| Author |
Family Matters:  27 year old daughter pregnant  |
|
|
burnsie333
Farmgirl at Heart
4 Posts
robin
albany
ca
USA
4 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 09 2011 : 5:31:08 PM
|
hi all,
this is a sincere request for advice for my beautiful daughter. (altho, she isn't aware that i am writing this yikes)
she is 27, and had been going with this guy 2o years her senior. he owns a popular cafe bar, and it would appear, he has been a party animal for most of those 20 years.
in sept. he told her that their relationship would never go anywhere, as she would lose interest down the road due to his age. then, she becomes pregnant.
admittedly, i didn't think too positively about how it would work out. now, she is due in may, and everyone is excited.
now, i cut to the chase, he will not have sex with her. so, she feels that she is unattractive to him. that really bothers me for her. it seems selfish on his part. she's natuarally a beautiful young women, and even if she wasn't, pregnancy is such a remarkable time, all women are beautiful
i'm not going to embarrass her obviously by intruding anymore than asking for your ideas, and if others have encountered similar reactions.
realistically we can't heal all situations for our children, just hate to have such a wonderful time in her life be less than it could be.
thanks for your thoughts in this matter:-) |
|
|
Prairie Gypsy
True Blue Farmgirl
823 Posts
Tammy
Wolford
North Dakota
USA
823 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 07:27:04 AM
|
Actually my girlfriend just went through this with her husband. There was something about her while she was pregnant that made him feel she was to sacred to have sex with. It was extremely frustrating for her, as you can imagine. With them, it was almost a religious reverence and awe that caused it. She might want to talk with him and find out what it is about the pregnancy that is causing it. I had one guy tell me that he felt the baby was invading his space and it turned him off. Some guys have strange ideas. It's strange how some guys are turned on by a pregnant woman and yet it turns others totally off. He does need to reassure her that he does still find her beautiful though. I hope it works itself out for her sake.
Farmgirl Sister # 2363
http://twilightburrough.blogspot.com/
Warren, MI
|
 |
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 09:45:39 AM
|
Talking it out is key. He may not even understand all his feelings, but if they can discuss it, he might be able to show her in other ways how beautiful she is even if he can't move beyond his own head to make love. Some men can't no matter what you tell them. Her support with his feelings is just as important and the only way to know is to discuss. She may not want to hear that either, but it is a two way steak. talk, talk, talk.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 09:54:18 AM
|
Like the other girls said, talking is key, though when someone feels strongly about something, it's not likely to change their mind.
In all my efforts to consume and repeat everything I learned about "what" my body was experiencing, how big the baby was this week, etc...I made the mistake of mentioning to my husband that at "such and such weeks, they can actually HEAR us. How cool is that?" And then went on to tell him how true that was because the baby jumped each time our dog, Finn barked. Somehow that translated to him that "hearing" was also "comprehension" and that became an insurmountable issue when I wanted to be intimate. It was wonderful prior to that, but I had to be so ravenous for information!!!
In truth, it was probably better...I felt beautiful, but I worked full time and ran the household and cooked and cleaned and I was one pooped pregnant lady!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
burnsie333
Farmgirl at Heart
4 Posts
robin
albany
ca
USA
4 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 6:52:19 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Montrose Girl
Talking it out is key. He may not even understand all his feelings, but if they can discuss it, he might be able to show her in other ways how beautiful she is even if he can't move beyond his own head to make love. Some men can't no matter what you tell them. Her support with his feelings is just as important and the only way to know is to discuss. She may not want to hear that either, but it is a two way steak. talk, talk, talk.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/
|
|
|
|
embchicken
True Blue Farmgirl
1487 Posts
Elaine
Ocean
NJ
USA
1487 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2011 : 2:22:33 PM
|
Jonni ~ Right now I am sitting here laughing like crazy. I made the same mistake and mentioned to my husband about the baby being able to hear us and he made the leap to comprehension also. I also agree with Tammy - there are a lot of men out there who have diffculty having sex with a "mother to be" (sounds ridiculous I know) . Robin is right - talking is key...
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" ~Gandhi |
|
|
|
MaryLD
True Blue Farmgirl
861 Posts
Mary
New Braunfels
TX
USA
861 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2011 : 6:17:30 PM
|
There is an old, but helpful book, called Making Love During Pregnancy.
Sex in pregnancy is generally considered to be very beneficial. It bonds the couple, relieves stress, helps balance pregnancy hormones, creates endorphins, boosts moods, and is good for circulation/ pelvic circulation. The cycle of lovemaking mimics the cycle of birthing/bonding / breastfeeding- and the major hormone involved is the same! Oxytocin! Prostaglandins from the male help ripen the cervic for labor, too. ( Sometimes sex is avoided for theses reason if there is true risk of preterm labor or threatened miscarriage. I'm sure we all klnow that- also if mom is bleeding in pregnancy, has placenta previa or waters are broken.)
A pregnant woman needs to feel adored by her mate.
I hope things improve.
Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
|
|
|
FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2011 : 11:38:55 AM
|
LOL, Elaine! I'm glad I wasn't the only one who's husband took things so literally! Men are just plain silly at time :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
| |
Family Matters: 27 year old daughter pregnant |
|
27 year old daughter pregnant
