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Across the Fence:  Manners or Class  |
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pennyhenny
True Blue Farmgirl
304 Posts
Missy
Dayton
OH
USA
304 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 11:31:29 AM
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I have a friend who belongs to a local quilt group. Last week they all got together for a meeting and a Spring exchange. All ladies had made mini quilts for the exchange. My friend said that when she gave her partner in the exchange the mini quilt the lady looked at it and said "thank you" and that was all she said. She folded the little quilt in half and stuffed it in her stitching bag. I was lucky enough to have seen that mini quilt and let me tell you it was so beautiful and the hand stitching was above and beyond.Not to mention my friend used her partners initials and a few of personal detains on the quilt.
My question is where did MANNERS go or should I say CLASS? Yes she said thank you but she could have said a little more and treated the gift better.
Funny thing was that when this lady gave her mini quilt to her assigned partner she went on and on about how long it took her and how expensive the silk thread was that she used in some of the detailing. I would have thought that someone like her would have been thrilled to receive the handmade gift my friend hade made for her.
I see this time and time again with exchanges where someone will say "thanks" for the gift(s) and that all. I guess I feel that my friend worked long hours on this gift and could have had more of an appreciated reaction.
Have you ever had this happen to you?
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 11:36:37 AM
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Unfortunately, I've had it happen frequently. I make a note of it and never bother spending time on a handmade gift for that person again. I guess I'm a little too cynical.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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paradiseplantation
True Blue Farmgirl
1277 Posts
julie
social springs community
Louisiana
USA
1277 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 11:44:47 AM
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I see this lack of social graces, as I call them, all too many times. I'm with Alyce. I simply make note of it and only make gifts for those who truly love them. Bless my sister's heart, she may hate everything I weave for her, but she always brags on my projects to my face, and I've had several people tell me she brags about them behind my back, and shows them off. I try to do the same for others who make gifts for me, as well. Missy, I've never seen the mini quilt your friend made, but I will brag on her and her project, just because I know how much work goes into a quilt, regardless of the size. Sounds like she also put a tremendous amount of thought into it too. Tell your friend that I'm proud of her and her project, and she can make me one any time - I'LL brag on her!!!! :)
from the hearts of paradise...
1Thess. 4:11
http://thefarmwife.com
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 11:49:19 AM
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I've had it happen frequently, too. I don't know what to make of it--there are times when I'm really hurt, and then there are times when I think, "see if I ever do anything like that for you again!" We had dinner with some friends a few weeks ago and I made a homemade apple pie--now, I work full time and I'm always running from here to there so on a Sunday, I usually like to chill out and spend quality time at home, but I cut into that time to make this pie and after dinner, they never even took the foil off or offered anyone any--so we left my pie basket and a whole pie, not to mention my good pie plate at their house because, well, I couldn't very well ask them to dump out the pie, now could I? I've never heard whether it was good or whether they fed it to their goats...My husband said, "I feel weird about leaving a whole pie there. That's weird that they didn't even open it." He later told me he was fairly offended because, he thinks my apple pie hung the moon!
My husband always tells me that I expect too much from people--and I am guilty of that. He doesn't mean it to reflect badly on me, but he says that I'm just a different breed and that more often than not, most people wouldn't know how to be gracious if their lives depended on it.
I'm a person that still writes thank you notes--even for the smallest gesture or invitation to supper. Sometimes, with all that's going on in our little world, it might take me a few weeks, but I try to get them out, pronto. My sil, who belongs to a country club, and runs around with tons of "class" has never, ever, written a thank you note for anything. I think that's weird. But then, that's me again, assuming everyone should be like me :)
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 12:44:40 PM
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I've had it happen when I've done oil paintings or afghans for some of my family. I now do what Julie does, only give to those I know will, at least, want it.
And Jonni, I have a sister just like yours. I have finally realized I never, ever want to be like her.
Hugs to all of you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3320 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3320 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 2:04:58 PM
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A similar event happened to me years and years ago when we exchanged names for Christmas presents...I drew someone and for weeks and weeks I hand embroidered 29 Roses on a vintage tablecloth (it was beautiful vintage linen) and I was pregnant at the time and uncomfortable at sitting for long periods. Anyway, the big day came, I waited anxiously to see her reaction. She opened it up, Took one look at it and then put it aside. It cut me to the quick. I was embarrassed and I just wanted to cry, but I didn't.
WE know how much talent and effort and TIME is put into anything that is handmade don't we??
Shame on that lady at the quilt exchange! She has no class, is very rude and hurtful and she doesn't deserve it at all.
Melody
Farmgirl #525 |
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pennyhenny
True Blue Farmgirl
304 Posts
Missy
Dayton
OH
USA
304 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 2:15:44 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by paradiseplantation
I see this lack of social graces, as I call them, all too many times. I'm with Alyce.
1Thess. 4:11
http://thefarmwife.com
YES YES Julie!!! Social graces is what I was looking for.
Thank you ladies I will tell my friend or better yet show her what all of you are saying. I know it her my friend deeply. I'm going to do a little something special for her and let her know how wonderful all of you are .
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 2:30:51 PM
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I agree with all of the ladies and what they are saying. Some people just have no clue- although you would think someone who quilts would realize the time/effort and love that is put into every handmade piece! Shame on her!
I agree that I would not waste time on this type of thing for someone who just doesnt know how to appreciate it properly. Very sad- thats all I can say.
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 2:36:46 PM
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| It just makes me shake my head because for the life of me, I can't find any explanation for being that rude. Unfortunately, I think that social graces might be a dying art form...I hope I'm wrong. I hope that parents are still teaching their kids how to be gracious...from what I've read so far here, I am encouraged that they are! |
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Oggie
True Blue Farmgirl
526 Posts
Ginny
Machias
Maine
USA
526 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 4:43:31 PM
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I do a lot of swaps here on MJF and believe me if you could see my office, you'd know how meaningful items are that someone has made me. I have items hung up all over the place someone took the time to make me and I don't "really know" any of you (we've never met). I would be so hurt by that experience. I can't believe the rudeness of some people and how they don't seem to appreciate others work. Tell your friend not to give this woman a second thought, she isn't worth it.
Ginny
Farmgirl #2343
www.thedewhopinn.com
www.etsy.com/shop/cybertiques
"I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whomever I'm with."
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it." Both by Elwood P. Dowd (Jimmy Stewart) in the Movie Harvey
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 10:08:12 PM
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I agree it is sad. Some people just don't care or were never taught about gratitude. I admit, I'm terrible about writing thank you notes (Im trying to be better about it though),but I do make sure that the person knows how much I appreciate what they've done for me. I'm teaching my son to appreciate the kindness of others and show gratitude, but sometimes it's like pulling teeth! Lol!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2012 : 05:55:31 AM
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I agree totally- social graces are lacking in todays world. Please and thank you are so important to learn- I know my oldest daughter forgets so often- it amazes me and I remind her just as often as she forgets. Not that I am saying I'm perfect- -not even close. But, boy does it upset me when people are not gracious.
Lori |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2012 : 11:33:27 AM
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It sounds like the lady is a bit narcissistic and thinks the world revolves around her. Exampled by her brush off of a gift that was pretty much the same thing she made, but went on and on about her own work.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2012 : 9:08:44 PM
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It sounds to me like the lady might have a problem with low self esteem and was jealous. Sometimes people take things like that as if the giver is trying to outdo them or something. I would just take it as a conformation that you have a lot of talent. I have run into this type of thing when I have tried to take a painting class and even though I know next to nothing I have a talent for painting detail and the teacher get jealous of me and sets my painting aside like its nothing. And I could see in her eyes it bothers her. Sheesh! I just want to know how to mix colors better! I have an appreciation for everyone's art and little creations. When that happens I just figure I'd better read up and learn myself because apparently I'm out of their league and they know it. I probably sound arrogant but I say don't cast your pearls before swine, and if it happens just take it as a complement of your talent, and move on. I get it at the barrel races too not because I'm doing that well yet but because I put a lot of time into my horses and about all of my money so naturally I have incredibly beautiful and fast horses. I work hard to achieve that and god has blessed me. I know a woman who tried to actually get someone disqualified from a barrel race because the person was too fast. Huh. Well if your not winning make the sacrifice and get a faster horse and practice more. Or just have fun and don't worry about it. Don't try to slow everybody down so you can win. I guess it's about image for a lot of people. I don't know for me it's business and love/ ministry. I just ignore them. They are small people.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
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Across the Fence: Manners or Class |
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Manners or Class
