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Across the Fence:  How to Respond  |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 5:10:08 PM
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| I am in my early 60's. It's one of my pet peeves when a man calls me "young lady". I was in a big box store today and one of the sales clerks said, "How are you today, young lady." I responded, "Fine, but not young anymore. I've earned every wrinkle and gray hair" and went on about my way. I'm not usually easily bothered but this phrase sends me to the zone. It's just so patronizing and condescending. Does anyone else feel this way? I'd love to hear a good response. Any ideas? |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 5:27:52 PM
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I experience this at the hospital where I work--I'm 49, and sometimes the men who say it are younger than me. If it's someone I know, I just smile and say "I'm doing fine, old man". If it's a visitor, I just suck it up and give them the smile I save for other people's ill-behaved children. They don't really intend to be condescending. It's like a waiter/waitress who says "You guys" when taking your order.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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tammyc
True Blue Farmgirl
698 Posts
Tammy
Danville
California
USA
698 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 6:20:59 PM
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i would smile, say fine thank you and be thrilled that at 53 someone still calls me "young lady"!!!
"Be who you are and say what you like because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 7:19:39 PM
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I agree with Tammy, I would not be bothered at all by someone calling me a YOUNG lady, getting upset over that is just silly...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 02:58:34 AM
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No, I get it. By saying Young Lady, they are acknowledging that they are noticing that maybe you aren't a Young Lady. It is a back handed compliment at best. Don't have a good comeback, though
Marianne |
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 06:40:25 AM
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I personally am not offended by "young lady" and I'm 57, however we all feel differently about how we are addressed. My pet peeve is going into a restaurant alone to eat and the hostess saying "just one" or "only one" - it makes me feel like there is something wrong with being there alone. Guess we are all sensitive about something!
Hugs,
Luanne
beekeepersgirl #691
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 06:54:30 AM
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How he said it would've bothered me more than what he said, but I do understand... My pet peeve is when someone calls me "babe." My niece's paramour refers to me as "babe" when he speaks (He's practically half my age!), and each time I have to remind myself I'm a Christian and that she loves him. Holding my tongue and sitting on my hands is about the best I can do.
And I also really hate when a stranger - especially a waitress or waiter - calls me "honey." I am NOT their "honey!" I realize they're just trying to be nice, but I find it to be rude and a little bit condescending, especially when I (or the person to whom they are speaking) am older than they are. Drives me bonkers.
Susan, you could always respond, "Just fine today, and how are you, LITTLE man?" Isn't very nice, but that'd probably do it! LOL! Hang in there, I'm sure in his own odd little way, he's just trying to be nice. ;)
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Jun 21 2012 06:58:27 AM |
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erowease
True Blue Farmgirl
294 Posts
Lesley
Edmonds
wa
USA
294 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 07:28:05 AM
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I think alot of times they are on auto pilot and haven't really thought about how their innocent comment could be construed by others. The one phrase I hate is "honey". I just smile and call them sweetiepie in an overly sweet way. How about a response like "Yes, old enough to be your (Mother/Grandmother)so show me some respect" maybe a bit blunt but I think it gets the point across other than just ignoring the comment.
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 07:35:54 AM
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Well, you could be called a lot worse!! :-) It irks me, too, sometimes, but life is too short to get upset over that. I think it's a combo of they see people all day, a snappy line, trying to be nice, etc.
Hubby's ,who is staying with us for a little bit, calls me 'Dear'. He freakin' well knows my name but he's older and isn't going to change.
I have, breezily, said to younger men who've called me 'young lady' and such, called them 'young man' or similar. Also, in some cultures, "old man" is a sign of respect.
My website: http://antlersantiqueswindchimes.weebly.com
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 09:15:51 AM
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Oh yeah. I'm 64 (and a half!) and every now and then I get called something like that, always by a man. Such men strike me as politically conservative, brought up to think they're flattering a grown woman by treating her as if she were a little girl. I just let it roll off my back but I can't help letting it color my future dealings, if any, with that person.
I really hate the "you guys" thing in casual restaurants (it's never done in the nicer ones). Ditto "no problem" instead of "you're welcome," or "my pleasure." Oh well.
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 11:28:38 AM
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| Thanks for all the comments. Rosemany expressed it better than I did "think they're flattering a grown woman" but it's really false flattery. It's not really rude, it's just really odd to me. Wonder how these men would like it if I responded: To a short man: Hello there. Gee, you're really tall. Or to a chubby man: Hello there. Aren't you slim and trim today. Oh, re: erowease's comment about "honey", I had a doctor call me "sweetie" not too long ago when he was explaining prescriptions. What's with that? Surely he was taught better in medical training. |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 11:35:01 AM
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I kinda think this is silly... I would never be offended if someone called me young lady. I work at a drs office and call people young man and young lady from ages 1-100. Not one person has ever been upset with me. I would never want to upset someone or offend anyone. I don't get upset if someone calls me maam, or young lady or miss. I don't feel that people intend any disrespect- I know I certainly do not!
To each their own I guess!!
Lori
Gernerosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need! |
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2012 : 12:07:36 PM
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I had to smile over all this as I was raised in the south where you are raised or should say was raised hearing honey, sweetie, dear, young lady & young man..even if you were old enough to be at deaths door...Please know that they are not trying to insult you in any way....some people get offended being called...ma'am or even Miss when they are young or married but we that do this are not doing it to harm anyone or cause pain its a growing up thing we have learned & its actually for some of us special...it means even though we have no idea who you are we are very happy to see you & glad you are where we are on that day...I have people who think I am my husbands mother so think about that one...lol...I have learned if its said in a good light I am pleased so why get upset over it...they are just trying to be kind & don't realize I am his wife...at least i don't go somewhere & been called grandma so thats a plus in my eyes...lol...Michele'
Chickens RULE!
hen #2622
theoldbatzfarm.blogspot.com |
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laurzgot
True Blue Farmgirl
1669 Posts
Laurie
Alvin
Texas
USA
1669 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2012 : 8:36:33 PM
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I'm in my early sixties also. I live in Texas where the men no matter what their age is or yours they were brought up to say honey, sweetie pie, young lady, etc. When it is said to me, I smile and say thank- you.
Laurie
suburban countrygirl at heart
http://www.etsy.com/people/lauriescott60
Aprons and More |
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BlackHorseFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
91 Posts
Elizabeth
Chicago
IL
USA
91 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2012 : 05:16:10 AM
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I am 40. If it is an older man, with gray hair, walking with a cane ,etc. I don't mind. I hate when people use too familiar phrases. Young lady, dear, honey, etc. I work at a school and have to help get students off buses. One bus driver, a rather larger black woman called me "Precious." LOL I was a little taken aback, but it worked for her so I let it slide. LOL.
http://countrygirlinchicago.blogspot.com/
Farmgirl Sister #4032 |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2012 : 4:10:04 PM
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| I think a lot of it has to do with the attitude of the speaker -- and yes, of course, local custom plays an important role. I also live in the south, and I myself am guilty of the hon/honey/sweetie thing. I know the difference when someone I don't know calls me "Young Lady," or some such thing. It isn't offensive unless it's accompanied by a condescending smile, nod, and "meaningful" eye contact. Y'all know what I mean. And it's always old coots. Go figure. I guess we can only smile and consider how nice it is in life to be noticed at all ;) |
Edited by - Rosemary on Jun 26 2012 6:02:19 PM |
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smiley
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
lea
pea ridge
arkansas
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2012 : 5:57:14 PM
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| Yes Mara I agree it is something to be noticed at all in a world always in such a hurry. |
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smiley
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
lea
pea ridge
arkansas
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2012 : 5:57:46 PM
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| Yes Mara I agree it is something to be noticed at all in a world always in such a hurry. |
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Across the Fence: How to Respond |
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How to Respond
