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Across the Fence:  when they're always crabby  |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 23 2012 : 7:32:55 PM
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When dealing with other adults who you can't get away from who tend to always be negative, crabby, or on a mission to bring the day down...how do you deal with it? I'm trying to be a very patient and understanding daughter because I know my parents are going through some "stuff" right now, but their negativity is really wearing on me. (They rent from us and are therefore always around.) I'm hoping to find some advice or even a quote or verse or thought to keep in my mind while I'm gritting my teeth that will help me to smile. They aren't always like this, I know its because they are going through some cruddy stuff and I feel like I just need something to hang in my head or repeat over and over to keep me sane. :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2012 : 7:57:47 PM
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I know it's cheesy, but keep repeating "This too shall pass"...I see a lot of crabby people at my job and generally they just want someone to listen to them. Since its your family, though, I think you can be a little more up front with them. Next time they're being Crabby Appletons (as my Grandma always said), just be honest and say that you're always here for them, but you are reaching your limit as far as how much negativity you can take. Then suggest maybe talking to their pastor or a therapist. In the meantime, take some time for yourself without them around.
Hang in there Amy, it will get better!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2012 : 8:01:27 PM
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Thanks Stephanie! This too shall pass...I know! I just have to remember it, and remember how lucky I am to have them both. Just keep smiling.... :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2012 : 10:49:35 PM
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"Can I offer you a piece of pie (or cake, or candy, or a cup of coffee, or whatever you have on hand)?" works WONDERS. People can't complain when their mouths are full of something good...and who can be grumpy while eating pie? 
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
Edited by - JessieMae on Jan 23 2012 10:50:24 PM |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2012 : 11:14:11 PM
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I'm with Jessie, Amy - that's my secret weapon for peace around grouches - keep their mouths full with good things, and the whole place will be a lot more quiet and serene! Good luck! - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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TeresaJ25
True Blue Farmgirl
975 Posts
Teresa
Medford
NY
USA
975 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 04:18:16 AM
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My MIL moved in with us a year ago. We built her an apartment so we have our own separate space.
For the most part, she is very pleasant to be around. There are days however that she is just in a seriously cranky place. Most of the time I can "grin and bear" it, but there are times when I just CANNOT! When that happens, I turn to her, I say "goodbye, see you later..". She seems to get my hint that I refuse to be around if she is going to be nasty!
No confrontations needed!!
~Teresa
Farmgirl Sister #1348
Little Henhouse on the Island
Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep smiling. Keep listening. Keep forgiving. Keep praying |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 08:22:58 AM
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Amy: I finally learned to say "Stop!", and then I tell them that I plan on having a nice day, I'm sorry they are not. If they want to talk later when not so uppity, call me or come by.
Of course, I like what Jess said. LOL.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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treelady
True Blue Farmgirl
2320 Posts
Julie
Medina
ND
USA
2320 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 08:28:46 AM
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Amy,
My favorite mantra for that is I keep telling myself "I need to Love them where they are at". It helps me to look past the negativity and keep my own good spirits going.
Julie
A little rain can straighten a flower stem. A little love can change a life.
Max Lucado |
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 09:18:24 AM
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This was from Joyce Meyer today and I though it worth sharing:
"Judge your worth and value by what God says about you in His Word, not by how somebody else treats you." (Ephesians 2:4-10)
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13645 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13645 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 09:28:18 AM
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My MIL doesn't live here and she is the only one of our parents still living. She is in an assisted living facility where my hubby's brother lives and he is basically the "overseer" of what goes on with her. But she is one who just complains, gripes and focuses on her misery until it's over the top. . . the MOST NEGATIVE person I know! My hubby talks to her on the phone and he always turns the conversation around by talking about other things going on. She pretty much kicked me and my kids (her only grandchildren . . they are adults now) to the curb and I'm not even sure she even remembers who I am. So, I hardly ever speak with her any more but I know if I did it would be in the "stop" mode as Marly speaks of.
In my work as a caregiver for my sister, I sometimes hear negative statements from her hubby about wondering what they did wrong, why did God desert them and why isn't she healed. I have learned to just listen and go on about my work . . . I can say nothing that will help the situation. I BITE MY TONGUE CONSTANTLY!!! (And, he gets off on politics something fierce! I don't agree with most of what he holds too, either!)
Tough situation, Amy, especially when you are in regular contact with them. I will just pray for you and the situation.
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665.
2010 Farmgirl Sister of the Year
Mother Hen: FARMGIRLS SOUTHWEST HENHOUSE
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
the "Purple Thistle" http://www.ceejay48.etsy.com
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
Through my lens - http://ceejayscamera.shutterfly.com/
From my Hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 11:48:40 AM
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Make him sleep in the goat shed? LOL!
Kidding aside, here are some good quotes:
"Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?" ~Dennis and Wendy Mannering
"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine." ~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day". ~Author Unknown
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." ~Francesca Reigler
"Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious." ~Bill Meyer
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense". - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
From my hands: http://pioneerpatchworkhomespun.blogspot.com/
From my Camera: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pioneerwomanatheart/
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 1:17:18 PM
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Good Luck Amy! I work with a number of people who tend to be on the "negative" side. What I do is "kill em with kindness". I have a perpetual smile on my face and even have a sign on my desk that says "Attitude is EVERYTHING, SMILE".
Sometimes it "pisses" them off because they cant figure out why I am always so happy, but for the most part it changes the focus and makes them turn their attitudes around.
I like the whole idea of killing someone with kindess- its usually contagious, and works to your benefit.
Smiles,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 07:13:57 AM
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I'm a firm believer in world peace through chocolate cake. 
Failing that, I just nod politely and smile absently, periodically saying, "Whatever you say, dear," and tuning them out as best I can. After a while, they usually either get it out of their systems--or leave me alone because I'm not giving them the response they crave.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 08:05:12 AM
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I see lots of people, closer and closer to my own age as I get older, who were going about their daily business and suddenly dropped dead. It's really changed my perspective on life. If this was my last day, would I want to spend time being crabby? For other crabby people, I will mostly ignore them. I'm not afraid to tell relatives that their behavior is not suitable and I won't put up with it. I hope your family gets through their rough time soon!
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2012 : 12:56:22 AM
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CJ,
Loved your quotes...thanks for sharing
Marianne |
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Across the Fence: when they're always crabby |
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when they're always crabby
