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A Farm of My Own:  wearing shoes in the house  |
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nabrown42
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Nancy
Caneyville
KY
USA
409 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 3:51:04 PM
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How do you feel about requesting guests don't wear shoes in your house? Our new house in KY has gorgeous wood floors and we decided that we wouldn't wear shoes inside. I told my best friend about our plan to offer slippers to everyone so that we can maintain the floors. She went ballistic! Said that nobody will tell here when and where she can wear shoes and if that was the way I felt, she wouldn't be visiting me. I'm hurt and bewildered by her outburst. I figure in my house my rules go.
Would you be offended by such a request?
"I've wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to someone's needs I've been blind; but I've yet to feel a twinge of regret for being a little too kind." |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 4:27:48 PM
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I would not be offended by that request, I do not think it is asking too much. As you said, your house your rules.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet--Dr. Kioni
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
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22angel
True Blue Farmgirl
498 Posts
Pam
Manitoba
Canada
498 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 4:33:17 PM
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I think your friends' reaction is a little extreme, but that's just my opinion. I agree, "my house, my rules". And if you want to keep the floors looking nice, it's your choice. Maybe you could have sandals/flipflops for the ones that want to wear shoes? Just an idea. I wouldn't be offended & for me, if I go into someone's house, I take my shoes off anyways! I don't know of anyone who doesn't.
Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself.
"When I grow up, I want to be dirt." seen on a box through construction in Wyoming 2010 |
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Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 4:41:10 PM
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Shoes are not welcome in my home. Where I come from it's rude to wear shoes in the house. It's your home if you don't want shoes in it, politely request that people remove them. I actually have a sign on my door requesting that outdoor shoes be removed. It's hard enough keeping a house clean out in this sandy, windy farmland.
Excuse the mess & the noise, my children are making happy memories |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 4:44:45 PM
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| I have an acquaintance who is Japanese. They have a basket of "house shoes" at their front door where you leave your "street shoes" and put on a pair of "House shoes" before entering. I know it's her house, but I feel wierd putting my foot into a "house shoe" that someone else has worn. Maybe you could give your friend a gift of a really cute pair of "house shoes" that you'll keep for only her right beside the door to your house just for her. Or perhaps your family could go shoeless, but guests to your home could wear their shoes. |
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 4:56:31 PM
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My son has kept his light colored carpet clean and that is the note that greets me as I walk in his front door. I comply and do not feel offended in the least.
Betty in Pasco |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 5:05:31 PM
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I also feel it was an extreme reaction. I might wonder how solid the foundation of friendship is if it can be lost over the issue of shoes. At my house we shouldn't wear shoes but we still do. I wear my flip flops mostly because they are convenient and the cat won't attack my feet unless I am barefoot. I like the idea of a sign on the door.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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nabrown42
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Nancy
Caneyville
KY
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 5:05:59 PM
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I planned on putting a basket of "disposable house shoes" by the front door. Now all I have to do is find a supplier for them. Any help there from my resourceful sisters?
"I've wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to someone's needs I've been blind; but I've yet to feel a twinge of regret for being a little too kind." |
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grace gerber
True Blue Farmgirl
2804 Posts
grace
larkspur
colorado
USA
2804 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 6:14:35 PM
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WOW I can't understand the response from a friend!! Really?? If she was a real good friend I would ask her if she might want to keep a pair of slippers at the house or maybe just make a pair for her as a holiday gift... Many countries and not just those we see on TV have this custom - my mother who grew up in Germany said that this was common - some ladies when they knew they were visiting someone house just tuck in their purse or bag and set of slippers, other homes if they had a bit of money had slippers in many sizes awaiting their guests. I guess I am strange because I am always taking my shoes off at other folks homes - maybe that's why they give me sometimes strange looks. I trained my sons the same way and so the madness continues here at the Funny Farm. So sorry that your "Friend" reacted so weird...
Grace Gerber
Larkspur Funny Farm and Fiber Art Studio
Where the spirits are high and the fiber is deep
http://www.larkspurfunnyfarm.etsy.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.blogspot.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.artfire.com
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3317 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3317 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 7:26:54 PM
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I let my guests do what they want in my house-within reason! If they want to wear shoes inside let 'em. I have never requested a guest take of their shoes before entering...just the way I was raised.
Melody
Farmgirl #525 |
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sissarge
True Blue Farmgirl
502 Posts
Linda
Montgomery
Texas
USA
502 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 9:19:31 PM
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| We take our shoes off at the door, we also have outside shoes that never come in the house, because of barn and chicken yard. They are left on shelf on back porch. But I also never ask my guests to take theirs off. I also have wood floors. I have never had them damaged and I think to sweep or mop after a guest is a part of having friends over. But on the other hand, I would not be offended if someone ask me to. Farmgirl#946 Linda |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 11:00:44 PM
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Personally I also feel your house, your rules, after all I am not the one paying for your floors to be refurbished etc!
I personally ALWAYS look around by the door to see what the family is doing, and I follow suit with out having to be told. (if I see all the shoes by the door and the house holder/owner, doesn't have shoes on then I take mine off too).
A loooong time ago Martha Stewert did a tour of her home and showed a basket of "socks" probably the kind with the little rubber on the bottom. By the door. She had the brand name, said she bought a lot at a time, to save money, maybe you could look? Otherwise, maybe look at after Xmas sales, that's when stuff like that goes on sale a lot.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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nabrown42
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Nancy
Caneyville
KY
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 06:48:47 AM
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Thanks for all the ideas. Our house is in the country, driveway is gravel and grit is so easy to track in. I am going to see "my friend" tonight and ask her about her reaction. It was so over the top, maybe she was just having a bad day. I am going to search the net for a supplier of slipper socks and inexpensive slippers.
The strange twist to this story is that I wasn't allowed to go barefoot in our house as a child. My mother said it was "low-class". She came to my home after I was married and had a fit, said I wasn't raised in a barn!" and to put my shoes on like a lady. I told her that one of the nicest part of getting married and out of her house was that in MY home, I could do as I darn well pleased. Sounds a lot like what my friend said, doesn't it?
"I've wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to someone's needs I've been blind; but I've yet to feel a twinge of regret for being a little too kind." |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 07:15:49 AM
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I don't ever ask anyone to take off their shoes, but I have hardwood floors and four large dogs and a toddler. I actually want them to keep their shoes on!!!! I mop and mop and mop, but with dogs, well, dirt just hangs out. And with a toddler, there's always some small part of a toy or puzzle to step on!
I think you're friend's reaction was a little bit over the top, but maybe she just has issue with authority :) Your house, your rules. The one rule I have in my house is if you don't like dogs, don't come in...
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - FebruaryViolet on Sep 09 2011 07:47:15 AM |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 07:41:11 AM
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Well, I guess I'd have to put a table and chair outside for when your friend visits. Y'all can visit on the porch or outside.
She can keep her shoes on that way. If she comes with other guests, be sure to book a couple of magazines on the outside table. She can at least read.
I agree, it's your house.
Have a happy day.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Acelady02
True Blue Farmgirl
1266 Posts
Penny
Washington
GA
USA
1266 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 09:15:39 AM
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Wow...I also think she over reacted.... If you don't wear shoes in your house and don't want others too...then you have that right...I think making a sign for the front door is a great idea...Jonni, I am like you, we have 5 dogs that come and go and if people visit they best like dogs, a cat and two horses...the horses haven't figured out how to get in the house yet, but bet they would if they could...lol..
(((((Hugs All)))))Penny
Farmgirl Sister #3343
God gives Miracles to those who Believe, Courage to those with Faith, Hope to those who Dream, Love to those who Accept, & Forgiveness to those who Ask... |
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StrawHouseRanch
True Blue Farmgirl
1044 Posts
Paula
Holt
Missouri
USA
1044 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 10:48:13 AM
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We don't mind if visitors wear their shoes in our house either, but we generally have our own "inside" shoes we wear around the house, and "street" shoes we wear out and about, along with "muck" shoes that we wear around the ranch. We also have four dogs that don't always wipe their paws, and sometimes we forget, but we don't have wall to wall carpeting either, which makes clean up very easy.
My sisters have light wall to wall carpeting in their homes and people generally remove their shoes...I always have to remember to wear socks that don't have holes in them when I go there to visit or wear shoes that require serious sit-down-lace-up work to take on and off because they don't provide chairs at the door for those of us who can't balance easily on one foot while taking off our shoes with one hand and holding the casserole we brought in the other.
Paula
Farmgirl Sister #3090
A Beehive is the ultimate Home Sweet Home
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nabrown42
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Nancy
Caneyville
KY
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 12:12:37 PM
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I won't be standing at the door with a shotgun baring visitors but it's my preference that people don't wear shoes in the house. I understand the young children, dogs and toys, etc. and I wouldn't want to go barefoot in my sewing room. Thanks for all the input, ladies. We'll just have to deal with what happens when it happens.
"I've wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to someone's needs I've been blind; but I've yet to feel a twinge of regret for being a little too kind." |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 12:18:08 PM
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Over reaction, for sure. They're just shoes and not near as important as the bond of a friendship. I agree as well that it's your house - your rules. It's your dollar that went into those wood floors and its your dollar that maintains them (or has to repair if damaged). I wonder how she'd feel if the 'shoe' were on the other foot.
That said, we have light colored carpet so we opt for a shoe pad (a plastic pad with a lip around it that we bought at Menards) right near our front door. We don't think twice about taking off or putting our shoes there - it's just a habit. All people who have entered our house just naturally take off their shoes as they respectfully recognize and honor our 'system'.
I wish you luck and I hope you can mend things with your friend. I really don't think you're asking too much out of her and would just tell her that you're sorry she feels that way and leave it up to her when she comes around.
Farmgirl Sister #2984
"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot
http://farmchicatheart.blogspot.com/
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 3:18:53 PM
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I know that in many cultures, the "no shoes" rule is practically in everyone's DNA, but it isn't so common in the United States. Here, it can easily come across as "I value my floors more than the comfort of my friends."
This might be one of those things that has to be addressed in a friendly conservation rather than just laying down the law. How about chatting with friends about an idea you have to help keep the house cleaner so you can spend more time with your friends and less time cleaning? Gauge their reaction to a no-outdoor-shoes rule and bat around some options. If you're lucky, you might even get them to suggest something that would work. They would then be invested in the success of your project.
It's a lovely idea to let your friends bring their own "inside Nancy's house" slippers that they leave with you in a special spot near the door for their next visit. (I agree that it's a yucky idea to put my feet into slippers previously worn by who-knows-who. And I agree with Pauls that it's a thoughtful gesture to provide a place to sit while switching footwear. Some of us have physical limitations -- or cleavages -- we'd rather not advertise!)
Some people treat this as a matter more of "outside germs" than keeping your pretty floors pretty, though I think the "less cleaning, more time for friends" argument sounds nicer. However you do it, I'm sure if you downplay the pretty-floors angle, your friends will not feel so insulted. |
Edited by - Rosemary on Sep 12 2011 11:18:01 AM |
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nabrown42
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Nancy
Caneyville
KY
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 6:24:54 PM
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Good points from all of you. Thanks for the suggestions.
"I've wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to someone's needs I've been blind; but I've yet to feel a twinge of regret for being a little too kind." |
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Heartbroken farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
604 Posts
Annette
rio vista
Ca
USA
604 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2011 : 04:12:19 AM
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We don't wear shoes in our home either. When I was growing up, my mother got WHITE wall to wall carpets. Yes, white. That's where it started for us. When I moved onto my DH's farm, I continued the rule, for one, because the dirt and gravel driveway was impossible not to track in, and two because there was for a six year stretch little baby and toddler fingers playing on the floor, and big farmers with steel toe boots can be dangerous! We go barefooted most of the time. My guests always did the same, unless they wanted a pair of socks. My grandma crochetted little slipper socks for most of my family they brought with them to visit us during the colder months. My size 15 EEE footed FIL, we bought him a beautiful pair of sheep skined rubber sole slippers for every other birthday.
You mentioned disposable slippers. What a great idea! If you go to a beauty supply, or look on line, they make little disposable flip-flops, that are even individually wrapped. They run about a dollar a pair, and normally the more you buy, the cheaper they get!
http://www.google.com/m/products/detail?client=ms-hms-sprint-us&q=disposable+pedicure+slippers&channel=portal&bl=/m?client%3Dms-hms-sprint-us%26channel%3Dportal%26q%3Ddisposable%2Bpedicure%2Bslippers&source=search&cid=16536824059783401126&ptab=c&ei=UOhtTvCYMZCMqAPCx_CIAg&ved=0CBsQ8wIwAQ
Just Google "disposable pedicure slippers," and see what you come up with.
Hugs, and I hope your friend calmer down, shoes over a friendship, sound pretty over the top. I'm sorry that happened.
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
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homsteddinmom
True Blue Farmgirl
441 Posts
Brandee
bullard
tx
USA
441 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2011 : 05:22:41 AM
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My mom and dad dont wear their shoes in the house. We know there take on it but we dont take our shoes off when we go to there house. My dh and I both wear lace up boots that take forever to take off and put back on so i just make sure i wipe my feet well and then go in.
Homesteading Mom in East Texas. Raising chickens, Rabbits and goats here on my farm! |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2011 : 07:20:06 AM
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Your house, your rules. And you're not asking anything out of the ordinary. Your friend's reaction is a bit over the top.
We don't wear shoes in the house, either. Mainly for the simple reason that we're more comfortable bare-footed. It is such a custom here for guests to take their shoes off that I can't recall anyone not taking them off. For me, it's more of a "come on in and make yourself at home" rather than a floor issue. I also automatically remove my shoes when visiting someone.
We have piles of shoes by the front door and piles of shoes by the back door. That way, whichever door we leave from, there's a pair of shoes available. Those shoe piles are always in disarray.
The dirty shoes by the doors used to bother me. But, I quickly realized they are 'signs of life'.....signs of life happening in our home. When my children are grown and start their own lives, there won't be those shoes by the doors anymore. That kinda makes me sad.
Blessings,
Catherine
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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FarmGirlonPark
Farmgirl in Training
30 Posts
Kelda
Des Moines
Iowa
USA
30 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2011 : 07:59:15 AM
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That's tough...your request may not have been the entire reason for your friend's reaction. It was most likely coming from somewhere besides the fact that she doesn't want to take her shoes off. You might take this opportunity to tell her she's worth more to you than the floor surface and ask her what's really bothering her. It could range from jealousy over the home improvement to not wanting to be controlled, to a bad day...could be anything, and hopefully she'll feel more valued because you asked (and listened). Showing her that respect may help her feel better about respecting your new floors. If not, it may tell you what you need to know.
God Bless & Happy Trails!
Kelda
Farmgirl on Park |
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nabrown42
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Nancy
Caneyville
KY
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2011 : 09:29:14 AM
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My friend has massive control issues. She has to be in charge of everything and everyone. But I just got off the phone with the carpet cleaners who will come in after we leave to shampoo everything in the house in Indiana. She suggested that I go to Lowes and purchace a box of contractor's booties, those blue disposable ones like painters and furnace cleaners wear. She said that she recommends a big box of them by the front door before the realtos show the house. I'm going to do that and might as well buy some for KY. Personally, I'd prefer slippers but who can afford slippers for everybody to wear? Rest assured that no one will be turned away if they prefer to keep their shoes on.
"I've wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to someone's needs I've been blind; but I've yet to feel a twinge of regret for being a little too kind." |
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A Farm of My Own: wearing shoes in the house |
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wearing shoes in the house
