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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Prayer For My Daughter Please, UPDATE  |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 30 2011 : 02:58:16 AM
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You all remain in my prayers. Especially you, Kristin.
marianne |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2011 : 7:23:28 PM
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Oh my goodness, this is really getting to me. She slept all day today til about 5. No matter what I do or say she is NOT going to do it. She is so like she was when she was a teen ager. I really hate this so much. She has been trying to get into this Heart Ministry place but ti's turning out to be like trying to get into Fort Knox or the White House. Too many hoops to jump through. And too much money. $1600.00 and she has to come up with at least a third of it. Plus she probably screwed up any chance she had by getting mad at the girl she was talking to and hung up on her.
So this morning I called a place near Atlanta that sounds perfect for her. She woke up long enough to talk to them and answer alot of questions. We have not heard back so will call them in the morning. She said she wants this to be God's will for her but I think it sounds like something. I need her to do. She can take Kansas with her. It's a 9-12 month program. And it sounds nearly perfect. I know she's trying to get me pissed off at her and tell her to leave and she can't take Kansas. That is sounding like it's what she is trying to do. She either is sleeping or has her face in a book or her new obsession, facebook which she can do on her phone. She is constantly on it when she is awake.
She claims she cannot sleep at all at night. I mean really, she is so almost beligerant to me. I fell like she is in control of my like. Well, she is right now. She does nothing at all to help me. Nothing. Only what will help her or what she wants to do. I am really not liking her at all right now. I know I sound really stupid for taking this from her. And I hate feeling this way. I hate hating her but right now I do. She really is horrible. ANd I know it's because of this horrible addiction but really. WHy does she have to treat me like this? I feel like the poor little old lady who's kids scream and holler at her and beat her. I feel like this is coming.
I really need prayer. It's getting bad and I am about at the end of my rope.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2011 : 8:25:00 PM
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Kris I am hugging you so hard right now. Girl, everything you are feeling is soooo appropriate for what is going on. I would worry about you becoming that old lady who's kids abuse her if you weren't feeling this way! I don't believe that is your future. I get the impression that you are putting up with having her under your roof in order to help insure a good outcome for Kansas. That is admirable. Difficult too. I've done a lot to make sure my son raises his daughter. I love her but I don't want to raise her. It helped me to take a quite time to myself and really think about where my limits were. I had to decide what my time limit on his getting himself together before I took custody and moved to the next stage of adjustment. I had to decide which things I would allow in my home and what consequences there would be ( Mine for him) for breaking those limits. I had to let him know that he would not hold me hostage with my love for Lilli. He was assigned chores, given a deadline to find work or get started at the university and was given money only when he did work on the farm, outside of family living chores, for pay. He had to pay his own cell phone bills and could only be on the computer when Lilli was asleep or with her other grandmother. There were a lot more of these limits and rules but I mentioned these as examples. This was all very hard to do because I was afraid he would run away and then I would have to raise Lilli. But the truth was that if he didn't do these things and follow the rules to get his life back on track he would not end up raising her anyway.
I know you are feeling like a hostage. I was! It really helped to decide on my limits, understand the consequences they might bring and stick to them. Remember that all you can control is you.
I know what it feels like to hate your child. It helped me to remember the child he was and to understand that that child was still in there. What you are hating is the manifestation of addiction in your child. It is worth hating. That is a FACT! The thing that helped me most was a group called Alanon. It is for family and friends of alcoholics/addicts. It is not about fixing them, it is about us learning how to live with ourselves in the midst of the chaos addiction causes for us. If you are interested I could help you find the nearest group. Just let me know.
I am praying hard for you. If you ever want to talk please email or call if you still have my cell #. My cell only works if I am in town but I could email my house #.
Hang on to that rope and swing it over to the forum when you need us!
Hugs on you!!!
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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Acelady02
True Blue Farmgirl
1266 Posts
Penny
Washington
GA
USA
1266 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2011 : 8:32:06 PM
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Oh Kris, I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. Nothing can seem to her more than when your child hurts and hurts you. Please take care of yourself first. You have to be good to you too or you won't be good for anyone. I am praying for you and if you need to vent email me anytime..or I will be happy to send you my phone number....take care love and hugs....
(((((Hugs All)))))Penny
Farmgirl Sister #3343
God gives Miracles to those who Believe, Courage to those with Faith, Hope to those who Dream, Love to those who Accept, & Forgiveness to those who Ask... |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2011 : 9:22:06 PM
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Kris, big love and hugs! I'm at a loss for words, and don't know how to help, but please don't feel all alone and that any of us would think you stupid for being in this awful situation. I am praying that all turns out good for all of you. I am so sorry for poor Kansas in all this too. Above all else you take care of yourself. Your farm sisters love you!
Email me if you need to talk, vent or be talked out of dumping buckets of hog water over her head.
*HUGS*
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2011 : 9:53:44 PM
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So sorry your family is going through this. I second the recommendation for Teen Challenge, very good organization. I'll be praying for peace for you and the Lord's guidance. *Hugs*
Excuse the mess & the noise, my children are making happy memories |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2011 : 09:06:51 AM
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Annika, I love that idea! A bucket of hog water poured over her head! I have done the bucket of water over her head before but it doesn't do a bit of good.
But thanks so much for all your comments and hugs and prayers. I just never dreamed my life would be this way right now. Or hers either for that matter. And I really didn't think I would be raising my grandkids. I really don't want to either. That's why I would like her to find a place where she can have Kansas with her. But the way she is acting I do believe that's what she's wanting right now. Another vacation. That's what I call it when she leaves Kansas. A vacation. I just had a really bad night. And I really miss my friend kathy so much and that just makes all this so much worse. But I know I have all of you here and thank you so much for all your support.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2011 : 09:34:44 AM
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Kristin -
Prayers and big hugs for you and your family headed your way! I like the hog water idea too.
Luanne
beekeepersgirl #691
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2011 : 2:55:32 PM
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It really sounds like she needs to be on medication for whatever type of mental illness she has, cause what you've described is classic mental illness. She thinks only of herself because her brain is messed up. No normal person of her age acts the way she does. As long as her brain is messed up, it's going to be nearly impossible to reason with her. You may even have to be manipulative to get her the help she needs. I feel for you and wish there was something I could do to help. Mental illness and addiction go hand in hand but can be treated. Maybe you could contact NAMI and they could help. They help the mentally ill and their families as well. Before I was diagnosed with depression, I know I put my parents through hell. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and neither did they. She acts like a teenager because when people are mentally ill/addicted, they tend to regress. I can understand why you hate dealing with her. She probably hates herself as well. I am praying that you get some relief and she gets the help she needs. It's such a difficult situation, and everyone suffers.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2011 : 07:31:24 AM
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oh kris, i wish i was closer. i could give you a big warm hug. sending love your way. hang on the best you can. i so hope this place takes her. it sounds like a place that wuld work. long term i think it is a good choice. hoping this gets figured out soon for you. sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2011 : 10:41:40 AM
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So this morning, I am reading my devotions. I love Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles Cowman. It's SO good and it seems like everyday is something I need just for me. And today was no exception. The reading was in Is. 54:11. So I went there to read more. My Bible is the Women of Destiny and it has devotions for lots of the verses. So I got to verse 13. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. I thought that was just beautiful. BUT that verse had a devotion for it. I read it too. This woman had a 17 year old son who was failing algebra so she had made an appointment with a tutor for him. Well, the Lord said to her "If you want me to be his teacher, then you must get out of the way." Whoa. I felt like God was saying that to me. It went on to say how she was just trying to get him to see that if he failed now, what it would do to his future. Well, he did fail the test. But went on to graduate. He applied to a really good university but at the last minute was denied. Because of the failed algebra test a few years back. But he did go on to another school. It was more a lesson for her.
So right then and there, this morning on this 1st day of Sept. at my dining room table, I have stepped out of the way and given her to God. She is all His to do with what He will. I cannot do this. Just like I need to remember when Chole was just about 3 years old and I was all worried about Heather and crying about what I should do. Little Chloe just said "There's nothing you can do, Mimi." Why can't I remember this? Why do I have to beat myself up over her all the time? When all I have to do is remember that I cannot do a darn thing for her now. NOTHING! It is all up to her what she does.
I did pray and ask God to protect poor little Kansas. And He will. I know He will. No matter what. They are both God's children anyway.
So whatever happens happens without me stepping my foot in it again. Please help me to remember this. And I know Heather will need so much prayer. Thank you all so much for praying for her. I know it's helped because she's still breathing.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2011 : 10:54:01 AM
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If she is breathing there is still hope i always say. And your devotional is so right. It is a relief isn't it. What I do when I feel the urgency to "do" something about/with my addict I stop, take a deep breath and visualize handing that precious baby he used to be over to Gods loving arms.
I really don't know what is best for another person addict or not! But God does and he does have a plan.
You are a wonderful person Kris. You amaze me with your ability to find your way through such tough issues. I'm glad to know you and would be pleased to call you my friend. Your honesty on this forum probably helps more people than you will ever know. My guess is there are more than a few who needed to hear the message you relayed as much as you needed it. I appreciated it.
Hugs Hugs Hugs!
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2011 : 12:05:57 PM
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Kris,
I am still praying for everyone! God can do anything!
I too love Streams in the Desert such great insight. You know I think that you are doing the right thing. We can often get in the way of what God wants to do in someone's life. I can understand especially when grandchildren are involved you want to do whatever you can to help. There are times when we need to step back (like you have) and just let God do whatever He wants. I love the words of wisdom from little Chloe :) Hang in there Kris, God has a plan and it's for His glory. Praying for peace in your heart :)
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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Tapestry
True Blue Farmgirl
1223 Posts
Cheryl
Wisconsin
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2011 : 7:39:56 PM
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Dear Kristin,
I've been gone for some time and just trying to get caught up on things I've missed in the past yr. Reading your posts just made my heart cry for you. There is no love (besides God's) like a mother's love. We all seem to do this. No matter what happens to our kids we try to fix it for them. You're right my dear. You must put your daughter in God's hands. Until she decides that SHE wants to change her life nothing will change. An addict must want to stop being addicted. She needs to reach that place where she begins to want to be free of drugs, abusive relationships, and alcohol. It may never happen. She may destroy herself but you have done all you can do and then some. Protect your grandchildren if you can but take care of yourself and understand you've done your best. Now its up to her. Praying for you.
Hugs
Happy farmgirl sister #353
Look for rainbows instead of mud puddles 
http://www.Tapestry2u.Etsy.com
http://tapestrysimaginings.blogspot.com/ |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 1:58:14 PM
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I just got back from taking them to a homeless shelter. After her sleeping all day yesterday and then going out late last night with an old boyfriend, I have had enough. And my husband was home and he did nothing. Kansas was with him most of the day and he was getting tired. And last night he said his neck was hurting, and could that be from stress? And then he told me she told him about 11:30 last night she was going out and would be back about 6 am. During a really bad storm and left Kansas upstairs all alone. Then a few minutes later the power goes out and of course Kansas wakes up scared to death. So I brought her downstairs and put her in bed with Papa and I slept on the couch. Well, sort of slept. I was so mad I had to take some sleeping pills. And I locked all the doors too. I was not going to let her back in.
So this morning I get up and saw that the back door, which has had a broken window in it for a few months now and I had cardboard over it, was unlocked. I went upstairs and there she was asleep. I yanked off the blankets and told her she needed to leave right now. She called me every name in the book and then some. And her dad right downstairs hearing everything and not doing a thing. I think that makes me madder than anything at all. He just does not want to rock the boat. When I told him she was upstairs sleeping, he said good. I nearly threw something at him. Then a little later he has to go back to work. How convenient for him.
So I am sure they will be able to help her way more than I ever could. Maybe help her get into a treatment center. And also Kansas' other grandparents came up to see her Sunday. They live way down in S. Ga. and have only seen her once when she was a baby. They said they could come down there but H would have to get help. I'm sure she would treat them a whole lot better than she does me.
So it is out of my hands now. I could not do it anymore. I feel like I am loosing my mind. I hate feeling this way. And we had the other 2 grands this weekend. H is now on facebook on her phone. She stays on that 24-7. Constantly on it. Worse than a teenager. And talking to all kinds of people she knew in highschool. It's really bad. So I did not have a good weekend at all. I hate to say it, but I am so glad they are all gone. It might be awhile before the other 2 grands come again. They need to learn how to mind. I love them but good grief!
Thank you all so much for your prayers. They will still need them. I will try to keep this updated as I learn more. Please know that all the prayers are so much needed and appreciated.
I just read this back and I sure sound horrible. I hope it doesn't come across like I hate them all because I really don't. I just need a breather right now. I really do love them all. Well, maybe except my husband who I will stay mad at for awhile. He never gets it. And wonders why I am always mad at him. I think I'll let him stew in this pot awhile.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 5:59:16 PM
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Kristen, all I can say is this..."It's your house, and your rules", so if she does not want to fly straight, then she is not welcome back. I am sorry your hubby is not standing up with you, sometimes I think men are useless when it comes to their daughters, but I do hope the granddaughter does not end up the one to get hurt the most in this...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 04:33:34 AM
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Oh, Tina, you are right . . . my prayers are always first and foremost for the innocent ones. Kristin, you are doing your best and no one can expect one bit more. Congratulations on being able to keep on giving even when you want a breather!
Marianne |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2011 : 07:20:13 AM
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i was hoping to read things were better. so sorry kris this is going on. our oldest son had some real drug problems. we found he never got better while we were holding him up. it seems to end up being enabling to him. when we drew the line and said NO MORE. he left and struggled a while then had to get help. remember papas brother? he was on the front page of our local paper. he had stolen my morphinee and vicodin. he had gotten out of rehab. he came here lasted about 2 weeks and no more. we had him leave. well a year later he is arrested on dui. and hitting another car. when he came out of jail he was mad at the world. it was not his fault. i say this because they need to make their own bed so to speak. pay their own bills so to speak. it is sad the girls sre suffering because of this. as far as men go. well do they ever really get it. NO so maybe you can take a deep breath and say a prayer and go love on your animals. this is her problem not yours. i am sad for you girl. you hang in there. how is zarah doing? is it raining still? have you made soap this year? i will send you my recipe if you like? remember the problem is not you or her. she is still your sweet girl. she is sick right now. we pray she will get better. my son is well and doing great. its a walk they have to do themselves. hang in there. Jehovah loves you. this is temporary and will pass. i am glad you get a break. sending love hugs and prayers your way. sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 11:22:39 AM
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I called this morning to the office of the shelter to make sure they have my phone # in case anything happens. The lady I talked to said they are still there. They got Kansas registered for school and she started yesterday. She was so excited to be going. So I guess things are going well for them there. I am relieved to say the least. I just got to thinking yesterday that it kind of felt like I took them there and dropped them off like puppies at the dog pound. Like unwanted little puppies without a home. And I felt so bad. But I feel ok now knowing they are still there and doing ok so far. H will be going to AA and NA meetings twice a week and also talking to a counselor. And hopefully taking classes to get her GED which she needs to do. She'll start it then quit. So she will be getting so much more help there than I could ever do for her.
Sherrye, I am so glad your son is doing so good now. It sure makes ya age alot, doesn't it? I blame all my gray hairs on my kids.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2011 : 1:57:26 PM
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kristen, you might want to consider going to classes also that are set up for spouse/parent/family and friends of ones that have addiction problems...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 5:30:07 PM
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Tina, I have been to Alanon and did not like it. Or at least that particular group. Maybe I could find another group around here somewhere or maybe even start one. I know alot of people with kids like mine. That's a thought. Thanks for the reminder.
H called me today. She needs her prescription filled for her sleeping meds and they don't help them with that there. It's only $8. but it's also about 30 miles to where she is to get them to her. But tomorrow me and my other Dd are going to Villa Ricca, Ga. to a couponing seminar and will be going right through the town where she is. Do y'all think I should do this? She really does have a problem sleeping at night and sometimes never does get to sleep. I think this is one of her big issues. She also said K's teacher has already told her that K is a handful in the class room. So they will probably be telling her she needs to put her back on her pills again. I WILL NOT be buying them.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
3015 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
3015 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 6:33:47 PM
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Kris
CUT HER OFF
You have done enough
I am praying for you all... |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2011 : 8:10:11 PM
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You have done plenty Kris. I don't think I would pick up the pills for her. Sometimes we can get in the way of what God wants to do, I know it's hard but she needs to look up and when she doesn't have you always helping her out, she will.(please don't take that wrong!) I am still praying for you and the whole family Kris.
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2011 : 04:40:49 AM
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Kris,
Are you sure that sort of medication is allowed where she is staying? Those pills can be so powerful and being dependent on anything may not help her right now . . . just something to think about.
Stay strong and enjoy time at your coupon event!!
Marianne |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2011 : 06:26:01 AM
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Kris,
I don't know what to say except my heart aches for you and your family. I'm keeping all of you in my prayers. Please lean on us whenever you need. We are here for you 24/7!!
Lori |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Prayer For My Daughter Please, UPDATE |
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Prayer For My Daughter Please, UPDATE
