where DH or the kids need to be. I don't want to have people depending on me!
Please tell me it's okay to feel this way. It's not like I'm having a mid-life crisis or anything. I'm not looking for a different life. It's just that my immediate family depends so greatly on each other, and we do so much together, that we are just up each others ... ahem... all the time. DH and I even share a Facebook account! Neither DH or I travel much for work, and we don't like spending vacations apart (I do enjoy things so much more when I can share them with the man I love). BUT, I do SO long for a few days (at least one to clean and one to allow myself to remember how to "chill out.) to just be ME! And it's not like I can tell DH to "take the boys away for a few days." He works as much as I do and we're all busy...plus, he'd be offended, and I'm not willing to tackle that fight.
So... ladies... thanks for hearing me vent. I promise I won't do it often.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 08:26:41 AM
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| It is ok, and perfectly normal, I used to feel like I was afraid to go out in public, for fear I might wipe someones nose or check to see if they were wet!!!Roxanna |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 08:33:39 AM
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It's not only ok, it's normal! I feel the same way--even though I only have a husband, a 3 year old toddler girl and 4 dogs. There are times when I say out loud, "I'm heading West." To anyone who might be within earshot...or not.
The keeping the house clean part I totally get--in fact, I went on a "dish and laundry" strike a few weeks back that seemed to put my dh's little bum in gear. I only did my dishes--because they're the ones in the sink. I only did my laundry and my little one's laundry, because they're the only clothes in the hamper. Worked out nicely :)
Just know you're not alone and this too shall pass and then you'll think, "I wish we all had more time together!!!"
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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rschaaf
True Blue Farmgirl
174 Posts
Renee
Wooster
Ohio
USA
174 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 09:51:53 AM
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ok erin, you and me, lets "thelma and louise" it!
i TOTALLY get what you are saying. i am having a difficult time of the simalr thing lately. sometimes i feel like my life has been swallowed by the needs of others and i almost forget that i am a young, vital person.
when i look at my calendar for this week its all "others, others, others..." like today, i am cleaning my carpets and my MIL will have our toddler, but i can't even do it leisurely cause i will have to pick him up before his supper, leaving me pressed for time...arrrghh!
i think its sad that i leave A.J. with daddy so i can go grocery shopping. last week, i was actually almost giddy the night before because i knew was going grocery shopping...alone...the next day...seriously? is that the making of a well-adjusted person? to be giddy about groceries? sometimes i wonder about myself.
i have to admit there is something about a clean quiet house. when its all done and you can sit in the chair with the latest "Country Sampler" or "Mary Jane's Farm"...and just "ahhhhhhh".
"There is beauty, there is grace, in my peaceful country place!"
See what I'm up to at: http://www.lifeonctfarm.blogspot.com |
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 09:53:38 AM
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I feel that way too - I'm not married, but have a boyfriend and work fulltime. It seems like all I do when I'm not at work is try to fulfill his needs - none of mine. It is frustrating and tiring. I'd love just a couple of hours to sit on the porch with a good book and a pot of tea - guess we're all in the same boat.
Hugs,
Luanne
beekeepersgirl #691
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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.Linz.
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
Lindsey
Shippensburg
Pennsylvania
USA
118 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 10:53:36 AM
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I think it's normal - I'm not married but I still live at home and my family is super close and it's great but - sometimes I just need to get away from them! And I get tired of doing dishes every day, and cleaning, and and and... so yeah, it's ok! Everyone, no matter their age or "position" in life, needs some "me time."
"Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds." - Prov. 27:23 |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 11:18:48 AM
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Oh THANK YOU! Dang, I just really needed to scream that, and am so happy that "I'm not alone in wanting to be alone!"
I have to poke myself though, because right after I posted my VENT, I went to lunch with DH. I pretty much told him just what I vented about here... and you know what? He wasn't offended, totally understood, and told me that it was okay. WHEW! And I think he only mentioned football about 3 times during our whole lunch! THAT's GOOD for him! I didn't go on and on about chickens either. We just sort of talked about life. Not in a frustrated kind of way either, more in a "Yep, we are totally opposite each other right now, but we still love each other..." kind of way.
So I still don't see any "Get out of my house and leave me alone" deals anytime soon... but I'm okay with that... for now.
Oh, and Renee.... so many times I dream about "Thelma & Louise-ing It," but then I think of how that flick ends... and it sorta ends my dream if you KWIM. ;)
And Jonni.... my mother did that sort of strike one time and I have never forgotten it. I was thinking about doing the same... but I'm too much of a control freak. It would drive me crazy not to clean - even other people's crap and I'd get no peace. I often wonder just what the house would look like if I did disappear for a month though... ick. With all the football clothes though - DH did FINALLY learn how to use the washer and dryer!
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
Edited by - MtnGrlByTheBay on Aug 29 2012 11:24:14 AM |
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shanda
True Blue Farmgirl
522 Posts
Shanda
Broken Bow
OK
USA
522 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 12:15:21 PM
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About once or twice a year, I anounce that I'm running away, usually just a day trip to Hot Springs.
We all need some alone time every once in awhile!
Shanda
Farmgirl #4233 |
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Neecerie
Farmgirl in Training
31 Posts
Denise
Kirkland
WA
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 12:20:24 PM
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Maybe...since he likes football....next game, he can keep the boys with him to watch it....and you dont make food for it or anything...
that buys you what...two hours for a hot bath and a facial hiding out in the bathroom? I say that might help without being him needing to take the boys -away-...you are there if its a true honest emergency, but if he knows that something better be on fire before he bothers you......
The world's only Art Deco farmgirl?
#4509 |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 12:45:31 PM
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I am so there right now. I school at home so that puts even more time with my daughter. Not that I don't love it. I can't even take a bath in peace.
In the year we have lived in our apartment, I was alone two times. And not more than two hours.
I also feel like I am losing myself somewhere. When someone asks me what I like, I have to think about it.
I am always giddy when I get to go to the grocery store by myself. I spent an hour or so at the mall on my birthday by myself. I was giddy enough to spend 3.00 for a Teavana tea. Yikes.
Oh, yeah. Now hubby is on a weird schedule at work and he calls me when he is done every day now. No day is the same. So I am like on call. It is at least a half hour drive to get him depending on traffic. That is frustrating.
Love ya and are right there with ya!!
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Edited by - MrsRooster on Aug 29 2012 12:47:45 PM |
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rschaaf
True Blue Farmgirl
174 Posts
Renee
Wooster
Ohio
USA
174 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 1:35:59 PM
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Amy, my hubby is the same way. he does excavting and custom farming and also has a class A commercial drivers license so he can haul over the road as well. people ask me when he gets home and i say, "when he pulls in the driveway..."
just a few days ago, he asked me if it would be ok if he took a load out. we could use the extra cash it would pay so i begrudgingly agreed, cause it adds more chores to my already busy day. but, he wasn't sure if it would even materialize. so, i hadn't heard from him for several hours and thought i would check in. when i asked what was going on, when would he be home, he said "well, i am in pennsylvania right now..." (oh, ok, well i guess you left then...) and then i asked where he was headed and he said baltimore...well then one thing led to another and he was stuck in baltimore most of the day then got a load to jersey and now hes headed back and is "supposed" to be home around 10pm-ish EDT.
i am with you on the "losing myself somewhere" too. sometimes i feel so removed from the person i used to be.
"There is beauty, there is grace, in my peaceful country place!"
See what I'm up to at: http://www.lifeonctfarm.blogspot.com |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 2:16:44 PM
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Oh good, it's not just me. I love Ric, he is one of my best friends, we can talk for hours...but sometimes I just want to put away the housework and hear myself think! I look forward to his visits to his mom--or even just mornings when he goes to work a few hours before I do. It's nice just to curl up with my crochet or a good mystery once in a while!
Besides...how the heck am I supposed to make his presents when he's underfoot? 
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 3:53:35 PM
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I'm not married, no boyfriend, so I can't really identify, but my brother and SIL sometimes take mini-vacations from each other. They'll arrange for their girls to spend the night with friends so they can each have some "me" time. You gotta do what you gotta do to stay sane, is the way I see it.
cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6839 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6839 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 5:11:34 PM
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It is hard to know what day of the week it is when a family is young! There never seems to be any space for alone time and it gets so frustrating. Now that my family is grown and I look back, I think that part of the struggle is that as caregivers, we are easily swallowed up by the needs of everyone else and it is suffocating! That yearning for alone time is part of just wanting to "breathe". It is true and it is real and we all feel it. The trick is to not feel guilty about now being the "fixer" and "provider" 24/7. No small task for a mom! But when we cannot create our own time to be who we are, how can we be authentic to our children and significant others? Nodody really admires or respects a doormat. It seems counter intuitive but it is true. People love you because you are you doing what you are good at. And sometimes that means doing something other than being the typical Mom who is responsible for the entire family routines. I can see this better in hindsight. It was a huge struggle when the family was young. So, I encourage you to carve out regular alone time to be and do who you are. You will feel better and your family will appreciate you even more!
Winnie #3109
Red Tractor Girl |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 8:25:36 PM
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Erin, send hubby and kids on a weekend camping trip. What you feel is normal. Right now, it's almost 11:30pm. Dh and DS are sleeping and I'm getting caught up with mjf. All is quiet.@
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 11:19:17 PM
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Listen Erin, I was SOOO glad to see this post. My husband is the best and it is just the 2 of us and he takes GREAT care of me but honestly,....the only time I have been alone in the past 6 months was last week when I drove 1 1/2 hours away to meet my girlfriend for lunch...we have been together EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY DAY for months. I get alone in the shower. I was single for 14 years and oh! what I would give for some alone time. I am planning to send him to my brother in Maine for a week in Sept just so I can clean and read and rest. Even if I have to work the TV won't be on when I get home. He doesn't need alone time (he's alone every day when I am at work) and he doesn't get it. THANK YOU for saying what I have been thinking for weeks. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2012 : 11:20:21 AM
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I like Winnie's post. Around here everyone knows I'll be grocery shopping, running errands, or doing whatever I want to do on Fridays...by MYSELF. Everyone is used to it and knows there is no asking to go along with me or do anything extra. I take the time to do those extras at other times during the week. But Fridays are mine. So when you ask for having 4 days off, maybe they aren't 4 days in a row but maybe one day a week (or a half day) for the month. My DH has no problem with this because he WANTS me to be happy. He is happy to get DD out of my hair if needed. Well, I'm off to do the errands so that tomorrow I can browse in peace at the library or visit a new consignment shop.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BitsofEntropy?ref=si_shop
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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mickib
True Blue Farmgirl
267 Posts
Michele
Coeur d'Alene
Idaho
267 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2012 : 4:51:19 PM
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| A few years ago I was offered the opportunity to only work 4 days a week. I jumped at it because I thought I'd have the day to myself. That's not the way it has turned out. Instead, my hubby, who works for himself, often takes Fridays off now. And my mom schedules doctor's appointments and anything else she needs me for on Fridays. I often feel like I'm caught in a tug of war between my hub and my mom. I love them both and neither are demanding, but I still feel like I can't say no to either of them. Sometimes I just want to disappear, because if I told them I was going somewhere, they'd both want to join me. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2012 : 10:34:57 AM
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Erin, you are 100% normal. I hope you have gotten those two hours of alone time. Hugs.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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westfork woman
True Blue Farmgirl
554 Posts
Kennie Lyn
Emmett
Idaho
USA
554 Posts |
Posted - Sep 15 2012 : 4:00:50 PM
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Are you an introvert? I am, and I think those of us who are, need time alone to be healty. There is nothing wrong with you. If I don't have time alone, I can get physically sick. I get anxious, and depressed. My husband doesn't really understand, but accepts that I don't always want to be with him, or anyone. Carve just a little time for yourself, you will return to your loved ones refreshed and ready to be the best wife and mom you can be.
Greetings from the morning side of the hill. |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Sep 23 2012 : 12:46:14 PM
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| I'm an older woman and in the clearness as I look back I realize that this was a big issue for me (and for many other women.) The only way I can think to describe it is like everyone was ripping off little pieces of me all the time. We love our husbands/children/relatives/friends/profession, but I definitely needed time to recoup and renew alone in my own house. Some of my friends got up really early so they could have a few hours before their household got up. I stayed up late (too late many times) just so it would be quiet and I could think/read/cry/ponder/pray. |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Sep 23 2012 : 7:43:51 PM
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Everyone needs time alone. Funniest thing, I just got done with a glamping adventure in Minnesota and I was renewed. Alone in the tent is an experience.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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Sharyl Vandendries
Farmgirl at Heart
3 Posts
Sharyl
Thorndale
Ontario
Canada
3 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2012 : 1:44:10 PM
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Oh Boy!!! Can I vent too???
Cuz I'm gonna!!!
I am a newlywed. Will be year on October 15th, and with the marriage, came a step daughter, and shortly after the marriage (6 weeks later) came our baby girl. Now, here comes the fun part :)..........I am no spring chicken. I just turned 47, and never thought I'd have any children and this was a complete and wonderful surprise. And I love that baby dearly.........she is not what causes me the frustration at all, I'll clear that up right now.
My problem lies in a know it all 22 year old step-daughter who hates the fact that I am the woman of the house, not her, and also my husband is driving me crazy!!! I love him dearly too, but he drives me nuts!!! It's like he's afraid of telling his daughter to smarten up, or something!!!
I am too old for all this nonsense, trust me. It wears me out with a baby, but she's an angel. I don't have the energy to deal with a young adult who should be mature!!!
**Sharyl.
The winds of grace are always sailing, you just need to know when to raise the sails. |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2012 : 10:12:06 PM
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maybe you could find a friend you could swap alone time with. Or suggest it to your club or church. Maybe they could help. Or just maybe on Mother's day or around that date you could ask for time alone. Yes, I don't have youngsters any more, but I ask for a night at my favorite bed and breakfast. Good luck and blessings to all of you.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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KatTylee
True Blue Farmgirl
230 Posts
Katrina
Mitchell
Nebraska
USA
230 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 12:57:47 PM
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Wholeheartedly agree with the wanting alone time. And I too get giddy about a grocery store trip by myself. :) I love my kids (age 4 and almost 2) and my husband but there are some days we need some time to remember who we are. Not that we get it, but I try to steal a little bit of nap time on here for one. Or I stay up late. Or when my husband gets home I let him know that he and the kids are on their own for about an hour. Sometimes I don't even do any grocery shopping. I just wander the aisles so I'm not at the house doing something for someone else.
I think we all need posts like this at times to remind us that everyone goes through moments like these. Sometimes it is 5 minutes needed and sometimes it is 5 days. We just have to remember to work them in somehow. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
~"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
— Oscar Wilde~
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Family Matters: Every Once in a While, I wish I was alone... |
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Every Once in a While, I wish I was alone...
