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Family Matters:  Nice try....  |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
 Posted - May 19 2012 : 10:54:08 PM
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Remember a while back I posted about a girl who was chasing Ric, so he ended their friendship? Well...I went in to work today to catch up on some paperwork. Ric had an invitation to go boating with some friends (I can't swim so was not crazy about going anyway). I had a weird feeling about it, though, and told him so.
"Alyce, it's just an outing. I haven't been on the water in almost a year!" Since I am pretty sure the man is part fish, I just sighed and told him to be careful. This morning, as if it were a warning, he stepped on a tack. He STILL insisted upon going.
Guess who was on the boat? I just barely got home from work when SHE called me and told me that he was doing drugs and fooling around with another girl. She said she would drop him off "as a favor to me" unless I just wanted her to leave him there. I said I would like to talk to him.
I cried for a solid hour, then got to thinking. I called her back and started asking questions. She told a huge story about what had happened and things he had said, then said she had looked me up online and found all of these negative things I had supposedly said about him--and she said this, it turns out, when he was sitting right next to her. Now, I had never said any of those things and I told her so.
However, by the time he came home, he glared at me and said, "I have never been so humiliated in my life. You have to go."
Excuse me??
Needless to say, we got into a huge argument. I finally got him to listen to my side of the story. When I told him what she had told me, he was livid! He even grabbed his phone and showed me his entire conversational history (she claimed he was texting multiple girls--and he isn't). He had photos and everything to back up his side of the story. When I asked him about the drugs, he actually had to remind me that he is allergic to pot and offered to take a test for anything else.
We sat down and compared notes, and here is what seems to have happened: she propositioned him and he turned her down. She stormed off, and presumably that is when she called me. Once she realized I was very upset, she made sure Ric heard just enough of the conversation for him to assume I was bad mouthing him.
She just didn't account for one thing: Ric never, ever lies to me. He is the worst liar I have ever met, so he learned early on that he may as well just be honest! He also tells me *everything* (whether I want to know it or not). I doubt she expected him to show me the proof of his innocence, either. She probably just figured she would cause a huge fight and one of us would walk out--giving her the chance to "console" him.
Instead, he has told her not to contact him again unless she wants to face legal action. 
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 06:22:35 AM
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WOW! I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this again.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 07:24:35 AM
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Well...other than the distress it caused you both it sounds like it actually really worked out well in your favor! It sounds like that might have been the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wff7Xpc/]
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 08:32:59 AM
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| Good Night, this seems like a stressful situation. Do they have the same friends and what are you going to do if he gets invited to a different activity that she might be at? |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 11:53:57 AM
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Thanks Lorena. I was not best pleased either!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 11:56:00 AM
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Yes Alee, I think you are right! I think Ric and I are going to be stronger than ever now.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 12:03:14 PM
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Delicia, it has been awful. Ric is a very attractive man, but I have never seen this level of obsession (well, except in the movies).
Luckily, they only know one or two of the same people. Ric has notified them of what happened, so she is pretty much a pariah now.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 04:40:15 AM
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Ric has a bad habit of assuming that I can read his mind. SO not true! I think this was a real eye-opener for both of us.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 07:02:28 AM
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| Wow! She sounds like she got a double helping of crazy! :( I'm sorry you had to deal with all of this, but am glad to hear that you and Ric are united in this...bravo for remaining calm and working it out in your favor! |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 10:38:58 AM
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My Hubby had a 'friend' who kept callin me and tellin me he was lettin this girl or that girl sit on his lap, or hang on him, or kiss him, or something. It culminated in me bein told he was at a females house and wouldn't let his friend to come in with him while I was at camp with our girls.
I called and told him I was divorcin him. He drove for hours to come talk to me, only to find his 'friend' sleepin in his car at my camp waitin for me to wake up so he could 'be there for me'.
People are sometimes absolutely horrible and beyond selfish!
It's a hard road, but it is better to travel it. The road will show you exctly who can be trusted and who can't. It will also bring you and your partner closer together, so long as you both finish the journey. The whole answer can't be found sittin in the ditch, it's only found at the end.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 1:21:59 PM
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Christine, she is a piece of work. I am really grateful that it is working out so well in my favor.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 1:23:33 PM
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Angela, it sounds like your hubby's "friend" and this girl are made for each other. Yikes!
It does seem to be bringing us closer together, you are right.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 3:52:01 PM
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Oh Alyce.
I have to say that when I started to read your post my heart just sank for you. I am glad you are ok. I do not want to be a downer or to be negative, but I seem to remember you posting several times about Ric and "this girl" and I worry for you. I know that in the past you have said that Ric has some issues and a temper. I know that you have also had your share of problems with Ric and him seeming to hold you back from some of your dreams and goals. As for showing you his entire phone history, you do realize that a person can delete either entire converstaions or parts of converstaions from their history? I am not saying he did this, but just to be aware of it. I only wish you happiness. I just worry that your relationship is alot of work- ( and yes, all relationships are,) but I just hope for you that it is indeed what you are truly looking for deep down in your heart. I hope that it is what makes you happy in life.
I just hate to see you having to go through these issues over and over again. I remember Ric saying in the past that he wasnt going anywhere near "this girl". Did he really not know she would be on that boat trip? How big was this boat? Does it hold a handful of people (say 6-8) or was it a huge party boat that holds 30-40+ people? The fact that it sounds like he was willing to do ANYTHING to go out on that boat raises questions in my mind. Maybe it is just me. It just seems odd that he agreed to be sure and have nothing to do with her and VOILA - there she is out on the same boat as him.
I hope that you are not taking this the wrong way- its just that I seem to see a pattern here in your relationship. You sound like a very nice girl. In the end YOU must be comfortable with who you are with and where your life is heading. Only YOU have the power to control and/or change that.
My hat is tipped to you, I wish you the best, and truly hope that everything works out for the both of you!
Please keep us posted, and know that we are here for you.
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
Edited by - laurentany on May 21 2012 3:58:25 PM |
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jan49829
True Blue Farmgirl
2428 Posts
Janet
Gladstone
Mi.
USA
2428 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 8:32:18 PM
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I agree with Laurie. She said it well. It does look likea pattern here. If it happens again, I would say 3 times and you're out!!!!! Something does not sound right with the whole situation. Just my opinion.
Janet
Farmgirl Sister #3340
http://hardatworkcrafts.blogspot.com
http://Jan49829.etsy.com
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 07:19:13 AM
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For the record, it was a good-sized outing (40+ between boat and beach) and he had no idea. He used to be a competitive diver, and he hadn't been near water in a year or been swimming in two years. That may be a record for him.
Also, he hangs on to all of his phone/e-mail contacts because he needs some things for evidence in a lawsuit he is filing.
I have told him this is his last chance. If he has any contact with her of any kind again, I am going to leave. He is not even to socialize in any group where she might coincidentally be. Just because nothing has happened does not mean I trust him. (I have trust issues anyway, and it has always seemed to me that wholly trusting one's spouse lets him get complacent.)
I told him just this morning that there will be no more outings without me, even if I have to go out on the water. He quite enthusiastically agreed.
She admitted to threatening him and saying she was glad he had been hurt so badly in his accident. He has finally seen her true colors.
Yesterday, she was so bold as to text me and see if I had left him yet. Brazen much?
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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jan49829
True Blue Farmgirl
2428 Posts
Janet
Gladstone
Mi.
USA
2428 Posts |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 12:51:35 PM
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So do I, thanks. I do have the offer of a room in my cousin's house if I need it, and quite honestly I will be fine no matter what happens.
To paraphrase Bocephus, a farm girl can survive!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 1:36:59 PM
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HI Alyce,
I am glad to see your response. I know that you are a smart girl, and that you will do what is best for you.
I wish you and Ric all the best and hope that everything does work itself out. I am sure it will, as these things always do.
Glad that you have a place to go if needed.
As for "this girl" she sounds like a real piece of work! Hopefully Ric can see her true colors now too!
Wishing you nothing but the best!
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 7:30:43 PM
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*hugs back* He can't stop kicking himself for not seeing them before. Says he can't believe he considered her a friend! The boy is just a bit naive....
Almost every hour now, he grabs me into a hug and says something like, "I am so glad I didn't do something stupid and lose you." (Makes it hard to get anything done!) I have made it clear that I am watching him like a hawk to make sure he behaves, and he understands. He doesn't even fuss if I randomly grab his phone to check his history. I only trust a few of his friends right now after that, so...can't be too careful.
He has even asked me to use my mad librarian skills and find out what legal action he can take against her. I think he's upset....
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 11:11:08 AM
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I think a good ol restraining order is fair in this situation, just for starters.
And yeah... we have had problems with the "woman from work" getting too friendly too-- and it was made so much worse because the company climate wanted them to "get together because they were such nice people".
HELLO!! This woman is an attempted homewrecker!!! That does not = "NICE"!! The wife they didnt know was a nice person too... with 2 little kids at the time and totally devoted to her man!!
Other women have flirted with him before but they knocked it off when they got close enough for it to come up that he was happily married. (that chick didn't.)
He has had to impose some new strategies to never be his real nice guy self around females he works or schools with so they don't get the wrong idea and cultivate a crush.
I'm stuck at home a lot but I do try to be frequently present. He goes to NO work social events without me and I'm even happy to say that's more by his choice (he is happier and has more fun with me around than he does without.)
I think this whole climate of too much workplace bonding is a problem these days (What's with this "work spouse" business??? And how is it not offensive to even say?)
DH had to leave that job-- there was no way to recover. After all, once he decided to leave me, I decided to leave the state. Once she exposed herself for the lying viper she was he came shamelessly running after me, never again to wonder if there's anything better out there--- didn't take long to find out there was NO way he could get a better deal than a doting devoted wife. Even if she is a mediocre housekeeper and doesn't have a full time paycheck to share. ;)
Don't lose too much faith Alyce. Even if he had the full blown affair people recover from these things all the time. When I had my troubles people came out of the woodwork to support me and air their own experiences, solid couples I would have NEVER expected including a lovely couple from my church... my pastor and his wife in the MIDST of seminary, details of my mother's first husband being a filthy rat....
A lot of people have gone through this type of thing and healed. Like a broken bone; knitted together stronger and denser than before along that break.
~*~ http://silverstarfamilyfarm.blogspot.com/ ~*~
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
~Erma Bombeck |
Edited by - Dusky Beauty on May 23 2012 11:17:42 AM |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 12:10:07 PM
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Wow Jen...thank you. I am glad Ric and I never reached that point, and glad your hubby came to his senses!
Ric credits me with helping him become a better man than he used to be, and I am glad he values me. He promised that from now on, he is never letting a female "friend" get close enough to think she can tear us apart.
It's nice when men see what we are really worth, isn't it? And given that she threatened him, I think a restraining order is an excellent idea. I will bring it up with him.
EDIT: When I mentioned the idea of a restraining order, it turned out he was way ahead of me and has been looking into it! I consider that a good sign.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
Edited by - GirlwithHook on May 23 2012 5:18:18 PM |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 5:34:00 PM
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Alyce I even heard of a wife charged a woman with Assault on their marriage and actually won in court it was along time ago. She had tape phones calls, she kept a running journal for awhile very detailed, threats, etc.
This woman is a nut so please keep you and Ric very aware of yourself and surroundings. You just never know. Thinking of you'all.Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 7:18:11 PM
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I just love the term "Home Wrecker", ROFLMAO!!!, just remember girls and boys, it takes 2 to tango, and if that "Women" OR "Man" is ignored completly by everyone, she or he will give up and go away, because its not fun anymore...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2012 : 06:14:55 AM
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Marlee, that is brilliant. With Ric keeping all of his records...hm. It's a pity Wisconsin no longer recognizes "alienation of affection", or I could sue her for attempting it. (My mother sued my stepmother for seducing my father, which is the only reason I know the law used to be on the books.)
Ric could also sue her for slander and libel for the things she said/texted, invasion of privacy, stalking, cyber-bullying, and threatening him on top of it. I could go after her for emotional damages...and I will research this "attack on a marriage". Thank you!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2012 : 06:17:51 AM
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Tina, it is a classic! So far she has not attempted to contact him. I wonder if he can have her number blocked? That would be like ignoring her AND having the biggest guy on the playground step in the middle. 
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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Family Matters: Nice try.... |
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Nice try....
