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Across the Fence:  Friends in Need  |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 10:58:44 AM
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I have a couple good friends that have been going through a tough time - for different reasons. I have listened and been supportive but as time goes on, they don't seem to be able to get past it. I keep hearing about it and I'm at a loss about what to say. To be honest, I'm kind of tired of hearing about problems when they are unwilling to change behavior that might help the situation. Also, I'm a "glass half full" kind of gal, and both of these friends lean more towards "glass half empty" philosphy.
So, after listening to both of them yesterday go on at length, I thought I'd better examine my own actions/thoughts - because I believe lots of times we get annoyed with people because we might have a similar habit and/or trait - or we get caught up in what we're hearing and join in. And what do you know.... I realized I have been complaining about a work situation that is less than desirable... And I firmly believe that complaining about something only makes it worse. So, note to self - enough with the pity party - move on. I talked to DH about it, now I'm done with it. It was a nice realization for me.
This morning I talked to my friend who has been going through a really tough time with family issues and she starts up again about the same thing. I told her that I felt like she was going over the same thing and I realized I was doing it too. So maybe we shouldn't keep complaining about this stuff - and maybe, just maybe - it might get better (of course, I'm paraphrasing here...). She got upset and defensive - then said she had to go (we were on the phone). Now I feel terrible and guilty.
So - my question is should I have kept my mouth shut and let her talk about it? How do you handle situations like this? And please know that I'm a good listener and care deeply for these friends - but its so frustrating when they aren't willing to do anything to change. Help!
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 11:14:46 AM
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I rather like Dr. Phil's question: "Now how's that working for you?" It is like doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result. I know I have done it in the past and when thinking about it, maybe I should try something else.
Betty in Pasco |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 11:25:22 AM
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I like Dr. Phil's question. I'll have to remember that - when listening to them and for myself...
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 1:18:43 PM
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Lorraine,
Don't feel guilty. Friends should hold each other accountable and by correcting or showing a way that is more beneficial for her IS helping her.
I have had friends put me in my place before and I am very thankful they have.
When someone starts complaining to me about something or someone, I try to stop them and say "Let's pray for them." Or "Let's pray about the situation". We can become either 'better' or 'bitter' and complaining only leads to the latter.
I will be praying for the Lord to grant you wisdom Lorraine and for your friends to understand that you truly do want to help them.
By His Grace, For His Glory
~Sharon
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 1:59:50 PM
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I always say "I know we've talked about this before. How can I help?" Usually they don't know and are just complaining. If I can help, I will and then I'm usually done with it. If I can't, I like "Let's pray about it." Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 3:49:24 PM
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I like that Joey, "Let's pray about it."
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 4:11:57 PM
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Thanks everyone. I've told both friends I will pray for them. Its just hard to watch people make a situation more challenging - and I certainly don't want to say anything to make it worse.
The friend I talked to this morning - who is currently upset with me - has a long history of complaining. She has made an effort to change this bad habit - but has more work to do (who doesn't). We've known each other ~ 35 years - we met in college. When my oldest daughter was 6 or 7 years old, she said "Why is she always complaining?" - in front of her. I had forgotten this incident (can you imagine how embarrassed I was??), but she asked me a couple months ago if I remembered. She said she'll never forget it and felt like God was using my daughter to get a message to her.
So, the good news is that she is really trying. And I know that she'll get over her snit, sooner or later. I just hope I remember this experience so when the shoe is on the other foot, I won't get upset when someone brings something to my attention. :o)
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Across the Fence: Friends in Need |
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Friends in Need
