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Across the Fence:  friendships and busyness  |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 07:28:35 AM
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With a good majority of people using facebook and other social networks (which I don't use), I often feel my friendships have dwindled (along with busyness). Does anyone else feel this way. I guess this is a whine today.
I often feel like my inbox is advertisements, FWD's or spam. I am not receiving true blue friendship conversations anymore. I really try to put balance in talking with friends and a balance with my chores/work/family life (even if it's via e-mail).
I guess I'm just feeling down today. Maybe it's just my allergy medicine, but it's been on my mind lately.
I've been praying for a friend who has a young pregnant daughter. The baby was due this month. I e-mailed last month with questions, and never heard back (one example). I know things can happen too, so I try not to over-dwell on it. And then again, maybe God plans to send me new friends.
Thanks for letting me whine a bit.....now back to washing laundry.
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
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acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 08:58:50 AM
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Kristina, I was lamenting this fact last week! I used to run out to the mail box everyday to see if I got a letter from a family member or friend. When that started dwindling and I would only find bills I started dreading going to the mail box. I'm not a big phone talker (actually hate talking on the phone with anyone other than DH). Fast forward a few years to the advent of email. Eureka! I started getting lots of communications from friends and family again and looked forward to chatting via email with people. Here in the last year or two that has all dried up and I might get an email once a month. I'm not on the social networks either and I'm sure those too will go by the wayside eventually.
I guess we are a couple of old fashioned girls! Doomed to remain out of the communication loop, lol.
Audrey
Toto, we're not in Kansas any more! |
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heritagehunter
True Blue Farmgirl
207 Posts
Julie
La Salle
Co
USA
207 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 11:00:37 AM
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| I am on facebook and even there I don't hear from friends that often. I am beginning to believe that people just don't want to put effort into maintaining friendships.I have had friends that would write a general email and sent to several people; which hurts my feelings. I'm not a number, I thought I was someone that have spent years cultivating a meaningful, caring relationship with them. I too get down about this. |
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Room To Grow
True Blue Farmgirl
974 Posts
Deborah
Kingston
Georgia
USA
974 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 11:52:11 AM
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I agree with you guys. I am getting alot of junk not any friends emails or posts. I am on Facebook and I did Farmville but I no longer do Farmville or any of the games on there because I got to wrapped up in it. But when i go on to see if I have any emails...I dont. And my yahoo I get a lot of ads and stuff I had signed up for that turned horribly wrong...Just more ads. So I am now getting rid of a lot of that stuff in my inbox.
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
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YakLady
True Blue Farmgirl
652 Posts
Natalie
Montana
USA
652 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 12:47:43 PM
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With the over-reaching grasp of facebook, I'm only posting pictures to my blog now. People who care enough to go see what I'm up to on the blog, or call, or write, or email- those are the only people I care to socialize with anyway. I will eventually phase completely off of facebook because it's so stalker-ish now.
My grandmother sent me a note the other day just to say hi, so I went out and bought some pretty note cards and wrote back. I've never really sent normal mail just because, so I'm hoping we can keep this going :)
I have very few friends here in MT, I've been here a year and a half, but all the people I know are from work. I don't get out much, and my DH would be a hermit if it weren't for me, I think. It gets lonely, but I have lots of e-friends that keep me from losing my mind :)
~Natalie~ Just a farm girl in Western Montana.
Starting a family and raising Tibetan Yaks, Nigerian Dwarf Goats, Laying hens, Muscovy ducks, and a few dogs. |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13634 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13634 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 1:02:22 PM
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I hear ya' Kristi . . . and I understand. For me, busy-ness seems to be the major factor. I am on Facebook but spend very little time there. So many people have told me it's a way to stay in touch with family and friends . . . for me that is not the case. My family won't even respond to an email, not to mention post on Facebook. It's very discouraging.
I have REALLY enjoyed your email and updates to me . . . and I welcome them. So, be encouraged that I am STILL HERE!!
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665.
Mother Hen: FARMGIRLS SOUTHWEST HENHOUSE
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
through my lens - http://ceejayscamera.shutterfly.com/
from my Hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
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Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 1:06:53 PM
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I hear you all loud and clear! I ditched facebook, it's kind of insane. I find that in may case, everyone is so busy with work and busy family lives that they don't have time for people any more. I'm an old fashioned stay at home momma and wish it was like the old days where mothers got together and visited. I am finally (we moved here over a year ago) making some friends. I am so grateful to have found a homeschool group that me and the kids can be involved with. I'm finding that several of the ladies there were desperately seeking friends for themselves and their children too. And I have my heritage home arts gals. We get together and do things like tea parties, crafts, make saurkraut etc. It's fantastic. I'm also hoping to join a fiber guild and learn how to spin and weave and maybe make some like minded friends there too. And then I have all you farmgirl sisters that I appreciate so much. Wish we could all sit down for a tea party!!!! :)
Excuse the mess & the noise, my children are making happy memories |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 4:21:11 PM
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I think what I find most discouraging is the things people are "busy" with. I find a real imbalance in a lot of families and mom is having to do more than her fair share. Why are kids going to lots of activities but not helping to do chores and leaving it all for mom? Why is mom responsible for EVERYTHING? I know it's not true in all houses, I'm listing things I hear other women at work say. They work all day and then have to run errands and still make dinner, clean house, take kids here and there. They aren't even complaining about it. They say it like it's just the normal course of things. I, on the other hand, will always find time for a friend. I have the whole family doing their fair share so everything gets done and we have free time.
I would LOVE to see what Nini's advice on this.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
Edited by - FarmDream on Oct 24 2011 4:26:50 PM |
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Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 5:48:25 PM
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Julie, EXACTLY. My children are 4 and 5 years old and they put away their own laundry, clean their rooms, put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher or the very least the kitchen, help with the outside chores (sometimes), help vacuum the floors and tidy up. I'll move heaven and earth for those children but I want them growing up to be responsible and capable and not expecting someone to do everything for them. They need to know how much work is required to do things so they can appreciate it.
Excuse the mess & the noise, my children are making happy memories |
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njaw09
True Blue Farmgirl
397 Posts
Annie
NJ
USA
397 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 6:49:37 PM
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I agree with Julie. Parents are quite busy with chores and sometimes I want to tell my girlfriends, relatives and families...why you not delegating chores to your child? But I back off. I know my boundaries. I do give hints to them though but not sure if they pick up my cues/hints.
I do have facebook. Sometimes they answer it and sometimes they don't and it is fine with me. I have lots of emails too from families/friends and if it take them a week or months it is fine with me.
I do understand if they are young parents and they won't be free till there child is at least 11 or 12 years old. In the past I used to complain but as I reach certain age. I am learning how to let go and go about my business. To fill my time: I write snailmails instead replying back via emails (depending how urgent is the emails otherwise snailmails for all who sent me emails or write to me on facebook), read, crafts, rearranging furniture/rooms, gardening, writing, cooking and chilling out. To fill the in between quiet period of emails or no phone calls.
Sometimes I feel emails/texting is killing the communication among families, friends and etc. Emails is great in certain things (sharing photos, keeping in touch with long distance relatives, friends and so on) but in reality it is also limiting human interaction with people close by. |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 7:50:27 PM
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thanks for expressing what I have been feeling for some time. By the way my Pc has auto correct and it is really a pain to even type what I want to say as it corrects me several times. For example I said "thanks for" which it turned into "brainstorm"
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com [ or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 8:32:42 PM
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Kristina,
You are most certainly not alone! I do not facebook either- I never have and dont see that I ever will. To me- someone who I havent spoken to in 20 years and suddenly friends me like a blast from the past is not my "friend".LOL
I have the same feelings with people just being too "busy" nowadays. Example- my ENTIRE family on both sides (mine and my husbands) all live within a 3 mile radius of each other- yes I kid you not- in fact MY entire family all still lives on the same street that I grew up on! 2 sisters 2 brothers and my mom and step mom and my aunt- all on one block. We joke that my family owns the block. But anyhoo....my point is that even though we all live so close it always seems like such a chore to get anyone together! Everyone always has a "reason" that they cant get together. I feel like if I lived in another state I would see them just as often! It is frustrating to me, after all whats the point of living around the corner if you hardly see the people? Which I guess could lead me to another topic of how I would pick up and move but my DH wont here of leaving where we grew up. (sigh)
I think we just need to make the best of our immediate family and cherish the friends that we have in the present. Life is too short to fret over the things we can not control, so I say just live in the present and enjoy each day and the blessings it brings. Oh how I wish my farmgirl friends lived closer.....time for a big group hug!
Blessings,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17161 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17161 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 9:09:03 PM
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I have to share with you all,,,,, years ago (many)I was a young married woman, one day,I was home & thought i would call a friend of mine,,,only to be abruptly told to not call between 11-1 as that is when her 'Soaps" were on... so I didn't bother calling back at all....
Fast forward....
Now people are so heavily dependent on being 'connected'.... I love my friends, family etc...but I do not feel the need to be 'connected' every second of the day.
Not to long ago while at a local coffee bistro with 2 gal pals, I let them know that while I valued their friendship & time, I did not appreciate being left hanging while they took numorous (not important) cell calls...I was told I need to get up to the 21st century..... What ever!
I am often telling friends, I so value a good old fashioned phone call.... I love the sound of laughter and excitement when sharing wonderful news.
I do email, and I do skype and I do Face Book but only when I have spare time, I don't live on them. I have work to do & I have a life.
I will say one thing good about faceBook,,,I am on my High School class reunion committee and accessing/locating classmates has been great thanx to facebook.
I hope our world never replaces human contact with impersonal validation.
>^..^<
Happiness is being a katmom.
"Is it time for my Dirt Manicure yet!"
www.katmom4.blogspot.com & http://www.graciesvictorianrose.blogspot.com
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2011 : 11:04:13 PM
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I think there is a balance to all things. My family comes first and foremost and with my busy schedule of full time work, fully time school, and family I often feel bad for not having more time for face to face visits with friends. I do utilize facebook because I can get an update on my friend's lives- chat with them and enjoy some stress free time. That being said at times I have been too involved in Facebook and I have backed off several times to get more balace. I don't spend nearly the time I used to on there.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2011 : 04:42:38 AM
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same here....i'm sick of facebook. even my 'family' seems to busy. facebook seems full of drama most times, and i hate that. i dont find i have much in common with most people on it anyway. i do enjoy coming to this forum however. I feel i belong here :)
my dear friend came over the other day and we actually went for a walk..how refreshing it was to get out of the house! she doesnt believe in computers so she doesnt go on one at all.
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Oct 25 2011 04:43:32 AM |
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Okie Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
1674 Posts
Mary Beth
McLoud
Oklahoma
USA
1674 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2011 : 05:43:18 AM
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Natalie, I so understand what you are saying. Not one of my family members reads my blog and very few of my friends do. I have made a whole new batch of friends from the blog with whom I acutally feel connected. FB, well, it's just turning into a bunch of short comments that mean nothing. I enjoy seeing people's pictures, though, and I think that is the blessing of FB. Even with all the technology we have today, I feel less connected to my family then when I lived in NE Texas on a 17 mile long ranch with no neighbors. I talked with family on the phone all the time. Now, I am afraid to call because I am always interrupting something.
Mary Beth
www.OklahomaPastryCloth.com
www.Oklahomapastrycloth.com/blog
The Sovereign Lord is my strength - Habakkuk 3:19 |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2011 : 06:07:01 AM
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I hear ya! Twenty years ago, I moved across country to the Northeast. I have a big box of letters I have saved from friends and family. Email ruined that. I don't really get letters anymore, save for the two dear pen pals I've got from here. Then Facebook came around. Facebook has squashed email, in my opinion. I have "friends" that won't communicate any other way. Or by text message. I love a good, "old-fashioned" phone call or letter. So much more personal. I recently read an article in the old-fashioned newspaper, in Parade magazine, that therapists were worried about today's youth and teens. Many kids are saying that they "don't know what they are feeling without texting or tweeting it first." They say children are growing up emotionless and without compassion. An "I'm sorry" is not as meaningful when texted as when you see the person's face and expression in direct conversation. Scary!
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9363 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9363 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2011 : 06:26:08 AM
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I get letters from one of my aunts, my parents on rare occasion and my pen pals through this forum. And some those have dropped down to two that I actually hear from. Face Book has definitely taken over but my dd who lives in Ohio calls me sometimes and I her so we can hear each others voices and the baby can hear me too. She is not talking yet but she loves to hear someone on the phone. I do text but on very rare occasion and only to my children. We are empty-nesters so there is no longer the amount of work there used to be here at home. I work part time and I love it because it gets me out and interacting with people. It does get lonely and I so cherish the letters I get from my pen pals.
farm girl sister#43
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2011 : 08:29:33 AM
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I am on Facebook but its to play Farmville...lol....I do have a few friends who are on it that I can at least read about to see how they are doing.....thank goodness for email though or I would never hear from the family ect who live in other states...but I so understand its hard to stay connected now a days even with all the new ways of doing it.....Plus it seems no one ever has the time to just come & visit unless they are wanting something or to use me as a sounding block.....I live in an area where everyone is my sons age (30's), no one in their 50's who really relates to me so yes I too get sad when I feel I am all alone...cause to be honest a 30 year old hasn't a clue to what I have done in my 50+ years.....nor do they seem to understand the concept of just talking without it having to really mean anything.....I think thats why I so want to go home where my friends i will be near are my age & get the 'lets sit & have coffee' idea....& I hate the phone..I have an answering machine which I may remember to listen to but most often forget..the only reason I have one is for the hubby & his military...otherwise I would be happy without one....but saying that I do love hearing my sisters or sons voice occassionally....Like said above this seems to be my place here on MJ for feeling like I connect & others understand me...thank goodness for all you hens!...Michele'
Chickens rule!
The Old Batz Farm
Hen #2622 |
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magnoliakathy
True Blue Farmgirl
453 Posts
Kathryn
Magnolia
Texas
USA
453 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2011 : 10:08:50 AM
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Just 2 days ago my 21 year-old granddaughter asked me if I thought social networking was a good thing. I told her no, it is too easy to lie about your self and you don't learn to deal with people if you can't see and learn to read body language. I do use FaceBook once a week, to see if any of my family has posted any new pictures, one of the nephews is in Malaysia and travels globaly so that is the only way to keep up with him, otherwise, FaceBook is a waste of time. I don't text, instant message, or tweet. I don't take unimportant cell calls when I am visiting with someone, the caller can leave voice mail and I get back to the later. Telephones,cellphones, and other forms of communication are a convenience not a necessity.
When you free your mind your heart can fly. Farmgirl # 714, |
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sunshine7
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
nikki
Northern
wyoming
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2011 : 09:17:06 AM
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Thanks Kristina for starting this topic.
I had the same feeling this morning. I don't feel hip like my girlfriends. We live out in the country, my topics of conversation include, chickens, cows, and gardening. Whilst they are talking about politics, town affairs, and real estate while looking on their ipads!
I haven't done Facebook as much, I find it impersonal and a good place to brag, or nag, or even dramatize the yuckey things happening in life. Close friends are the best, but life gets in the way!!! Our country lives are even diffrent to those that we live close to. I think my family is just old fashioned too!!! But it's good to be that way, writing letters, and taking life slow, people will crave that when the computers cost them thousands in shrink bills!!
CAN we start a letter chain somehow and the old fashioned ones can write letters to each other??? |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2011 : 06:55:39 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by FarmDream
I think what I find most discouraging is the things people are "busy" with. I find a real imbalance in a lot of families and mom is having to do more than her fair share. Why are kids going to lots of activities but not helping to do chores and leaving it all for mom? Why is mom responsible for EVERYTHING? I know it's not true in all houses, I'm listing things I hear other women at work say. They work all day and then have to run errands and still make dinner, clean house, take kids here and there. They aren't even complaining about it. They say it like it's just the normal course of things. I, on the other hand, will always find time for a friend. I have the whole family doing their fair share so everything gets done and we have free time.
I would LOVE to see what Nini's advice on this.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com
I know what you mean about kids not doing chores and balance of what makes us busy.
For me, I have two teenage kids who work almost every day, and one who goes to school full time. My son takes care of the chickens, and my 3rd youngest dd takes care of the goats (completely). However, when they work, they cannot do their dish chores, nor even help me. My husband works every day, and often late nights and weekends. I don't use facebook, but write a blog. I spend most of my day caring for the home, meals, stocking up etc. I have very little free time, but I still keep up with those who keep up with me. I have much of my extended family that does not keep in touch at all during the year. Even after I have sent e-mails with asking how things are. Most of my busyness is caring for my family. I have very little time to volunteer outside the home, with the size of my family
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2011 : 07:01:46 AM
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Thanks for all your input on this. I just can't get over a friend telling me that I need to be on facebook to continue a friendship. Limitations are good, but not when there is technically an ultimatum involved, to continue the friendship.
I miss the old-fashioned phone calls for sure.
When there are days I need to unload, I need a good friend to lean on. I know God comes first in my life, but there are days when a good friend just eases the pain.
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
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smiley
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
lea
pea ridge
arkansas
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2011 : 7:32:32 PM
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| Kristina this was a good thread! Seems many of us feel the same way and yet society would have us believe it is only us. I read an article that said phschologist now have a diagnosis of "clinical loneliness" caused by the social networking that is keeping people from face to face contact! We can only be consumed by it if we allow it. My 16 year is very unhappy we dont allow facebook. We did once and it turned dangerous. You cant be too safe this day and age. |
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debbies journey
True Blue Farmgirl
635 Posts
debbie
anchorage
ak
USA
635 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2011 : 10:58:06 PM
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I feel the same way too . And I would like to thank CJ and Debbie in Co for all
their e mails and kind words and encouragement when my husband was in the hospital
earlier this year. FARMGIRLS MAKE GREAT SISTERS!!!!!!!!!
Debbie |
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ClaireSky
True Blue Farmgirl
1792 Posts
Julie
Arcadia
WI
USA
1792 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2011 : 08:07:22 AM
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"Amen" to that one Debbie, I couldn't agree with you more! I love having so many "sisters". They feel like family to me. I think that should be the next bumper-sticker. "FARMGIRLS MAKE GREAT SISTERS!!!!!!"
Julie
Farmgirl Sister #399
West-Central WI Farmgirls
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." Herman Cain |
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Across the Fence: friendships and busyness |
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friendships and busyness
