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Across the Fence:  My Dear Dad  |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 08:22:41 AM
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oh gurlfrenz .. a terrible decision to make this morning. my sister just called and said that the hospital is sending my dad back to the nursing home to die. they said there is nothing they can do for him that the nursing home cannot. making him comfortable is all that can be done at this point. he is down to 70 pounds and my sister said he looks pregnant with the huge mass in his little body. he did choke again when they tried to feed him at the hospital .. said they cannot give him IV's because it will cause him to swell and cause more complications than he can handle. the doctor told my sister that he believes it could be a week or two or three .. sooner rather than later if he refuses food .. and they will not try and force him as that is how he ended up in the hospital .. he choked on liquefied food they were trying to give him and could not breathe. also, he does, indeed have 'a touch' of pneumonia in his left lung .. he is on antibiotics (that is the EXACT phrase the doctor used about me this summer .. you have 'a touch' of pneumonia in your left lung .. and I can honestly say, I don't remember any pain that I've ever had that was worse .. and the coughing and wracking of my body .. this is something I do not think my dear dad could survive in his frail condition.)
NOW .. my dad surely has 'beat the odds' all his life .. but you gotta' lose sometimes .. and I truly believe this is my dad's turn.
soooooooo .. it is with much disappointment that I believe it is best that we postpone our gathering here at cabin creek farm for this coming weekend. I am also scheduled to teach a doll class at jabez, which I will also cancel ..
right now .. all I can do is concentrate on my family and be prepared to leave in a moment's notice to be with my dad and my family 'up nawth'. I thought I was at the 'acceptance stage' . .and I still believe I had my major grieving when I went to tell my daddy goodbye last year .. my earthly pain has returned .. and still I know it is a far better place my dad is traveling to .. but I will miss him so.
the circle of life. with my dad's impending death and the birth of a grandchild and great-grandchild all coming at about the same time .. it is overwhelmingly 'bittersweet'.
until the day I have to leave .. I will stick close to home .. get lots of hugs from my honey hunk .. try to be 'creative' by making some dollies .. and I will be in touch with all you true friends of mine via e-mail .. that will help in this transition .. it is a good feeling to know that life goes on .. and I am surrounded by those I love and who love me.
oh .. and how god does know what we need when we need it. recently, I picked up a little book entitled Jacob the Baker. I liked the name Jacob .. and I liked what the back of the book said about the book:
"Few books touch both heaven and earth .. These tiny stories are not only to be read but carried in a circle around your heart .. feeding you home and humanity whenever loss of God threatens."
Last night, just before going to sleep, I finished the last little chapter in this dear little book .. it spoke to me of my own dear dad and of his journey through this life and into the next.
IN THE ASHES
When Jacob woke, he opened his eyes cautiously.
He reassured himself by measuring his pace in each word of his morning prayer.
He was anxious to get to the bakery while it was still dark,
to lay his cheek on the warming oven.
Nevertheless, halfway to the bakery, Jacob decided to stop at Mr. Stevens' home,
(I changed the last name to my dad's name)
hoping he would be awake.
Under the lamp post of a full moon, Jacob rapped gently on the shutters
closeting Mr. Stevens' window.
Mr. Stevens heard the sound and thought he was a young man again,
being called to prayers.
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" he shouted to the dawn.
Jacob was touched to see memory capable of drawing
Mr. Stevens out of the darkness.
When he saw it was Jacob, Mr. Stevens motioned for his friend
to come in and grew a smile for his company.
Then, just as quickly, Mr. Stevens' head dipped downward.
"Do you know who I am, Jacob?"
He didn't give Jacob an opportunity to speak.
"I am an old man, and I am dying."
Mr. Stevens seemed to sing beneath his sadness.
Tell me, Jacob. Is this it?" He motioned around the room. "Is there nothing more?
We become attached to this life only to be torn from it like some crude joke in the stars."
We make life not only crude but cold," said Jacob, "by dressing ourselves in a nakedness woven from our
own ignorance."
The Mr. Stevens spoke again for behind his sadness. "It doesn't make sense," he said. "Our days amount to nothing!"
Jacob's eyes listened without arguing or agreeing. He thought of the pain festering in Mr. Stevens' words.
When Jacob spoke, his voice unfolded with the attitude of a man not filled with knowing but caring.
"Mr. Stevens, all passes, nothing stops. Our days do amount to nothing, but that is because we are not a collection. We are a process.
"The truth about the seasons is that the seasons change. While everything appears to live and die, it is only the appearance of things which lives and dies. The dead are buried. Their memory is not."
Mr. Stevens' voice considered Jacob's words.
"You know, Jacob, you are wise, and I am old."
"Then you already know, Mr. Stevens, that the roots of time hold both memory and promise."
"Will you remember me, Jacob?"
"I promise, one day, I will join you, Mr. Stevens.
Mr. Stevens' laughter sounded like a trumpet and brought light to the corners of the room.
Then the silence regained its balance, and the two men sat there,
making music from the quiet between their notes.
It was Mr. Stevens who counted time and eventually spoke first.
"Jacob, where do you find the strength to carry on in life?"
"Life is often heavy only because we attempt to carry it," said Jacob.
"But, I do find a strength
in the ashes."
"In the ashes?" asked Mr. Stevens.
"Yes," said Jacob, with a confirmation that seemed to have traveled a great distance.
"You see, Mr. Stevens, each of us is alone. Each of us is in the great darkness of our ignorance.
And, each of us is on a journey.
"In the process of our journey, we must bend to build a fire for light, and warmth, and food.
"But when our fingers tear at the ground, hoping to find the coals of another's fire, what we often find are the ashes.
"And, in these ashes, which will not give us light or warmth, there may be sadness, but there is also testimony.
"Because these ashes tell us that somebody else has been in the night, somebody else has bent to build a fire, and somebody else has carried on.
"And that can be enough."
Frannie Meshorer
CABIN CREEK FARM
True Friends, Frannie
CABIN CREEK FARM
KENTUCKY
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cmandle
True Blue Farmgirl
846 Posts
Catherine
Minneapolis
MN
846 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 08:44:41 AM
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Oh Frannie...wishing you strength and peace right now and always. Family comes first and you have to be present - mentally, or physically, or emotionally, or spiritually - for your Dad right now. Farmgirls understand. Hang in there, Farmgirl.
Much love and hugs, Catherine
http://yogurtandgranola.blogspot.com |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 08:48:45 AM
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I hope you will feel the love and the comfort of friends and family during this time. I am not going to the gathering but I believe all the people that are would agree take care of yourself and your family first there is time later to do a friend gathering right now is family gathering. Time to share lovely stories and have good thoughts. Much love and well wishing Sunshine
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe
my web store www.sunshines.etsy.com my blog http://sunshinescreations.blogspot.com/ my google page http://sunshine.harbaugh.googlepages.com/home |
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Bridge
True Blue Farmgirl
814 Posts
Bridgette
Southern
Indiana
USA
814 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 09:14:35 AM
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Frannie, I send you and your family peace, love and comfort at this very hard time in your life.
I am a little dissappointed about our gathering, but I totally totally understand!!! We'll just do it some other time!!
You just take care of you!! Huge farmgirl hugs to you!!
Everytime you get the "sads" you remember I am giving you big farmgirl hugs!!!
Hugs, Bridge
~~Bridge's Boutique~~
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 10:11:29 AM
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sending you my hugs and keeping you and your family in my prayers.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 11:20:38 AM
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a big heart-felt thank you to all you sweet gurlfrenz ... i'm trying to keep busy and trying to figure out a way to go see my dad before he passes on. xoxo
True Friends, Frannie
CABIN CREEK FARM
KENTUCKY
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 11:33:30 AM
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So sorry to hear about your dad, Frannie. This may sound weird, but I'm glad you know it's coming and have a little time to steel your mind and heart up to it.
God bless you and your family. |
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katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 11:43:11 AM
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Frannie, dear -- The bittersweet days of which you speak -- your father's impending death, the birth of grandchild and great-grandchild -- these moments are what make us most truly alive -- deep sorrow, deep joy -- we realize our place in the universe and feel it to our toes. We are acheingly sad, acheingly joyful, acheingly alive.
God bless you and your family. |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 12:07:07 PM
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Oh, Frannie, "In the Ashes" is so true. Jacob's attitude not of knowing but of caring is about all we have to offer, isn't it. I pray you'll be surrounded by those who are tender and caring throughout this time.
Love,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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celebrate2727
True Blue Farmgirl
989 Posts
Beth
MJF
Farmgirl
989 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 1:20:32 PM
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My darling Frannie-
I am moved by the openess of your heart to those of us here. I am sending you all my prayers for this difficult time. When I lost my dad I was overcome with grief. Grief for not having him in my life, grief for things not yet said or done, grief for future accomplishments where his absence will be felt and missed. My mother has grown bitter and cold since his departure, he was her balancing point and with him gone she is lost. I miss him very much and think of him often and hope he is smiling as he sees his grandkids grow.
May you continue to feel your fathers love in his final days on earth and even when he has passed and may you share that love with your family.
You have my prayers and blessings.
blessings
beth
ps... some fairy dust coming to you via usps.
blessings
beth
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Edited by - celebrate2727 on Aug 25 2006 1:22:31 PM |
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JudyBlueEyes
True Blue Farmgirl
657 Posts
Judith
Spokane
Washington
USA
657 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 1:31:59 PM
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(((((Frannie & Family))))) You will be blessed in the measure of blessings you have brought to others. Your father blessed us with you and you share the blessing. Peace and comfort to your Dear Dad. Judy
The Rooster crows, but the Hen lays the egg. ~ Texas Proverb |
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MullersLaneFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
596 Posts
Rock Falls
IL
596 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 2:19:18 PM
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Frannie, You are in my heart and in my prayers.
"If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for
me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart "
Cyndi
Muller's Lane Farm http://www.mullerslanefarm.com
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 2:25:29 PM
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My dear friend-
I pray that you will be able to spend the last days of your dad's life with him, bringing him the joy only a daughter can give. As you let him go, remember that there are those who are waiting anxiously for him, to give him warm embraces.
His face shines in your picture with the satisfaction of a life well-lived. There is a gentleness and sense of peace there.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers as always.
Karin
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junebug
True Blue Farmgirl
2421 Posts
Sue
West Plains,
Mo.
USA
2421 Posts |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2006 : 9:01:28 PM
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i hold you each and everyone dear to my heart. so caring so sharing so there with the perfect, words, thoughts, prayers, songs. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
some of you who have known me for awhile, know that my dad has been 'mentally ill' all my lifetime .. and yet .. i have never felt so loved as i have by that precious angel god sent to earth. he has always had a special love for little children .. reminds me of the love that jesus had for the little ones he gathered around him. despite his illness, he was happy .. he was loved .. and he was surrounded by family that adored him and watched over him. it is his turn now, to be born to a higher life and to watch over us. with all my heart, frannie
True Friends, Frannie
CABIN CREEK FARM
KENTUCKY
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2006 : 09:45:43 AM
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...and that can be enough.
a life well lived.
my thoughts and prayers are with you sweet frannie at this bittersweet time.
the loss of a beloved dad...there are no words that can convey it, but i will have you and your farmily in my thoughts and prayers.
love
fran |
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abbasgurl
True Blue Farmgirl
1262 Posts
Rhonda
USA
1262 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2006 : 10:59:25 PM
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Still praying Hun.
Rhonda
...and I will sing at the top of my lungs, and I will dance, even if I'm the only one! |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2006 : 08:18:32 AM
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i got this in a n email today from my mother in law I thought it nice and poetic and thought this was a good spot to post it. if it is not I apologize. she didn't write this it was sent to her by her sister in law who received it from someone else I have no idea where the story started but I like the sentament.
Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".
The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".
They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry.
I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".
Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?".
"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?".
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then she turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear."
"I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more."
"I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting."
"I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
"I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting."
"I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess."
"I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
She then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.
Only if you wish send this to the people you will never forget and remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you. If you don't send it to anyone it may mean that you are in such a hurry
that you have forgotten your friends.
TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....
To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe
my web store www.sunshines.etsy.com my blog http://sunshinescreations.blogspot.com/ my google page http://sunshine.harbaugh.googlepages.com/home |
Edited by - sunshine on Aug 28 2006 08:25:10 AM |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2006 : 09:06:21 AM
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thanks for sharing that, sunshine, it is very beautiful.
i was just checkin in on frannie to see how she is doing.
still sending thoughts and prayers your way for you and your dear dad and family.
love,
fran |
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Kelly43
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
NJ
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2006 : 2:57:57 PM
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Dear, sweet Frannie, You and your family are in my prayers. I know that you know how we are all with you through this difficult time. The tears have been flowing as I have read through all these beautiful out pourings of love to you. I wish your dad peace and happiness in what ever lies ahead for him. He will soon be in Gods arms and the pain will be gone. Then he will be right by your side when ever you need him. I wish I could be with you to help you survive the days ahead. I am sure all will be right with the world soon. A heart to heart hug is sent your way.
Love, Kelly |
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Across the Fence: My Dear Dad |
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My Dear Dad
