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Parenting & Farm Kids:  when daycare for the neighbors doesn't work  |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 26 2012 : 5:10:04 PM
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My friend homeschools and recently decided she would do daycare for her next door neighbor to earn some income. It is just one 3 year old girl but apparently the situation is not working out. There are major issues with the child and the family and it's causing issues with in my friends family and homeschooling. She is trying to find a way to get out of doing daycare for this family other than simply saying "I can't handle your kid." She would gladly take in another (different) family of kids but she can't very well (lie and) tell the neighbor "daycare isn't working with our homeschooling" if then two weeks later she is doing daycare for another family. She said it would be different if it wasn't her next door neighbor...and she doesn't want to say anything mean to make things hard between neighbors. Has anyone dealt with a similar issue and has advice?
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2012 : 8:00:47 PM
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Hi Amy,
I have not personally had this exact experience, or known anyone who has, but I have a few things to share on this subject anyway.
Our current babysitter worked for a family before us where the kids were uncontrollable and violent. After a few months, she quit telling them she was going to increase her class load at school and wouldn't have time to sit anymore. She said she didn't want to confront the parents about her real reasons, because the parents were nice (despite being blind to their kids' extreme behavior and their disinterest in seeing them disciplined). Then, when she was out with me and my girls, we ran into them and it was VERY awkward and she told me later she wished she had just been upfront about it.
I also have a SAHM friend who started watching the daughter of a friend. When the girl started spending all day several days a week at her house, the girl began breaking her daughters' toys, throwing her food on the floor during meal times and sometimes pooping on her bathroom floor (the girl in question is 4, by the way!) When my friend finally had to tell her friend it wasn't working out, her friend became irate and basically hasn't spoken to her since.
A few years ago a family member kind of cornered me into agreeing to watch her kids on weekdays one Summer while she was at work. I REALLY did not want to do it because her kids were so...wild (one had started setting fires, so you can see why I would be reluctant). I finally just had to tell her no before the time she was supposed to start dropping them off. It did not go well. In fact, almost everyone else in the family got very upset with my husband and I, and there was even some name-calling (at us).
What I am getting at, is that at this point there may not be any easy or non-confrontational way of getting out of this. She may just need to say the set up is obviously just not a "good fit," and no hard feelings, but she can't do it anymore.
I know that may not be helpful at all, but I just had to put in my Farmgirl Two Cents!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2012 : 05:53:00 AM
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Amy,
I agree with Suzanne. I have been in a situation on more than one occasion where someone has wanted me to watch their child and the child just didn't "fit" with our schedule or rules. People tend to think if you are a SAHM you have all the time in the world. If it was me, I would be upfront and say that it "Just isn't working out", and leave it at that. She could give them two weeks so they are not left "high and dry". She doesn't OWE them any other explanation. Hope this helps.
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2012 : 06:18:02 AM
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These are great suggestions, gals. I think you are right about just being up front with the family, especially since they are neighbors. Any white lie or truth bending will eventually be found out anyway. The child isn't fitting withe the rules or the set-up (very similar to things Suzanne was mentioning - for instance, this child is sent to my friends house with a bag of skittles for breakfast and is bribed home with cookies at night...and things just get more interesting from there....)so perhaps my friend will just need to say "Look, its not working for us." and leave it at that. You're right, Nicole, she doesn't really OWE them any other explanation!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2012 : 07:31:16 AM
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I know what you mean, Nicole. I'm a SAHM too, and I've lost count of the times that "friends" and family think this means I can and should provide them with free (or super cheap) child care. In fact, when we recently began announcing our plans to start homeschooling in the Fall, several family members reacted by instantly trying to hit me up for free daycare since they (wrongly) assumed I would be "home all day anyhow." I looked at them like they were nuts and said, "Uh, you think I can homeschool and care for my four and your little ones, too? I'm flattered, but it isn't going to happen. And I don't plan on us being home all the time anyhow - we're going to field trip like crazy!"
I just find it plain nuts that so many people I've run into seem assume if you have made the sacrifices and arranged your family so that you can be a SAHM, that you owe it to them to help with their childcare issues. I'm NOT saying EVERYONE does this, of course, I've just experienced it a lot.
Amy - I really do think there is no other avenue for your friend but polite, yet firm, honesty. She'll probably have to be prepared for them to be upset for awhile, but hopefully they will get over it.
And, Amy, I have nieces who CONSTANTLY get bribed with candy and sweets by their parents and I think it makes them hyper and uncooperative.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Jan 27 2012 07:35:55 AM |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: when daycare for the neighbors doesn't work |
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when daycare for the neighbors doesn't work
