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Family Matters:  Stepdaughter making me pull my hair out...  |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 05 2011 : 8:36:34 PM
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This is a great place to vent so here goes...
DH's DD17 usually comes to visit us once or twice a year on her breaks from school. We get along fine. We have a great time.
We planned her visit for the summer. Paid $250(nonrefundable) for her plane ticket. I bought some family museum passes and we were looking at prices for other activities.
Two days before her flight she finally tells us she has gotten a job and won't be able to come. DH gets in a fight with the ex over why is it so important for her to have a job instead of coming to visit and she'd have a job here with her uncle if she wanted to work. Of course the fight escalates into "it's all your fault. No it's your fault. blah blah blah"
DD says she'll be able to visit in July. DH tells her she wasted a plane ticket and we don't have any more money to throw away (which we don't) and she'll have to miss coming here. So now her feelings are hurt.
It makes me frustrated and sad because they don't understand why we can't just get another plane ticket. They think we're rich but we just live within our means and don't charge things. I don't like feeling like we're the bad guys when it's the consequences of their own actions. I don't like seeing DH get caught up in this fighting either. If it were me, he would say it was a waste of a conversation because the ex will never give in and agree, so it's a waste of time.
I'm doing my best to stay out of it but it's hard to keep my mouth shut.. 
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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Turtlemoon
Farmgirl Legend Schoolmarm
378 Posts
Tanya
Port Orchard
Washington
USA
378 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2011 : 10:18:31 PM
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Thats a tough situation for you to be in.
I wonder even with the ticket being non refundable if you contacted the airline they would hold the value of the ticket (with fee changes) for future use. This would usually have to be called in and cancelled before midnight on the day due to travel though.
As DD grows and learns how life works more she will understand about money. (especially with now having a job and learning how hard it is to earn a dollar and how fast it can go) Doesn't make it any easier for you now but.... I can almost understand DH's feelings about the conversation possibly just going round in unsettled circles. Not fun for any of you. Hopefully something good will come from this.
Raggedy Ann stuck in a Barbie Doll World
FarmGirl#1737
http://www.etsy.com/shop/moonhonu |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2011 : 11:24:42 AM
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SO hard to be caught in the middle and see how this hurts both of them. Seems to me, the girl made her choice when she decided to get a job instead of coming to see her Dad. As I said to my daughter often (and she now says to my grandgirls) "Behavior has consequences." Maybe at the end of the summer you and she could split the deal on another plane ticket? (She should have some money after working all summer). Tough spot to be in. I remember these days and it isn't fun. I'd let her know she can come any time but that you just can't buy another ticket. Hope things work out. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2011 : 7:16:56 PM
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| I used to work for an airline. If you talk to them (a supervisor) and explain (beg), for a change fee (used to be around $150) sometimes they'll change these non-refundable tickets. Perhaps she can pay the change fee out of her earnings and come out to visit later in July. |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 6:33:14 PM
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Hi - I completely understand!!! My husband has 5 children... only one is actually 'ours'... and boy oh boy have we had these moments as you describe above! My best advice: be factual and kind all at the same time. The facts are you've already purchased a ticket... it is not financially comfortable for you all to purchase another after one has unfortunately not been used. And you all love her dearly and look forward to when you get to see her again. period. the end. Short and sweet and let it go as quickly as possible so it doesnt fester and try to eat your lunch...
This works for me in our situations... hopefully this to shall pass for you all.
-jamie :)
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith
Check out my blog!! http://thehappycalamity.blogspot.com/ |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 6:37:33 PM
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Ms. SusanScarlet: it is still $150 for a change fee... we have to do the same for our work. We purchase Non-R tickets for the employees and sometimes the government changes the plans on us, so then we have to change the tickets. This may be something to look into FarmDream.
:)
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith
Check out my blog!! http://thehappycalamity.blogspot.com/ |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 9:05:11 PM
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Thanks for the responses. Unfortunately the ticket was a total loss. DH looked into it and it would have cost another $90 to change it which, guess what, they weren't willing to pay. After the $250 they expected we would pay for the change, too. Now the DD calls every few days saying how much she wished she could come in July...if only she had a ticket. Trying to make DH feel guilty. He has stuck to his guns so far and said no. This is probably due to the fact that I run the money and he doesn't have a snowball's chance. I figure this is tough love. You have to suffer the consequences of your choices. She is more than welcome to pay her own way.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2011 : 04:32:14 AM
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Stay with it. Lessons can be difficult for the young to learn. We all have to make choices and better she learn to see the outcome of her choices now and learn from them. Do not give in. So many parents do and then the children learn that they can get anything from their parents if they press them long enough. She will be fine and next time she will make a better choice when given an opportunity. Then your husband will be proud of himself for helping her to grow into a responsible young woman. Parenthood is sometimes so hard but so worth it. I remember how difficult it was when my two children were her age. I had no encouragement or help.
Nancy
Farmgirl sister #2301
Live everyday to the fullest |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 08:54:45 AM
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My DH and I got put through the ringer by his kids and the price of plane tickets to Alaska was painful My DH has passed away put I still hear from the girls and am going down for a visit in July to visit the girls and my step grand kids. I tried to keep my sense of humor and tried to never make a distinction between him kids and mine regardless of the costs and I have been blessed by that. My older daughter won't speak to me but I have my step daughters and they are great.
CMF |
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Family Matters: Stepdaughter making me pull my hair out... |
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Stepdaughter making me pull my hair out...
