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Gathered Up:  living with parents/in-laws/other relatives  |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 06:21:33 AM
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I thought we could start a thread/group for farmgals who are living with parents/in-laws or other relatives - for whatever reason. Multi-generational living has its ups...and downs. There's GREAT things about it...and things that make you grit your teeth. Post here if you're living in a two (or more) family household!
My parents rent from us at our farm. We rented from them at their house for four years before we bought this farm. This was always the way we intended it to be, multigenerational living...but sometimes it seems like the house is REALLY small! 
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 5:53:10 PM
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I lived with my parents for a while after my divorce (well my only divorce). Definitely had its ups and downs but I am very appreciative of those times. Now, the 5 acres that I live on I got from them, so we're neighbors. It's not too bad living across the yard--way better than in the same house though! Since my mom died, I am glad (on the one hand) that I do live so close as I was able to be here when she was so sick and now I'm here to look after my dad (who is beyond helpless it seems). He gets on my last half a nerve but I don't think I could stand living farther away and being worried about him.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 09:09:04 AM
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My nephew, his wife, and two young children lived with us about a year. I loved every moment with them. They were a blessing to us.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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TeresaJ25
True Blue Farmgirl
975 Posts
Teresa
Medford
NY
USA
975 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 09:58:34 AM
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Opening your home to a family member can bring joy one day, and regret another. We built an apartment for my MIL about a year ago. My FIL passed away 2 years ago, and she just couldn't be alone anymore. It was taxing on the family to drive over every night to sit with her. My SIL approached me about building an apartment for my MIL and I didn't hesitate to open my home. I wanted to set an example for my children that this is how the elderly need to be treated in our country (Granted, I have a good relationship with my MIL, so the decision was easier).
There are ups and downs.
She does expect me to come sit with her everyday. And there are some days when I just don't really want to. Or she is feeling especially cranky.
But I have also learned so much from her. And I do believe that I am a better person for having her here.
~Teresa
Farmgirl Sister #1348
Little Henhouse on the Island
Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep smiling. Keep listening. Keep forgiving. Keep praying |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 10:55:22 AM
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I too wanted to teach my children the benefits of multi-generational living. It's NORMAL in some countries. We are blessed to be able to have this time together, but I think sometimes people forget about the day to day living together, expecting it to be something different. We are all still human beings and there are still things we will disagree on. I thought my parents were going to flip when I told them we were homeschooling (four years ago, when we were renting from them and the kids were finally school aged). There are also things my parents have decided to do (either when we were the renters or now that they are renters) that I don't necessarily agree with but you have to live with those things. Somedays its easier to say that than others! I'm sure the benefits outweigh the tough days...no, I KNOW they do. But the dailyness...somedays...I just thought it would be nice to have a place where we can gather here (on MJF) becuase unless you're in the situation and have experienced it, you might not know the unique challenges AND joys it can bring! :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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Farmer Judy
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Judy
North Aurora
IL
USA
433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 11:33:57 AM
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It has been a while now but about 18 years ago we moved in with my parents to help them keep the house as they did not want to move into an apartment. My parents were there for the birth of my oldest son (now 15),
Dad died while I was pregnant with my second son. My FIL had a heart attack and followed by a stoke within the next 18 months. Two years later my MIL moved in with my family and my mom. It was a free for all and balancing everything was really hard but the kids still have a lot of memories about both grandmothers. My mom died when my youngest was in third grade and two years later my MIL needed to go into a nursing home where she still is due to her dementia. I don't think I would do things different looking back on it but it was really hard with so many personalities in one household. Two senior ladies, my DH and myself and tow kids full time and one with visitation. I miss my parents a lot but I'm glad I got so much time with them.
God bless,
Judy
Farmgirl #3666
Born a city girl but a farm girl at heart!
http://farmtimes.blogspot.com/ |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
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TeresaJ25
True Blue Farmgirl
975 Posts
Teresa
Medford
NY
USA
975 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2012 : 12:44:18 PM
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Quick vent:
Despite my MIL's advice, I am NOT giving my son J-ello or ginger-ale for his unfortunate over-active bowel issue that he has been dealing with this week.
I WILL continue to give him bananas, rice & water.
And please, PLEASE someone make her stop wearing that horrific perfume that gives me an instant headache. It clings to me. I can even taste it. There is no need for such an odor.
Thank you, I'm done! 
~Teresa
Farmgirl Sister #1348
Little Henhouse on the Island
Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep smiling. Keep listening. Keep forgiving. Keep praying |
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musicmommy
True Blue Farmgirl
430 Posts
Wendy
Oregon
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2012 : 1:14:45 PM
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We had my mil move in with us 5 years ago. My fil passed away 11 years ago and we were across the country from mil. The company she worked for all her life closed it's doors and we offered her a way to move out here and get a new start. My dh is an only child so we thought it would be good for her to be near us and our boys.
She was only supposed to stay for a couple of months to find a job and an apartment. Although our house is good sized at 2400 square feet, because of my teaching, hubby working from home and needing an office and our homeschooling, we just don't have enough space for another adult. She ended up staying a little over a year and it was rough!
Her values are different than ours. She doesn't approve of homeschooling, is very disrespectful about our choice to raise the boys in our church, is a super picky eater and expected to be catered to, and felt that being a sahm mom was a not a worthwhile pursuit. I tried, really, I did, but after a while, it just got to be too much. Dh and I both realized that we felt a lifting of spirits when we would leave the house and the weight would come back as soon as we turned up our drive.
It was so hard because she is so bitter. To top it off, my mom and she do not get along at all so we couldn't have them here at the same time.
I'm really learned a lot during that year though. I kept a journal and plan on reading it when my boys get engaged as a reminder of the difficulties that a mil can bring to a marriage so that I won't repeat them.
Now, if my dad ever needed to move in with us, you can bet we would be all over that!
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
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soapmommy60543
True Blue Farmgirl
2197 Posts
Ann
Oswego
IL
USA
2197 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2012 : 1:27:11 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story. When we built our house, we had to spend 3 months living with my parents. All I could say by the end of that experience was that there's a reason you leave home at 18. I'm so sorry it hadn't worked as you planned, but as you say, God was probably trying to teach you how to be a good MIL someday.
Wife of terrific hubby and mom to 2 teenagers, 2 bunnies, 2 geriatric goldfish, and the best dog in the world!
Check out my blog: http://www.suburbanprairiehomemaker.com
and follow me on Facebook (Suburban Prairie Homemaker), Twitter (@sphomemaker), and Pinterest (Suburban Prairie Homemaker)
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CountryKim
True Blue Farmgirl
66 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
66 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2012 : 4:09:13 PM
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My MIL has been living with us since October. She had been in the hospital for 30+ days or so and my husband brought her back with him to Texas when she was well enough to travel. It's temporary as she is 79 going on 80. It gets way to hot here, so we don't think she should be here in the summer. Right now she has hallucinations. We took her to a geriatric doctor today. She used to be my physician until she decided to specialize. But she has given us hope for possible treatment of the hallucinations *fingers crossed*. She may not have alzheimers (sp) or dementia.
@Ann-I used to live in Hinckley and Sycamore.
Forever farmgirl
http://midwestmusings-kim.blogspot.com/
http://throughethelseyes.blogspot.com/ |
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Annie S
True Blue Farmgirl
756 Posts
Annie
Custer
S.D.
USA
756 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2012 : 2:07:45 PM
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Kim, sending your warm thoughts for your situation. This has to be very hard on you and your DH. So good that you found a physician to treat your MIL, especially for her hallucinations. That has to be so very scary for her and for you as well.
Sending you ((hugs)). |
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CountryKim
True Blue Farmgirl
66 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
66 Posts |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 09:53:31 AM
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Amy For the last year, our 45 year old son is living with us. My husband will be 74 and I am 69. Next week is our 50th wedding anniversary. This is not the way I wanted to spend my later life. Some things have been wonderful, but he needs to move out soon. Pray that this will happen.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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littlegirl54
True Blue Farmgirl
61 Posts
Connie
Rio Linda
California
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2012 : 07:26:09 AM
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Hi all, I too am living the multi-generational life right now. My mom has macular degeneration and needs help doing everyday tasks. Dad retired, so I moved in to help out. To make a long story short other family members moved in "temporarily" and are still there. There is soooooo many variations on what perspectives that it lends itself to drama day and night some weeks. This week, we are fortunate, no drama....yay!!! I see the benefits, and the pitfalls. Like you Bonnie, this is not how I pictured my later years. I want to be a blessing, and I want to be alone too. But I guess that's like having your cake and eating it too. Oh well, I keep looking for the good in all this and am finding it here, there and everywhere.
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2012 : 1:03:49 PM
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It really is a mixed bag, isn't it? I grew up with 35 family members in a 3 block radius but not in the same house. That is a way different story, and was a WONDERFUL way to grow up. I believe so strongly about the benefits of multigenerational families, but it is hard, especially in the same house. We lived with my FIL for a few months and I couldn't wait to get out. We moved to Florida to be near my Dad before he died and while I'm glad we were so close he made me crazy everyday. On the other hand, he and DH became so close, and it was so hard when he passed away.
We are planning to move to NC next spring to be very near my DD and her family. They live on a big farm and they need us and I SO want to be there, close to my only child and my grandgirls. My DDs MIL live within spitting distance on the farm and they have very different value systems so it is hard for them. I tell my daughter (half jokingly) that we are going to put a trailer on their farm so I can live with them without haveing to "live" with them. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2012 : 10:11:42 AM
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Well my story is a bit different. My grown middle daughter and I share an apt together and have for about 3 years now. There are handfuls of moments but only occasionally. All in all it works great and helps us both with finances.
She has always 'roomated' with family and that actually works better for her usually.
We enjoy my gkids, her nieces and nephew, visiting often.
I think if you can make these situations work for benefit and growth for all involved? It can be an enjoyable experience. It's not always that way, especially with aging/sick family members.
Best of luck to all!
Farmgirl hugs,
Linda
Country at Heart |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2012 : 7:16:18 PM
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Amy: I wrote about this in March and our son is still living with us. Hopefully he is moving out this week (that is the plan) He is a very demanding person but it hasn't been all bad. We're really gonna miss him even though we will be glad to get our house down to just us two. Nice to have our private time again.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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scjl132
Farmgirl at Heart
4 Posts
Cindy
Finlayson
MN
USA
4 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2012 : 7:54:47 PM
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| We have been in a multigenerational family situation for almost a year. Due to adoption expenses my oldest son and his wife sold their home and moved in with us. We are currently adding an additional 1800 sq ft to our home to have room for all of us. We do share the kitchen and laundry but they have their own living space in the new addition. It has been a blessing and a challenge for us all. However, having those 3 little grandchildren with me everyday is something I would miss terribly if our situation were to change. |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2012 : 8:52:48 PM
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Amy: I just chuckled when my last post was Aug. 14. Our son is still here. Says he will be out by Oct. 1. Hope he will get on with his his life. He'll be 46 on Oct. 10. My hubby and I need our private older years together. But we will miss him.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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TeresaJ25
True Blue Farmgirl
975 Posts
Teresa
Medford
NY
USA
975 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2012 : 5:42:03 PM
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Oh Bonnie~~ I am so curious to see if your son has moved out?! Any private time yet?!
~Teresa
Farmgirl Sister #1348
Little Henhouse on the Island
Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep smiling. Keep listening. Keep forgiving. Keep praying |
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Annette Kath
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Annette
Carlock
IL
USA
198 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2012 : 06:16:58 AM
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I have a sister-in-law; Brenda, who has three generations living in her house. She and her husband(he's retired) had taken in his mom; Fannie, about a year ago. Fannie just turned 90 this past year and has Dimentia so her care is a 24/7 situation.
Brenda's daughter and son-in-law are living in the basement of the house and are expecting their first child in January 2013. A three generation home is soon to be a four genartion home!
I know it has been very stressful with juggling things amoung the family members but they are surviving with God's help surely! If you wouldn't mind keeping them in your prayers it would be greatly appreciated!
Annette |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2012 : 3:47:49 PM
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hi
been there done that many times..and all i can say is patience is a learned art..and silence is sometimes golden.
I moved in wth my DM and DD he was ill an i loved spending time with him..my mother and clashed now and then but all and all we were more like girlfriends.
when my DD passed my DM wanted us to stay and we did she became ill a year later but we had so much fun and happiness in that short time, it was truly a blessing
then two yrs age my MIL became ill demetia and needed asst. well that did not work out at all so we ended up having to put her in an assisted living. she is doing very well.
and we see her all the time.
blessings and prayers
for you dear
deborah
Remember the tea kettle - it is always up to its neck in hot water, yet it still sings! ~Author Unknown
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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magnoliakathy
True Blue Farmgirl
453 Posts
Kathryn
Magnolia
Texas
USA
453 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2012 : 06:50:29 AM
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My parents moved in for 6 months in 2001, my mom was ill. They stayed for 6 months, she got better and they moved back to their place, that had not sold. My dad told my sister & neice horrible lies about living with us. My mom has been in a nursing home for 5 years now, Alzheimer’s, and my dad has a daily care taker. My brother, sister and I have all tried at different times to live with or near him and it just doen't work.
Now, we are in the process of converting two rooms of our home into a living space for my sister, her hubby passed in June. Donna, my DH and I have planned this for years and we are all excited about her living here.
Congratulations to those who have success and sympathy for those who have had bad experiences.
When you free your mind your heart can fly. Farmgirl # 714, |
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Gathered Up: living with parents/in-laws/other relatives |
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living with parents/in-laws/other relatives
