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Across the Fence:  Farmgirl Funnies  |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 26 2011 : 07:07:57 AM
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A place to post your funny stories and jokes. Laughter is the best medicine!
Texan farmer travels
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2011 : 07:11:29 AM
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Here is another:
When I become old
When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy.
To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head.
I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away ..... the time to be spent doing chores every day.
I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer ... and never pick up what I drop on the floor.
Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.
I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.
When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.
I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then .. when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.
I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal .... Eat my banana and just drop the peel.
Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four.
What fun I shall have, what joy it will be to Live with my children....just the way that they lived with me!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2011 : 2:45:47 PM
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This made me laugh - hope it makes others smile too:
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2011 : 3:45:57 PM
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Lorraine, that is funny! Had me laughing out loud!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2011 : 8:47:25 PM
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LOL!!!!
Thank you Diane and Lorraine for sharing!!
Hugs,
Hannah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Lifes not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
Just a small town country girl, farmgirl,loggergirl, trying to live her dreams. :)
P.s. I've been playing around with the spelling of my name ( weird I know) and I've decided that I will stick with Hannah for good. Sorry I got you all confused. Hugs!! |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13634 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13634 Posts |
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grace gerber
True Blue Farmgirl
2804 Posts
grace
larkspur
colorado
USA
2804 Posts |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2011 : 08:17:56 AM
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Here is a funny video that I came across, my DH and I are still singing this song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egCeIwjIuZM
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2011 : 10:12:58 AM
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzSaoN2LdfU
This video was posted in the Mental Pause thread and I laughed until I cried...and then I forgot why!
Watch and you will see what I am talking about.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2011 : 4:24:49 PM
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I almost forgot - the song "If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you" had me laughing so hard I cried. Then I looked at some of his other songs and they are equally funny. What a character!
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2011 : 4:40:57 PM
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Here's a cute one:
SUNDAY CLOTHES
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
'Hello,' said the little boy
'Hi,' replied the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,' answered the little girl.
'I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.
'I go to the Catholic church back down the road,' replied the little girl. 'What about you? '
I go to the Lutheran church back at the top of the hill,' replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,' said the little girl.
'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,' replied the little boy.
'I'll tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.'
'That's a good idea,’ replied the little boy. 'I'm going to do the same thing with my suit.'
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked:
'You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a
CATHOLIC and a LUTHERAN!!!'
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2011 : 5:20:36 PM
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Awe, that is a cute one!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2011 : 5:29:41 PM
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cute stories gals thanks for sharing
farmgirl#1362 whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2011 : 06:35:59 AM
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Received this in an email:
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn't it?”
“No,” the second man replied, “it's Thursday.”
And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let's have a beer.”
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex.”
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.”
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I'll take the soup.”
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes; she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!”
“Heck,” said Herman, “It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!”
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car--both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2011 : 06:45:09 AM
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Lorraine, it is already happening!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2011 : 07:30:15 AM
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The same is true for me - but its important to keep our sense of humor about it, right?
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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herblady55
True Blue Farmgirl
3470 Posts
Judy
Louisville
Ohio(Stark Co)
USA
3470 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2011 : 12:45:43 PM
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roflroflrofl....OMGosh....Mama and I both cracked up. Thanks Girls!
Sister-chick# 905(Sept.14th 2009)
Judy
Hugs&Squeezles!
I am not contained between my hat and my boots! -Walt Whitman-
"Why couldn't I have been born Rich instead of So Good Looking?" |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2011 : 05:42:04 AM
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A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
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Well, there's a very simple answer.
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Nobody bothered to check the oil.
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We just didn't know we were getting low.
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The reason for that is purely geographical.
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Our OIL is located in:
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ALASKA
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California
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Coastal Florida
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Coastal Louisiana
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Coastal Alabama
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Coastal Mississippi
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Coastal Texas
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North Dakota
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Wyoming
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Colorado
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Kansas
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Oklahoma
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Pennsylvania
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And
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Texas
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Our dipsticks are located in DC
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Any Questions? NO? Didn't think So.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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coloquilter
True Blue Farmgirl
214 Posts
Susan
Co
USA
214 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2011 : 12:10:32 PM
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Ok Ladies I have a funny tale to tell about the Hubby. A couple of weeks ago my Farmgirls group got together to can chicken. We had also planned to make an all purpose cleaner that used orange peel and vinegar that was posted here on the boards while we waited for the chicken to process.
At the end of the day we left our chicken behind to let the jars cool but went home with our lovely jars of cleaner. The next morning my Hubby said to me.."Your jars that you canned yesterday looked so good, I thought I would have some for breakfast but I gotta tell you it doesn't taste so good what is it?" I replied "all purpose cleaner" He yelled "YOU ARE CANNING ALL PURPOSE CLEANER??" I told him noooo we had canned chicken,the cleaner was just something to keep us busy while we waited for the chicken. See how much he listens??
Susan |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2011 : 1:03:54 PM
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How did it taste?
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 3:12:36 PM
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Hi All,
Just got this in an email - had to share. Hope it makes you laugh!
Truths For Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Lorraine
(aka Tea Lady)
Farmgirl #1819
www.birdsandteas.com |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 3:24:20 PM
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Love these, thanks for sharing!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
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Tea Lady
True Blue Farmgirl
645 Posts
Lorraine
Morris
IL
USA
645 Posts |
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Across the Fence: Farmgirl Funnies |
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Farmgirl Funnies
