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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Not sure I'm "done"  |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 05:52:11 AM
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Hello everyone!
This may sound wacky, considering I already have four girls and the youngest turned a year old just two weeks ago, but I was thinking this morning I just don't know if I'm "done" having babies. I know my husband wanted four (and no more) and I thought I was completely on board with that, but I look at how lovely and amazing my girls are and it makes me want another (some day).
I have some concerns - one is that I am already 36 and I like to try and breastfeed for at least two years (although some of my girls self-weaned before that!)and (even though I know it's possible) am not comfortable with being pregnant while nursing. So, I would probably be a year or two older before it would even be feasible to have another.
Another concern is that my husband and I are seriously considering switching our girls to homeschooling within the next two years and I wonder what it is like to parent younger siblings (or a newborn) while homeschooling.
How does everyone else feel about being "done" having babies? Am I crazy for thinking I'm not 100-percent sure I'm "done?"
P.S. - I'm not being judgemental about how many children each family feels is "just right" for them - it's always something that is unique to each family and I always support that!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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embchicken
True Blue Farmgirl
1487 Posts
Elaine
Ocean
NJ
USA
1487 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 08:12:15 AM
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Suzane~ I think that is one of the hardest decisions to have to make. i was 35 when I had to have a hysterectomy because of serious health issues. I remember crying over the fact that I really would be "done". There was a definite sadness. It seemed like there were no more "possibiities". I think this time you are experiencing is the hardest time. Once you have made the decision you will feel so much better. I will be thinking and praying for your peace of mind whatever your decision is.
~ Elaine
Farmgirl sister #2822
"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things." ~Saki
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
http://gusandtrudy.blogspot.com |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 8:10:29 PM
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For me I definitely knew when I was done. When I started thinking about having grandkids one day. I got to a point where I just KNEW I was done with the newborn/baby stage and ready to move on to the next stage of my life. I've probably just cursed myself...lol
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 06:49:46 AM
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I think it is a very personal decision and of course something you should talk over with your husband. If he is "done" but you might like another one or two- then you should see if he would be on board. You know what your heart is saying and there is no "right" number unless that is what you have decided on. For us- the right number was one. Nora was a blessing and we love her very much but at least for right now- we can't afford to bring another person into the world and our hearts are happy with just her. At some point in the future we might decide to do it all again- but for me I am really enjoying each day and process with just her.
You sound like a fantastic mom and maybe at this point your husband also would like another one but doesn't want to feel like he is pressuring you?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 09:29:36 AM
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Never having birthed nor ever really wanting to birth I will say that I am not really done. We have nine children. Our oldest are 32 and our youngest who was a very big surprise is 3 1/2. Our next oldest is 13 yo. I would like a playmate or two for the youngest.
If you are not sure that you are done birthing or not, do not do anything permanent. Discussions are not done until one party is dead. Then again I do know two vasectomy babies and a tubal ligation baby so sometimes the control is not in the control of medical science. lol
As far as homeschooling and having babies when teaching at home it is possible and you would find a way if necessary.
Holly
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 1:22:17 PM
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I got my tubes tyed and have thought I have made a mistake every day. Make sure that you are sure.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 1:54:42 PM
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Me too, Amy. I was only 22. I so regret doing that.
Ok Holly. You have to explain your post. Did you adopt all your children?
Suzanne, if you are even thinking about more children right now, do not do anything permanent like I did. Talk to your husband and see how he feels. He may have changed his mind about more as well. As far as homeschooling with a new born or taddler, it's done all the time. You just have to adjust your schedule to fit a baby.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2011 : 3:13:46 PM
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Yes, all of our children are adopted. They are 32,31,28,27,19,16,15,13,and 3 8 boys and one girl
Our foster women have lived with me for more than 28 years.
I have never had an interest in birthing.
Holly
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 2:04:20 PM
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My husband and I wanted 4 to start with. Our 3rd is due in November. We have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old and after thinking that after I have this baby in November I will only have one more. . . I'm thinking I would like a few more. I'm only 25 right now and I'm going to nurse the new baby for about 2 years so that will put a bit more space (maybe) between #3 and #4. I'd like to be done having babies by 35 so then as a family we can grow out of the newborn stage and do more "big kid" stuff as a family. I'm guessing we'll end up having 6-8 kids total but again only God knows how many kids we will end up having. We don't even have 4 yet :) I remember thinking as I watched our now 1 year old crawl around thinking "man I can't believe my baby is growing up, I want another one". A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with #3!!!
I'd say its a personal subject and between you and your husband you'd have to discuss it. My only advice would be to take your time on deciding about permanent birth control though. Research all your options so you don't have regrets down the line :) Most importantly don't let other people's thoughts or them pressuring you determine whether or not to have more kids or not. That should only be between your husband and you :)
My husband and I get a ton of harassment for having #3 already. I just tell them not to worry because what my husband and I decide to do is our business and none of their concern. What is good for us may not be what they would have done but guess what, its my life :) Besides, about 5 other married friends are in their 3 and 4 year of marriage with #3 on the way so I don't know where some people get off telling me they can't believe I'm pregnant all the time. haha
Let people think what they want, you have to live with your decision to have more or not they don't :) Wish you the best in your decision making :)
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2011 : 06:24:07 AM
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As always, thank you to all the Farmgirls for sharing - you gals are the best.
And you have all given me a lot to think about. My husband and I haven't done anything "permanent" yet, and I think we have a lot of talking about this issue ahead of us. I don't know what we will ultimately decided, but I'm glad we will keep our options open for now (and my husband agrees!)
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Jul 31 2011 06:25:39 AM |
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homsteddinmom
True Blue Farmgirl
441 Posts
Brandee
bullard
tx
USA
441 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2011 : 08:30:08 AM
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i had to have a tubal due to health reasons during pregnancies making carring a baby to term deadly for both of us. I have 2 kids and girl and one boy they are both older now. I had my tubal at 25. I hated that i had no choice in having it and wanted more kids. Now that my kids are 14 and 11 i have finally decided that i am DONE! they spend so much time bickering back and forth to each other not sure i could handle more...lol good luck in your decision!
Homesteading Mom in East Texas. Raising chickens, Rabbits and goats here on my farm! |
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2011 : 6:10:49 PM
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When I was pregnant with number 3, hubby and I had the "permanent measures" talk and the ultimatum I made was nothing permanent happening if we can visualize *any* conceivable (no pun intended) possible scenario where we may want to make another child. We discussed all kinds of possibilities (trying for a boy one more time, what if the unthinkable happened and we lost one we already have, even what if one of us was widowed and remarried etc.)
There's the poor woman who's sister in law drove their van and children the wrong way up an off ramp and all the girls were killed. The grieving mother is now pregnant through more or less divine intervention (long story) as she had her tubes tied because they thought they were "done" when they had 3 girls.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
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vmfein
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Valerie
Dale City
VA
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2011 : 2:31:14 PM
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Unfortunately we don't have any, but I say keep your options open. Right now our "kids" is the cat and dog, including my nieces and cousins kids.
Farmgirl Sister #2619
http://www.etsy.com/shop/vmfein |
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snowberryfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
132 Posts
Michelle
Central Wa
WA
USA
132 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2011 : 9:58:53 PM
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I have 4 girls, and love it...life is hectic at times, our youngest two are 1 and 2. We also homeschool, so it is doable! I really want one more...we foster...and all I have to do is say the word to our local dcfs, and we will get another placement. Not quite ready yet, but one more baby is something I have been thinking a lot about!
I believe children are a blessing...if it's on your heart to have more...go for it!
Michelle
www.snowberryfarm.blogspot.com |
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Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 2:07:06 PM
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| I think most women always want more. We see a baby or baby clothes and something inside us flutters. I always wanted to have six but I got a late start on the whole marriage and having babies thing. Plus my husband I think would have prefered to have none. After our son was born he wanted to be done and I said NO, I was an only child and I wouldn't do that to my child. Then we had baby number two, a beautiful little girl. Hubby wanted to be done. I said that I thought I could be content with a boy and a girl but I really wanted more. He heard could be content and had a vasectomy when our daughter was a couple weeks old. Just make sure you have good communication and really discuss it so that you don't have any regrets. I still dream of having more babies. |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Not sure I'm "done" |
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Not sure I'm "done"
