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Family Matters:  Difficulty with 18 yo son  |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 06:01:33 AM
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I'm having a horrible time living under the same roof with my son. He finally got a job, but we have asked him to use his own money to put gas in the vehicles he borrows to be able to drive to work. He does not have his own car yet. He's causing trouble with this and I don't think we are being unfair. He works 5-6 days a week and it's about 23 miles round trip for him. Are we asking too much?
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 06:31:10 AM
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no! he needs to learn some responsibility at some point. he should also respect and appreciate what you and your husband have done for him and continue to do for him. when i got a job at 15 i was made to tow the line for myself-i am not saying that is right-but you just asking for him to replace the gas he uses is not asking to much. sorry if i offended you but i just feel strongly about children learning to be responsible adults and pulling some of their own weight especially in this economy
farmgirl#1362 whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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Ms.Lilly
True Blue Farmgirl
826 Posts
Lillian
Scotts Mills
OR
USA
826 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 06:55:30 AM
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Both of our boys had to purchase their own vehicles. Along with that they also had to pay for their own insurance, pay for their own gas and maintain their vehicles. If they couldn't do that then they weren't driving. Belive it or not both of my boys were able to do that and maintain 3.2 or higher in school. I guess if he doesn't like the rules then you can drive him to work and pick him up after, take him to school, or drive him any where else he would be using the car for. I bet his tune would change.
Lillian |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 07:34:53 AM
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Absolutely he should be responsible for at least the gas! When my daughter turned 16 she got a job at Walmart. She went to work right after school and home by 9:00. After awhile she bought herself a new car and was responsible for her payment and gas, insurance and taxs. If they want something really bad, they will work for it. Especially the way things are today, they have to learn to help out. Things just can't be handed to them, when you can't anymore they better know how to help themselves. It's hard, because the struggle sometimes is worse than handing out the money. But it's not good for them. Praying that we will decide to put out the money for his gas, or else as suggested by Lillian, I'm sure he wouldn't want mom driving him everywhere. Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 11:37:32 AM
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Stand you ground here. You would not be doing him any favors by giving in. Personally I would just keep telling him sweetly but firmly that I/we really needed his help by his paying for his own gas.
CMF |
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countrified_city_gurl
Farmgirl in Training
27 Posts
najia
heidelberg
Germany
27 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 3:21:10 PM
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Not only gas, he should be paying for his own insurance. Nothing about becoming an actual grown up is fun but at 18 he is a man. A young one but a man none the less. ;)
Najia, the countrified city girl! #2221
Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food. ~Frank A. Clark
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2010 : 4:55:48 PM
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| No you aren't. When our son started working and driving he has to pay his share of insurance, put gas in and help pay for repairs, that's life. When he refuses to pay insurance the keys come back to me ( the car is still in my name ) and I suggest a bus pass ! I usually get the money the next day |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2010 : 8:14:07 PM
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Well I only have young kids myself, but when I turned 18 I was expected to pay my own way for car, contribute to groceries, and also pay a small rent fee. While I was taking college classes my parents did not make me pay rent. I guess the way they looked at it, if I was old enough to work and have money, I was old enough to contribute to the household. My parents were always on a very fixed budget and figured it wasn't fair that I go out and work and have all my money be for "fun" while their money went to pay bills and support me. Makes sense to me. :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2010 : 09:48:36 AM
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Our incentive for our young adult kids is college. If they are in college and doing well, they just have to pay for their own school expenses and gas for the car. If not in college, they pay for cell phones, gas, insurance, rent, fun money, clothing, etc. Not that rent is that much... like $100 a month. But we cannot afford to pay for expensive college tuitions, so that is our way of supporting them in getting their "higher" education. Work and no college, pay mom more. College and work, pay mom less.
Do what you love, love what you do. |
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KayB
True Blue Farmgirl
540 Posts
Kay
Del City
Oklahoma
USA
540 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 7:39:21 PM
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I was expected to pay for gas when I started driving at 16. I bought my own car, but I was able get a really nice for $150 back then. My mom and dad told either I paid for the gas I used (at 23 cents a gallon back then) or I didn't drive. And that included going to work. I could either walk or ride the bus.
KayB
Life's a dance you learn as you go |
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bakermom
Farmgirl in Training
26 Posts
Linda
Garden Grove
CA
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 8:46:39 PM
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I am releived to read emsmommy5! Our older son is in college. I feel quilty that we are not paying for his education, but we supported him while he worked summers full time, (he paid his own gas in an old car he bought with his own money). He was never charged rent and we paid his phone, food, insurence, etc. With the money he saved, he can not have to work during school, concentrating on his studies and still has money for gas or bare essentals. So I am glad we are not alone. My daughter, now 25, lived at home till she was married (22), as did her hubby at his. With the money they saved working full time, they scrimped, invested, bought a condo soon after the wedding. So even though we could not afford to send them to europe or buy them a house for their wedding, those years of helping them get on their feet as young adults I think paid off in the long run. But they are both very responsible people and did not take advantage or it might have been a different story.
I notice when I have not posted in a while, I get wordy. Sorry,
bakermom
sister#2064
www.lapetitekitchen.com
"that wine may cheer the hearts of man...that bread may strengthen mens hearts." psalm 104 |
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wild daisy
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Madelynne
Billings
Montana
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2010 : 08:25:47 AM
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I have two grown kids of my own. Both are in their mid 20's. I also required them to help out. If they wanted to use the car. The tank was filled by them. If they wanted to have their own car, they had to work for it to purchase it themselves and pay the insurance for it too. I was once told that our job as parents is to get them ready for adulthood not just throw them out to fend for themselves. I have two wonderful kids that are on their own and only ask for help if they really need it. The joys of parenthood, yeah got to love it.
Madelynne
www.johnandmadelynne.blogspot.com |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 7:44:57 PM
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My kids are very young also so I cannot speak from that kind of experience, but I can tell you this: My husband bought all of his own vehicles and gas from the time he got his hardship license at 15. He and his father mowed lawns together for extra cash. He went to college on his parent's dime and failed. When he paid for himself, he aced college and opened his own business at 21 years old, which we still have today (he is 36).
My brother, on the other hand, was given his first car and paid for NOTHING. All his school was paid for (he never graduated, but went for like...eight years), lived in a house my mother bought for him, and racked up hundreds if not thousands in debt. My mother kept bailing him out...a new truck (which he hasn't paid for in over a year), loans which he never paid back, etc. I love my brother, but when it comes to finances, I'd like to just whip him! He is 30 years old and STILL living off of mom, who finally has declared, "That's it". She keeps saying to me, "How could I have raised such a bum?" I tell her every time that it's because she spoiled him to no end. He has never hit rock bottom because she didn't want to let him. You know, the old "He's going to end up in prison" story. (insert eye roll here) Point is, cut him off now, because he'll just come to expect it time and time again, and in ten years you'll just be shaking your head, wondering what you did wrong. It breaks my heart to see my mom upset, but she brought it upon herself. :0(
a
P.s. I was also spoiled, but I think being firstborn made me too headstrong to sit around and wait for someone to pay for my stuff...I married at 19, moved cross-country, paid all my own bills and did just fine. And any money I have ever borrowed from my mom was paid back with interest.
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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Leilaht
True Blue Farmgirl
155 Posts
Elizabeth
Highland
MI
USA
155 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2010 : 12:25:33 PM
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I'm glad to see it's not just my son who is difficult. He got mad at me and moved out this year right before his 19th birthday because he was not working and I wouldn't let it lie. He dropped out of high school (while living with his dad)and was only working part time with his uncle. He took off for the weekend when there was work to be done, telling me there wasn't any. When he got back I called him on it and he got mad and left. I graduated, got a job and helped my parents until I moved out. I never had a car of my own until I got divorced in 1994 (graduated in 1988). Been taking care of myself ever since. How do we end up with these lazy children? I always made mine help around the house.
Liz
Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Proverbs 31:25 |
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Family Matters: Difficulty with 18 yo son |
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Difficulty with 18 yo son
