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Family Matters:  Wedding advice  |
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36paws20hooves
True Blue Farmgirl
161 Posts
Danielle
Weirsdale
Florida
USA
161 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 3:42:46 PM
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Hi ladies! I need some advice.... well it's not for me persay, it's for my brothers soon to be wife. They are planning their wedding. She has a vintage wedding theme going. She is trying to plan every little detail down to what style cupcake picks she wants, then that leads to how they will be displayed etc.
I tried telling her today that I don't even remember what my cake looked like at my wedding 10 years ago. She asked about the center pieces, nope don't remember those either. I remember certian things, the things that must have been the most important to me and the daisy shaped fans/favors I made myself.
My thing is 1) trying to save them money 2) trying to save her hassle and 3) not wanting her to miss out on the important things by spending to much time/money on things she won't even remember in a few years.
My question to ya'll is.... Is there anything that you wish you would have done differently for your special day or anything at a wedding that you went to that stood out that you haven't forgotten?
Any thoughts are welcome.
Thanks Danielle and Tiffany <--- that's the bride to be :)
I'm so busy I don't know if I just found a rope or lost my horse! |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 5:32:40 PM
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Sorry I dont have much for advice. I have only helped plan weddings, never had one of my own. Ive been to quite a few though! The best weddings I've been to are where the guests comfort and needs have been taken into consideration. The worst are where the bride/couple were being too self indulgent and expecting everyone to go along with the ride, so to speak. I just went to one last weekend where the reception was held at a baseball park (we have a triple A farm team with a nice stadium here). Everyone had a great time, they could watch the game or mingle in the box suite if they wanted to. The kids could go jump on the inflatables if they got bored. They even had the bride and groom throw out the first pitch! Plus, the stadium happened to have a fireworks display when the game was over. It was catered and they served alcohol, but it still was on par with the average wedding reception cost from what I understand. So to make a long story short,everyone remembers the fun they had but no one remembers the color of the napkins (LOL!)
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 8:49:23 PM
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I'm with you, even though I do remember all the small details....mainly cause I was extra frugal and I am so happy I got every thing for so cheap....back then we had a good grocery store bakery (they are no longer in business and the other store bakeries are disgusting) and I ordered bday cakes and asked them to just put more decor on them and no happy bday wrote on them! haha And my center pieces I picked up at a store like gordman's and got them for 75 cents each! lol haha (gilded bird cages I decorated with 1 penny silk flowers from hobby lobby and some beaded fruit, I got for very very cheap on clearance.)
But, alas none of those things were very important in the end...and my wedding cost less then 1,000! (including my dress, all the food, rental of the place, etc etc etc!). The thing that I wish I had indeed invested money in was a GREAT and I mean the best photographer, I thought friends would do fine...but they missed a lot of photos that I wish I had-like the first kiss! etc. I just didn't realize how important that would of been. All the other things-my dress, the center pieces the cake, etc etc really weren't that important in the end, although I am happy with what I had... I would of given it all for me to of realized I should of spent money on a awesome photographer.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 05:59:28 AM
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I agree with Heather...you think the details are important but in the end, it's about sharing the day with family and friends who wish you well! (I also agree about the photographer-ours didn't capture a lot either).
However, some people do get a lot of enjoyment in the planning-looking at all the different ideas and dreaming about their special day etc. With all the diy ideas and craft supplies out there, it is fairly easy to create beautiful wedding items very inexpensively.
I hope your brother and sister-in-law to be have a wonderful wedding! |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 06:36:57 AM
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Every bride and groom are different when it comes to weddings and the months leading up to the wonderful event. As Christine said, some folks love the planning and have been thinking about this day for sometime. Some folks could care less, but I think most brides have a "vision" of what they want their day to be. I remember just about everything from our day, even down the guy that invited himself and his son, showed up late to the reception then complained that there was hardly any food left ;)
I really loved our wedding--I didn't want it to be a whirlwind of "should do's", "must invites" or any other "have to's" from family members or friends. And so, when we got engaged in May, we didn't tell anyone until they received their invitations in the post a month prior to the August date! When we prepared our list of invites, it was family and dear friends who knew us as a couple. If you didn't know us, or even knew we were together, you didn't get an invite (so, no work colleagues of parents!!)
My husband comes from a VERY large Irish Catholic family, and neither of us are practicing, so he recommended that we simply keep it hush hush so as to not have the input of an army. Nothing is worse than having 20 people recommend something and get their knickers in a twist when you don't choose their baker, hair stylist,florist or didn't choose that little cousin to be a flower girl because you didn't get married in church. Have good boundaries.
As far as details and planning go, be flexible about things that you can't change (locations being unavailable, a dress you had your heart set on from a magazine just looked AWFUL on you (it happened to a friend!), the flowers you wanted in your bouquet aren't in season for your date and thus, unavailable or cost about as much as the moon....you get my drift. Be flexible--because the fact of the matter is, the day will be snippets of images--and most, if not all weddings are lovely. You'll never remember that the roses were off a shade than the one's you originally chose.
Ask for help: if you're handy, you can save all kinds of money doing things yourself or asking someone ELSE who's crafty to aid you in favors, invitations, etc. Michaels has absolutely gorgeous invitations that can be printed and assembled and they're not that expensive compared to a professional printing job. True friends LOVE to be included in the process--since we're Irish, I asked my best friend who is an amazing seamstress, to make a table runner out of this awesome green celtic knot fabric I found, for the bridal party table. We still use 11 years later for special dinners.
Spend your money wisely--on photographs. Make sure you hire a well recommended wedding photographer (yelp and the Knot are good resources for reviews, as well as websites). These are the things that 150 years from now, people will find and say, "oh wow, they were so lovely!". My father in law took our photos--he's a professional photographer and I couldn't have asked for better. Decide what "style" of documentation you'd like--casual or formal shots. We told my FIL to act like a war correspondent--document moments and images that otherwise would have been missed just taking formal portraits. We have some of those too, and I'm grateful because so many loved ones have passed that joined us that day, it's a special treasure to have them.
Limit your choices--find two reputable "vendors"--florists, bakers, etc. And pick one or the other. This saved a lot of friction between me and my soon-to-be, and saved time to boot. I was around him long enough to know that too many choices made him frustrated and frankly, a complete crank-butt, but given just a few options, he offered constructive opinions and really felt like he was part of the planning.
And last but not least, I think my husband said it best when asked why we were so "mum" on our nuptials: "I don't want a big wedding, I want a big marriage!" Be good to one another and don't stress the small stuff!
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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Brandy Patricia
True Blue Farmgirl
57 Posts
Brandy
Sarasota
Florida
USA
57 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 11:45:32 AM
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I'm a newlywed. Married the man of my dreams on March 10th of this year in Bradenton, FL.
Really can say it was the best day of my life. I'm going to go ahead and gloat and say everything went perfect.
You know why, I did my research and hired responsible, reputable professionals for the things I couldn't do. (like the DJ
and the caterer) If your budget calls for less pricey vendors (like mine did) it is still paramount that you only hire
vendors with really great reviews.
For the things that I could do (like the stationary and itunes-store downloaded ceremony music) I did well in advance and with the help
of the wedding party.
NOTE: One thing I learned is to make SURE that all those in the wedding party understand completely what their responsibilities are, right from the get go.
The things I will never forget surrounding the wedding(besides all the mushy stuff between my husband and I):
1)My parents toasts before the reception dinner
2) the heart to heart chats with relatives
3)the bagpiper (awesome!!!)
The things that the guests really raved about:
1)the location (gorgeous church and waterfront reception venue)bonus: weather was perfect + amazing sunset
2) the bagpiper that piped me down the aisle and played at the cocktail hour
3)the amaaaazing food
4) my powerpoint presentation (played after the traditional toasts)
5) my dads toast
Just a couple other things:
We couldn't afford a videographer, and I was a little heartbroken because of this, BUT my parents got us a videocamera as a wedding gift and my grandfather taped everything ( and friends also taped a few things on their i phones, that papa missed). This was truly a blessing.
Videographers cost upwards of 1000.00 for a package that was cheap, but it was only 200 bucks for the camera, which my husband and I got to keep!
A good resource for vintagey-wedding inspiration: http://iloveswmag.com/
Tiffany, I wish you the best. Danielle, kudos to you for being such a proactive bride helper-outer.
--Happy Trails!
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 12:40:17 PM
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When I got married, my mother gave me the most wonderful advice for my wedding: "Surround yourself with the people you love, and don't sweat the small stuff, because you're the only one who will notice." We had the time of our lives, and, aside from the actual wedding ceremony, what we remember most is the people, the dancing and the laughter. People still tell us to this day that ours was the best wedding they've ever been to! The most fun memories that stick out are the ones where things didn't go exactly as planned... They make for great story-telling! :)
Actually, my mother's advice really is great for life in general, don't you think?! :)
Best wishes to your brother and his wife!
Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 2:09:03 PM
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I've been married for almost 7 years. I wish I had it catered. My bro and his "wife" (she wasn't much of one) paid for the food and we did it ourselves, but I wish in the end it was catered. Things that can be done with out:
a: save the date cards. Waste of money imho. Invites sent out 2-3 mos in advance are good enough. Those that want to go will go. Those that won't, won't. I sent out about 100 invites and probably 2/3rds showed up. keep that as a rule of thumb.
b: reserving a hotel floor for guests. Just send them a list of hotels in the area and let them make their own reservations. You don't know what their budgets are and good luck collecting re-imbursement for the room reservations.
c: Thrift shop, thrift shop, ebay, clearance items, etc. My sister and a friend of my dh's were the attendants. My 4 yo neice the flower girl. My sister had a wonderful dress in her closet. My neices dress was an easter left over.
d: room gifts for guests. listen, they'll be getting a little trinket from your reception. Unless they're playing a major role in the wedding, don't bother because it will end up in a forgotten box somewhere before your 5th year anniversary. Sorry to sound so ungrateful.
e: thank you gifts for the behind the scenes help: gift cards with a $10 limit (dunkin donuts, mcdonalds, etc).
d: simple guest trinket: a votive wrapped in toulle and the bride and grooms names wedding date printed on a small piect of paper. can be done on your computer.
f: If you have someone in the family with an excellent photography eye, have them do the picts for the bride and groom and let that be a wedding gift. If there is anyone else in your family with talent (making/decorating cakes, etc) that those be wedding gifts.
Hope this helps
Lorie
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2012 : 10:01:01 PM
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Agree with all above. What I remember most is the people. Got a great cake at the supermarket.Invested money in a photographer. We also put disposable cameras on the tables so people could take candids but they didn't. It was a waste of money. What I got was 13 shots of us cutting the cake, Etc. We made the programs ourselves and copied them on a copier. My cousin had a video camera and a space set up so that all night long people came to her to send us video wishes and/or advice. We played it on our honeymoon and cried. (Last photos of my Nana.)We also asked everyone to bring a recipe and put them in a book afterwards. Be sure to have a space and someone in charge of gifts people bring to the wedding. I also had a white wrist-strap purse that I either carried with me or put someone in charge of for all the cards that people bring with money. My friend did not do this and much of her "money cards" were stolen. At my friends wedding there was a powerpoint running the whole night of them from babyhood on up thru their engagement photos playing over and over and it was so nice.
Have fun! Congrats to the future couple and kudos to you for being so involved with this. They are lucky to have you.
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2012 : 3:22:33 PM
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Video is the one thing I wished I had. My pictures are nice but the person with the video camera had a dead battery a minute after starting. We had a small wedding and the food was given as a gift by the minister's wife. She's a caterer also. We had a beautiful homemade nontraditional cake. I will always remember washing the car by hand after going to the hairstylist because I didn't think it was clean enough. DH got a pic of that! Lots of good memories.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BitsofEntropy?ref=si_shop
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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KansasFarmMomma
True Blue Farmgirl
91 Posts
91 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2012 : 3:55:48 PM
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I'm not much help. I wish I had eloped. My wedding was not one of the best days of my life, we had a lot of stuff go wrong. The things I remembered the most - trying to bring my calf to the reception for a "petting zoo" and being shut down by the park, the cake that my mom made & my dress. Everything else I've pretty much tried to block out :-/
Nicole
Farmgirl # 4209
www.bearpawphotography.weebly.com
www.KShappyhomemaker.weebly.com |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9666 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9666 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2012 : 06:07:33 AM
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When my daughter got married a few years ago the first thing I asked her was what was the most important things to her? We spent the money on the obvious like a hall and she had her dress picked out before she ever had a suitor. LOL! She decided on the photographer, the cake and the flowers. Everything else she was very frugal with. In fact, she spent way less than we had put aside for her wedding. We made long stem roses for centerpieces out of Hershey kisses. She had a groom's cake made and displayed it at the reception also. We had cards in a little basket for people to give advice or well wishes and made a scrapbook out of them. We used tulle and silk flowers the church had available to decorate the church and made up little bags of lavender buds to throw at them instead of rice. She had the florist used fresh flowers to decorate the top and down the side of the cake in a spiral. If you know people who are willing to help that is wonderful. We did not have it catered, we bought the food and someone we know who used to have their own restaurant was willing to fix the food and serve it. I did pay her for her time but it was not expensive. Everyone thought her wedding was a big deal but it really was quite inexpensive. Think back to what you remember most about a wedding you have attended and then share that with her. Not your own but others as most of us don't remember much of our own. I was not happy with lots of the things that went on in doing our wedding but at the end of the day we were married. Have fun helping them! We also took lots of photos of the different things we did, setting up the reception hall and making the centerpieces, etc. those are nice memories to have too. Just keep in mind what is important to one bride may not be to another and vice versa.
farm girl sister#43
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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alterationsbyemily
True Blue Farmgirl
697 Posts
Emily
Chambersburg
PA
USA
697 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2012 : 12:59:07 PM
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I worked 10 years in the bridal industry....
So here is what went off track at my wedding.... Two Groomsmen got sick and ducked out the morning of, three of the suits did not fit at all, my wedding dress shipped 3 inches short, my cousin ran off with a groomsmen at the reception, my limo broke down on the way to the reception, the jeweler took our money and the wedding rings never came in, my drunk other cousin spilled wine all over me, I broke a champagne glass into my new brother in law's salad, my in laws refused to pay for anything because I was ruining his life, during the group shots it started to pour down rain, my cousin started a family war with the phrase "Massey Parade", and my uncle thought the african american in the bathroom was the towel man and tipped him, he was actually one of the groomsmen.
I had to think really hard about that list.
Now for what I would have changed about that day. I wish I would have worn wrist length cotton gloves.
Everything else just made my wedding epic, not one person in my family will ever forget my wedding.
As for my bridal salon advice I can offer.
1. It is okay to have a meltdown the Thursday before at 6:00 PM.
2. People talk for a time about the dress and the cake, but the music and entertainment are what last forever.
3. Don't forget about the people who don't drink, sweet tea, real tea, not nestea.
4. Invite the seamstress or a seamstress and have her bring a small kit, you never know what could happen.
5. Have a videographer (friend or pro) for the ceremony, cake cutting, and first dance. Youtube is way too accessable for anything else that may happen at a wedding.
6. Don't smash cake in each other's faces, a wedding is not animal house.
7. Wear a viel, even if only for the ceremony, first dance, and cake cutting, it makes for beautiful pictures. Plus how many more times in your life do you get to wear a viel.
8. After the wedding use some of the gift money to get a 16 x 20 of your favorite picture and pay to get it framed, trust me you will never have the time to do it later.
9. Write thank you notes ASAP, do not delay! I just got a thank you not from a wedding from last July about a week ago, I had sent out my son's birth thank yous, baptism thank yous, halloween, christmas, valentines day, St. Patty's day. Seriously, just get them out ASAP, and to add to it, write a note inside, I really hat the card with a picture and then inside "Thank you" Come on people! Sorry thank you notes are a sore spot for me.
Have a lovely time with the wedding
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Farmgirl #2951
No longer renting, offical farmgirl.
Check out my new blog at http://simpileeliving.blogspot.com/
And my new Etsy listings http://www.etsy.com/shop/alterationsbyemily |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2012 : 1:24:35 PM
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Been married almost 13 years and only regret was not seriously hiring a wedding planner for the sake of my mother's nerves.
The one persone who could have been the planner had been married the week before and was a good friend. Never gave it much thought after that and dropped it. Wished I hadn't
The little minute details might matter to the bride, but really, what's the day all about? The love 2 people will be sharing for the rest of their lives. The rest is just fluff Focus on what really matters and what will help capture the memory for a lifetime
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erowease
True Blue Farmgirl
294 Posts
Lesley
Edmonds
wa
USA
294 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2012 : 3:18:13 PM
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The one thing I learned from my first marriage was to not go cheap on the photographer. I always regretted that, our pictures were not great. The only things I remember from that time in my mind is my dress, walking down the aisle with my father, and saying the vows. The reception is just a blur I could not say what was served. I know my parents and friends helped cater it themselves, potluck style by getting platters and trays from Costco and grocery stores. I had an English wedding cake and decorated it myself the week of the wedding and then had the american wedding cake decorated by my cake decorating instructor.
For my second marriage 22 years later we went to Vegas! Paid for the photographer (good one this time) and then took my parents out for a really special dinner. Only pre-planning I had to do was schedule the chapel, and make reservations at the restaurant. I made my own wedding dress, veil and made silk flower bouquet and boutineers for my Husband and Dad. This allowed me to keep my budget reasonable so that we could enjoy our honeymoon. My advice to my friends is always to decide beforehand what the most important things are for that day and focus on those, don't sweat the small stuff and learn to delegate.
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
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kshell
Farmgirl at Heart
8 Posts
8 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2012 : 10:41:15 AM
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I just got married in March and planned the wedding/party in two months :) First of all, we eloped to Vegas. Too much potential family drama to deal with. The whole ordeal of planning the wedding and the trip and the party afterward was extremely stressful but well worth it :) For me, the biggest thing was the photography. Before choosing the wedding venue, I looked at every website for every wedding "chapel" in Vegas and basically ruled out all the "cheesey" ones right off the bat and then looked at the nice, upscale venues and compared their photography samples. I ended up going up with the one who had the most professional looking, beautiful, artsy photographs (as well as a beautiful chapel and grounds). I had to pay more for it and cut back elsewhere but I don't regret it one bit. We had a ball with the photographer and ended up getting really stunning, beautiful photographs out of it. I have photos placed randomly around the house and I LOVE looking at them! The ceremony is a blur and I've only watched the DVD of it once. But, I remember the fun we had taking the photos and every time I look at them, I remember the story behind them. So worth the money!
For all those little details, look at the wedding pages on etsy for ideas - lots of vintage & shabby chic ideas on there. If we had a big wedding, I would have gone that route to decorate and had actually gotten a lot of ideas from there that I would be able to do on my own to keep cost down. I actually purchased my garter from one of the vendors - handmade, beautiful, little bling, vintagey - love it! We had a small party at our house when we got back and one thing that I did do that is mentioned above is have a "Wish Bowl." I used a beautiful glass bowl that I already have, made a sign and put it in frame letting people know that it is a "Wish Bowl" and they can write down their wishes, advice, etc and leave them in the bowl for us and I hade small white cards with a red ribbon tied at the top for them to write on. When I have time to work on a scrapbook, I'll include these. For the food items, I bought these blingy place card holders at Hobby Lobby and I bought small chalkboard cards and I wrote down what the food item was on the card and put them in the holders - blingy and rustic at the same time - everybody loved them!
Everything else was really personal preference stuff. I really shopped around online to find the best prices on things that I knew I wanted. I found these wonderful Vegas themed wedding announcements - very classy and cool. The colors were red, black and white so that became our color scheme. I made my own party invites by coming up with a little invitation poem printed out on velum paper and then I tied it onto a playing card with a red ribbon (the kind of cards you use to play solitaire) - very cute. I ordered my party favors - after shopping around online I found a great deal on them. Little white boxes that look like a dice only instead of black dots, they had red hearts and they came with a black ribbon that said "Lucky in Love" and a silver heart that you tied around the box. I filled them with Hershey's Kisses :) We didn't have a wedding cake per se so I found hat boxes in a black/white pattern that I could tier up to look like a wedding cake and I put a red ribbon around the base of each one for detail. I then found a short, round, wide vase that had the word "Love" etched onto it and put that on top and filled it with red roses. I made a large centerpiece for the food table out of red roses, tiger lilies and some other fillers. And I had red roses scattered through the house in various types of containers. I got all of the flowers at the grocery store and did the arrangements myself. The only other decoration I used was wedding photos - I bought probably 8 to 10 different silver frames and put my favorite photos in those and displayed them along with a photo album of all of the wedding photos and all the Vegas photos. All-in-all, it was beautiful and classy but definitely had my sense of style and funkiness to it :) Honestly, the ceremony itself - ehhh - not a big deal - don't remember much - happy to be married. The photographs, the photography session, the wedding announcements, my favor boxes and all the little details that I love so much - those are things that I remember the most and love the most :)
Kelli
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JerseyGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
181 Posts
Michele
Southern NJ
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2012 : 03:58:49 AM
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| My wedding was cheap and it is still the favorite in the family after 20 years! the only thing I wished I had done was take more pictures. My cousin got married a few months later and it was in her sister's backyard...she had a disposable camera for each guest to take whatever pictures they wanted and she has some of the best shots! We were hysterical for days after seeing the photos! |
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Family Matters: Wedding advice |
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Wedding advice
